A/N: Salutations fellow bibliophiles! OMG, remember how I said this semester should be easier than last semester? Yeah, kind of lied. Almost every single class I have this semester requires multiple essays and papers, and oddly enough the easiest papers are the ones for my English courses. Who would have thought I would be writing nearly twenty pages a month for art history classes? Anyway, I just finished a portion of my thesis, so that is going well. I mean, if you count having ten pages of a fifty page paper that is due in May 'well', then yeah, it's going well. Also, I have kind of been trapped by the HP fandom… I have become rather Dramione obsessed. Fanfiction is seriously detrimental to my brain. However, as it is November, the unofficial writing month, I have gotten into the whole writing spirit. I have written about five pages of a random collection of short stories, and about ten pages (single-spaced, no less!) of a Dramione oneshot that I am actually pretty proud of. So, I only thought it fair to update Impressions as well…that and felt guilty for my ADD when it comes to writing stories and my brother wanted an update. Thanks for all your patience with me!
A quick note: I realized that I have been inconsistent with Wayne's name, calling him both Metro Man and Metroman. Do you all have a preference, or do you not care? I'm just wondering, because I like to maintain consistency. Let me know.
Also, I am so psyched that new people are reviewing and reading my story! I was so honored when I received a review literally minutes after the new chapter was posted, and that you all were amused by the scenarios. I'm glad that I made you guys laugh… YAY humor!
Don't forget, if you have any good ideas about possible kidnapping scenarios, I would LOVE to hear them! Actually two of these kidnappings was inspired by ideas from reviewers: KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, from her review for chapter five and Qirellen, from her review way back for chapter four. Thanks for your suggestions! I love them all!
Disclaimer: Does anyone even read my disclaimers? I usually try to be witty, but maybe there is no point. Let me know. Hal's in denial, Minion is rad, I don't own Megamind, and that makes me sad.
Kidnapping # 6
Roxanne finished brushing blush on her cheeks and sipped her coffee before she picked up a tube of pink lipstick. It was fairly early in the morning and she technically wouldn't be on camera for another hour or so. Usually makeup check happened thirty minutes to air, however, Roxanne liked to do her own makeup, preferring the silent process to the gossip and chatter of the professional stylists.
So, Roxanne had retired to her dressing room and leisurely began applying her makeup. She turned on some music and hummed along quietly as she rolled her lips to even out the color. The next song was one of her favorites, and she turned up the volume as she applied eye shadow to her eyelids. Finishing that, she sharpened her kohl eye pencil and slowly and carefully began to outline her eyes with a steady hand.
She was so into the music, and so focused on keeping her hand steady, that she completely missed the doorknob turning slowly. The door silently opened, and a stealthy figure slipped in. Roxanne was unaware of her visitor as she went back over the drawn line, wanting her eyes to really pop. Finally content with the first eye, Roxanne was just about to start on the other eye when she caught sight of movement behind her in the mirror. She whipped around in a flash, and found herself eye to eye with the infamous villain, Megamind. He approached silently, and she noted that he wasn't wearing the usual glam rocker boots. Apparently he was going for subtlety this time around.
Though this was not the first time that Roxanne had been confronted by the caped criminal, she still found herself struck dumb by his presence. It wasn't that he was frightening, and she knew for a fact he didn't intend to hurt her. He was just so… strange.
Right now, he was staring at her with those incredible green eyes of his. For a few seconds she held his gaze, but those eyes were just so intense… she turned to her music player and turned it off, and silence filled the room. Megamind broke the silence, but shocked her even more when he failed to do his usual dramatic introduction.
"What type of decoration is that?" He asked inquisitively, pointing at the pencil she still held in her hand. Roxanne blinked once, and followed his gaze. She held up the makeup, and vaguely noticed that he was staring at the simple utensil with a look of extreme interest.
"It's eyeliner," she finally said, and he held out one gloved hand. Hesitantly, she dropped the pencil into his hand and he studied it in fascination.
