A/N: Wow. Bet you thought I'd never update this story again. But I got motivated. Mostly by the fact I'm stopping PD for a while since I can't bring myself to watch the last episode lol
The I love you or whatever is said. Nope. I'd rather focus on a story where Linstead is together. haha
Thanks to all the help from Maddie with the brainstorming ;)
If only you knew – Part 7
Jay POV
"Hey man."
"Hey bro. What's up?" Will throws my way as he looks through charts.
"Do you have time for lunch?" I shove my hands in my pockets, looking around at the busy doctors and nurses around us.
"Sure, anything in particular you need to talk about?" He gives me a knowing look, and I half smile in return.
"Uhh Erin's condition."
"Should have seen this coming. Erin's been constantly texting and calling me." He chuckles finishing a note off before closing it and leaning on the chart.
"She has?" I stutter out shocked, Will freezes wondering if he's said too much.
"I thought you knew man, she's been very concerned and asking advice…"
"Oh. She beat me to it… I've been doing all this research online. I'm terrified man, of what could happen… but with everything else I'm trying to deal with I just…"
"You kept it to yourself. Thinking you could deal with this by yourself too… or fix it somehow." He sighs knowingly.
"It's what I do. I push my feelings down… I gotta stop it. Which is why I'm here before we see her doctor again. I need help man."
"Let's get a drink after work and I'll walk you through it." His smile is full of sympathy.
"Erm. I'm not drinking." Will pauses for a beat; I can see the flash of debate cross his features whether he should pursue that new fact.
"How about dinner?"
"Alright, see ya later." I turn to walk away before pausing.
"Should I be worried Will?" The look on his face answers my question; I walk out without waiting to hear the accompanying words.
Erin POV
I'm dozing on the couch when I register the sound of the apartment door closing and the distinct sound of the locks turning.
My eyes flutter open to take in the sight of Jay, a soft smile gracing my features.
"Let's get you to bed." He whispers automatically, closing the distances between us to scoop me up in his warm embrace.
Once in bed Jay places a kiss on my forehead before heading for the bathroom, I lay in bed listening to the shower running waiting for sleep to claim me again.
I wake again when the bed jostles as Jay climbs in bed, an arm pulling me close and resting a hand protectively over my bump.
"You're worried." He whispers into the room, I hum non-committedly in reply.
"You've been talking to Will." My eyes fly open, caught out.
"Yeah." I whisper, turning my gaze toward him.
"Why couldn't you talk to me about it?" There's unmistakable hurt in his tone.
"Why can't you talk to me about your PTSD?" the words tumble out of my mouth before my sleepy brain can catch up.
"That wasn't fair, sorry." My heart aches at the wounded look he's wearing.
"It's okay." He dismisses.
"It's not… babe, I just. I can see how this weighs on you, how everything is weighing on you right now. You're worried and so I don't want to add to that. He's a sounding board… with medical knowledge." I reach my head up to cup his cheek, running my thumb soothingly against his skin.
"Yeah."
"You nervous about our next doctors appointment?" I pry gently as he leans into my hand.
"I am, you?"
"Terrified." I whisper honestly, tears spring to my eyes.
"Damn hormones." I chuckle wiping them away; Jay's hand comes up briefly to wipe them away for me.
"Well I can't sleep now." I mumble feeling wide-awake.
"I have some ideas." Jay arches his eyebrow suggestively, a playful smirk lighting up his face.
"Oh I bet you do." I lean forward and attach our lips; he swallows my giggles when he slips his tongue in my waiting mouth.
"I have an idea too." I whisper against his lips, rubbing my nose against his.
"Oh?" He asks, kissing me deeper.
"Yep. Picking baby names." I giggle again at his pout, he groans before pulling away with a serious face.
"I like Charlotte." He concedes when he realizes I'm serious.
"Really?" I deadpan in reply and he shrugs.
"Elizabeth?"
"Jay." I roll my eyes.
"Hey! It's not easy. What's your brilliant idea?"
"I like Everly. Or Grace. Or Everly Grace…"
"Everly." He says thoughtfully.
"Yeah Eve or Evie for short."
"Huh. I like them." I poke my tongue out playfully.
"Boys?" he finally asks.
"What's your brilliant idea? Can't wait to hear it after your last suggestions."
"I feel this is a trap." His smirks with an eye roll.
"Better believe it buddy. I gotta get my entertainment somewhere now I don't see any action at work."
"Caden."
"Nope." I scrunch my nose up before countering.
"Jayden. Noah. Henry. Zachery" I bite my lip and watch Jay think.
"Well there's only one way to know for sure." I raise my eyebrow at him questionably before he throws the covers off me and pulls my shirt up exposing my belly to the chill in the air.
I watch as Jay leans down to kiss my bump before whispering in a conspiring tone to the baby.
"Mummy thinks she's better at picking your name than me… but I know you'll be a daddy's girl." He winks up at me.
"Or boy." I interject and roll my eyes.
"So what do you think of Charlotte?" He continues ignoring me.
"Sorry, nope Jay. No agreement from our child, who will not be named Charlotte."
"Elizabeth?" He tries again.
"Nope."
"Caden?" He tries hopelessly.
"Fine… Everly Grace?" I shake my head with a big smile, enjoying the child like excitement in Jay's eyes and his relaxed shoulders in this perfect moment.
"Maybe she's asleep." He almost sulks.
"Perhaps he is." I fire back just for the fun of it, watching him roll his eyes again.
"Noah... Zachary." He pauses briefly.
"Jayden?" His eyes widen in shock before glancing up to connect with mine.
"Did- did…" He trembles unable to finish the sentence.
I nod with tears in my eyes, watching Jay mesmerizing stare at my growing bump.
