Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.

Chapter 7 – Hurt

APOV

That's it. I think to myself. I'm going home. Glancing at the clock I feel a pang of guilt flashing through my body. It's only three in the afternoon and even though my intention was to stay at least until five, but I can't. The back pain only got worse since this morning. What began as a dull, aching back pain has increased tenfold. I don't know if I should sit or stand ...Luckily the nausea is gone.

Just when I'm about to take my bag and call Sawyer, I hear a lot of commotion outside in the hall. Well, that can only be one person: Christian. How is it possible, that a person who is capable of moving with such grace can cause such an uproar? Maybe, because he is yelling all the time? Poor Hannah…she is undoubtedly hiding behind her desk at this moment. That poor girl always starts shaking like a leaf every time Christian is nearby…which, by the way… is often.

The door swings open: "How many times do I have to fucking tell you not to call me. Fucking fix it!" He yells into his phone. "Hi baby…" The scowl that was on his face just one second ago has been replaced by Christian's sexy smile. Mercurial much? Holding his long index finger in the air, silently asking me for a minute, he starts quickly tapping something on his phone…the scowl has returned. I really wouldn't want to be the one receiving that text message.

It takes Christian less than 30 seconds. He shoves his phone into his pocket pants and focusses back on me. "How is my gorgeous wife doing?" And back is his beautiful smile.

"Your wife was planning to go home, I was just going to call Sawyer."

"Why didn't you?" He saunters to where I'm standing and kisses my fore head.

"Because I was distracted…" I point with my chin towards the hallway and back at him.

"Ah, that must have been me…right?" He smirks and pulls me closer to him. "I was planning in going home too, I came here to convince you to come with me."

"Didn't you tell me you had a meeting at four?"

"It was cancelled…and I think I'm doing everyone a favor by leaving. I don't think it's wise to fire another person today." He adds with a grimace.

"Let's go then…" Christian takes my bag and shakes his head. "It will always remain a mystery to me why the hell you have to carry so much shit around baby…" he mutters under his breath. Whatever Christian.

"Hannah, can you please give these reports to Mike, he is due back in about thirty minutes."

I place the file on her desk. Looking up I see that Hannah isn't alone. A tall, blonde who is not suitably dressed for the office, is standing next to her. Her beady eyes shamelessly wandering over my husband's perfect body.

"Certainly Ana…" Hannah replies with a tremor in her already soft voice. Her eyes shift to Christian. "Mr. Grey." She nods and pushes her glasses further up her nose.

"Hannah." Christian nods.

"And you are?" I ask the blonde who eyes haven't left my husband.

"Oh, uhm…yeah…my name is Ashley I work at the Finance Department." AHA Ashley! Reluctantly I extend my hand to make myself acquainted with little Ms. I-bet-Mr.-Grey-has-a-big-dick.

"Anastasia Grey." That bitch doesn't even look at me as she shakes my hand. Her eyes are still on my husband.

"Mr. Grey…" She smiles. "I'm Ashley Porter." She extends her hand towards Christian who just stares at her without even attempting to meet her gesture.

"I know who you are Ms. Porter." Christian's voice is cold. "I've heard quite the stories about you…" He leaves the words hanging in the air, while pining her with his hard, cold stare. Ms. Porter's smile broadens.

"There is really no reason to smile Ms. Porter." Christian continues. "Because I can guarantee you that those stories aren't flattering at all. That is of course if you like to be called the office slut." Oh shit.

Ms. Porter's hand goes limb, falling at her side. Hannah's face is bright red while she keeps staring at her computer.

"I usually don't participate nor do I want to hear office gossip, however you seem to have made yourself well known both at Lambert Publishing as well as at GEH.

There is no escaping the stories involving the ease in which you offer your body to men ... different men within one week that is ..." I'm amazed by Christian's demeanor. He is completely relaxed. One arm draped over my shoulder, his thumb slowly caressing my shoulder.