"What is it used for? Is it toxic? Is it a reporter thing? Do you only put it on one eye, or both? Is it why one of your eyes looks more dramatic?"
"It's used to add decoration, I guess. It's not toxic, but you shouldn't eat it. Reporters aren't the only ones who use eyeliner; people use it to make their features stand out. You usually put it on both eyes, to draw attention to your face and highlight your features. You just interrupted me; I was about to do the other side." Roxanne answered, collecting herself enough to begin to feel faintly amused by how this whole interaction was playing out.
Megamind nodded thoughtfully, then resolutely handed Roxanne the eyeliner back. He sat down decidedly on the couch that lined the far wall of the small room. She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, and he huffed impatiently.
"Continue, Miss Ritchi. Presentation is always important, that is something I understand fully. Besides, I wish to see how this liner works." He gestured magnanimously, and she cautiously turned her back on the villain and sat in her chair to continue applying her makeup. There was something about the seriousness in his voice that compelled her to do as he said. It wasn't that he was threatening her; he was merely extending what he considered to be a professional courtesy from one public figure to another. She finished the other eye, and smoothed out the line, comparing both sides to insure there was no unevenness. She stood to face Megamind, and he approached her.
Megamind studied her eyes, one finger placed on his cheek considering her appearance. Although she was never one to feel uneasy under scrutiny, he was so obvious in his inspection that she felt a little discomfited. He was literally studying her eyes, assessing the makeup and the overall effect it caused. Roxanne was glad she had gotten so good at applying cosmetics. She was startled out of her thoughts when Megamind clapped his hands together decisively.
"I like it. It looks good." He decided, nodding resolutely. Roxanne struggled not to blush, feeling oddly flattered. Metroman always complimented people; it was part of his whole image to seem pleasant and charming. But Megamind had none of Metroman's obligations. He could afford to be honest, and he took full advantage of this ability. To hear approval from him made her feel vaguely proud, because she knew he meant it. He was obviously unembarrassed by his blatant compliment, which helped to soothe Roxanne's flustered emotions.
"Do men wear eyeliner?" He asked, and she was struck by just how naïve the genius truly was.
"Some men do…but it is considered a bit feminine. You have to be confident in order to pull it off." She looked at him, and suddenly smiled.
"Do you feel confident today, Megamind?" It was the first time she had ever said his name without fear or anger, and he blinked once in surprise. Then he grinned at her widely, eyes sparkling, and she felt her heart flutter a little.
"Is that a challenge, Miss Ritchi?" Megamind asked, and sat down in her chair. Roxanne couldn't help but give him an answering grin and handed him the eye pencil. The tip of his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, and Megamind got to work, with Roxanne offering advice beside him.
When Metroman got the call about the brunette reporter, he set his jaw resolutely. He flew up into the air and headed towards the harbor area, using all of his senses to try and pinpoint where his archenemy was hiding. With a victorious exclamation, he made out a flashing beam of light coming from one of the many abandoned warehouses by the water. He crashed through the roof, and posed dramatically, just like a scene in a superhero movie. However, the sight that confronted him made him freeze as though someone had put the film on pause.
That reporter (whatshername… Roxanne, right), was there, but she wasn't unconscious or in any apparent distress. She was sitting very calmly in a chair, hands tied in front of her as she drank from the coffee mug he had seen her use during interviews. Sitting beside her was that robotic fish creature, also sitting calmly. They were facing the villain, who had obviously been in the middle of explaining something to them. At his sudden arrival, they had all turned to face him. Both the reporter and the henchman froze, looking uneasily between the two rivals.
"Hello, Wayne!" said Megamind cheerfully, making Minion and Roxanne stare at him in disbelief.
"Uh, hey." Metroman responded uncertainly, still posing. Roxanne met his eyes and mouthed 'Wayne?' at him, and he shrugged noncommittally. Relaxing the slightest bit, he took a closer look at his archenemy and ex-classmate. He was smiling at him, a polite smile, but a smile, nevertheless. His eyes, which were one of the few characteristics of the blue man that Wayne felt jealous of, were more prominent than ever.
