Alexis squealed with delight as Sheldon lifted her out of the tub. Soap bubbles and water dribbled onto his Flash shirt. Penny held the towel wide and Sheldon made a whooshing noise as he swung the baby into it. Penny wrapped her daughter into a bundle and Sheldon pulled the stopper and rinsed off the bath toys.

"This was the life we were supposed to have." Penny finally spoke her secret thoughts.

Sheldon had been scrubbing the tub with cleanser but his arm stopped at her words.

"I know." He finally said, keeping his back to her. "but you didn't call."

"What are you saying? This is my fault?" Penny demanded. "The last time I saw you, you were married."

"As I recall , that fact had little impact on the events of that evening."

Penny stomped out of the bathroom to Leonard's room which had become Alexis' room. She began diapering the squirming baby.

"Penny." Sheldon was behind her.

"I didn't call," Her fingers moved quickly to slip Alexis into pajamas. "because , if you came, I wanted it to be because you wanted to not out of some sense of obligation. It wasn't easy. The nights she wouldn't sleep or I was puking my guts out from chemo that did nothing but make me feel even worse. I would have given anything to have you there with me. Anything." She stopped for a minute to snap up the sleeper. "God, it was so lonely."

Sheldon closed his eyes. So much wasted time. There had been no reason to have not gone to her. Just the same ones that had always dictated his life: fear and control. He cleared his throat.

"I'm here now."

Penny picked up Alexis and inhaled the soothing aroma of a clean baby. She swallowed the lump in her throat that had formed at Sheldon's words.

"You know Sheldon, I'm not surprised you don't dance." She walked out of the room to prepare Alexis' night bottle. "You've got such lousy timing."

XXXX

Leonard headed to Sheldon's office to pick up a book Sheldon wanted. He stopped short when he saw Amy standing outside the closed door.

"Hey, Amy." He called. She tore her attention from the closed gray doorway. The buttons on her cardigan sweater were misaligned- the only indication that she was experiencing some type of distress.

"Leonard, where is Sheldon? Why isn't he at work?"

Leonard gawked at her. "I was under the impression you knew where he was."

Amy gave an impatient shake of her head, "I know why he's no longer at our house but I am unclear as to why he is no longer at work."

"Amy, Sheldon took a leave of absence for the time being. Didn't he tell you that?"

Amy processed that information. Sheldon, her husband, left his job that was his very reason for breathing(or was it?) in order to be at the beck and call of another woman every minute of the day. It occurred to Amy that, perhaps, they had rushed into this marriage paradigm. There really was so much about Sheldon she didn't know.

"I came here to convince him to come home. He's been gone long enough"

"Oh, Amy." Leonard overrode his dislike of this woman to place a comforting hand on her shoulder but she flinched on contact.

"I suppose this has been a fool's errand." She tried to brush off her discomfort as Leonard nodded in the affirmative. "You won't tell him I came here, will you?"

"It wouldn't matter if I did." Leonard replied. "It's bad now. Sheldon never leaves her." Leonard was very sure Sheldon had not mentioned Penny's child so he stopped himself from adding that Mrs. Wolowitz was the now de-facto nursemaid to Alexis. Sheldon appeared only to feed his daughter and put her to bed.

"Very well then. Good bye Leonard." Amy moved down the hall toward the exit, leaving Leonard to wonder how many more lives this cancer was going to destroy.

XXXX

Penny watched from behind the kitchen island. Sheldon sat on the floor near the double helix model with his legs spread. Sitting like that, he practically spanned the entire apartment. Alexis was balanced against the island.

"Come to Daddy, Alexis." Sheldon motioned with his hands.

Alexis lifted one tiny foot then the other. Her arms were held out to her side, her miniature Sheldon hands open for balance.

"Penny! Penny! She's walking."

"I know, Moonpie." There were tears in Penny's eyes. They weren't from seeing her daughter's first steps, though. Pain was gnawing mercilessly on her spine.

