AN: Hey hey, here it is!! I'm sorry about missing a deadline--it will absolutely not happen again. Thanks for your patience, duh...I think it's been one and a half years since I began this story, with only seven updates in all that time. You guys are saints. I would've given up on me years ago.

So, this chapter is probably the third to last. There will be a conclusion, then an epilogue, I guess...I can't believe it's ending! This is the angstiest chapter, and I'm just now realizing how similar this is to Evening, Softly. They're like different sides of the same coin: boy meets boy, boy has baggage, boy loses boy. Except one is all slapstick and the other is tragic fluff. But anyway, stick with me. Next chapter features the twist that I've had in mind the entire time, and makes this fic much less shallow. 8D I'm so nervous. Hope no one has guessed it!

Warnings: language, irony, LeonxCloud, Roxas cameos, outbursts from Leon, and sad realizations. God, I hope this doesn't suck.


The Ugly Duckling Effect

By azneyez


Hey Riku, what the hell did you do to Sora? I'm taking him to Traverse Town for doughnuts. He came over last night looking like he could really use a chocolate with sprinkles, so I let him spend the night. Just letting you know so you don't worry. I'll have him back at ten o' clock, before you can say, "Oh shit, it'll go straight to his already massive ass!" Love, Roxas and Thunder Thighs.

Riku put down the note. "Shit."

"I could use a chocolate with vodka sprinkles," said Cloud, disgusted. "God, I was really hoping to have this all worked out by now."

Yes, he knew that was true. Sora had left by the time he returned downstairs, grabbing clothes from the laundry room on his way out. Lying on the couch, the springs gouging at his back, Riku had stared at the ceiling for hours counting shadows. None of them had slept a wink--he could hear Leon and Cloud talking upstairs all night, worrying, cursing at themselves. He touched Cloud's arm, sympathetic despite his fatigue.

"You should go take a shower. You look like you haven't slept all night."

"I didn't. What a fucking mess." He leaned in to kiss Riku automatically, caught himself, and hesitated before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I didn't give you enough credit," he admitted, sounding exhausted. "All this time, I've been wondering what we've been doing wrong, why we've felt so...so contrived. But you're just meant to be someone else's Romeo. Riks, you have no idea how relieved that makes me. It means that even if we're not meant to be in love, we'll always have our friendship."

Riku snorted. "Just don't assume I'm going to get my happy ending."

"You will," Cloud said simply, with perfect confidence. "You will."

He walked up the stairs and disappeared into the upstairs bathroom. Leon waited until they could hear the water running before casting a sideways glance at Riku, an uncharacteristic expression of pain on his face. Riku sensed the gaze and looked back at him, confused.

"Leon? What's wrong?"

"I didn't come here to ruin your relationship," Leon explained, not looking at him. "And I don't want you to think that I felt nothing for Sora. He's beautiful, and I love him, but he's too pure--I had to protect him at that frat party, because I knew that breaking him would be a sin. But meeting Cloud was like...finding a door somewhere unexpected. I couldn't help it. I know you're here to put the pieces back together, but I never wanted to hurt him."

Riku leaned against the counter and sighed, closing his eyes. His back still ached from the couch. "I know you didn't. None of us meant for this to happen. You just made the same mistake as I did."

"What's that?"

"Loving someone for the wrong reasons."

Leon chuckled ironically. "Maybe so. I just hope we finally have it right this time."

"You and Cloud have far more faith in this than I do," Riku said. "I don't know how Sora will react to this, but I guarantee you he's not going to leap into my arms."

"Of course he won't," Leon responded, surprising Riku by not trying to placate him. "To do so would be an insult to his character. He's nothing if not passionate. Well--maybe complicated, too. He has to process his emotion forty different ways before letting show. Unless he's drunk."

"He never used to drink."

"Riku, he grew up."

"Right," said Riku, sighing. "I keep on forgetting that."

"Just don't forget that he loves you."

"But he doesn't, Leon. He's never said that to me, not even when we were going out the first time. I'm chasing after a beautiful dream, and I'm okay with that...I know I haven't done anything to deserve him. I just want to be his best friend. Even if that's the closest I get, I'll be grateful."