"Discovered eyeliner, eh?" He asked dumbly. Megamind nodded, and smiled again, this time at everyone. He clapped his hands together once again, and stood up. Roxanne realized that this was what he did when he came to a decision about something.
"Well, that was fun. Shall we get this show on the road? Metroman, would you mind allowing me a moment to get everything set up? Say two and a half minutes? Then we can go through the proper channels and all that, yes?"
Completely confused and totally at a loss, Metroman could only nod and flew back through the ceiling. As Megamind turned to ready his latest invention, Roxanne called out to him, gathering up the courage to address the blue genius.
"Um, Megamind, may I see my bag for a second?" Surprisingly, he obliged and watched as her tied hands searched for something. Finding it, she held it out to him. "Keep it. I'll buy a new one."
Once again he grinned that endearing grin and once again her heart skipped a beat. He took the eyeliner from her, and handed it to a nearby brainbot. His eyes, made even more spectacular by the kohl outline, shined as he bowed to her.
"I thank you Miss Ritchi. Shall we?"
"Let's."
Roxanne knew that he was still dangerous. She knew his presence would only bring chaos and destruction into her life. But, for the first time, Roxanne felt impressed by Megamind for something other than his evil schemes and devious wit. There was someone else behind the villain Megamind, someone who knew Metro Man's true identity, who could sneak in as efficiently as any professional trained operative, someone who realized that this whole situation was as clichéd as she did. Roxanne felt her natural curiosity stirring. Perhaps Megamind was even more interesting than she thought… plus, she had always had a thing for men who wore guyliner.
Conclusion: Impressed
Kidnapping # 107
This had to have been one of the quickest kidnappings Roxanne had experienced yet. Apparently, Metroman had been patrolling the city and spotted Roxanne being kidnapped from downtown. Not long after the kidnapping bag had obstructed her vision, Metroman had intercepted the car and snatched up Megamind. Roxanne felt a gust of wind that told her that Metroman had just hauled the villain away. Minion began helping Roxanne untie herself and had just gone to remove the burlap bag when Metroman returned righteously, forcing Minion to flee apologetically. Roxanne felt herself lifted up into the air and was surprised to find herself grateful for the bag, which obstructed the wind caused by Metroman's flying that usually left her with a hairdo that resembled a porcupine.
"There we go, Roxie." Wayne landed on her balcony and set her on her feet. She took of the bag and offered him a coffee. Together, they entered her apartment and she began to brew their drinks, as they chatted about the weather and upcoming election. As the fragrant smell began to fill her apartment, she regarded the bag she still held thoughtfully. Pursing her lips, she headed over towards the large closet where her hamper and laundry machine was and added it to her laundry pile. Metroman narrowed his eyes as the infamous burlap sack was dropped in the washing machine along with her shirts and pajamas. He looked at her face, but she gave no indication that she felt any trepidation about handling what many considered to be a symbol of the blue kidnapper. At the look of utter unconcern on her face, Wayne felt a sudden flash of concern for his friend.
"Did he…do anything Roxie?" She knew what he meant, and was quick to set him straight, adding the detergent to the machine and shutting the lid to start the process.
"Of course not, Wayne. I don't think he has ever considered doing something horrible like that." The thought of Megamind forcing himself on her was laughable. Sure, he was passionate and impulsive, but he was so easily embarrassed and innocent that she thought he might pass out at the very idea of such an invasive and offensive act. The few times she had made something he said or did sound sexual, he immediately turned into a stammering mush of embarrassment that was both entertaining and adorable. Minion, too, would never permit such a thing either. In fact, the very thought of either one of them forcing themselves on her made her laugh out loud. At her laughter, Metroman shook his head as if to say she was too naïve for her own good.
Knowing he was about to press the issue, Roxanne excused herself to the kitchen to get the coffee. This wasn't the first time Metroman had asked this type of question, though it hadn't been brought up in a while. She began loading a tray with mugs, sweetener and creamer. Roxanne knew it would be nearly impossible to convince Metroman that Megamind was anything but a low-life mastermind whose evil knew few limits; a lifetime of rivalry and bad blood between the two aliens hindered his judgment. However, Roxanne kind of liked it this way.