"I can assure you Ms. Porter that men are not fond of such behavior, woman like you are known as easy." Christian waves his hand in the air as is he is searching for the right words. But I know he isn't searching for words. He knows perfectly well what he wants to say to her. "You know…" Christian continues. "Until something better comes along." Christian pauses briefly, probably to give her some time to digest everything he just threw at her. However, knowing my husband I know he isn't finished thus far.

"Since we are having this excruciatingly horrendous conversation, Mrs. Porter, I would like to suggest to change your dressing style. Like your personality and behavior it's cheap and absolutely not fitting for the office. Lambert Publishing and Grey Enterprise Holding have an outstanding reputation. We have worked extremely hard to acquire said reputation and our intention is to keep it this way. Yet, in your case, that will be an almost impossible task. To make a long story short Ms. Porter this is our proposition; if you want to keep your job here at Lambert Publishing, I suggest that by tomorrow everything I have addressed has changed. Meaning, your clothing style and your behavior towards your male colleagues. If you think you can't handle this proposition, then you are free to submit your resignation. The choice is up to you." Christian nods his head ones, then he swings my bag he was holding in his hand over his shoulder and turns to look at me. "Ready to go baby, or was there anything else you wanted to add?" The little sparkle in his eyes tells me he enjoyed this. So did I!

"I'm ready Christian." I smile and turn to look at Hannah whose eyes are almost falling out of their sockets. "Hannah, you are almost finished with that manuscript?"

"Yes, Ana…" She nods eagerly. "I only need to make a few changes."

"Good, when you've finished go home, you don't want to miss your brother's birthday."

"But…"

"Hannah…please. Kate told me she is going to be here until later this evening. Tell her you left and let reception forward my calls to her."

"Thank you." She whispers.

"You're welcome Hannah."

"One more thing Ms. Porter." Christian says. "I want to make it perfectly clear that this isn't behavior we would normally accept from our employees, however considering the large amounts of debts you have we are willing to give you another chance."

With one last glance towards Ms. Porter, who is still standing on the same spot, with her mouth agape we leave for the elevator.

APOV

I wake up with a sore head. God. It seems like I drank an entire bottle of wine. But actually I didn't have any wine at all. After we got home we sat down on the balcony where I probably fell asleep. Christian must have brought me to bed, since I am still wearing the same clothes as I was wearing to the office this morning. Christian is sitting next to me on the bed. He has exchanged his suit for his sweat pants and a black t-shirt. His laptop is resting on his lap and he is looking concentrated to something on his screen, his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. Hot.

Not only do I have a headache, but I also have cramps and feel a pressing sensation on my lower back. Maybe it's an effect caused by the stress after my visit to Flynn yesterday. It has happened before, maybe this is the case now. It seems like my body has gone through the wringer. I bring my hand to Christian's arm and touch it gently.

"Hey, you're awake." He places his laptop on the bedside table and scoots down. We are now facing each other.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a car."

I see him slightly frowning, his gray eyes skimming my face. With the greatest tenderness he then puts a loose tendril behind my ear and kisses the tip of my nose

"I think Gail has dinner almost ready, and she also made you your favorite dessert…chocolate cake." He winks.

"Did you have anything to do with that?" I say tracing his lips with my fingers.

"I might have told her." He shrugs and smiles shyly.

"That's so sweet Christian. But can we just lay down for one more minute…I want to lay in your arms. " I add quickly.

Christian immediately complies pulling me in his arms. I wince slightly when I move closer to him. Shit, my back really hurts. It feels like PMS, maybe it is PMS.

"Are you in pain Ana?"

"Just a little back pain…nothing to be concerned about Christian."

"Do you need a massage?"

"Maybe later, I first have to use the bathroom." I kiss his cheek and push myself out of the bed with a sigh.

I look down at my thighs and I'm shocked at what I see. My white pants are covered in blood. It's a huge blood stain. What is this?

I look behind me to where I was lying just a few seconds ago and see Christian's eyes following mine.

There is also a huge blood stain on the white satin sheets. How didn't I notice that?

"Ana…"

"Christian, will you please give me some privacy." I say cutting him off.

