The more time we spent with Rue, the harder it became not to tell her the truth. I've always said to you that you should do what you think is right, trust your instincts and use your brain. But sometimes instinct and logic has got nothing to do with. Sometimes it's just your heart refusing to listen. Refusing to forget. No matter how hard you try. Those times, my darling, are when you listen to your heart. Not your mother's advice or your logic.
EYES UP, SOLDIER
"WHO KNEW BABIES LIKED to take baths for so long?" The commander said where she sat leaning against the wall in the cramped bathroom. Miranda smiled back at her from the opposite side, keeping a safe distance. It was the second night in a row she had used Ellie as an excuse to spend some time with Rue in-between her captain's duties. Using their own child as a chaperon. Yep. Worst mum of the year.
"I used to love taking baths when I was young," she said looking away from the commander. "My handler said I could bath for hours and hours."
"Your handler?" She could hear the frown in Rue's voice.
"Well, nanny, caretaker, whatever you want to call it." She shrugged. "My father didn't really have time for things such as baths and bedtime stories."
"I can see why you don't want your baby sister growing up with him."
"No one should have to grow up like that," she said as she leaned forward to wipe water off the floor next to the small tub.
"You really don't have any good memories?" Looking up she saw Rue tilt her head, a thoughtful expression on her face.
Hot water rushes towards her head as she feels herself pressed towards the wall, her hands pushing out from it as Rue's lips nip at her neck. The weight of the commander forces her up against the wall even though her legs and knees are trembling, barley keeping her upright, waves of pleasure washing over her. Then Rue whispers in her ear, telling her how much she's been wanting her, telling her how good she feels and suddenly stars explode before her and she grabs Rue's hand showing her just where she needs it. She closes her eyes and holds her breath riding the wave of bliss.
Breathing heavily she turns around to look at the woman in front of her.
"I love you," Rue whispers softly, kissing her gently.
"You…" She pants. "You ruined my hair."
Looking around the shower room she felt a blush brush her cheeks. It seemed like not too long ago the same shower had been used for something entirely different than baby bath time.
"I have a few good ones…" She smiled coyly. "What about you?" She asked. They had rarely spoken about the past. Miranda knew Rue's past was one of the things people whispered about behind her back, but she had never heard Rue talk about it herself. In fact Rue never spoke of her past. Rue's eyes twitched and Miranda could see her chew the insides of her cheek.
"I guess I have good ones, I just don't really think about them," came the short and evasive reply.
"Why don't you?" She frowned.
"I don't. Feels like…a long time ago." Rue laced her fingers together, her thumbs tapping her knees rapidly. She always did that when she was trying to hide her emotions.
"Liar," she said softly as she slid over to Rue where she sat. Hearing the soft snort from the commander she looked over at Ellie who was throwing water into the air trying to catch it with her tiny mouth. Rue had lost her whole family. Her whole family, a family that had loved her and it had changed whoever she had been back then and here she sat, in a cramped shower room with her new family who adored her and she didn't even know it. She leant in, placing her chin on Rue's shoulder.
"Thinking about them won't hurt you any more than pretending they don't exist."
"That's not what I'm doing," Rue replied tersely, the air becoming prickly and cold.
"You do with everyone. You have this pasteveryone knows about, but you don't let anyone close enough to know how much it hurts."
"I don't see how anyone has anything to do with my past."
"And that is your problem, Rue. You don't realise how much people care and how they want to be a part of your life. You let them be a part of your life to a point, but only let them in so far, leaving them to be the constant tourist in your life." As much as she loved Rue she had never reached all the way. Rue might have let her closer than a lot of people, but the commander still barricaded herself behind a thick protective wall. Sounds like someone else I know. She heard Rue's voice in her head. Shut up.
She could see Rue's jaws clench. "Rue?"
"Yes?" The commander's voice had gone cold and void of emotion.
"Talk to me."
"There's nothing to say, Miranda." Rue tried to cut the conversation short.
She curled her fingers around Rue's chin turning the commander to face her.
"I get that you have to be the big bad kick arse Commander. But you're not fooling me. So you could either talk to me or I will resort to torture."
She could see the twitch at the corner of Rue's lips. "What kind of torture are we talking about here? I went through the N7 program, I can withstand a lot."
