Finding Yourself
Author:Nightstar Productions(Nightstar Fury).
Rated: Mfor Mature.
Pairing:Toothless & Hiccup.
Disclaimer:I do not own the HTTYD movies, Dreamworks Dragons series.
Chapter 7: Sleep Over Pt. 2.
Toothless loved sleep overs and hoped he got to be a part of the rest his friends had, because this was amazing. Ever since eating, they'd been having a blast. While talking after the movie ended, they were back to playing games this time on the PS4. Toothless glanced over to the clock and noticed the time was only 8:15pm, and no one was bored yet. He must of been doing something right then. "So these other people in our classes nicknames...What are they?" Toothless asked.
"Well you know Shane, Tommy, Camilla, and Allie already...So that leaves...Rachel, Derek, Erik, and Heather I think?" Tyr mentioned.
"Sounds about right. Rachel is Tommy's twin sister but everyone calls her Ruffnut. Then there is Erik Larsen, prefers to be called Eret." Fishlegs mentioned.
"And then Derek and Heather DeRange are siblings too, Derek is called Dagur..." Tyr added.
"Heather is...well actually, I don't think she uses a nickname." Hiccup thought about it a second before shaking his head, "Yeah, we just call her Heather." Hiccup smiled.
"Seems easy enough. Alright let me see if I got it. Shane Jorgenson is Snotlout. Tommy and Rachel Thorsten are Tuffnut and Ruffnut. Camilla Holt is Cami or Camicazi?" Toothless started trying to recall it, Tyr nodded to him. "Okay Allie Hofferson is Astrid. Erik Larsen is Eret. Then Derek and Heather DeRange...is just Dagur and Heather?" Toothless asked.
"Yep, you got it bud. Only teachers and parents call us by our real names, well mostly. I don't ever call Derek, Erik, Shane, or Tommy by their nicknames. As far as I recall, nicknames were reserved for friends and I ain't friends with those jocks." Hiccup scoffed.
"Fair enough." Toothless chuckled to them, he heard the basement door open then footsteps coming down. He saw his mother there smiling holding a few envelopes in her hands. "Hey mom, what's up?" Toothless asked.
"Nothing dear, I forgot these came for you today in the mail. I got them right before I took Elisa to the doctor and spotted them in my purse so I wanted to bring them to you." Lilly smiled to him as she handed over the envelopes. Toothless looked over them, the return addresses all read 'Uniting Families. 0190 Riddari Street. Bashem Archipelago, 61710' Toothless's eyes widened, letters from his friends at the orphanage. And there were about 5 of them, he couldn't...read them right now with Hiccup, Tyr, and Fishlegs here. They might figure out he was an orphan and think differently of him.
Glancing up at his mother nervously, she only smiled at him. He knew what that meant, exactly what she had said that morning to him about never being afraid to be himself and if these boys were his real friends then they would accept him no matter what. They said they had his back and wouldn't judge him, Toothless could trust them right? Of course he could. "Thanks mom." Toothless told her smiling back finally, she kissed the top of his head before heading back up the stairs.
"Old friends, Tobias?" Hiccup asked him.
"Yeah, I'll read them later." Toothless put the letters on the table closest to his sleeping bag.
"No go on, read them now. There's 5 of them, I guess they really miss you. We're not going anywhere." Fishlegs insisted.
"A–are you sure? I–I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you?" Toothless asked lightly.
"Dude, they are your friends. We don't mind, we're just gonna play the game and listen to some music." Tyr told him smiling.
"If you're...sure." Toothless sighed as he got the letters again and opened the first one and started to read it over. 'Tobias! We're so glad you settled in finally. How's life treating you? We miss you so much, its not the same anymore. Oh and this is from all the guys in the 15-18 range, we got together to write it for you. Hope you can come for a visit soon, and bring picture of your new home. Write back! -The guys'. Toothless smiled a little, he would have to see about visiting them soon. Toothless got through them all after 15 minutes, there had been 1 from the head of the orphanage just checking in on him to make sure he was adjusting okay. The others had been from younger kids who he always played with there.
"Tobias? You alright over there?" Hiccup asked him now seeing his slightly saddened expression.
"Huh? Yeah...I'm okay. Guess I miss em..." He chuckled a bit putting the letters down in his lap.
"Neighborhood friends? Since you said you were home schooled?" Fishlegs questioned. Toothless sighed, he had to tell them the truth. He couldn't hide it anymore.
"Guys there is...something I gotta tell you and I hope you don't get mad at me for not sayin it in the start...I was nervous because all of this is very new to me." Toothless started with his eyes closed. At this the 3 boys seemed to lower the music, and pause their game.
"Alright, whatever it is I'm sure we can handle it. We're friends after all." Tyr mentioned now.