She liked knowing that Megamind was more than just some criminal caped creep. The knowledge that she was one of the only living creatures on the planet who was allowed to get a behind-the-scene look at Megamind was a pleasant and gratifying thought. Besides Minion, she was probably the only one who knew that his villainous nature was mostly for the sake of the public. In private, he was still immoral and mischievous, but it wasn't like he was despicably heinous and evil. He wasn't imperious or tyrannical off-camera, explaining his actions and motivations instead of merely demanding blind obedience. He was attentive, tying her hands as loosely as possible and guiding her around the lair with gentle and constant consideration. He was impulsive and changeable, but he tended to impulsively create rather than impulsively destroy. Some of his most impressive and useful inventions where actually the product of a sudden impulse; whipped up in response to some spontaneous thought. Roxanne had very slowly come to know this side of Megamind, having discovered these traits during kidnappings that went astray. Megamind was an accomplished performer and the only Megamind that existed for the public was the evil criminal mastermind with the psychotic tendencies. Roxanne knew that he was more than a heartless and dangerous criminal; he was someone who was loyal and concerned, someone who liked marshmallows in hot chocolate, someone who could develop a cure for the common cold. And she liked having this knowledge, she thought, as she walked back in with the tray.
"Here you go," Roxanne smiled, refusing to remain on the subject anymore. Wayne accepted the mug and sat at the table with his back facing the balcony, recognizing the steely geniality in his friend's tone with a rueful grin. They sat together as the laundry continued to rattle away in the machine, and Wayne began telling Roxanne about a new policy that was being debated at City Hall. Soon the conversation turned to other topics, and they laughed and gossiped like the good friends they were. With his superfast metabolism, Wayne was often peckish, so when she got up to put her laundry into the dryer she brought back a refill and a coffee cake left over from an office party. It was nice, sitting with a friend (even a ridiculously heroic friend like Wayne) on a nice Saturday. They continued to talk for about an hour, slowly demolishing the cake and drinking coffee unhurriedly. Their conversation continued as Roxanne unloaded the dryer and folded the clothes, including the bag. About two hours had passed before Metroman brought up Megamind again.
"I just want you to remember to be on guard around him, Roxie."
"Wayne, trust me, don't worry about it. I'm fine."
"I trust you, Roxie. I just don't trust him."
"Well, if you really trust me, then trust that I know what I am talking about. Megamind may be clumsy and oblivious, but he wouldn't try to hurt me for no reason. He's pretty respectful. "
"Yes he would! Megamind isn't some civilized socialite, Roxanne. He doesn't do respect."
Their conversation was interrupted by a faint whirring sound, almost like a distant airplane landing. Metroman groaned in irritation as Roxanne cut the conversation short again. Ignoring him, she walked over to the balcony to see what was going on. As she drew back the curtains, she couldn't help but smile. This was just too perfect.
"Come in." She said, opening the door and standing aside. Metroman turned in confusion then froze in disbelief.
"Thank you, Miss Ritchi. I hope I am not intruding." Megamind stomped his feet a few times to avoid tracking any dirt accidently in her apartment, then entered. When he saw noticed his enemy, he stopped.
"Oh, you have company. I can come back later." Megamind offered, looking at Roxanne apologetically.
"No problem, it's fine. I suppose you came here for this?" Roxanne held out the newly laundered and folded kidnapping bag, internally shrieking with laughter at Wayne's disbelieving expression. Megamind nodded accepted the brown burlap.
"You washed it for us, Miss Ritchi? I thought Minion had washed it last laundry day… is it Monday already?"
"No, today is Saturday, don't worry. I just wanted to save you both the trouble."
"Well, thank you. Is there anything I can do in exchange?" The two of them walked back onto the balcony and Megamind stored the bag in a compartment on his hoverbike. Metroman continued to stare in disbelief.