Raising her eyebrow Miranda leaned in close. "They may have prepared you for a lot, but they did not prepare you for me," she whispered into Rue's ear making sure her lips brushed at the soft skin where jaw met earlobe, struggling not to nip at the familiar sweet scented skin.
"That's..!" Rue turned to look at her, an exasperated look on her face. "Cheating."
Miranda smiled wrapping her arms around Rue's and leaned in close. It wasn't just the heated moments of their relationships that she missed. She missed moments like this. Spent in bed or hiding away in the shuttle bay talking about nothing or everything. She missed placing her ear against Rue's chest, hearing her heart beating, the steady pulse slowly rocking her to sleep. She had never slept as good as when in Rue's arms. Some mornings she had woken up to catch a short glimpse of the fiery-haired woman sleeping peacefully next to her. Other times she had woken up to Rue pacing around the cabin restlessly wearing a haughty expression. Those were the nights when the memories from Rue's past wouldn't rest, but kept the commander from getting any rest. Miranda had no doubt Rue still had those nights and she felt something jab at her chest. She wanted to be the one who told Rue to get back to bed and if the commander would refuse she wanted to be the one who made Rue a hot cup of tea, kissing her shoulders and raking her fingers through the red, long hair as the commander drank it.
"Shepard?"
"Yes?"
"I'm not leaving until you tell me."
"Then I'll never tell."
Touché.
~o~
"Liara?" The doctor looked up from her microscope as Liara stepped into the Medbay. "Is everything alright?" Karin asked as she spun the chair to face her.
"Yes, everything is fine, I just needed a break and Garrus is busy..." Liara said looking around the large room. It looked different from the first Normandy's Medbay. It was bigger -a lot bigger.
"Let me guess, he's calibrating?" The doctor's eyes twinkled.
"When isn't he?" She sighed. "And I'm getting a little tired of just talking to Glyph. Are you busy?"
"Not at all. Four days since Shepard was last shot at leaves me with a lot of spare time." Karin smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
"It's been that long?" She asked quietly. Four days since the informant had walked back on to the Normandy. Shooting whatever chance Liara had ever had with Rue down with laser and biotics. The minute they had seen Miranda again she had known. On the Citadel before the explosion she had seen the way Rue looked at the Cerberus officer. She swallowed remembering a time when Rue had looked at her that way.
"I heard things aren't going so well between you and Shepard," Karin said in a careful yet direct manner.
"You heard?" She had seen the glances some of the crew members had given her, but she hadn't expected someone to ask her about it.
"I'm sorry, Liara. For whatever it's worth, I know Shepard never meant to hurt you." Karin smiled sympathetically.
"You don't need to plead her case, Karin." She mustered a faint smile. "I didn't come here to talk about Shepard...I know you're like a mother to her."
The comment made the older woman blush slightly and Liara was sure it was with both pride and embarrassment. "Of course not, it's really none of my business anyway."
"Yes, well, I'm probably the wrong person to judge anyone for poking into other people's business."
"Yes, I hear you took a big step up on the career ladder," Karin teased.
"Who?!" She had been very specific when she had told Rue not to tell anyone.
"Oh, you know EDI, she's a big-"
"Blabber mouth!" She muttered glancing up towards the ceiling. "You hear that?"
"She's not as bad as you think. If it hadn't been for her..." The doctor fell silent, her gaze going distant before she shrugged. Or was it a shudder?
"If it hadn't been for her?"
"Shepard hasn't told you?"
She seemed to be hearing that a lot lately. "No, we don't really talk it seems."
"Back when Shepard was trying to defeat the Collectors they attacked the Normandy again. Only this time they needed human bodies..."
Human bodies? For the human Reaper? Rue had told her about that.
"They took everyone except Joker. If EDI hadn't helped him unshackle her and space the remaining Collectors…" Karin swallowed, her thumb rubbing her fingers. "We saw a whole colony get turned into...liquid." Her otherwise controlled voice trembled.
"By the Goddess, Karin!" She put her hand on the doctor's shoulder.
