Friday, December 1st

8:22 p.m.

I took a day off today. I decided to visit my mum and when I came back to this town I realized just how haunting it truly is. Maybe I should move out. My mum says I can live with her, but I don't wish to.

It's raining as I stroll through empty streets. No one dares to come out of their cosy, graffiti-covered, old buildings to see the starless night. The storm is coming and I'm on my way home. It's just a pity that I don't have any hoodie or umbrella. Lincoln used to say I'm not made of sugar, but I'm not a fan of this sort of poetic and tragic-looking strolls, where you feel like an actress in a drama movie, a girl who lost the love of her life, someone watching their life fall apart. I don't like walking in rain, because I feel like all of these people at once and it's not beautiful or dramatic, it's pathetic and haunting, not to be able to distinguish your tears from the drops of rain.

'Hey, Clarke...!', I hear a familiar female voice from the distance and it makes me raise my eyebrows. I turn around only to see someone running in my direction.

'What are you doing here?', I ask the girl as she approaches me swiftly. It's no other than Raven Reyes, the future mechanic, my fiance's uni friend, who also happens to be the goddess of seduction. Well, the last one might just be a bit far-fetched and biased...

'I've been trying to reach Finn, but he doesn't answer his phone', she breathes out and moves her face towards the pouring rain to cool down.

'Yeah? And what's the matter?', I ask indifferently. I wish I knew whether they meet often, what they talk about and whether they're really friends. I decide to ask about something else instead, since I'm not fond of the idea of her discovering my insecurities. She looks as if she had none.

'His mate, the one with whom Finn's doing that project is sick and basically dying, so I figured that we could do it together', she shrugs with a grin.

'Basically dying?', I repeat with disbelief. She must be joking.

'I was just kidding', she laughs. She is indeed joking, what an odd sense of humour.

'If you really need to see him, come with me', I hide a sigh and walk away with her following me. I can't believe I've just made it all easier. I don't even know what easier means, or who is it easier for, but I have this feeling that my gut already knows.

8:34 p.m.

'Clarke, hey! I found a job', I notice Finn with his mobile in one hand and a bottle of some mysterious liquor, my bet's on the beer. I approach him as his wide grin turns to surprise seeing the person behind me.

'Yeah, what kind of a job?', I ask not letting them start a conversation. I might be rude, but the fact that my lazy fiance actually got to work seems more important than some project, about which I know nothing since Finn hadn't even mentioned it to me earlier.

He, however, looks busy watching Raven talk to Octavia, who happens to be in our apartment too. I wonder if her brother's with her, but I quickly shake my head to get rid of this thought.

'I'll be organizing some upcoming events at our campus', he replies excitedly and I can't help but smile. Finally.

'I'm proud of you. What's the salary?', I ask amused. His excitement is quite concerning considering his general apathy regarding any sort of work, but nevertheless I'm glad he's found one.

'Salary...? I'll work as a volunteer, Clarke', he replies as if it was obvious. He kisses my forehead and disappears to talk to Raven. I turn around stunned and follow him with my gaze.

'Finn's found a job', I hear a voice behind me and it reveals its owner. Monty.

'Yeah. As a volunteer', I say slowly tasting these words in my mouth. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, so I just grab a bottle of beer and take a sip.

'He's always had a heart of a volunteer', Monty says and I'm not sure if it's irony or just a normal statement.

'And a head of a fool', I reply and lock myself in our bedroom. Luckily, it's empty.

It's been some time since I painted anything and I feel like it's going to be quite a long night.

3:02 p.m.

I sit on our balcony, my legs on the balustrade, soft sun shining on my face. It's almost like heaven. Almost.

I hear a laughter from inside the apartment. It's Raven's. She and Finn are doing some sort of a project or God knows what together and they decided to meet up in our apartment.

For the last two hours I've been trying to find my peace with a book and a cup of hot tea, but it's impossible with these two around.

'Got any dinner?', Monty appears on the balcony in front of me, covering the sun. I get up from the old, wooden and extremely uncomfortable chair and sigh.

'No. Got any ideas?', I ask him resignedly, narrowing my eyes. It's December and the sun's going crazy with all these warm days full of sunshine.

'I'd say... Pizza', he grins and I smile too.

'Sure. Any party planned today?', I ask cautiously. I'm not working today, since we're changing the furniture in the bar and I want to know whether to look for some other place to stay for the evening or not. Monty pulls off a disgusted grimace which makes me laugh. Jasper's more or an animal party than Monty who hates these night libations as much as I do. Or even more, since I've been quite pleased with them when we started organizing them a couple of mounths ago. He's never been a fan of this idea and soon I understood why.

'I think so. This time Finn organizes one for his university friends', he shrugs.

'What about you? Got any plans?', I ask with a smile knowing that he won't really tell me.

'I'll try to stay away from my own apartment, you know, just what normal people do', he says with a soft smile playing on his lips, but something about this statement makes me shiver. Because that's obviously not what normal people do.

'Maybe we should move out, what are you saying? Leave these two idiots here', I snort.

'I'm all in', he replies with a grin.

'What's the date?', I ask playfully, but there's more than just a joke to it.

'We should move out as soon as possible. Tomorrow?', he looks at me as if he was thinking hard on this one.

'Then it's all settled', I nod and he laughs. If only it was all so easy.

A laughter breakes the silence and it's not ours. Monty looks at me with unease and some sort of compassion and it leaves me tense.

