Chapter Seven: Sideways

"You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me -
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English.

'Cause, diamonds, they fade,
And flowers, they bloom,
And I'm telling you:
These feelings won't go away.
They've been knocking me sideways.
They've been knocking me out, they…
Whenever you come around me.
These feelings won't go away.
They've been knocking me sideways.
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away,
But these feelings won't go away."

---Citizen Cope's "Sideways"

It was lunchtime when I came out of my room. Anna was in the hall holding a clothes basket of - you guessed it - clothes.

"Hey," Anna said happily. "Do you have any clothes that need to be washed?"

I nodded, "Yeah, but I'll wash them, myself, later.

"Okay," she said. She was being cautious when she said, "Are you all right? Charles didn't mean anything about your parents; he was just…" She trailed off. Then, "Well, I'm not entirely sure. He was trying to help."

"I know," I said.

She had a sympathetic smile on her face. "He's in town; his father called him out somewhere."

I nodded. At least I didn't have to face him now. I knew I had to apologize, but it wouldn't hurt to put it off for a bit.

There was a knock at the front door.

I looked at Anna. "I'm not expecting anyone," she said.

She walked quickly to the front door opened it.

A woman that had dark blonde hair and a menacing look on her face stood on the step.

"Hi, Leah," Anna said. Then, toward me, she said, "She is the Marrok's mate. Leah, this is Emlyn James."

She smiled. "Like Shakespeare's M'lin the cursed."

Beautiful, I thought. Maybe she was just as bad as I'd always heard. That was one thing that most of the wolves I had talked to agreed on: that the mate of the Marrok was selfish and stupid and vindictive as all get-out.

I nodded and sucked it up; no use being a baby. Not to mention the power of the Marrok that she carried was seriously scaring me; that kind of power in someone like that.

Anna cut in, "Is there something you need?" She was trying to sound polite, but I could hear the undertone in her voice that said she was something unhappy. Either angry, or annoyed, or something between the two - it was affecting her peace.

Leah raised an eyebrow, never taking her gaze off me. "No, I just wanted to meet the new recruit."

I smiled, "Nice to meet you." If she could smell lies, she didn't show it.

Leah looked at Anna and said, "Why don't you let me in? I could use some tea."

Anna smiled right back. I don't know how she ignored the direct order that Leah had given her, but she did when she said, "No, thank you."

Leah narrowed her eyes. "You'll learn." Then to me, "You'll be better off going to Washington."

Then she turned on her heel and strode back to her car as if that was the end of it.

Anna shut the door and shook her head for a moment.

"Didn't take her long to make her move," she said.

I couldn't help but ask, "So what exactly was that about?"

"I don't really know," Anna said, picking up the basket of clothes that she'd put on the couch. "I guess she was just expressing to you that this is her territory. Most female wolves are jealous of anyone that could jeopardize whatever they've got - maybe she's thinks that you're a threat to her being mated to the Marrok."

I shook my head, "That's impossible. That connection doesn't break with anything but death, does it? And, besides, why aren't you upset about me then?"

She gave me a grin. "Oh, I'm not worried about anything like that. I can tell just by the way you look at Charles that you're afraid of him - which you're going to have to come to terms with, Emlyn. You're never going to survive in a pack if you're afraid of everyone else in it."

I said nothing.

"I know," Anna said slowly, "how hard it is not to just turn out all the lights and give up."

I wanted to ask, how on earth would you know? But I had heard the expression 'strangling the golden goose,' and I didn't want to do that.

She sighed and sat down on the couch. She patted the next seat. "Sit down."

I followed suit.

"I know you're having a hard time here," she said. "And it's obvious that you don't want to be here, but you're going to have to get over it at some point. I don't know exactly what happened to you. I know you're father wasn't what he was supposed to be, but you're going to have to learn to live with it."

I would have gotten up and walked away, or said something back, but there was no escaping it - she was right, and I did need to get over my past, but it was something that I couldn't just do.

And then there was a key jangling in the door.

"Charles is home," Anna said, her face brightening a little.

And, indeed, Charles opened the door, followed by Bran, followed by Leah. Charles had a look of disgust on his face, where his father couldn't see him. Leah still had a scowl. Bran's face was unreadable, and with everyone in there at once, I couldn't get a clear scent of anyone's.

Ah, this was shaping up to be an interesting day.

-------------

By the time Anna and I were done in the kitchen, everyone was sitting around the table with a nice cup of tea. Anna wanted everyone to be comfortable and looked after; I just wanted to get out of that room. There was too much tension for me.

Finally, Charles asked, "So, Da, what are we here for?"

Bran seemed to think for a moment; he was staring at his cup of tea as if it held all of the mysteries of the universe in a black and white cup. Then, finally, he looked at me and said, "We've got to decide what we're going to do with you."

I looked around. It was hard, sitting here, in the Marrok's gaze without just falling over and expressing my submission. It was hard with any wolf, even the when they were submissive, but the sheer force of his personality was nearly too much to bear. I vaguely wondered if he demanded this kind of attention when he was human, before I said, "I thought you said I had all the time I needed."