"I've never been more happy to see Rue, but I've also never been so frightened as when Miranda was trying to get me out. I could swear she wouldn't make it, I saw Chambers get turned into grey liquid next to me and I thought...I thought I was next, but then Miranda got the hatch open and the next thing I know I'm hanging on her shoulder like some ragdoll." She looked up at Liara as if waking up from a haze. "Poor Kelly...I'll never forget her frightened, painful scream."
Liara jerked at the mention of the name. Kelly Chambers? As in K. Chambers? "Karin, I'm so sorry...I'm sure I can't understand what that could have been like."
"Ugh," Karin sighed heavily. "I've been telling myself I'm ok, but maybe..."
"You should talk to Rue." Liara tilted her head. "She'd want to know you were feeling like this."
"No," Karin said sitting up a little straighter, sticking her chin out in defiance. "No, Rue has far more to think about. I have so much faith in our Captain, but as the substitute parent I cannot burden her with more. You understand this?"
"Of course, I won't tell her." She promised. "So, this Kelly was working here?"
"Yes, she was the yeoman. Young, idealistic and always happy. She had such hopes for the future."
"Do you," she began but the blinking of her omni-tool caught her attention. Hannoway Mining is the largest Earth based distributor of minerals. Owned by Larkin Hannoway, the successor of Nathaniel Hannoway. Possible successor: Miranda Hannoway. Hannoway Mining partnerships include: Courtesan Earth, Vortex Industries, Illium Medical Centre...
"Hannoway, who are you?" She muttered, reading through the short summary Glyph had sent her. Miranda Hannoway? Could it be?
"Oh! That horrible man," the doctor scoffed shaking her head. "Too bad Rue didn't get her hands on him. I take she's had you look him up?"
"Yes," she lied. "She wanted to know..." Why would Rue have asked her to look up Hannoway? "She needed information about him."
"I hope you have some good news for her. It would mean one less problem," Chakwas sighed.
"Shepard is at a conference call, but I need to add some parameters to narrow down my search result." Technically that wasn't a lie. She had heard Rue shuffle off towards the conference room earlier that day. It wasn't unlikely she was still there haggling with the council over favours for support. And she really did need more parameters to narrow down her results. "Is there anything you can tell me that would help me find this man?"
"Well, I don't know much more than Shepard. The only thing we know is that Miranda's father kidnapped her and faked his own death. Now he's probably trying to figure out how to get to-" the doctor caught herself as if remembering something. "Anyway, anything other than that you would have to ask either Miranda or Shepard."
Ask Miranda? Oh, the irony. "Thank you. I should get back to this. It was nice talking to you, come by if you need to talk, ok?" She meant it. She liked the doctor who had a surprisingly good knowledge of asari physiology.
"I will I promise."
~o~
"I was, maybe five, and it was one of those really warm summers when the sun seems to set for an eternity and the water is so placid you'd think you could walk on it," Rue spoke softly.
"My father and uncle had taken us out to the lake and I was sitting in front of my dad, leaning into him while watching that stupid bobber float on the surface. My sister was sitting with my uncle. I remember thinking the fish would never bite. I could have sworn we'd been there for ages, but in reality it might as well have been just a couple of minutes." Rue chuckled fondly at the memory of that day.
"Anyway, the bobber goes under and I scream with glee, my sister stands up to look and my dad helps me reel the fish in and it wiggles and blood drips from it, but I remember being so excited about having caught my own fish." Looking up slowly she could see the informant watch her in the way she used to look at her. "What?"
"That's a nice memory, Rue."
"It is." She let her thumb brush the three dots between her thumb and index finger. She hated thinking about her family. It didn't matter how much time had passed since that day. The memories still hurt and they still evoked a long suppressed longing for her family. People had doubted her mental stability when she first arrived at the academy, thought of her as broken. To this day journalists and some parts of the Alliance still did. She watched the family she loved get slaughtered by batarian slavers. How could she not get completely fucked up by that?
"Then don't let it go," Miranda said softly reminding her of those nights Miranda had comforted her.
"It's not that I'm trying to let it go. I just can't think about it."
"Why not?"
"Because thinking about them makes me feel lonely," she confessed with a dull ache in her chest.
"Rue..."Miranda said quietly, looking at her. "You have a whole army out there, worrying, caring about you. You're never alone, whether you like it or not."
