bronny9, thank you for your review. I'm so glad you're happy with the way I'm writing this story. Ethan is definitely going to need to look after Cal. This is the chapter where Cal first starts to talk to Ethan, so I hope you enjoy it, if 'enjoy' is the right word!

Bonnie Sveen Fan, Cal really was terrified and even though he's an adult now, his fears are so consuming, he probably believes it could happen again - and it's possible it will happen again if John finds him. Thank you for your review.

westlife4ever80, thank you for your review. Cal probably thought he had got rid of his demons to an extent - he got away from his father and became a doctor - but some demons are just waiting to come back into your life again.

Tanith Panic, it really is horrible for Cal - at the moment, Ethan just doesn't believe John's capable of doing anything bad and in a way, Cal wants him to keep thinking that rather than be hurt by the truth. But at the same time, he really needs Ethan. Thank you for your review.

20BlueRoses, I think this is definitely the sort of situation that has the potential to drive Cal and Ethan apart - although their love for each other is strong, the bond between them is fragile and it doesn't take much to break it. I think you could be right about Cal's hangover! Thank you for your review. I'm happy you like this story.


Ethan wasn't surprised to hear the screaming at first. After all, he was in the middle of the ED. It wasn't uncommon to hear screaming, though these were more like screams of terror than screams of pain.

Then Ethan realised he wasn't in the ED at all. He was in bed. It was a dream.

He was halfway through a sigh of relief when he realised the screaming was still there. And it could only be one person.

Ethan grabbed his glasses, jumped out of bed and ran into his brother's room. The bedside light was on and Cal was tossing and turning in bed. His face was slick with perspiration, or perhaps tears. He was still screaming and moaning, curling in on himself as he begged someone to stop.

Ethan knew it would be better not to wake his brother, but he couldn't leave him to suffer like this. He sat down on the bed and reached for Cal's hand. He held it tightly, hoping he might somehow calm his dreams, and murmured to him soothingly as though Cal was a child.

It seemed to work. Some of the rigidity drained from Cal's body and his screams and moans became whimpers. Cal's eyelids flickered and then opened fully. He stared up at Ethan in relief that quickly became horror. He sat up straight in his bed, staring at his brother with an expression of fear in his eyes.

Ethan stroked his hand. "It's okay, Cal. Everything's okay. You were having a nightmare. But it's over now. You're with me and you're okay."

Cal stared at Ethan for a moment longer, then his face crumpled and he began to cry with big, deep sobs of despair. Ethan gasped in shock, his own eyes prickling, but then he put his arms tightly around Cal, his heart squeezing in sympathy as he felt the shudders running through Cal's muscular frame.

"It's okay, Cal. It's okay now. I'm here," said Ethan. He stroked Cal's hair as he felt Cal clinging to him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay?"

He wondered what could have caused the nightmare. Sometimes nightmares did happen for no reason – the dream Ethan had been having about the ED could well have developed into one if Ethan hadn't woken up. But he knew Cal had been stressed and upset today. Although his reaction to their father was, in Ethan's opinion, completely unreasonable, he realised it might have been a bit more than simple annoyance. Perhaps John's presence had caused Cal genuine distress.

Something flashed into Ethan's memory. It was too fast for him to catch hold of it, but it gave him a sense of uneasiness that made him hold Cal more tightly. "It's okay, Cal. Everything's going to be fine. I'm here now. Whatever's wrong, I'm going to help you get through it. I promise."

Cal trembled in Ethan's arms, but he seemed to be calming down a bit. He held on to Ethan for a bit longer, then he slowly pulled away, sniffing and wiping his eyes.

Ethan put his hand on Cal's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I can't," whispered Cal.

"Of course you can," said Ethan. "I'm your brother and you can tell me anything."

Cal sniffed. "You wouldn't believe me."

"Of course I will," said Ethan. "I can see something's really wrong, Cal. I can see how upset and… and afraid you are. I really do want to help."

"You can't help," said Cal, his eyes filling again. "No-one can."

"I know it sometimes feels like that, but it's not always true," said Ethan. He reached out and brushed a tear from Cal's cheek. "You can tell me anything. I promise I'll listen and I'll support you."

"I've never told anyone before," said Cal, his voice shaky.

"It's okay," said Ethan. He reached around Cal to prop up the pillows. "Here: sit back for me. And move up a bit."

Cal did as he was told. Ethan sat beside him and put his arm around him.

"There's no hurry, Cal. Take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere. If it takes all night, that's fine. If it takes longer than that, that's fine too. But please give me the chance to help you. I'm your brother and I care about you."

