Title: Mockumentary
Author: Miss Peg
Rating: PG-12
Genre: Comedy
Prompt: Walk
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Summary: Ruby is making a mockumentary about Storybrooke.
Spoilers: Up to episode 1.07: The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
Notes: Written for the 15genres1prompt challenge. I apologise that this isn't really very funny but I can't seem to force comedy, if I do funny it's often unintentional. I thought doing a mockumentary would be quite fun though.
Welcome to Storybrooke, so I'm looking after this kid all day because his mom has meetings and it's summer so she doesn't want him hanging around on his own for two months. I don't care much for kids but they live in a mansion, his mom's the mayor, so she pays well. He was telling me about this story book his teacher gave him full of fairytales, he's a bit nuts but he inspired this mockumentary, so he's not all bad.
Henry says that everyone in this town is really a fairytale character and quite frankly, his observations are pretty accurate.
Exhibit A; me. Henry says I'm Little Red Riding Hood, guess Red's not so little in his book because I'm five foot eight. If you're familiar with the story I'm supposed to be some naive idiot who carries baskets of food to my dear old grandma. Well, grandma, if you're watching, you own a diner and a bed and breakfast. You're not so old and I live with you so, go figure. Though my name is Ruby, rubies are usually red and the grandma connection is kind of creepy.
Anyway, exhibit B; my friend Ashley. Henry seems to think that it's obvious who she is but of course he wouldn't tell me. I had to guess. Before she had that kid of hers she was always doing cooking and cleaning for her step-mom and step-sisters. That says it all really, they don't treat her very well and we used to always joke about how evil her step-mom could be. The evil stepmother, stepsisters and has to do chores around the house? He thinks she's Cinderella. I guess she does have the blonde hair and natural beauty that those Disney princesses always had. Not too sure about the kid though.
Exhibit C; Archie the town therapist, Henry says he's Jiminy Cricket, I guess it makes sense. He's a man with a conscience; he helps people to see what's in their heart. And you know what? I always thought he looked a bit like an insect with those glasses and the shape of his face. He's most certainly only got two arms and two legs though. He spends a lot of time with that old bloke. I often see them walking around town, sometimes they come into the diner and play cards together. I don't know why they're friends but they have been for as long as I can remember. Henry thinks the old man is Gepetto. He does look Italian.
Exhibit D; Regina, our town mayor; she has the power, the control over everybody and everything. Nobody has dared to run against her in the town elections because they know they'll be defeated and if by any miracle they stand a chance, Regina Mills would find a way to discredit them before the election can even take place. I can barely remember the last time anyone stood against her; I can't even remember who did it. She is by definition a bitch; her PMS problem seems to be everyone's problem. Henry believes she's some evil queen, which sounds about right to me. He says that she's the one who put the curse on them and she's the reason they're all living in some beaten up old town in Maine as opposed to the enchanted forest we're all supposedly from. I don't know what kind of drugs Regina has that kid on, but she's certainly evil enough.
Exhibit E; the recently deceased Sheriff Graham, he was one attractive man and I'll always miss seeing his beautiful face around town. Apparently he was the huntsman ordered by the Evil Queen to kill Snow White (who Henry says is Mary Margaret Blanchard). According to Henry, the handsome Sheriff remembered who he was and actually he wasn't such a huntsman after all, he told Henry that he used to cry over his kills. What a wimp. He died of a heart attack, or so they say, Henry believes that his mom killed him because she'd stolen his heart. He has some twisted logic, but it kind of makes sense.
So there we have it folks, Storybrooke, the land of the cursed fairytale creatures. Some say we're here because of an Evil Queen, I say there's a kid out there with a really wild imagination and some wicked observation skills.
Until next time Storybrooke, peace out.