Leon had been idly washing the dishes. Suddenly, he slammed a cup down hard on the counter, dropping the towel and bridging the foot of empty space between the two of them. "Riku, don't you dare give me that bullshit," he hissed, a rare, shocking fire in his eyes. "You may be socially inept when it comes to Sora, but you're not a defeatist. You let go of Cloud because you're a gentleman, you're strong, but now that there's nothing in your way, you're running scared. Why the hell would you do that? Love makes you crazy, but it doesn't make you stupid. People would kill to be as close to their dreams as you are. And then they'd reach out and take what they wanted, what they deserved. God's sake. Grow a pair already."

Riku only stared at him, wide-eyed. Leon took a long moment to catch his breath, sighed, and picked up the towel again. He calmly resumed dying plates, not even sparing him a second glance.

Ten seconds passed.

"L-Leon?" Riku ventured, terrified.

He had already lost interest. "Hmm?"

"That...was the most you've said to me for the entire visit."

Leon shrugged. "Don't like to waste words," he said, with careful emphasis. "I only say things that are important."

Riku considered that for a long time. Slowly, a light seemed to dawn in his face. He looked at the picture of Sora he'd hung on the refrigerator, the one he'd taken during their Junior Prom. Posed in his simple button-down shirt, having discarded his dress jacket, Sora sat on the edge of the balcony with his arms outstretched. If I fell now, I'd fly, he had said--Riku remembered it clearly. I feel invincible, Ri; there will only be good times from now on.

"I love him," Riku said, quietly.

"You've already had this epiphany," Leon reminded him.

"I love him," he repeated, with growing confidence, "but I've got to reach out and prove it."

Leon smiled wearily at him. "And there's a new one."

Fumbling across the counters, upsetting the sugar bowls, Riku found the cookie jar with shaking hands and pulled out the spare set of car keys he kept there. Sora had taken his other key ring. Even the mere thought of Sora holding one of his possessions made him flush with anxiety, and he breathed deeply, trying to calm the fluttering in his stomach.

"Where are you going?" Leon asked.

"I need to go to Traverse right now. I can't wait. He's going to be furious with us, but he needs to know."

"No, Riku," Leon argued, alarmed. "I'm the one who needs to tell him what happened. It's inexcusable; he deserves to hear it from me."

"You don't know the way into town!"

"Let me go with you."

"No!" Riku countered, panicking. "Leon, it doesn't matter! You're going to catch it from him too, have no doubt, but he'll only forgive us if he hears it from us right away, directly. He can't find out about this on his own; it'll ruin him. You're right--he's nothing if not passionate. I need to go get him now. Before he comes back."

Leon hesitated. Then he picked up Riku's jacket from the counter and tossed it to him. "Hurry."

Nodding, Riku jammed his feet into his shoes and ran for the garage, frantically keying in the code to open the door. His fingers were shaking; it took him three tries to push the correct sequence of numbers. Once he got behind the driver's seat, he floored the accelerator, knocking the trashcans into the street before screeching out of the driveway. The speakers crashed into life, filling the car with the ironic strains of "Highway to Hell." He was doing sixty miles per hour before he was even out of the neighborhood.

The digital readout on his clock read nine forty-seven. Roxas had promised him home at ten.

"Wait for me, Sora," he whispered, his fingers digging into the steering wheel. "I fucked up, but I'm trying to make it right."

He ran a red light.


"I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you, but I really need to work this out," Sora apologized, fiddling with the stuffed dice on Roxas' rearview mirror. "Being on bad terms with Riku makes me feel so lost."

Roxas smiled, twirling the dial on the car radio. "It's okay. I mean, it's not every day that you get an epic admission of love from a guy who's loved you since birth. And together, we did manage to eat thirteen doughnuts in..." he checked his watch, "...twenty-seven minutes. Record time, Bubble Butt. Congrats."

"I just have a feeling that something's wrong," said Sora.

"Yeah. That would be indigestion."

"Urg, maybe. Got any Tums?"

"Check by your seat. I always keep medicine in the--shit!" Roxas stomped on the brakes. The tires squealed against the asphalt. Both of them were thrown forward in their seats, and Sora managed to toss the entire contents of the glove compartment into the air.

"Roxas, what the hell!" Sora gasped, rubbing his chest where the seatbelt had choked him.