Toothless wanted to tell them, he had too but he just didn't know how to start. "I–I'm an orphan or...was up until a week ago." Toothless lowered his head, not wanting to see their faces. "These letters are from...friends at the orphanage in Bashem. Kids...I lived with for 4 years." Toothless heard silence so he slowly opened his eyes to look at them, their looks of shock but also sadness. "I–I'm sorry I didn't tell you before..." He closed his eyes again, then he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see that it was Hiccup with a soft smile.
"Its okay, we understand Tobias. Giving your past to people you only met a week ago...Not an easy thing to do. We don't blame you, and we aren't mad but now that you've told us this much you might as well tell the rest because if we're gonna stay friends then we gotta know the real you bud." Hiccup smiled, Toothless was shocked to say the least. He saw Tyr and Fishlegs nod in agreement to what Hiccup said, both of them smiling as well. They...really meant what they said, he could see it in their eyes. These were his real friends, they wanted to stay his friend but also wanted the truth about him so he definitely couldn't lie to them and hold information about himself back anymore.
"Well...for starters...my name isn't...Tobias. Its...Toothless. To–Tobias is just...well I guess a nickname the orphanage gave me...I didn't mind since I kind'a hate my real name..." Toothless admitted shyly.
"Toothless huh, I...think I like it better than Tobias." Hiccup chuckled.
"Wait, really?" Toothless blinked in surprise.
"Yeah man. I had a feeling you were hidin something because when you introduced yourself to me you started with 'Too' And your parents did it earlier as well." Hiccup told him.
"Heh...Sorry again..." Toothless sighed.
"Relax bro, we ain't gonna bail on you." Tyr said, while Fishlegs nodded. "But come on, tell us the rest." Tyr insisted smiling.
"Alright fine you win, I'll tell you...just..." He sighed, "I–I haven't really talked about it since it happened so bare with me." Toothless said gently.
"Take your time." Fishlegs comforted.
"My parents...my real ones died in a car crash when I was 8...A big Tahoe SUV crossed the double yellow line and struck us head on. My dad...was killed on impact, my mom had climbed in the back to cover me before the collision. S–she didn't make it to the hospital. I stayed in a foster home for a week while CPS tried to locate family members but I guess there were none, or they just couldn't take me. I never really asked...After the funerals, I was allowed back at my house to get my things. Clothes, toys, pictures...Things I wanted to keep with me when I went to my new home..." Toothless took a breath.
"Its okay, we know it can't be easy to talk about..." Hiccup said calmly.
"That new home...never happened. It turned in to many...I was never in one foster home for longer than a few weeks, I think the shortest was 3 days...the people either treated me bad, or just felt like I didn't belong because I sort of...shut down after the accident. CPS tried therapy for me but I just didn't want to talk, so for 4 years I was in and out of foster homes. I finally got placed in the Bashem orphanage when I was 12. I shared a room with guys my age, we became friends after about a month being there. It wasn't a home but, it looked it like it would be until I turned 18." Toothless now got up to move around while his friend's eyes watched him slowly.
"I've heard orphanages don't let you stay once you're a legal adult..." Tyr remarked softly.
"No, they don't. Orphanages are meant for children, so when one becomes an adult there really isn't much choice. We were grouped by age and gender. It was one hall way for all the kids and two rooms for each age group. Infants stayed in the room by the office until they were 1, then toddlers 2-4 they began separating by age and gender. Girls were always on the left side, boys on the right. The groups went 5-6, 7-9, 10-12, 13-15, and finally 16-18. I got there when I was 12 so I moved a total of two times...When one became 18, the orphanage would help them find a job and an apartment to get started. The rest was up to the person, and if they failed the only place to go would be the homeless shelter." Toothless explained.
"That's terrible..." Fishlegs frowned now.
"But its life, its not supposed to be easy. So in the orphanage we did basic subjects for school. Math Science, History, and Language Arts/Reading. We were on a schedule. Wake up at 7, bed by 10 well for the kids 15 and older. The rest were in bed by 8:30-9ish. We had chores twice a day, play or down time twice, and 3 meals a day. I normally just stayed in my bed reading, possibly a nap but there were times I'd hang outside with the little kids to play with them." Toothless smiled a little now.
"So how did...this all happen? Things obviously got better for you." Hiccup asked.
"Well in the orphanage we had...adoption days. Twice a month on Saturdays. Every two weeks the doors would be opened for the public, they could come in and see the kids. Talk with them, ask questions...and we had to answer truthfully being they could be possible adopters. The kids 13 and older normally got overlooked since most couples who came in wanted a younger child. They mostly went to the nursery or toddler room, occasionally the kids ranging from 6-12 got seen because the couple already had a child who wanted a sibling their own age." Toothless shrugged.
"Makes sense I suppose..." Tyr added sadly.
