When my eyes finally opened I saw Peeta's bright eyes smiling back at me. "What time is it," I asked, noticing the bright sun pouring into the room as I tried to blow the hair out of my face. "Around 9:30," he responded, tucking some of the hair I was failing to move behind my ear. He fell back on the mattress and put his hands behind his head.
I suddenly became very aware of my surroundings and pulled the blanket up to my chin, feeling awkward, realizing I was lying next to a topless Peeta. He laughed, "Come on Katniss, you've seen me in less than this. Besides, it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before," obviously hinting to the many nights of the Victory Tour. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable sleeping next to him. If anything it was that I was SO comfortable. Add that to the fact that I was trying not to look at his bare chest and I just felt awkward. I tried to get out of the bed stealthily and failed miserably as, upon pulling back the sheets, I noticed my nightgown had crept up past my thighs. I pulled it down quickly and Peeta stifled a laugh as he covered his eyes, trying to make me feel more modest.
I quickly headed downstairs, not looking back, and found myself seated on his couch when he came down with a shirt on. "Come on Katniss, it's okay. Don't feel embarrassed," he said, rubbing by back. "Here, let me get breakfast started. I decided to sit at the table while he cooked. I noticed he was a better morning person than I was since he was still smiling while I lost the adrenaline that had previously rushed through my body as I sunk onto a chair and propped my chin in my hand. Peeta placed a plate of eggs, bacon, bread and fruit in front of me and I perked up with I saw a glass of orange juice. I rarely drank it since it felt like a luxury I didn't care to spend money on. Peeta sat next to me and we ate in silence.
As we got up to clean the dishes I couldn't help but begin to chuckle at this morning's situation. "Thank you for coming last night," Peeta started. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't realize you could hear me." "You're fine, Peeta," I responded. "I was up anyway and I really was worried something had happened. Besides, we take care of each other, right? That's what we do." As I finished he nodded his head and smiled in agreement. I dried my hands and excused myself to go home. As he opened the door to let out, he leaned against the doorframe while asking when wanted him to come by for dinner. As I began answering Haymitch sauntered up with a half-empty bottle in his hand, laughing, "Well, well, well. I can't say I'm surprised, but boy, that was quick!"
We both straightened up and turned bright red. "Haymitch, it is not at ALL what it looks like," Peeta began as I looked down at the ground and crossed my arms over my chest realizing now that I had no bra on. Haymitch simply laughed and laughed while I excused myself quickly and ran across the grass back to my home. The trip seemed to take forever as I continued to hear Haymitch laugh until Peeta pulled him inside and slammed the door shut behind them.
In my mind I've always been more mature when it came to issues like that, but when you're in a situation like that it's hard to act level headed. Especially when you aren't sure of the feelings between you and the other person. I'm pretty positive I was beginning to love Peeta again, but wasn't entirely sure how he felt about me. And after this morning I definitely wasn't going to be pressing the issue. I went upstairs and changed into my hunting clothes. As I headed down the road I saw Haymitch leaving Peeta's house and when he saw me he swung his bottle and started laughing in my direction again.
That evening Peeta didn't come at the time we had discussed. As the time dragged on I waited and waited. I set the table, cleaned the squirrels I had caught, and even scrubbed myself down after my long day in the woods. But he didn't come. Feeling a bit hurt, after waiting for an hour and a half, I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to try and focus on something else. To my surprise Gale was on, being interviewed about a new fleet of hovercrafts they were creating. My stomach churned looking at him. Was Peeta right? Would Gale still accept me? Was my judgment too harsh following the bombing? He said he didn't know about it, but I still felt sick looking at someone who may or may not have been involved with my sister's death. I turned the TV off and lay there on the couch, listening to my stomach. I was definitely hungry but also a little uneasy about having seen Gale since I shot Coin what - 9 months ago? I tried to sleep but failed miserably at it. I was tempted to head over to Peeta's but since he was giving me the cold shoulder I headed to see the only other person I knew who would be up this late.
"Haymitch?" I asked as I knocked and opened his door. I didn't hear anything so I crept in quietly waiting to hear anything. I eventually did but it was coming from upstairs. Haymitch's house was filthy as usual, so I had to walk around the piles of dirty clothes, empty liquor bottles, and leftover pieces of wood and nails from when he built his geese's pen. I began to head upstairs but the stairs were making a lot of noise and gave me away as I approached the landing.
"What do you want?" a dark voice said as I wandered in the darkness towards where a soft light was coming from. "Peeta? Is that you?" and before I got a response I got a smack across the face and was pushed down the stairs.
I woke up in my bedroom the next morning with Haymitch asleep in a rocking chair next to my bed. As I began to stir I felt a sharp pain in my head, neck, and ribs. I let out a light groan and he woke up, half in a drunken haze, checking on me to make sure I was okay. The door creaked open a little and Peeta's head poked in looking sad and embarrassed. I pushed myself closer to Haymitch who was becoming more coherent and pulled the sheets closer to me.
