Chapter 7 - Janet's POV

I should have left as soon as Jack showed up on the doorstep. I should given them the first excuse I could think of and just gotten the hell out of there. Being around him again is doing pretty terrible things to my sanity and my resolve that I have spent years repairing and building back up again.

I am mad at George for inviting him here. He, Cassie, and Sam are the only three people who know how hard it was for me to get over Jack after he left years ago. They were the ones that saw me at my worst, especially Cassie. I will never know why I was so fortunate to raise such a beautiful child. She helped me through many tear filled days and nights. She was ultimately the one who got me back on my feet again.

Even though I told my friends and family I had gotten over what happened, I know I never really did. How can you get over something like that? Things were just so different with him. Every other relationship I've had I felt like my needs were secondary to theirs; I kept so many things to myself that it is a wonder those relationships lasted as long as they did, especially my marriage. It was so different with Jack. He actually asked me how I was feeling, what I wanted. He never did anything without at least making me aware first. He showed me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. He showed me what it was like to be loved.

Even now, I have to remind myself that he probably had a reason for leaving and nothing I could have said or done would have changed the situation from turning out like it did. I used to think all the time about what I could have said to make him stay. For the longest time, I thought I had done something wrong, that it was my fault that he left. I kept all of these thoughts to myself because who ever would have thought that Doctor Janet Fraiser would become the victim that wallowed in self pity and constantly thought of what ifs?

George was the one that helped me see that none of this was my fault - I did nothing wrong. I had been supportive, patient, balanced, and kind. I had been loving. It was not my fault.

I can't blame the total wreckage of my feelings completely on Jack coming here because it's not like he expected to see me here. He did not come here to intentionally hurt me. But that didn't stop it from hurting any less.

Just seeing him again has torn down every buttress I had built up to lift myself out of loving him. Out of needing him. I never thought what spent me three years to build could come crashing down in one instant.

Seeing those pictures in his wallet did nothing to help the situation, either. It made me miss the memories. It made me miss him. I think that's the first time I have ever admitted that to myself in the past three years. I have missed him all along.

I really don't know how I will be able to live without him again. I guess it is just something I will have to reteach myself and hopefully I will be a faster learner this time around.

From my spot on the couch, I can see Jack outside playing with George's dog, Turner. The old black lab is always the perkiest when Jack's around; George and I hardly have the same affect on him, even though he does sleep at the end of my bed most nights. I frown.

"Please don't be angry with me," George says from the recliner next to me. He can tell what having Jack around again is doing to me. It would be ridiculous if he couldn't tell.

My frown deepens because I know I am mad at him, he knows it, and I know I can't lie to him. I sip my coffee slowly before answering. "You had to have known what this would do to me, George."

He sighs and closes his eyes. I watch him from the top of my coffee cup closely, trying to gauge how he is feeling without asking. He hates when I nag him about his health.

"I did not invite him here to hurt you. I was hoping you two could at least try to resolve any issues you had." I scoff, and he looks at me seriously. "I know how sad you are, Janet. Do you think I don't see this? I see you spending all of your time taking care of others but leaving no time to take care of yourself. I can't let you do this to yourself any longer."

I open my mouth to speak but silences me with the look in his eyes. "The only thing I want before I die is to see you happy again. I don't care if that means you decide to never see Jack again or if you decide to get back together again. You are my best friend and you do not deserve to be so unhappy when you are such a perfect person."

I feel my eyes grow moist and my throat tighten. It had never occurred to me that this was why he had invited Jack here. I had assumed he wanted to see him again before it was too late. I stare at the exceptionally generous man beside me and begin to cry.

It takes a while before I can speak again. "You're something." I smile, and he smiles, and I smile wider. I am truly lucky to know and get to witness every day what a genuine man George Hammond is.

We both turn our attention to Jack outside, who is wrestling in the fallen autumn leaves with Turner. It is obvious what a good time both of them are having. It makes me think of how we used to visit his cabin during fall and play with Cassie in the leaves when she growing up. The memory hurts.

I watch the two of them for a while. I remember the first time I saw Jack with Turner; I remember the first time I bought Seymour, our German Sheppard, home to him. I remember spending Thanksgiving with him and Christmas with him and the start of the new year with him. I could spend hours revisiting these memories, watching Jack from closed doors, but George breaks me out of my reverie.

"He still cares about you, you know." I look over at him and he has his chair reclined back and his eyes closed.

"You don't know that." I don't want him to give me false hope. I don't think I could handle it.

"But I do. Trust me."

I look back outside and Jack in sitting in the grass with his arm around Turner. He looks over his shoulder and into the house at me. He waves and smiles and I can't help but think he looks genuinely happy. I raise my hand in acknowledgement.

I look back at George and he is fast asleep. Or maybe he's pretending to be. Either way, I feel like I shouldn't disturb him. I grab my coat and my shoes from the entryway and head outside to join Jack and Turner.

I guess I will just have to trust George on this one.