"Ana…that is a lot of fucking blood…that's not normal is it?" Christian sounds panicked, his face has gone pale, his eyes darting from me to the stain on the bed.

"Christian…please…" He ignores me and jumps out of the bed and comes to stand in front of me. His eyes are huge as they spot the blood on my white pants.

"Is your period always this heavy?"
"Christian, please just go…"

"I'm not fucking leaving this room Ana. Just answer my question." Stubborn, stubborn man!

"I didn't have a period for a year now, not since I started with the depo-shot. And yes my periods were always heavy, however not this heavy" I add the last part whispering.

He starts pacing the room and pulling his hair. "This isn't normal Ana…I mean I'm definitely no expert in this, but I do know that this is not normal. I'm calling my mom." He says determined.

"You are not calling your mother Christian!"

"Then tell me who is your gynecologist Ana, I will call her immediately and Taylor will drive us to the hospital."

"You are not calling my gynecologist either." I'd rather not tell him now that my gynecologist is not a she but a him.

I stand up from the bed and it feels as if the back pain is getting worse by the minute and I feel dizzy.

"I will help you" Before I have the chance to reply, Christian has scooped me in his arms and carries me to the bathroom. He turns on the shower and starts undressing me. When he reaches my pants I take a step backwards.

"Please…let me" I start unbuttoning my pants and slide them down along with my panties and see to my horror that the blood loss is accompanied by clots. There are a lot of blood clots.

"Fuck Ana…" Christian whispers and I see him closing his eyes for a brief moment.

"I…I have cramps and back pain…the back pain is getting worse Christian." I whisper. I'm terrified. This doesn't look like a normal menstruation. Christian is right, this isn't normal.

"Let's clean you up first."

"Christian, you don't have to do this…I know you can't handle blood very well… "

He completely ignores my comment. A few moment later he has joined me in the shower.

The blood sliding down my legs. Without wetting my hair Christian starts washing me. But when he starts washing me between my legs I see the white washcloth immediately turning red.

"Fuck Ana."

I feel so weak and dizzy. And then the cramps intensify making me bend forwards. "Ana this is not good baby…the…the bleeding won't stop Ana…this is not good…" Christian's hands are trembling as is his voice.

Christian turns of the faucet and guides me out of the shower. He wraps a towel around my body and caries me to the bedroom.

"I'm going to place you on the bed baby and I'm going to get dressed quickly. I will be right back."

I close my eyes for a brief moment and hope that Christian returns quickly.

"I'm back." I hear after a few moments.

"Do we have some aspirin or Tylenol?"

"Sure baby." I hear him walking back to the bathroom and rummaging through the cabinets.

"I have Aleve, is that alright Ana?" I can hear at his voice that he is panicking. I am too, but I can't let him notice that.

"Yes, that's fine Christian. And there are tampons in my bag…could you please get them for me?"

"Where is your bag?"

"Great room I think."

When I hear the door close behind him I open the towel and look down. It seems as if the bleeding isn't stopping. I take the Advil with some water and lay back down on the bed.

Christian comes back into the room with my bag in his hands. "I can't find anything in that bag of yours Anastasia." He grunts.

I search through my bag and find what I was looking for. He is right…I do carry some shit in my bag.

"Can you please, please give me a moment Christian?"

"Ana…"

"Please…"

"Fine…one minute. I will be standing right behind the door, call me if you need me."

He was probably timing because he comes back barging in the room at the exact moment I let myself fall back on the bed. I didn't even manage inserting the tampon…it's of no use.

"Christian can you look in the bathroom for sanitary towels?"

"Why…what's wrong…What do you need Ana? Are you sure you don't want me to call my mother?"

I swallow past the lump that is building in my throat. I have to keep cool. Christian is losing it.

"Christian, please sanitary towels…" His eyes are huge and he looks so scared.

"Don't worry Christian…as soon as the Advil starts having effect we can have dinner okay?"

"I asked Gail to prepare a heating pad. Do you need me to massage your back? Maybe it helps a little?" He is rambling obviously nervous.

