Curiosity Killed the Wolf - Chapter 6
...
Leah had been in la Push for almost a week and she was close to giving up on her mission.
Charlie was busy in Forks and she had found no way to leave the house without being stopped and followed by one of Sam's soldiers. Even when she managed to shake one off, she had to cross path with another one, as if they were coordinated to stalk her.
On top of that, she was definitely stuck in la Push. Her car wasn't working and she suspected her father to be the reason of this breakdown. He was the one who taught her what she knew about cars, from how to change a tire to the carburetor inspection, but he said he hadn't found anything wrong with it when she asked him to have a look.
Knowing that her car couldn't just die like that on her, she'd tried to find someone to check it out, but the closest auto repair from la Push was located in Forks and she couldn't go over there.
The last night, while everyone else was sleeping in the Clearwater's house, she grabbed her bag and tried to sneak out, only to be stopped by a smirking Paul Lahote who immediately sounded the alarm. She knew then that she was strictly monitored and there was no way she could get out of la Push.
"I can't believe I'm stuck here, with no means to leave!" she grumbled for the umptienth time during lunch.
"Nobody hold you back from leaving, sweetie!" her mom retorted.
"Are you kidding me? My car is down. My phone is down, my charger mysteriously disappeared when I wanted to call someone to bring me back to Seattle. And my laptop -"
"I already said I'm sorry about that!" Seth sighed, visibly annoyed. "I wanted to play with it and you said I could. I know I messed up, but they should have made it more shockproof!"
"Shockproof?" Leah huffed, showing the remains of her laptop. "It looks like you've smashed it with a hammer!"
"It fell on the ground!" Seth protested.
"Ok. Enough of that!" Sue intervened. "Leah, you know your brother is sorry for that and his next allowances will be used to get you a new laptop."
"Whatever. I should have known you'd break it. You're one of them. Of course you can't be trusted!" Leah grumbled.
A wave of guilt washed over her as Seth stood up quickly and rushed outside, slamming the door harshly when he exited. She bowed her head, ashamed and not wanting to meet her mom's disapproving gaze.
"I know you're upset, Leah, and I can totally understand why. But I won't tolerate any other outburst like that under my roof." Sue scolded. "He might hang out with Sam, but he's still your brother and you've hurt his feeling greatly today. You have a right to be angry, but we'll find a way for you to get through this."
"I won't get through anything if I'm stuck here, Mom. I'm going to lose my job, and more innocent are going to be killed because nobody let me warn the population."
"You have to be patient, sweetie. Everything will work out -"
"Don't, okay?" Leah cut her harshly. "You're right, I shouldn't have been so harsh with Seth. But don't tell me that everything will be alright because it won't. Nothing has been alright for me since I've been here. There's never been anything good for me here and I don't know why I've even agreed to come back!"
"Honey -"
She couldn't stand her mother's lies anymore.
"Do you think I'm blind or stupid? I know you're covering them. You were able to call me from home when I was in Seattle, and now the phone is restricted to the county only! Why?"
She narrowed her eyes at her mom who seemed to be panicking.
"I'm sorry, Leah. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't... You father thinks it's for the best and..."
"And what do you think?"
"I married that man, kid. I swore to support him until death do us part."
"So you chose your husband over me, knowing how much it will cost me?"
"Don't you dare make me guilty!" Sue yelled. "You have no idea what it was like to live here after you were gone. Seth and Harry, they resented me for helping you, and - they needed me to get through this. And now you're asking me to do the same?"
"And whose fault is that?" Leah yelled back. "If you hadn't begged me to come back, so that you would help me during my investigation because you wanted to be part of my life, I wouldn't be here today!"
Sue ducked her head and Leah knew that she had a point.
"I'm sorry", her mom started. "Had I known what my proposition would have caused, I..."
"So that's it. You think you owe them over me," Leah breathed as tears began to flow on her cheeks.
"No, that's not - God, why are things so difficult with you all?"
"Don't worry. Soon you won't have to chose between your daughter and the rest of the family."
"Please, Leah. You have to understand -"
"What's going on here?"
Harry's booming voice made them stiffen. He was the last person Leah wanted to see at that moment.
"Why are you crying, Sue?" he insisted.
"It's nothing. Just a mother and daughter conversation."
Leah shook her head and walked towards the front door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Harry growled.