"Sorry, sorry! Some asshole in a Civic just ran that red light!" He rolled down his window and poked his head out. "I had the right of way, numbnuts!" he shouted. He flopped back in his seat and readjusted his sunglasses, turning onto Sora's street. "God, they'll give any moron a license nowadays. I mean, Axel's driving now, too."

"Riku drives a Civic," Sora commented thoughtfully.

Roxas cruised by a line of houses, then pulled up near the sidewalk. "Here we are."

"Thanks! Can I call you later tonight?"

"Sure, we can order a pizza or something. And you can bring the Tums, since you seem to have scattered them all over the floor of my car."

Laughing, Sora hopped out and waved goodbye. Roxas waved back and put the car into neutral, waiting for him to get safely inside the house. Sora headed up the walkway and pulled Riku's keys from his pocket, then frowned when he realized that they might've been the only set. He hoped he and Cloud were able to use their vehicles. Shrugging it off, he unlocked the door and stepped inside, hanging his jacket on the rack nearby.

I'm home, he started to call. But as soon as he turned around, the words died in his throat.

Leon and Cloud were standing together in the hall. Cloud appeared to be fresh from the shower--his hair was dripping, and there was a towel around his shoulders. Leon was comforting him about something, his arms wrapped around his waist. Their foreheads were touching, and even then, it might've just been an innocent hug...but then they glanced up, and their eyes were startled, deeply guilty. Guilty and in love.

Sora backed against the door, stumbling. Something had happened to his hearing; everything sounded slow and distant, as if underwater. His hands trembled uncontrollably.

"Sora, wait," Leon pleaded. "Let me explain."

Without stopping to think, Sora turned around and ran out of the house. Roxas had just pulled out of the driveway, and he screeched to a halt at his reappearance.

"What--" he began, unlocking the door.

"Drive," Sora ordered, throwing himself back into the front seat. Already the tears had spilled down his cheeks, hot and profuse. He crossed his arms over his stomach and doubled over, fighting against the nausea that washed through his body in warm, sick waves.

Roxas yanked at the clutch. "Where?"

"Away!" Sora yelled.

After a moment of hesitation, Roxas pulled a u-turn and roared off in the opposite direction.


Leon had called him in panic hours ago. "He was gone before we were even out the door," he explained, speaking rapidly. "I have no idea where he could be going. You've got to call your friend Roxas and ask him where they are."

"I know where they're going," said Riku.

The drive was long, and they'd gotten too much of a head start for him to catch up, but he passed Roxas on his way home. Roxas glanced at him and nodded curtly from behind his tinted windows, but that was it, and then he pulled into the opposite flow of traffic and was gone. A moment later, he called on Riku's cell: "I dropped him off to put more pressure on you to come get him. At least you're doing something right today."

By the time he reached the street, evening had fallen, revealing the deep artificial glow of the city. It was Get-Smashed-Saturday at the club--buy two get one free on all alcoholic beverages; a deal that stopped only when you were too drunk to order. Riku snuck in through the back, where a sweaty couple had propped the door open for fresh air as they kissed. He thought it had been loud during his first visit, but now it was deafening--even from the backroom, the tile was trembling along with the pumped-up bass. His teeth chattered to the vibrations as he pushed open the door to the dance floor, briefly blinded by the strobe lights.

Once his eyes had adjusted, he grabbed the nearest person, a man staring raptly into the distance and sipping a drink. "Have you seen a kid?" Riku shouted over the music. "He's about six inches shorter than me, brown hair, blue eyes--"

"An ass to die for?" the man yelled back.

Riku blinked. "What?"

The man pointed towards the front of the room.

Standing on the polished surface of the bar, unmistakably, it was Sora, whirling and rolling his hips, dancing with the unselfconscious fervor of someone who was utterly plastered. His eyes were closed. He'd cast off his jacket, revealing a tight blue t-shirt that showed off his waistline and smooth arms. His inebriation broke down his inhibitions, but didn't detract from his natural grace--spotlighted by fluorescents, men waving money at him from their seats, he looked so perfect, so beautiful and tragic and uncontainable. Riku clenched his teeth, suddenly realizing that he was painfully aroused.

Then Sora slipped, thudded on his ass on the countertop, and crashed backwards behind the bar, effectively ruining the moment. Riku winced.