Two weeks later, everything went straight to hell

XXXX

Leonard stumbled out from Sheldon's room, blinded by his copious tears. A hand touched his shoulder and guided him until he felt the back of his calves touch the couch. He sat down heavily on the middle cushion, buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Raj and Howard sat helplessly on either side of him. The couch shook with the force of Leonard's crying. When they had arrived, Raj had gone in first followed by Howard. Leonard had been in the room the longest and still felt as if he hadn't said it all.

After five minutes, Leonard quieted down. Raj handed him a wad of tissues and he wiped his eyes and nose. Leonard couldn't shake the image of Penny lying in her bed, thin and weak. She had been rapidly losing weight and was now forced into bed rest. Sheldon had been taking care of both her and Alexis non stop.

"Where's Sheldon?" Leonard asked.

Raj nodded toward the windows and Leonard turned.

Sheldon stood, gazing out at the night. Alexis was a pink ball in his arms with her cheek pillowed on a shoulder that had gone from thin to bony in a matter of months. Her drool soaked his Green Lantern shirt and he swayed slowly back and forth. Leonard caught the soft murmur of his voice.

"I told him to put her in her crib but he just ignores me and keeps rocking her." Howard said.

"What's he doing?" Leonard asked.

"He's been telling Alexis every story about him and Penny. From the time they met to now." Raj explained.

"Every story?" Leonard raised his eyebrows.

"Not the ones I want to hear, that's for sure." Howard commented. "Believe me, I listened.

"How can you be disgusting at a time like this?" Leonard snapped.

"Crying on the inside, my man." Howard tapped his own chest.

The three friends watched Sheldon with his daughter. Snatches of his voice drifted over.

"And then I said, 'Well then may I suggest you get a very long stick and play panty pinata.'"

The baby in his arms squeaked at the soft voice.

"I gotta tell ya," Howard confided. "I never thought he would hold up like this."

"He's been talking to her like that for over an hour and he hasn't cried once." Raj commented. "I, on the other hand, went through a whole box of tissues when he told Alexis about Penny's dislocated shoulder." Raj's voice choked again and Leonard passed back to him the tissues he hadn't use.

"Robots don't cry, Raj." Howard said. When Leonard and Raj glared at him, he looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry. I tend to say inappropriate things during highly charged emotional situations."

"Really, Dude? What's your excuse for the other 364 days of the year?"

Leonard watched as Sheldon walked away from the window and toward Alexis' room. Sheldon hadn't acknowledged them since he opened the door to let them inside. Leonard shook his head at the assessments of Sheldon 's emotional state that Raj and Howard both made. If they really looked at him, they would see the fire had disappeared from his eyes. Sheldon's calm exterior didn't fool Leonard at all; he knew deep down Sheldon was screaming. Dying right along with the woman he loved.

XXXX

"Sheldon," Penny's voice rasped. "If you don't stop waking up every hour to check if I'm still breathing, I swear I will haunt you from the Beyond."

Sheldon placed the small hand mirror on his nightstand. "Forgive me." He settled down into the bed and pulled Penny to his chest. He felt like he was holding a sparrow; Alexis had more heft to her and she wasn't quite one year old yet.

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Penny?"

"Are you going to be okay? You know, after." The room filled with the sounds of their breathing.

"I suspect not." The physicist finally said.

"You'll have Alexis." Penny offered. "Won't that be enough?"

"Ah, Penny," Sheldon pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She felt his lips quiver, heard his sharp intake of breath as he wrestled his grief under control. "When it comes to you, nothing is ever enough."

XXXX

Leonard came into the apartment. Alexis was chewing on the top bar of her playpen. Sheldon came out from the back hall. Leonard didn't think it was possible but Sheldon actually looked worse than he did the morning after the disastrous Chancellor's award speech.

"Oh, good, you're here." Sheldon began issuing orders. "Take Alexis to the park. Her infant carrier and diaper bag are on the chair. She doesn't like being pushed slowly in the swing- you really have to send her flying." Leonard heard a low moan come from what used to be Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon was counting miniature vials of morphine and the accompanying syringes. He kept glancing at the clock.

"Sheldon, why don't you take Alexis? I'll stay here. You need a break."

"Don't be ridiculous, Leonard." Sheldon held up a syringe and a bottle of the potent liquid. He inserted the needle and pulled the plunger.