7:19 p.m.

I notice Octavia as I enter the apartment. I've been trying to find myself some sort of an activity, but it's difficult in a town like this, so I decided to come here and get drunk after all. It's the only activity my creative mind could come up with.

'Is your brother with you?', I ask her as she takes her eyes off Lincoln to look at me with surprise.

'No, no, he's not. Why?', her curious glance makes me shift uncomfortably. Why would he be here anyway?

'Nothing, just curious', I shrug, but her eyes scan me still.

'That's strange, 'cause he asked me today why you're not at the bar', she says with a satisfied smirk.

'We're just... I mean...', I grunt, because it turns out to be difficult, to actually define the status of our relation. She's about to comment on this fact, but Lincoln interferes. He looks at Octavia with clear admiration and it takes him a while to utter anything.

'You should relax, Clarke. Finn's surely somewhere around here', he shrugs and takes Octavia's hand to drag her on the dancefloor. Before they disappear, she gives me a smirk and I feel an intense heat all over my face.

Because it wasn't my fiance that I was looking for. And she knows it. I take a sip of a mysterious liquor and lean my head on the wall with a sigh.

9:01 p.m.

I'm too drunk to count the people currently occupying my apartment, but there's a hell lot of them here. It's quite early, but I've already had too many drinks.

I lean my hands on the kitchen counter and take a deep breath. I notice something on the counter, even though my vision is a bit blurred. I raise it with my trembling fingers and frown.

'Lexa's fight club, Grounders street, Indra's bar', I read it loud and grimace.

'It's the address of the fight club, sorry, I must have left it here when I...', Lincoln takes it out of my hands.

'Does Octavia know?', I interrupt him.

'No. But I don't fight there anymore', he says firmly and leaves the kitchen.

I don't fight there anymore... because of her.

Oh, what love does to people.

It makes me smile though, seeing Lincoln change like that. He might still be overshadowed by his past and defects, but I see him chasing Octavia, watching her almost as if he was her guard.

9:44 p.m.

'Finn, hey, Finn!', I shout as I spot my fiance entering the apartment. He's not alone, but I don't care.

'Clarke, oh, hey...', he utters and looks at me awkwardly. Raven disappears and leaves us alone.

'Where have you been?', I ask him tilting my head. I barely hear my own voice, the music's so loud.

'What do you care? You're drunk. You're always drunk', he says with disgust and I feel as if I just got hit in my stomach and the blow took my breath away.

'What the hell? I am always drunk? At least I'm not cheating on you', I spit breathlessly. My head's spinning from the alcohol, but his words are sharp in my mind.

'What...? I'm not cheating on you, sober up, Clarke', he rolls his eyes and tries to pass me in the hallway, but I block the way with my body.

'Obviously and you two are just friends who miraculously happen to spend every free second together? I'm not an idiot', I snort.

'It's you who's always gone. You're never around', he retorts and it makes my blood boil.

'And that's a legitimate reason for you to cheat on me, right? Our engagement is a damn joke', I spit and it satisifes me a little, to see hurt in his eyes.

'I didn't cheat on you, Clarke, you're delusional! I didn't know it meant so little to you, I shouldn't have proposed to you then', he retorts and it makes my eyes water.

'I shouldn't have accepted it. Unfortunately, I didn't know you were such a jerk back then', I snort.

'I didn't know you're fucking frantic', he says and I'm numb. I want to reply, but I feel as if the air was sucked out of my lungs. I lean my hand on the wall and notice Finn's expression.

'I'm sorry, Clarke, I didn't mean to...', he says, his voice sorrowful and truly regretful, but I can't look at him.

'Get out of my way', I growl and leave before the tears start rolling down my cheeks.

It's raining outside and I have no jacket, no umbrella. I also have no home, which might turn out to be more problematic as I have nowhere to go. It's pathetic and haunting, the way my tears mix with the rain, but I raise my head to face the evening sky. There's some sort of relief in it, almost purification. It's strange though, the way things change. It's always been a rocky road with Finn. We were never a perfect match, Lincoln used to say that he'd make a better partner for me than Finn. It was just a joke, obviously, but Finn's truly different than me.

I stumble a few times as my balance's disturbed.

You're drunk. You're always drunk.

Maybe Finn's right after all. Maybe I should've done something to change my life, but it's hard, it's hard, when everyone's busy with their own lives, trying to escape this reality. I was reckless some time ago, I enjoyed all this turmoil, but it's got too overwhelming, too consuming.

My mind gives me a quick flashback of the time a few days ago, when Lincoln sent me an address of Octavia's house, 'cause he needed someone to pick him up. I check my messages and find it. It's just a few minutes from where I'm standing, but I'm not even certain I'm going in the right direction.

I take a deep breath as I reach my destination. My head's spinning, I'm cold and wet, but there's no going back now.

I knock on the door and wait a few heartbeats before they open revealing a familiar face.

'Clarke...?', his surprised expression makes my stomach squirm.

'Will you let me in?', I utter looking in his dark brown eyes. Octavia's are the same.


So. I know it's quick and unexpected, but I got inspired and here it is. I can say that there'll be some stuff coming up in the next chapter that involves Bellarke, but there are a couple of twists and I hope you'll like it.

PS: Thank you 1234grace for your critique, it helped me a lot. I tried to fix it this chapter, I hope it was all much clearer.

PS2: Let me know what you think of this chapter!