With the help of some of the laughing customers, the bartender hoisted him back on the counter. Sora's head lolled as they dabbed at his face with a dishtowel, and he smiled blearily up the man who was fanning him with a napkin. Riku couldn't hear them from where he was standing, but he saw Sora clearly mouth, "This is how I met my boyfriend." The man grinned and shrugged, lifting another drink to his lips. His other hand was playing with the hem of his shirt, lightly running his fingers up and down the small of his back.

Riku snapped. "Hey!" he shouted, shoving through the crowd. "Hey, asshole, hands off!"

The man looked up at him, startled. "He belong to you?"

"He's not a piece of meat; he doesn't belong to anyone," Riku snapped, pushing the mug of beer away from Sora's mouth. "And why the hell are you still letting him drink? He smells like he just marinated himself in Schnapps!"

"He's only had two," said the bartender.

Riku glared at him, venomously. "Dozen?"

"Well, that he paid for," he amended, shrinking back from Riku's gaze.

"I bought him one," someone offered from the crowd.

Another man spoke up. "Me, too."

"I bought him two."

"I bought him seven."

"Oh, fuck me," Riku muttered to himself, then jumped as someone behind him grabbed his ass. "That wasn't an offer!"

"I have a high tolerance for alcohol," Sora chirped, his voice slurred and nearly incomprehensible. He let go of the man and threw his arms around Riku's shoulders, burying his face in his neck. "Oh, Ri-Ri, you smell like...cake. Chocolate layer cake and yellowtail sashimi. So yummy in my tummy."

Riku gingerly tried to pry Sora's hands away, relenting when he whimpered and tightened his grip. Carefully, he scooped Sora against his chest and lifted him off the countertop. "Let's go home now, okay?" he soothed. "I think you've had sixteen too many."

"Drinks are like pocket protectors," Sora said, nuzzling Riku's chest. "You can never have too many."

"Uh--damn it, just go to sleep."

"Mmm." Sora subsided, one hand curled through the belt loop on the back of Riku's pants. Riku shifted him experimentally, wondering if he'd fallen asleep instantaneously--his exertions on the bar had certainly looked taxing. He was making his way to the door when Sora stirred again, minutely. "Riku," he croaked. "I...I think I'm...I'm gonna..."

"Shit!" Riku yelled, stopping short and turning so sharply that he knocked over a couple standing nearby. Using Sora as a battering ram--a very drunk, nauseous battering ram--he raced to the bathroom, too panicked to care that his hands were latched firmly on Sora's buttocks to support him. Sora hiccupped loudly in warning, his face paling. Riku let out a relieved breath as he pushed open the restroom door, leaning forward to set Sora in front of the sink.

Sora threw up on him.


Thirty minutes later, marginally sobered by several bouts of sickness, Sora was crying steadily from the corner of a stall. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he sobbed into his hands, now past the amorous stage of inebriation and into what Axel called the "Drunken Douchebag Aftermath." He made a fabulous emotional alcoholic, Riku thought. Painfully melodramatic. He paused from washing his hands to pat Sora's flushed cheeks with a damp paper towel.

"It's okay, really," he said. "You just got my shirt."

"After it soaked through your jacket!" Sora yelled, his sobs redoubling. He started to sit down in a urinal. Riku leapt forward and steered him back to the mirrors, hoisting him up onto the edge of the sink. Sora drew his knees to his chest and dropped his head, his bangs obscuring his face. "God, I really tried to hold it in. I'm a lousy drunk, I know, and I hate it, but it's the only way I can get out of my own mind! You know what I mean? I actually thought about Leon when I climbed onto the bar. I remembered him, how he saved me, and I h-h-hoped that he would...that..."

Riku lowered his eyes. "Doesn't it count that I came for you?"

"You had to. You're my best friend; it's in the contract or something."

"Sora, I did it because I love you."

"Yeah, and Axel loves chocolate."

"Shit, why does everyone keep saying that?" Riku demanded. "What is it with me? Am I so fucking cold that no one believes I'm capable of loving someone? Stop waving off my confessions, Sora! You have no idea how much I love you, and how much it hurts that you don't believe me!"

Sora looked up at him, defiant despite his swollen eyes. "I know you have the capacity for love; I just don't think it's what you feel for me."

Riku was stunned. "What? Why the hell would you say that?"