She smiled wanly. "Yeah..."
"And if not Tali and Garrus, I know for sure there's at least one person on this ship who adores you."
But it's not you. "You mean that little sucker?" She motioned with her chin towards Ellie.
"She has name, you know."
"I think she's just using me for my shower," she said drawing chuckle from the informant.
She looked over at Ellie shaking her head. She looked just like Miranda. The same dark hair, the same lips and her face crinkled up the same way Miranda's would when she was frustrated or annoyed. The only thing that wasn't like Miranda were the faint freckles covering Ellie's body.
"She's going to get teased, you know," she said nodding towards Ellie.
"What?" Miranda sat up straight. "Why do you say that?"
"Kids are mean and she has freckles, all over her, just like me." She chuckled. It hadn't been that bad and she had always had Ina to protect her from the bigger kids. "Kids used to tease- what is it?" She asked slowly.
"Nothing." The informant blinked, biting her lip. Rue furrowed her brows. Miranda only did that when she was trying to hide something.
"Well, that was a lie," she said calling the informant's bluff.
"No," Miranda said adamantly. "It's not. I just don't want our...my sister to be bullied."
Rue narrowed her eyes. Miranda had started to say something else, but had corrected herself. Again, that feeling she was missing something gnawed at her, what was it the informant wasn't telling her?
"You know I can tell when you're lying," she pointed out.
"I'm not ," Miranda laughed nervously. "It's just that...oh noo you don't!" Miranda shot up from the floor throwing herself at the baby whose hands glowed with biotics. Water cascaded from the small tub spraying like a sprinkler all over them.
Seeing the horrified expression on the informant's face Rue burst out laughing, throwing her head backwards as she slapped the floor next to her, water dripping from her face and hair. Miranda looked like a cat who had accidentally fallen into a lake, shoulders slouched, arms thrown out to the side as the water trickled off her fingertips.
"Rue..!" Miranda sounded both disgusted and as if she would burst into tears at any given moment. Gasping for air, laughter bubbling from her mouth Rue tried to nod, showing Miranda she was listening.
"Rue! Ellie likes to pee in the water."
She stopped her laughing standing up. "What the shit?! Ellie!" She was drenched in baby piss! Her hair, her face, her favourite hoodie and she was pretty sure she had swallowed some of the water during her fit of laughter.
"What are you waiting for? Get it off!" She shouted to the chorus of gleeful laughter from the baby below them.
Wrestling the wet clothes off they pushed the tub with Ellie in it to the side before diving into the shower.
"Soap!" Miranda demanded, scrubbing herself roughly with her hands.
Reaching over to the shelf she grabbed the soap, squirting some into the palm of her hand before helping the informant lather her back, all the while letting the water wash into her mouth hoping that it would rinse out any leftover pee. Feeling Miranda turn around she stopped, suddenly painfully aware of their naked bodies. She was a marine and had spent the larger part of her life in the military. Sharing a shower with someone else was neither new nor strange to her, but this...this was different. Eyes up Soldier!
"I'm sorry," she murmured and removed her hands to start lathering her own hair up.
"It's ok, I couldn't reach back there anyway." Miranda's voice sounded weak, but it could be the water drowning it out. "Here, let me help you."
This is just two friends taking a shower...you can handle this, just be cool. "I...uh...uh.." BE COOL! "Sure," she as coolly as she could. Focusing on the grey metal in front of her she tried to ignore the feeling of Miranda's hands running the length of her back. "I can't believe you didn't warn me. And I can't believe let her sit in her own piss and play."
"I tried to warn you!" Miranda defended herself from behind her back. "Did you not see that agile goalie dive I did? And have you ever tried to bath a baby? No, then shut up and try to stand still."
"Please tell me you never thought of getting into biotiball," she grinned. "Because I think you would have found the one thing you're not perfect at, Miss Lawson."
"Sod off," Miranda muttered giving her a light shove.
"That's what you get for letting your sister piss on me," she laughed.
"You know your face..." The informant paused. "It was just priceless when you realised what it was." It was Miranda's turn to burst into laughter.