"But two weeks ago Saturday on an adoption day...I never expected this family to want me. I'm 16 ½ ...It was rare for a child our age to ever be considered." Toothless started again. "I was just minding my own, eating lunch when the Fury family came in with their kids. They outright said they wanted an older child because their kids wanted an older brother, I had ignored it. There were at least 30 kids in the orphanage who were over 14 or older, that's what they said they wanted. I got distracted by one of the other 16 year old kids picking on someone younger than him. I hated getting involved but I also don't like bullies so I went over and made him leave the little kid alone." Toothless went on.
"And that's how they noticed you?" Hiccup asked.
"Not right away. The bully walked away angry, and almost knocked over Eirik so I pulled him out of the way. From there the family...this family stayed with me for the rest of adoption day. They didn't go see other kids, they just talked with me in the dorm. When 6 came around it was dinner time, and also when adoption day ended...I prepared to leave and they stopped me...asked me if I wanted to be a part of their family. I was...shocked, and in disbelief that they wanted me to be in their family. I said yes obviously...and then 5 days later, I was adopted and we moved here. Spent all weekend moving in, then met you guys that Monday." Toothless shrugged.
"Wow man, that's...rough. But hey, it worked out right. You got to be one of those rare instances, and you're a fantastic older brother." Hiccup told him patting his back a few times.
"Thanks, Hiccup...and I'm...really sorry I didn't tell you guys when I met you...I was just...scared I guess." Toothless admitted looking down.
"Stop apologizing, Toothless. Losing your parents, foster homes, orphanage, new home and family after 8 years...I'd be scared too. We don't blame you, besides...that's all your past now and this is your future so you get to make it how you want. And you got us too." Hiccup smiled.
"You guys are seriously the best." Toothless smiled back, shockingly enough he felt Hiccup hug him comfortingly. Toothless felt his heart race and that took him by surprise. Why would...his heart race when Hiccup hugged him? That was weird. He shook it off and hugged Hiccup back. "Thank you." He told them all now after breaking the hug.
"Alright, enough mushy crap. This is a sleep over so lets have some fun!" Tyr laughed.
"I agree!" Fishlegs nodded and from there they turned the music back up and started gaming again. Honestly Toothless felt a million times better now that he'd told them the truth, he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew from this point on that these guys would be his friends no matter what. It was a really good feeling to have and for once he felt like he had a normal life again. Toothless would write back to his orphanage friends tomorrow when the others had left sometime during the middle of tomorrow.
As the night continued on it got later and later eventually bringing them to closer to midnight. Around this time, Markus had come down stairs to tell them to settle down because sound proof or not it was still late and didn't want them all sleeping in too late the next day. Toothless, Hiccup, Tyr, and Fishlegs decided to watch a few more movies and eat small snacks. They went from soda to juice, and made popcorn before Toothless's parents went to bed for the night. Around 3am when another movie ended and Toothless went to get up to turn it off because of how late it was.
After the blue screen came up when Toothless put the movie back in its case, he got a quick glimpse of the guys laying on the floor in their sleeping bags. Were they all asleep already? Well it was 3am and they'd been having a blast since they arrived 11 hours ago. That and his father had told them not to stay up late because they'd all sleep in the next day. Toothless turned off the TV then used his phone to find his sleeping bag, he crawled in and laid down quietly. He put his phone beside him before closing his eyes with a long sigh then he heard movement to his left, where Hiccup was sleeping. "Hiccup? Are you okay?" Toothless asked quietly.
"Ye–yeah just a little cold." Hiccup responded to Toothless calmly. Toothless got up using his phone as a flashlight and got Hiccup the blanket laying over the love seat against the wall, he handed it to him before laying down again. "Thanks." Hiccup whispered.
"No problem." Toothless replied as he shut off his phone again and relaxed. The silence was eerie almost while he laid awake, the only sounds heard was breathing and maybe Fishlegs snoring. Toothless closed his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep, then heard Hiccup roll over and sigh. Toothless got the feeling something was bothering him but didn't want to pry. As sleep began to claim him, Hiccup spoke again.
"Toothless? You still awake?"
"Yeah, something wrong?" Toothless asked him.
"No...not really just can't sleep." Hiccup answered softly.
"You were sleeping before you got cold, I never expected to stay up later than all of your and I'm the noob to sleep overs." Toothless found a chuckle.
"I actually never fell asleep...I saw your turn the TV off and make your way over here. When I got cold, I didn't wanna bug ya but you heard me anyway." Hiccup said nervously.
"Well you guys are my guests, don't be afraid to ask. Like you said, we're all friends here." Toothless smiled. "So if you've been up, and can't sleep...My guess is you got something on your mind?"
"I suppose it could be that..." Hiccup admitted.
"Well I'm up so...If you wanna talk, I'm here. Not much I can probably offer for advice but I'll listen." Toothless told him softly.
"I guess...well...I don't even know how to say it..." Hiccup sighed softly looking up at the dark room now.