He looks up at me with such surprise, love and happiness.
"I felt the baby kick." He whispers afraid to break the moment, both hands now on my bump willing our baby to kick again.
"Perhaps it's a Jayden after all babe."
"He approves of the name then." Jay whispers against my cool skin.
My fingers run through his hair, enjoying this moment and forgetting our stresses and problems.
"Of course. He's a mummy's boy." I tease with a wink.
"How are we feeling mum?" Our doctor asks with a kind smile, and I can't help but beam at hearing the name.
"Good thank you."
"Ready for a peak?" She asks us both and Jay nods excitedly.
"Alright let's take a look, gel will be cold." She warns before squeezing some gel on my exposed stomach.
She uses the wand to spread the gel around and we watch anxiously as she searches for the heartbeat.
We both breathe a sigh of relief when it feels the room; we are both still awed to hear it.
We're blessed each time the doctor can find it and allow us a listen.
"Are we finding out the sex?"
"No." We answer at the same time before smiling at each other, Jay leans down to kiss me gently our hands pressed tightly together.
"Okay, surprise baby. Well your baby is looking very healthy, good size and heartbeat. It all looks good for your term." We breathe another sigh of relief.
"I'll print some photos for you and then we can have a chat." We both nod before I clean the gel off and readjust my shirt.
Jay helps me down despite my protests I can do it alone and we take a seat in the chairs across from her desk.
"Here we are." We both stare at the picture, taking in the outline of our baby.
Her throat clearing pulls us from our moment, we apologise before launching into our rehearsed questions.
Jay's and my voices overlap and are lost in the chaos of our nerves.
We finally stop, chuckle quietly and apologise again.
"I see you've both done your research."
"My brother's a doctor." Jay tells her.
"And we have both been researching it a lot online… we're just trying to do everything we can to make sure…" I trail off not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I understand, it's perfectly normal. There isn't much more you can do that you already aren't. Be careful, listen to your body Erin and call me if you feel you need a check up. If you feel it's urgent head to the ER. However in these cases it's not usually a serious problem until you're in labor, and giving birth is when the greatest risks present themselves."
"Which means?"
"Careful planning is our best bet. We should schedule you for a c-section at 37 weeks."
"Will the baby be full term?" Jay asks after a few moments silence.
"Yes your baby will be full term at 37 weeks, you generally deliver between 37-40 weeks so if we book the c section for 37 weeks there is less chance you will go into labor."
Jay and I look at each other, trying to read the others thoughts through our expressions.
"You can both talk about this and let me know your decision at the next appointment, however I highly recommend this. We cannot guarantee you won't go into labor before 37 weeks but this is the best precaution."
"Okay, we'll do it." I can see the agreement in Jay's eyes before the words tumble out of my mouth.
"It's what we want." Jay agrees, hand reaching for mine in support.
"That was Will." Jay sighs running a towel through his hair fresh from the shower, he sits on the bed beside me.
"Hmm?" I mumble sleepily.
"He's worried about dad. Wants me to go babysit him while he goes to work." I jolt up at the word dad.
"I didn't think you spoke with your dad."
"I don't. Not really." He shrugs looking at his phone.
"Not really?" I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.
"A month ago my group counselor suggested trying to mend things or at least air our problems out."
"You didn't think to tell me about it?" There's unmistakable heart in my tone, a range of feelings inside me.
The prominent feeling; worry.
Worry we don't communicate enough to ensure our relationship survives.
"It was a disaster. We ended up in a screaming match and I left swearing I'd never go back."
"I could have supported you." The words are quiet, my thoughts so loud in my head.
"Babe you have your own drama with Bunny, I didn't want to put more stress on you."
"Stop that Jay. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this 'protecting me' bullshit. You gotta let me in to some part of your life Jay, some part of your struggling. Stop making decisions for me. Or at least stop using protecting me as some fucking excuse." I throw the covers off me and get up in anger, slamming the bathroom door behind me.
When I'm showered and wrapped in a fluffy robe I curse at myself for letting my hormones mishandle the emotions with Jay, realizing he was letting me in.
Better late than never in this case, I'll have to learn to take what I can get.
I exit the bathroom to find the bedroom empty; I walk out to the living room and kitchen throwing my head back when I see he's not here.
I fall back on our bed, reaching for my phone and typing a message to Jay.
I'm sorry. Where are you? I love you xx
Dad's. Love you xx
You okay?
Not really. We'll talk tonight. Promise.
I throw my phone onto the bed in frustration, willing the tears not to fall and cursing my hormones once again.
I must have drifted off, as my mouth is dry and my neck stiff when the persistent ringing of my cell phone assaults my ears.
"Hello?" I whisper into the phone without checking the caller ID.
"Did I wake you baby?" I grunt in reply, rubbing my eyes and begging my mind to wake up.
"Jay, what's wrong?"
"I think dad had a heart attack."
"What?" I hiss out in shock.
"Yeah, this is what Will was worried about. Dad's been ignoring his heart issues for months apparently, he didn't seem right when I was with him so we're at the hospital."
"I'm on my way." I'm already trying to roll off the bed, not an easy task with a growing bump.
"No it's okay Erin, stay home. I just wanted to let you know I won't be home for a while."
"Don't be stupid Jay, I'm coming. Love you." I hang up before he can reply and change into some maternity jeans and a shirt before throwing my still damp hair into a bun.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed :) Basically the reason you got an update tonight is because The Greatest Showman soundtrack is on repeat... seriously how else do you think Zac's name got in this? It was close to add Zendaya (damn she can sing lol)
If you can please let me know your thoughts and if you think it will be a boy or girl ;)
xx