"Sure I could use a massage." I say only to placate him, because in reality the only thing I want to do is curl up and sleep.

"Lay on your side baby." He says and sits behinds me.

I feel his strong hands sliding along my lower back. I close my eyes and concentrate on his hands and try to push the pain away. At the beginning it feels uncomfortable, but as he continues with his massage I feel the pain lessening, however the cramps are only getting worse.

"Does this feel good Ana? Am I hurting you? Because if you are hurting, just say so okay?"

If I weren't scared out of my mind I would find this funny. Nervous Christian is a cute Christian.

"It feels nice Christian…don't stop."

After a few minutes Christian asks me to turn on my other side and continues with his massage.

"Is it better now?"

"Yes it is…thank you. Will you please come and lay here with me?" He climbs over me and lays down on the bed facing me.

"I'm worried Ana…you look so pale baby" he says after a few minutes.

We hear a knock on the door and Christian jumps out of the bed and I hear him talking to Gail.

He comes back with a heating pad. "Where do you want it?"

"On my stomach." God, these cramps are horrible. It is very similar to menstrual pain, only a hundredth times worse...

"Gail said dinner is ready. Are you hungry?"

"Not very much."

"You need to eat Ana…and drink a lot of water…" where does he get that idea from?

"Okay I promise I will eat. Now relax Christian…"

I feel my eyes getting heavy, but Christian kisses my nose and urges me to sit up. "Come let's eat and then I will let you sleep baby."

He helps me getting dressed in one of Christian t-shirts and sweat pants. He takes me in his arms and carries me to the great room. "Christian…I…I think you need to call your mother or a doctor…I…I don't feel very well…"

With my eyes closed, clinging on Christian t-shirt I lean against his chest. Christian is moving and talking, but I have no idea what he is saying. It's like his voice is coming from far away. I'm really trying to hear what he is saying, but I somehow can't…I'm so cold…

CPOV

She looks fucking pale. And no wonder with all the blood loss. I'm looking at her while holding her in my arms. Her head leaning against my chest, her small hand clinging at my t-shirt, her eyes closed. Her other hand is on her stomach.

"Ana…why don't you look at me?"

She is moving her legs restlessly back and forth as well as her head. She is softy moaning and her face is twisting with pain.

"Christian…I…I think you need to call your mother or a doctor…I…I don't feel very well…"

"Gail, bring me my phone…" I say without looking up.

"Hi mom, it's Christian."

"Oh hey son, I was just telling Melissa…"

"I'm sorry mom but I need you to come to Escala…its Ana."

"What happened is she sick?"

"I don't know mom…there is so much blood and clots and she is so pale and she is moaning" I'm telling her everything as fast as I can.

"I can't follow you honey. Please calm down. Now tell me what her symptoms are." My mother asks patiently.

"Blood loss a lot…mom please get over here."

"Does she have a fever?"

"I don't know mom…she said she was having back pain and she felt dizzy and she was cramping…mom I don't know what to do."

"Christian, what color are the clots you mentioned." My mother voice has changed into doctor's mode. I don't like it.

"Mom…"

"Christian" She says sternly. "What color?"

"Grayish mom…the…the clots where a grayish color." I hear myself say and barely recognize my own voice.

"I want you to take her to the hospital right away Christian. I will call the ER and have them prepare a room for her."

"ER…mom what's wrong with her?"

"I am not sure yet, but don't panic Christian. You have to be strong for her. Now I will see you in a few minutes at the hospital." With that she ends the call.

I run to Taylor and Sawyer who are sitting at the security office. "Ana has to go to the hospital right away. Prepare the car, I will meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

When I return to the great room Ana has shifted and is now laying on the couch. She has her knees drawn up to her stomach.

"Don't leave me alone Christian, you can't leave me alone."

"I won't…I promise Ana…I won't leave your side…"

When we finally arrive at the hospital I see my mother already at the entrance waving at us.

I step out of the car with Ana in my arms and I see the concern written on my mother's face.

She tenderly wipes the hairs that have fallen on Ana's face away and kisses her fore-head.

"We have a stretcher ready for her, Christian."