He entered the room but stood with his back against the wall, not looking at me as he began, "Katniss I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never want to do it. I feel like a monster in my own skin and don't want to hurt you anymore." He has the saddest expression on his face and I lost the grip I had on my blankets as I scoot in his direction. "Peeta, I know you didn't mean to." I don't want to appear like a woman who would take anything from the man she cared about, but I also wanted him to know I didn't hold it against him. He wasn't the one originating the thoughts. The Capitol had done that to him.
He took a hopeful step forward as I spoke but then stepped back against the wall again as he began to respond, "Katniss, you're practically my only friend. If I can't trust myself around you, what am I doing here?" "Peeta," I stop him, "I can defend myself!" "What, like last night?" "I didn't know you were there. I was trying to find Haymitch. It WASN'T your fault."
As I said this I thought of Snow laughing at me. The stench of his engineered roses came back and I was upset that he was still winning. I may have burned his rose but he still had his grip on Peeta. My fierceness in my voice died down as I repeated myself to Peeta, "It wasn't your fault. Snow is still mocking me. Even if he's dead." Peeta stepped forward to the bed and Haymitch perked up like a guard dog. I touched Haymitch's arm to let him know it was okay and he sunk back into his chair, his eyes focusing on Peeta. I patted the bed to let Peeta know it was okay to sit down but he shook his head no. He squeezed my hand and without saying a word left the room. I heard the door close as he left the house.
Haymitch started before I could say anything, "I don't know what to do with him. I tried to tell him some more stories yesterday but well, my drink got the better of me and I ended up passed out on a chair in Peeta's house. The next thing I knew he had brought me to my house and then I heard a noise outside my room. I woke up and saw you there lying on the ground at the bottom of the stairs. He was just kneeling against the wall and crying."
I sat there silently trying to visualize the story he had just shared with me. "Haymitch, what stories did you tell him?" "I don't really remember. I was drinking Katniss. Hell, for all I know I was making stuff up." My anger grew sharply and I threw the clock by my bed at him. "Why would you do that? Haymitch, he doesn't always know that you're full of crap when you're drunk!" I landed back on the pillow rubbing my sore neck. Haymitch let himself out as I obviously was done talking with him.
I laid there until I head someone enter downstairs. Although I was in a lot of pain I walked to the door and opened it, calling to see who was there. "It's just me," Sae said strongly as I heard he coming upstairs. Seeing the old woman helped me relax and feel a little more at ease. I wasn't in the mood to see Haymitch and I didn't want Peeta to feel any guiltier today by looking at me. When I was up I noticed the pain in my ankle as I must have twisted it. I hobbled back to bed as she came in. "What would you like for breakfast?" she asked as though nothing had happened. I was indifferent so she told me to lie down and she'd bring something up.
I stayed in my bed most of the day, with the exception of going to take a bath and soak in the warm water. I fell asleep in there and dreamt that Peeta was trying to drown me. I woke up gasping for air and quickly tried to change and get back to my bed. Lying there got pretty boring so I went downstairs to try and find something to read. Hobbling around wasn't the most comfortable, but neither was lying in bed so I dealt with it and decided to stay downstairs and read, until Sae came back to fix dinner. This continued for the next few days since I was a bit more beaten up than I originally thought. For the rest of the week Sae came by, talking and making me breakfast, lunch and dinner until I was comfortably moving around the house. Peeta and Haymitch never came by but I wasn't focusing on that.
When I was eventually well enough to get up and move outside the house I put on some soft slippers and wandered outside with my pajama pants and a robe on. I didn't care who saw me. I slowly began to feel the same way I had when I first got home. Numb. I wanted Peeta to come over but if he didn't want to, he didn't have to. For the next few weeks I slowly got used to spending the majority of the day by myself. Sae would come over to make breakfast, I would go hunt or wander around the woods most of the day, and return as the sun set to meet Sae at the house fixing dinner. I didn't talk much, but when she tried to make conversation I obliged. It was good to hear someone's voice besides my own and the ones that came during my dreams.
After about a month of not seeing Peeta or Haymitch I asked Sae, "Do you still go fix meals for Peeta?" "No," she responded with a sad smile, "He makes his own meals. But I see him every now and then in the town. They're fixing the bakery. Did you know that? It looks very good. They've finished putting up the roof and walls." I gave a half-hearted smile and finished my breakfast, heading out to the forest.
As I walked I wondered what the bakery would look like. I imagine it would look amazing in comparison to the last time I saw it. I found myself on the boulder Gale and I used to share and sat down. And cried. I cried for everything I had lost. I had lost Prim. I lost Rue. I lost Cinna. I even lost those who weren't dead like my mother, Gale and Peeta. Peeta. The Capitol stole him from me again. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and then lied down to sleep since my head was hurting from crying so much. When I woke up it was nighttime and I heard footprints snapping dried leaves and branches as the person came towards me in the darkness.