"Just say it, first thing that pops in your head." Toothless suggested with a smile not that they could see one another's faces at the moment.
"You think a nerd like me will ever find love?" Hiccup suddenly asked catching Toothless off guard. "I mean...I–I don't know what I mean actually...I've seen love before with my parents and stuff but never...felt it. I guess I'm wondering if what I feel for Allie is love or not. I want to know what love is, what being in love feels like..." Hiccup mumbled.
Toothless hadn't been prepared for such a deep question, especially at 3 o'clock in the morning. How did one even begin to answer it? Toothless didn't know what it felt like either so how could he possibly explain it to someone else. So he did what he did when he wrote the journal entry in Language Arts his first day, he winged it. "First of all, you're not a nerd so stop putting yourself down." Toothless began. "And...Stop worrying if what you feel for Allie is love or not. I can't say what being in love feels like. I've never had the chances too where I grew up..." Toothless sighed.
"I understand, Toothless. Its okay, just been weighing on my mind." Hiccup said gently.
"Being in love is the most exhilarating, the scariest, the most wonderful, fulfilling and the most intense feeling in the world all at once. When you are in love with someone, you see them for who they are and what they can be. You feel as though your whole life was lived the way it was for a reason - just because you were given the opportunity to meet that person. When you are in love with someone, that person becomes a part of your hopes and dreams, a part of the goals that you want to accomplish. That person becomes inseparable to you in your heart. When you are in love with someone, you want the best for him or for her. You want that person to be happy, healthy. You want that person to feel fulfilled. When you are in love with someone, you think about that person when he or she isn't there. The thought makes you smile. The love that you have for that person scares you because it's so powerful, but at the same time, it's so fragile. To trust someone with the most sacred and delicate thing that we have to give - our heart, is a scary thing. But it makes you feel so alive at the same time to know that there is one person in the world who you feel is worthy of receiving the most precious thing that you have to offer." Toothless stated gently as he rolled on to his side and looked over at Hiccup, there was a little light creeping in the basement windows from the moon outside.
"That's...really deep, Toothless." Hiccup responded a bit amazed by the answer. "But...how do I know if I'm in love with Allie, or just...love her? I mean...what's the difference?"
"That I cannot tell you because I do not know. I've never been in love myself, but I would imagine...that being in love and loving someone are very different. Because being in love means you have a soul mate. The one person in the world who you connect to on a level no one else can ever understand. You will see things that others cannot. It's a feeling that this is meant to be, that this is who you're supposed to be with. Like fate, or destiny. I've been told that a soul mate understands you. A soul mate accepts your little idiosyncrasies and peccadilloes. A soul mate is always honest with you. A soul mate sees the best in you and believes that you can do anything that you want to do in life. A soul mate squeals inside when you are happy, when you succeed. A soul mate feels your pain when you're sad too. A soul mate listens and never tries to make you change who you really are. A soul mate will support you and love you no matter what you want to do. I believe that Odin watches over all our destines. Just stay strong and keep pressing forward. Hiccup, everything that happens, happens for a reason. And I will hold firm to the belief that when the big guy feels its time for you to meet your soul mate, you will. You'll know when you're in love because it will feel like nothing you've ever felt before and everything will fall in to place. A feeling of...belonging. But don't rush your life my friend, we only get one life to live so live it and let it play out as Odin has planned it." Toothless smiled
"So I shouldn't worry about what I feel for Allie...and just let things be as they are?" Hiccup asked.
"That's my advice. Nothing in my life has ever been to my plans or wishes, Hiccup but look how good it turned out. Just like I said in my journal entry on Monday. Life is a mere balance of good and bad, of light and dark. Good things have to happen to even the bad, and bad things happen to even the good. But no matter what happens good or bad, you stay strong and tell yourself that it won't be like this forever and everything will always work out as it should." Toothless reminded him.
"You know...that actually really makes sense and it helped a lot. Thank you Toothless, you really are an amazing friend." Hiccup yawned out.
"You're welcome, Hiccup. Now, its 3:30am and we promised my parents we wouldn't be up all night so lets get some sleep." Toothless laid his head down on the pillow now yawning.
"Night Toothless." Hiccup finally closed his eyes and let sleep take him. Toothless heard Hiccup's breathing even out and knew he was asleep. Where had all that spouted from? He'd never gotten so...wise before. And on a subject about love? Yet in his own explanation, he noticed something. That everything he was saying, he was thinking about Hiccup and how Hiccup made him feel inside. He was describing his own feelings while telling Hiccup what it felt like to be in love even though Toothless knew nothing about it. Did that mean...he loved Hiccup? Or...Toothless's eyes widened.
'Odin help me...I think I'm falling in love with my best friend...' Toothless thought but that was the last thought he had because sleep took over and he just couldn't fight it after that.