He looked around the table. "I think we should just get this settled."

"Well," I said slowly - I was trying to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible, but I still didn't want to screw everything up, "Then I guess this pack. I haven't had time to even remotely check out Washington, but here I have a place to stay, until I can get someplace on my own if Anna and Charles will keep me, and you've already asked me to join the pack. I suppose I don't really have another option."

"I think it would be better for you in Washington," he said. "With Mercy there, you'll have someone- like you."

I shook my head infinitesimally, "No, there's not anyone else like me, with all due respect. She is a walker, a coyote. I'm a wolf. Not that I would have anything against her; I've never met the woman, I just think I'll be better off here - at least until I have time to think."

Leah cut in, "Isn't that the deal you've already had?"

I said nothing.

"Wait a second," Charles said. "Why are you doing this, Da? You've already told the girl she'd have time to think. The Conference is in four days. Why aren't you waiting for Adam to meet with her before you make her choose?"

Bran looked at Charles with an odd look on his face. I could tell from where I sat that there was something behind that look that maybe only Charles knew.

I got another hint when the look on Charles' face changed, too.

What was going on? Why was he making me choose? And, more importantly, why was there something nagging at the back of my mind that there was something important about that look they'd exchanged, and that it involved me somehow.

But I was surprised when Leah turned to stare at Bran.

He looked down, expressing his submission.

Leah shook her head, "How could you let this happen?" Her voice was quiet - thick with tears, incredulousness.

And then she turned around and walked out. The front door slammed a second later.

I wanted to ask what was going on, but Charles turned to me and said, "Why don't you go-"

I stood up, "I'll leave you guys to talk. I'll be in my room if you need me."

I was halfway down the hallway before they started talking again. They were quiet, speaking in low tones - there was something they didn't want me to know. And, like anyone, I wanted to stand out in the hallway and listen. But I'd learned over the years that curiosity really could kill the cat.

So I shut my door behind me and looked around the room. My violin was still in the case, my books stacked haphazardly on one of the shelves, my duffel bag on the floor next to the bed, still stuffed with clothes and other necessities.

I wanted to keep going with The Neverending Story but, alas, I couldn't pay attention to it. I would be just as busy worrying while staring at the multicolored print as when I was just sitting here thinking.

What would make Leah leave like that?

What, involving me, would make Leah leave like that?

I knew that it didn't take as much to make a werewolf blow up as it did for most humans, but she hadn't been angry.

Leah had sounded hurt.

I thought about it for a second, and I remembered that everyone had had a change of expression at the same moment.

Bran had looked ashamed, Charles concerned, Anna surprised, and Leah, she had looked wounded.

All of a sudden, I wanted to go home. I wanted to be back in my bedroom at Amanda's house, or at Nathaniel's. Anywhere where I wouldn't screw everything up.

I deliberated for a few minutes, just wondering what was going on. Not that I could come up with any good answers. I had never been in a pack. Other than when I was little, in my father's pack, but I hadn't been a part of the pack dynamic. I'd been like Ravine, just a family member of a pack member. I had no idea how things really worked in a pack.

There was a TV in the corner of the room.

I couldn't concentrate enough to read, but maybe even the background noise of the TV would do me some good.

I didn't see a cable box, but there was a VCR, and there were a couple movies.

I picked a couple up and looked at them. One was a John Wayne western, but the other was a Disney movie I'd seen about a thousand times. I put in the Disney movie.

I fell asleep, holding the pillow, watching a lion learn to roar.

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When I woke up, it was dark outside and the moon was high in the sky.

The TV was playing static; the movie had turned off a long time before.

I figured it would be safe by then, and I was really thirsty, so I headed for the kitchen.

What I didn't expect was that Bran was sitting, alone, at the dinner table.

He was still staring into that tea cup. It was empty. I grabbed his cup and went back into the kitchen. Neither of us spoke a word. I got a refill for Bran and a bottle of water for me.

After setting his cup in front of him, I sat down across the table from him.

We were both silent for a few minutes.

Just as I was about to ask what had gone on earlier, Bran said, "I'm postponing the Alphas conference."

I lifted an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Because," he said slowly, trying to figure out the right combination of words, "I can't have them here when I'm not in complete control."

I decided it was time to get to the bottom of things. "What happened earlier? Why are you changing all the plans for everything?"

He sighed. "It's hard to explain, Emlyn. I- I'm not even sure what's going on, exactly."

"Well," I said carefully - I wanted to know, but I could tell he was in a fragile state of mind. "Try and explain."

He looked up at me. His brown eyes looked conflicted. They kept going between his human dark brown and his wolfish amber.

Bran sighed. "It all goes back to my mother…"


Okay, I updated. :]

I wasn't going to - I wasn't going to finish the chapter today, but I didn't get to see Harry Potter (it was sold out), so.

Anyway, the song belongs to Citizen Cope, or whoever happens to own it.

The Disney movie belongs to Disney.

The Neverending Story belongs to Michael Ende or whoever happens to own it.

And everyone except for the obvious - Emlyn and related characters - belong to Patricia Briggs.

Please review!

-Em.