Stepping out from the shower Rue grabbed a towel tossing it at the informant who was too busy laughing at her to notice the towel flying towards her. It hit Miranda square in the face.
"Hey! You dick!" Miranda sniped playfully.
"Not in front of the child!" Rue laughed as she wrapped a towel around herself.
The informant mirrored the motion, pulling the towel tight around her body. "My, my, Commander Shepard thinking about her language? Perhaps me and Ellie should spend more time with you."
"Please, one Lawson is bad enough, but two of you smart asses?" She grimaced before turning her attention to the small child staring at them with large eyes. "Yeah, we smell good and you don't. That's what happens when you pee in the water. Dumbass," she muttered as she lifted Ellie from the tub. "I hold, you shower."
There was that look again. Fleeting, but as momentarily as it had been Rue had still caught it crossing Miranda's face.
"Sure, just...don't...don't drop her."
"Never," she promised as Miranda started rinsing Ellie with lukewarm water.
~o~
She had just lost another game of poker to Daniels and Donnelley. The engineers who were knee deep in love, they just weren't aware of it yet. They were like ying and yang, peas in a pod, butter to the bread, whatever you wanted to call it. She shook her head smiling. They would figure it out –eventually.
Stepping into the elevator she pulled up her omni-tool. One new message blinked up at her.
[Do not let the package get damaged. Kill the mother if necessary.]
She grimaced. She didn't much care for Miranda Lawson. If she had to die, then she had to die. When Cerberus had first approached her before the commander took down Saren she had refused. She was Alliance, working to protect humanity. Then Commander Shepard went and died and the Alliance acted as if the threat the commander had spoken about was all bogus. Her friends in Cerberus had all laughed at her. Had she really thought the Alliance would grow a pair and actually start doing some good for humanity? No, they were busy coddling the council, forgetting about their own people.
Commander Shepard used to be a hero to her, her turning up again working with Cerberus was the final motivation for getting back in touch with her friend in Cerberus. But then she had gone and wiped out the Collectors only to blow up the one thing humanity could have benefited from. The human Reaper. The things they could have learned from it, had they been able to salvage more of the Reaper, could have helped them protect Earth. That's when she realised the Commander was just as weak and spineless like the rest of them.
She smiled. Nobody ever saw her. She was invisible, hidden in plain sight gathering all the information she could, sending it straight to the Illusive Man.
A smile grew on her face as she stepped out from the elevator. Catch me if you can...
~o~
Liara stared at the datapad in her hand, her mind still processing the information. Miranda Hannoway looked up at her from the screen, raven hair, and blue eyes just as bright and sharp as they always were. The man Liara had run into the day of her disappearance was Miranda's father. The same man who had tried to kidnap Miranda just a day after successfully abducting Liara herself.
Her hands shook as her fingers swept across the screen. Larkin Hannoway had created Miranda in a lab, it was all fairly hush-hush, but what disturbed her the most was that the man who had helped Larkin was no other than the famous Dr. Grenway. The same doctor who had lied to her and who had been on leave the same dates she was missing. The same doctor who had tons of journals filled with every little detail about Miranda Lawson, from the most complicated and dangerous surgeries to the smallest incision. The medical records made it clear that Miss Lawson was infertile, multiple medical examinations from different doctors all came to the same conclusion -Miranda Lawson could not give birth.
She pulled up a second medical scan staring at it. She wasn't a human doctor, she had very little to no knowledge of what was what, but she wasn't blind either. Dr. Grenway might think he was clever to change the name on the protocols, but Glyph had caught the DNA signature of the scans.
The first showed Miranda Lawson's infertility. The second...the second scan showed Miranda Lawson's pregnancy.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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A/N: Dun, dun, dun, DUN! *hums Jaws theme* So who is our sleeper agent? Who do you think it is?
Huge props to my beta reader Jessie2cv: couldn't have done it without ya, babe!
To readers: Thanks for sharing this adventure with me. Let's see where it goes!
To everyone who's reviewed: I love you forever and ever and ever. Reading your reviews makes my day and makes all the blood, sweat and tears worth it. Ok, so maybe there's no blood. Or tears. But you're all fantastic!
So…things are heating up…stay tuned, don't be a stranger and give me a shout. :D
~Elm