Cal shook his head as more tears slid down his cheeks. "I promised myself I'd never tell you. I don't want to… spoil it for you."

"You won't be spoiling anything," said Ethan firmly. "If something or someone is upsetting my brother, then it's already spoiled as far as I'm concerned. But if you tell me, maybe I can make it better in some way."

"I don't know if I can tell you…" said Cal softly.

"I don't want to put pressure on you," said Ethan. "If you really don't want to tell me, we can talk about something else or just sit in silence." He paused. "If it helps, I am really sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I thought it was just because you and Dad didn't get on. But he made you really unhappy, didn't he?"

Cal looked at him, more tears falling. His eyes were full of warring emotions, as though he wasn't sure whether to tell Ethan or not.

"It is about Dad, isn't it?" said Ethan. "About the reason why you're not happy to see him; the reason why you hid his presence in the ED from me." He looked at Cal for a moment feeling the sharp sting of guilt. "The reason why you left home and never came back."

Cal nodded ever so slightly.

Ethan had to look away from him for a moment as he fought back tears. He'd got it wrong; so horribly wrong and now he'd hurt his brother even more, "I'm so sorry, Cal. For everything. For not realising how bad it was. For making you feel you couldn't tell me what happened." He turned back to Cal, his emotions under control for now. "I know this must be so difficult to talk about, but do you think you might be able to tell me what Dad did to you?"

"If I tell you," said Cal, "it'll change everything."

"No, it won't," said Ethan. "It'll just mean I can see more clearly – and I think that's important. For both of us." He sat back slightly and looked into Cal's wet eyes. "Whatever this is, Cal, you've obviously been carrying it for a long time and it's still hurting you. But if you tell me now, maybe it won't hurt so badly. We can deal with it together."

"I don't want to hurt you," wept Cal. "I never wanted that. You're my baby brother. I had to protect you."

Ethan hugged him closer. "I'm your younger brother, Cal, but I'm not a baby anymore. I'm all grown-up and whatever's happened, I can handle it. I'm sure I can. Please will you tell me? I don't want to lose Dad, but if he's not the man I thought he was, then I've already lost him. But you're my brother, Cal, and I'm not going to lose you."

Cal was silent for a while, then Ethan felt him nodding. "Okay. I'll tell you. I'll probably regret it tomorrow morning, but…"

"Tomorrow morning doesn't matter," said Ethan. "We'll deal with it when it comes. For now, just tell me whatever you need to, okay? I'm not going to leave you. I'm here and I'm listening."


Cal didn't know how long he'd been longing to hear those words. It seemed lately that Ethan hardly ever listened; he simply drew his own conclusions based on his knowledge of Cal. Cal didn't blame him for that: if his reputation had preceded him, it was hardly Ethan's fault. But it hurt sometimes and it could be very lonely, being always misunderstood.

Yet still a part of him held back. He didn't want to shatter Ethan's illusions that their father was a good man. He didn't want to make Ethan feel guilty for not realising what John had taken great care to hide from him.

He didn't want to tell Ethan the truth and be pushed away in disgusted disbelief that Cal could say something so wicked about his own father.

He glanced at Ethan: there was concern on his face but also encouragement. He gave Cal a smile and rubbed his shoulder but made no attempt to hurry him. The arm around Cal's shoulders was warm; so was Ethan's side, pressed close to his. He wondered when Ethan had last comforted him like this and he thought the truth was probably never. As a child, Ethan had sometimes hugged his upset older brother, but that was different. That was a small child attempting to comfort an older one. Ethan was comforting him now as his equal.

Ethan was right. He was an adult now – probably more of one than Cal. He was strong enough to handle this.

"I don't want to upset you," said Cal in a small voice. "And I suppose I don't really expect you to believe me. You were there; you probably think nothing could have happened without you knowing it." He looked at Ethan and took comfort from his steady gaze. "And I don't want you to feel bad for not knowing it either. You were a kid and John is a clever man."

Ethan gave the slightest flinch at Cal's use of their father's first name, but then he smiled and nodded. "Please don't worry about me, Cal. This is about you, okay?"

"I don't know what I did to him; why he hated me so much," said Cal. "I knew I could be a little brat at times, but I'm sure I wasn't that bad. But I don't know because he hardly ever told me what I'd done. He just told me I knew – and sometimes I did. But most of the time, I had no idea at all."

He waited for Ethan to say he must have known what he'd done or that it wasn't their dad's fault Cal was blind to his own faults, but he just smiled slightly and squeezed Cal's shoulder.

"So he'd punish me," said Cal. "He waited till you and Mum were in bed, then he…"