"Away. It's not like I could leave this place though. I just need to be in a place free of lies and hypocrisy," she spat, not waiting for their reactions to effectively leave.
She walked around, not knowing where she was going, but she didn't care either. She was exhausted, more emotionally than physically but she was certain that her tear-stained face didn't show her at her best. Sue was the only one who, Leah thought, would always be on her side, and while she could understand her motives, she couldn't help but feel betrayed.
She wasn't sure she would be able to face her after that, but she knew she would be forced to. It wasn't like she could leave the place, whether she wanted to with all her heart. La Push was and would remain an unhappy and unwelcome place to be.
...
She arrived near the beach and sat on a log, thinking about her broken family, when Jacob's voice startled her.
"You know, you should be more careful. It's dangerous for a girl to be alone nowadays."
"The only thing dangerous here is you," she spat, not in the mood for company.
"Well, at least we agree on something!" he chuckled while sitting near her. "Mind if I join you?"
"As if my opinion counts!"
"I heard you had an argument with Sue."
"Great! Are you here to lecture me or to tell me I overreacted?"
"Come on, Leah!" he sighed. "Don't be like that!"
"Like what? Like I'm sick and tired of having everybody telling me how I should act? Like I deserve to make my own choices and to live my life how I want to?"
"Like as if this situation is only affecting you!" he answered harshly.
Leah froze, waiting for him to continue.
"Look, I know you feel like you got the short stick in the end, and that there has a lot of tension inside your family, but... If you could just... Focus on the positive side of the situation..."
"I don't see anything positive about this, Jacob", she sighed.
"You actually have a family who cares about you. Maybe you don't feel like it's the case, but it is. Your father would die if something happened to you. Do you know a lot of guys who would hire a group of teenagers to follow their daughter and to get her out of trouble?"
"So you were following me;" she pointed out.
"That's not the point. The fact is that your father loves you, even if he doesn't know how to show it. And Sue... Look at what she did when you needed to leave. She could have said no and let you wallow in your misery, but she took the full responsibility of your leaving and I can tell you that it was really hard for her."
Leah flinched at those words as the guilt she felt back then overwhelmed her again.
"And Seth... I know you think he betrayed you by joining Sam, but he didn't. He had to do it, but it doesn't mean he forgot what happened between you two. The poor kid is a wreck right now. He's torn between the allegiance he swore to the tribe and his loyalty towards you."
"What are you talking about?" Leah asked, her curiosity piqued by Jacob's words.
"I can't tell you more. I'm sorry," Jacob said sadly. "I know everything would probably easier for you if you knew what's going on on the Rez, but... As much as we want you to trust us, there always will be some things we won't be able to share with you."
For the first time since she came back, Leah felt slightly at peace. Jacob wasn't beating around the bush and she was grateful for his sincerity.
"When have you become so wise?" she breathed.
"Well, I'm trying to be more mature. I heard that women love maturity!" he chuckled.
Leah couldn't help but laugh at that.
"True, but doesn't the Swan girl like you how you are?"
Jacob's smile fell and he looked at the horizon.
"I don't know. She says I'm her best friend and that she wants me in her life, but she's with the lee- with the Cullen kid."
"Have you told her that you love her?"
"We don't talk anymore. Her boyfriend doesn't want her near us."
"Well, if she obeys blindly, then she isn't really a good friend and you're wasting your time thinking about her."
Jacob shot her a glare that made her laugh.
"Listen, I'm not a pro in this domain, look at how my last serious relationship got me," she started. "But the thing is that if you're waiting for her to decide to come to you, you're going to stay a virgin till your death."
"OK, so what should I do, oh wise love expert?" he sneered.
"Call her. Make her go somewhere you can talk to her alone and try to find something to catch her attention. You know her, you know what she likes or not."
"Well, not so much..."
"Are you freaking kidding me?" she exclaimed loudly.
"I know she loves reading, but that's all. She's not very talkative, you know."
"I see," she muttered, shaking her head.
"What?"
"How can you hope making a move on her if you don't know anything about her taste? Men, I swear!"
"You're right, but I know she won't come here. She won't talk to me. Her boyfriend won't let her.""
Jacob put his head between his hands and let out a desperate sigh which made Leah's heart clench.
"What if... What if I ask her for you?" she proposed.
"How would you do that? You don't even know her!" Jacob chuckled darkly.