"Can we not schedule anything on Tuesday? My mother is in town and I wanted to spend the day with her."
"Of course, we had already planned for that." Roxanne furrowed her brow as Megamind mounted the bike, pulling on some fingerless gloves. At her expression, he gave her a look that was both sheepish and mischevious.
"We put new wiretapping equipment in some of the brainbots, and tested it during that weekly call with your mother last week. We know you made plans at Gregorio's for seven. I was going to tell you earlier, but someone (here he nodded his head tersely at Metroman who had begun to glare at the mention of espionage) interrupted us. We made you a reservation in exchange for the invasion of privacy, but we really couldn't wait to test out the new equipment." He explained, giving her another sheepish smile. She smiled back helplessly, unable to stay angry at the excited genius.
"Anyway, sorry to intrude Miss Ritchi, but thank you again for the bag. See you in a few days." With that, and a friendly nod in Metroman's direction, Megamind was off. Roxanne closed the balcony door, and turned back to Wayne. His entire face was bright red and he sputtered in confusion and fury.
"What just, was that, did he…WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT, ROXANNE?!" At his booming shout, Roxanne wiggled a finger in her ear with a wince. She looked up at him with a cheeky smirk.
"Well Wayne, that was a respectful conversation between two acquaintances."
"RESPECTFUL, MY ASS!"
"Why, Mr. Wayne! I must say that I am most unimpressed by your attitude." At her casual remark, Wayne deflated completely and collapsed in the chair again, making the wood creak in protest. Roxanne looked out at the balcony and smiled. Now that was someone who had perfect timing.
Conclusion: Impressed
Kidnapping # 20
Roxanne wasn't sure if she should laugh or cower. She settled for staring in disbelief at the sight in front of her. Megamind was jumping on a leather sofa, his cape flying up and down as he bounced in glee. He was surrounded by brainbots, and he was laughing as they beeped and whirred at him. With a flying leap, he landed on his favorite wheeled chair and begun to spin as fast as his legs would allow. Minion cleared his throat, trying to get his attention.
"Um, sir? Didn't we agree that we would stop with the caffeine intake?"
"YUP, JA, OUI, YEAH, UH-HUH, SURE DID!"
"Did you drink any coffee once I left to fetch Miss Ritchi?"
"NO, NO WAY, NUH UH, SURE DIDN'T, NEIN, NYET, NOPE!"
Roxanne stared as Megamind began to spin in the opposite direction, giggling madly. She looked around and noticed a small pile of familiar looking cans, and cleared her throat. Minion followed her gaze and gasped.
"SIR! Did you drink the entire pack of Red Bull?"
CERTAINLY, DEFINITIVELY, EXACTLY, INDEED,INDUBITABLY, NATURALLY,PRECISELY, SURELY,UNDENIABLY, UNDOUBTEDLY, UNQUESTIONABLY, YES, I DID!" Megamind shouted triumphantly as he stopped spinning. He looked almost green, and Roxanne couldn't believe he hadn't vomited yet. Minion slowly approached his boss, much like one would approach a wild animal.
"Sir, I think it's time to settle down now. We should begin the plan."
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! MUWAHAHAHA!" Megamind was off like a shot, screaming and flailing madly. Roxanne was put in mind of a toddler in the middle of a temper tantrum, trying to get attention. Her head began to ache, and she thought about all the paperwork she needed to fill out.
Roxanne watched as Megamind flitted around the lair wildly, alternating between demanding Minion kidnap Aerosmith for a private show and shouting out knock-knock jokes in what may have been Farsi. This was the bane of the Metro City, huh?
Conclusion: Unimpressed
A/N: So, there we go! I only had one scenario planned out fully in advance for this chapter. I literally just plopped down after class today and wrote out half of this chapter with no plan. Hopefully there aren't too many errors, but if there are, let me know. As always, send me a review with any comments, corrections, or suggestions. Thanks for your patience! And if any of you are interested in reading my dramione fic, let me know. I am a little hesitant to enter the HP fandom…
As always, I love you all! TTYL!