"No, I will carry her…" I reply stubbornly. I look at Taylor and Sawyer and see the tension radiating off them.

I see my mom talking to a nurse and I follow her into one of the rooms. The room is fucking small and there are already two nurses patiently waiting for us at the bed.

They probably want for me to lay her down, but somehow I don't want to. I feel like the moment I lay her down, I will lose all control about what they are going to do with her.

"Sir, please lay her down and we can start with the examination." The eldest nurse asks without even looking at me.

I lay her down carefully, but Ana doesn't let go of my shirt. "Ana, I'm going to put you down now baby."

Her eyes are big and the tears are brimming in her eyes. "Don't cry please…everything will be fine. My mom is here and she won't let anything happen to you."

Her eyes search through the room until she finds my mother. My mother gives her a warm smile and takes her hands in hers.

"We are going to ask you a few questions now." The older nurse starts talking again.

"From what Dr. Trevelyan told us, you are having heavy blood loss with clots is that right?"

Ana responds nodding her head.

"What color was the blood Mrs. Grey?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" I bellow. "The blood was fucking red!"

"Sir, I asked your wife a question and not you. Now please, if you can't behave I will have you immediately removed from the room." The nurse says sternly. Over my dead fucking body that I am leaving this room.

"No…no my husband needs to stay..." Ana says firmly taking hold of my hand.

"The blood was bright red and the clots were a gray color." Ana replies quickly.

"We are going to change you in a hospital gown and wait for the attending doctor to examine you."

After whispering something in Ana's ear, my mother leaves the room, probably to give Ana some privacy.

"Have you experienced something like this before Ms. Steele?" The blond nurse asks.

"No, I haven't had my period since I started with the depo-shot." It doesn't escape me the glance that the two nurses exchange.

"Are you in pain right now?"

"Yes. I have cramps and back pain…the cramps have gotten worse." She whispers.

"Who is your gynecologist?" The nurse starts undressing Ana while she keeps asking questions.

"Dr. Stanford." Ana mumbles.

"Dr. Peter Stanford?" The nurse asks. Peter? Peter? What the fuck? Ana has a male gynecologist?

The nurses keep asking Ana questions which she is trying to respond as quick and as best as possible. Nevertheless, I notice that she is shaking and that she has trouble keeping her eyes open.

"What the fuck is keeping that doctor?"

"My colleague already paged her Mr. Grey…she will be here in a minute…"

Just as the nurse had predicted the door swings open within a minute and a female doctor walks in. Shit, it's Dr. Greene ... the gynecologist which I used for my submissives. She is followed by a nurse who is pushing a strange looking trolley with a device one it. I don't know if Dr. Greene recognizes me or not and honestly at this moment I don't even care. I just want my wife to be okay.

My eyes fall on my mother who is silently standing in a corner of the room. She is wringing her hands and she looks so broken. I have never seen my mother look like this. Normally she would be participating in the conversation, this time she doesn't.

"Mom, are you all right?"

"Of course Christian. Look I'm going to step outside for a minute and give you some privacy…" I watch her visibly swallow and tears are threatening to fall from her eyes. "Stay with Ana and be strong for her Christian…you need to be strong do you hear me?"

"Mom, you are scaring me." I say when I hear the panic in her voice.

"Just be strong for her Christian." She replies cupping my face in her hands.

"I will mom…" I choke.

"Mrs. Grey, my name is Dr. Green. We are going to perform an ultrasound, it's a transvaginal exam. I am going to insert a probe into your vagina to get an image of the uterus and fallopian tubes.

"Okay, but I'm not pregnant Dr. Green." Ana whispers.

"Based on your symptoms and the physical exam you are having a miscarriage." Ana's head turns to me. Her eyes big and uncertain.

"But we did several pregnancy tests…they were all negative." Ana tries again.

"There may be various reasons for a pregnancy test to come out negative, Mrs. Grey. I will discuss that with you later ..." Dr. Green replies without any emotion.

"Why are you doing an ultrasound if you are so sure my wife is having a miscarriage?"