"Maybe, but I know Charlie. I can call him and invite them for dinner. If Charlie is involved, her boyfriend will have no say in her coming or not, and I would use my amazing investigating talents to find out what she likes!"
"You would do that? Really?" he gasped, looking at her with disbelief. "Why?"
"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "You look like you're about to have an emotional breakdown and I don't want to see that. Plus, I've seen you two together and I think there's definitely something between you two."
"You think so?"
His eyes full of hope made her uncomfortable and she quickly averted his gaze.
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but you were kind of... cute. And I've nothing better to do, since I'm stuck here, so... Why not playing matchmaker while I'm trying to write my paper with Charlie's help?"
"Thank you!" he cried out as he lift her into a bone crushing hug.
"Please... Don't mention it... And put me... Down... Can't breathe..."
Jacob let her go and smiled apologetically.
"If you manage to make her come to the Rez, tell her I miss her."
"I will. You know you'll owe me for that, right?" she said, making him frown.
"What do you want?" he asked suspiciously.
"Well, you're sort of a mechanics genius, right?"
He tensed while a mischievous smile drew on her face.
"You want me to check your car."
"And you can read minds, too? Wow, you're gifted, dude!" she teased.
"I can't do that, Leah," he said sadly.
Leah' smile fell and despair rushed through her heart when she heard those words. She knew he would refuse but he was his last chance to leave la Push. Defeated, she sat down on the log and stared at her hands, focusing on them to prevent her from shedding tears.
"You know, I knew that coming back here was a bad idea," she began with a broken voice. "I was hoping that... I don't know what I was really hoping, but I thought that I had found some control over my life. That I was strong enough to be there, do my job, and not to let this damned reservation bring me back to my misery. And look at me. It's exactly the same. I'm exactly the same girl I was before I left. I feel like I have no control. I can't decide what to do with my life anymore. Because I was stupid enough to think that somebody would care about me."
"We care about you, Leah." Jacob protested.
"If keeping me here against my will is caring about me, I'd rather you don't care at all. I hate that. And I hate you more for making me feel like this. I hate my family because I know they won't let me leave, that they'll find a way to make me stay and lose all I gained when I left this freaking reservation. I hate myself for believing that things would have changed for the better and I hate that feeling even more. I was strong and alive and la Push, its secrets, all of you are killing me softly!"
"We don't mean to hurt you!"
"You really think that it makes things better? Guess what, it doesn't! You're still hurting me and I won't stay here and let you ruin my life. You want me to stay here? Fine, I will. But you'll learn to never mistreat Leah Clearwater. I swear on my life that I will be on your case until you let me leave this town."
"You know that we would let you be if we didn't think that you'd be in danger. Your family only wants what's best for you!"
"I'd rather be dead in Seattle than stay in this shit hole day."
"Wow... You must be the most self-centered person on this planet!" Jacob sneered. "You sound alot like Rachel and Rebecca."
"Smart girls..."
"Yeah, that's very smart to leave your disabled father behind with your 14 years old brother, because you're too weak to face the memories of your life before your mother's death. I lost my mother too, you know? Do you really think that you're the one to want to leave here? That you're the only one who has bad memories here?"
"There's nothing preventing you from leaving this place," Leah spat.
"Who would take care of my Dad if I left? Who would support him through his grief? I had to watch him rolling into his bedroom to mourn the family we once had, every day since their departure. What kind of son would I be if I just acted like my sisters?"
"You can't blame them for wanting to leave. They're human beings. Nobody can cope a situation the same way as you, unless they've been brainwashed by some kind of cult."
"You're right," Jacob conceded. "That's why I don't blame them. I'm sad, but I don't blame them. I don't blame you either for wanting to leave, seeing how being with us affects you, but... This shit hole is your home too. That's where your family is, whether you like it or not. We're your family."
"That's where you're wrong, Jacob. Home is where you feel safe, happy. It used to be home, but now... I don't belong here anymore. You've cast me aside since Sam left me and you all share something you don't want me to. Face it, Black. I'm not family. I'm homeless."
She finished her sentence in her whisper before finally breaking down in tears. She didn't care that Jacob was there. All of her strength was gone and left her emotions exposed for anyone to see. Lost in her own grief, she felt herself being lifted from the log, the warmth enveloping her in a safe cocoon finally got the better of her. She leaned on Jacob's shoulder and soon fell asleep in his arms.