"I...I don't know." Sora was crying again. "I'm so mixed up, Ri. How could anyone love me? Especially you! You've changed the rubber bands on my braces when my hands were full. I danced naked for you on your fourth birthday party and asked you what the word 'rugmuncher' meant. I just puked all over you. Right after I told you that you smell like raw fish."

"But doesn't that indicate the opposite of your theory? I'd put up with anything to be close to you!"

"No. It just means that we're destined to be good friends, nothing more. Maybe even less than that." He abruptly ripped a handful of paper towels from the dispenser, vehement and intoxicated. "So how long have you known about Leon and Cloud?" he said conversationally, scrubbing at his face. His sobs were subsiding. "How long have you known that they were in love?"

"About as long as they have," Riku said.

"A week or so? The whole visit? What?"

"Twenty-four hours. I'm not sure what happened...I suppose it just clicked."

Sora jumped off the sink, wobbled for balance, and ran his fingers delicately through his hair. "I see," he said, fighting to keep his slurred voice deliberately even. "And when were you planning to tell me about this? Before or after I fell back into your arms, bringing our happy, confused little foursome to full circle? Or did you ever plan to say anything?"

"We were going to tell you as soon as you got home. I went out looking for you."

"Oh, so at least you were noble about it," Sora said, laughing. "Can you believe this? I'm not even mad at Leon. I knew I was losing him. But you just stepped back and let them leave us behind! I know you don't have any self-respect, but I did."

"It wasn't like that!" Riku argued.

"How long was I out of the loop?"

"I...I don't--"

"Let me rephrase. Did you confess your burning love for me after you realized that Cloud had lost interest?"

Riku felt his cheeks growing hot with anger. "Listen, you have every right to be mad at me, but you have no right to keep questioning me for ulterior motives! I don't have any, okay? That's your problem! You just keep waiting for your life to crash out from under you! Leon wasn't planning to hurt you anymore than Cloud wanted to hurt me, or I wanted to hurt you. It happened, and it's not fair, but it doesn't mean that everything's a setup!"

"Newsflash, Riku!" Sora shouted. "In my life, everything does crash out from under me! I clung to Leon because I knew he was temporary, like everything else in the world!"

"I'm not! I'd die for you! What the hell do you want from me?"

Slowly, Sora drew back and crossed his arms. "I want you to breech the taboos," he said after a moment, his voice oddly calm and distinct. "There are things we never talked about years ago, and we still don't talk about them now. Why is that? You've confessed your love for me now, good job, but I can't love you back because I don't know if you really love all of me. A declaration like that isn't worth a thing if it only applies to right here, right now."

"I don't know what you mean," Riku protested.

"I know you don't," said Sora.

Overwhelmed with frustration, he lifted a hand to touch Sora's jaw, and was startled when he didn't move away. Something in Sora's face gave him the courage to continue, and he spoke in a whisper, struggling to find the courage to meet his eyes: "I'm not a mind-reader, Sora. Please. I don't want to lose you, but I can't figure out what it is you want to hear."

Shaking his head, Sora leaned forward and gently met his lips with his own.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but Riku felt his knees weaken immediately. It was nothing like what they had shared three years ago when they spent hours locked together at the mouth, fumbling with tongues and hands. This was a close-mouthed kiss, innocent but somehow consuming, as if their history provided some intangible depth. He could taste the soap Sora had washed his face with. Sora touched his cheek lightly with warm, gentle fingers, then stepped back and left him without support in his reverie. He staggered to catch his balance, panting for breath.

"If you figure it out before tomorrow, let me know," Sora said softly, inching toward the door. "I'm staying with Roxas tonight. I'll be leaving on an early flight, and it's going to be a long time before I come back. If I come back."

"Please don't go," Riku begged. "Please."

Sora looked back at him, his eyes bright with tears. "Sorry. Not the words I need to hear."

The door was heavy. It slammed hard behind Sora as he left, briefly letting in a flood of music as meaningless as static. Riku just stood there at the sinks, twisting his damp shirt in his hands, trying to breathe even though it felt like someone had just crushed his chest.

"What do you want to hear?" he whispered, trying to shout but barely able to speak. "What the hell do you want me to say?"

Outside the bathroom, the party raged on, and outside the party, life continued. Riku slowly knelt down, resting his head against the sink's smooth porcelain, and closed his eyes.


End of chapter 7


Augh, let me know what you think! Seven chapters down, two to go. Getting down to the wire, here.