"I use the ultrasound to establish the diagnosis, and to determine if the pregnancy is viable."

"What does viable mean Dr. Greene…just talk English!" I almost shout at her.

"That means that I want to determine if this pregnancy is capable of progressing to term…" She says firmly and glaring at me. What a fucking bitch.

While the doctor is doing the exam on Ana my thoughts are a jumbled mess. A miscarriage…Ana is having a miscarriage, because that is what Dr. Greene is saying right? So I was right after all. She was pregnant! But how come that those tests came back negative. This is all my fault, I should have followed my instinct, I should have taken Ana to see a doctor sooner, and maybe this could have been prevented.

A few minutes later Dr. Green has ended the examination and turns to face us while she is pulling of her gloves.

"Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey…I'm sorry…"

"What is it doctor…?" Ana whispers. Her body is rigid, her face so very pale and tear stained. She is looking from me to the doctor her hands clutching the sheets.

APOV

A miscarriage. I just had a miscarriage. I feel numb, sad, guilty and angry. I am incredibly angry. I look at Christian who looks devastated. His shoulders are slumped, both hands in his pockets. He is talking in a hushed tone with his mother in the furthest corner of the room. "Ana are you all right darling? Can I get you something? Would you like something to drink?" Grace asks like only she can. Loving and sweet. However, I don't want loving and sweet right now. I want to scream and cry…I just want to go home. I don't want or need anything right now, I just want to get out of here. I want to curl up in my bed and pretend like this horrible nightmare never happened.

A complete miscarriage, Dr. Greene told us. There is no treatment needed. The cervix is closed and there is no sign of a pregnancy sac in the uterus, she informed us cold and clinical. For a moment, I considered strangling her with the ultrasound cord. I know it's rude, but I just turn my face towards the wall. Why don't they leave me alone? Why don't they hurry with those damned discharge papers? From my peripheral vision I see Grace leaving the room and Christian approaching the bed.

"Come on baby we can go home, my mom said she would take care of the discharge papers…"


"Can I get you something to eat or drink Ana?" Christian asks while fluffing my pillow.

"No thank you…" He looks so lost and so hurt right now. He completely went nuclear in the hospital when Dr. Greene started talking about the statistics of miscarriages in early pregnancies. He probably feels guilty, just like I do. He probably thinks we could have done something, even though the doctor told us that it wasn't our fault, but most likely a chromosome problem. Something probably went wrong at the point of conception and our baby received too many or just not enough chromosomes.

"Can I lay down with you?" Christian asks uncertain.

"I would love to Christian." Relief flashes through his eyes. Did he think I would tell him to sleep elsewhere? I push the duvet back and wait until Christian returns from the bathroom. With a smile that doesn't reach his eyes he crawls into bed with me and takes me in his arms. "Are you comfortable?" I shrug.

"Are you in pain…and I want the truth Ana."

"The cramps are nothing compared to this evening. The pain relief Dr. Greene gave me is working."

"Please let me know if you need anything okay Ana?"

"Okay…now sleep Christian…"

"I love you Ana…"

"I love you too Christian. Very, very much."

Closing my eyes and feeling Christian's body against me I try to sleep. I am really trying exceptionally hard, but somehow I can't. The feelings are just too overwhelming. The events that occurred this evening flashing through my brain. Quickly I open my eyes as the face of Dr. Greene appears again…Christian's facial expression…a mixture of pain and disbelief.

"Based on your symptoms and the physical exam you are having a miscarriage, There may be various reasons for a pregnancy test to come out negative… "What does viable mean Dr. Greene…just talk English!"

"That means that I want to determine if this pregnancy is capable of progressing to term…"

Fuck! It hurts…it hurts so much…I was pregnant with a little boy or girl…and now it's gone…it's gone…And then it dawns on me…I freeze and turn my hands into fists…my nails digging into my skin…I knew it…I fucking knew it…I'm not meant to be a mother…I didn't even feel that I was pregnant…a good mother feels it right? That's what I've been reading on internet anyway…

I'm just not fit to be a mother…