"Sheldon! It hurts. It hurts." Penny's voice was guttural. At the sound of her voice, Sheldon's hands shook.

"Five more minutes, Penny."

"No. Now. Now." She wailed. Sheldon put the syringe down and stood with his head hanging between his shoulder blades.

"How long does she really have to wait?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon's eyes were haunted. "Two hours."

XXXX

The room was dark and the air was stale and dusty. It felt as if they had been in this room, in this moment for years. Sheldon sat in his spot, a chair next to the bed. He could hear Penny's quick and rapid breathing. Every once in a while her breath would stop and Sheldon would grip the arms of the chair, but she'd start again and he would allow himself to relax just a little.

The doctors told him three weeks ago that she had about a week left. She was allowed to go home so she would be comfortable. Her cries of pain had stopped hours ago, although Sheldon figured that had less to do with comfort and more to do with lack of strength.

"Sheldon-"

The broken whisper tore him from his thoughts. It was the first time Penny had spoken in nearly a week. He sat up and took her hand in his.

"Yes, Penny?" he whispered back, afraid if he spoke to loudly he would disturb whatever force was allowing her to speak.

"Sing Soft Kitty to me."

Sheldon's eyes widened in shock. She told him months ago that she didn't want him to sing Soft Kitty, that it was too depressing. He took a deep breath in and started to sing in a soft, shaking voice.

His voice gave out on the last purr.

XXXX

"Amy, it's Leonard Hofstader."

"Yes."

Leonard paused to swallow some water. He didn't want his voice to shake.

"You should know that Penny died this morning." His voice shook anyway. There was silence on the other end.

"I'm sorry, Leonard. I know how important she was to you all."

"Amy, Sheldon…"

"I'm not prepared to discuss Sheldon at this time." She interrupted. "Goodbye Leonard. Thank you for calling.

When Amy hung up the phone, tears coursed down her cheeks. She had never felt such a profound sense of relief.

XXXX

Three weeks passed before Sheldon came home. The doorbell to the brownstone chimed and Amy could see the outline of his tall frame through the frosted glass. She opened the door to face her wayward spouse.

"Hello." He greeted. Sheldon looked terrible. His skin was gray. His eyes were flat and lifeless; there were permanent circles beneath them. Her lip curled when she saw that he had regressed to dressing in his logo shirts and clashing colors. Where did he manage to find those pants?

"Hello, Sheldon." Amy kept her tone even. Sheldon handed her an envelope.

It was then that a small movement caught her eye. She followed the line of Sheldon's arm to find that it ended with his elegant hand holding the hand of a very young child.

"Amy, this is Alexis." At her name, the child looked up and Amy's wounded heart shattered into a million pieces. She strangled back a cry. Sheldon cleared his throat. His voice had lost its superior undertones. He'd seen too much to be arrogant anymore.

"I have failed you , Amy." He hesitated, gathering his thoughts. "Never in my life have I not experienced success until now. I failed you as a husband, a friend, a lover." Amy was listening though she hadn't stopped staring at the little girl now playing a silent game of peek-a-boo with her from behind Sheldon's leg.

"I don't expect you'll ever forgive my transgressions; I certainly don't warrant it." Sheldon scooped up Alexis so she was now eye level with his stunned wife. "This is all I can offer you now. This child and my most sincere and heartfelt apology for having hurt you as deeply as I did."

Amy looked at the little girl. Flaws in logic aside, sometimes it was true that when one door closed, another opened.

XXXX

Alexis hastily wiped away her tears. Her mother was dry -eyed as always. In some ways, Alexis had always known. There had never been stories of Amy's pregnancy, no talk about her delivery. Sheldon had plenty of stories from the time she was eight months old but he never had mentioned Amy in them. She knew Sheldon was her father . They shared too many physical and mental characteristics for it to be mere coincidence. As she grew older, she saw her parents' marriage for what it was- two people bound by a child they gave all their love to instead of parceling out some for each other.

"My God, Mom. I…I don't even know what to say. How did you learn the whole story?"

Amy sipped her lemonade before answering. " Your father told me most of it." Alexis raised her eyebrow.

"He kept some details to himself." Amy answered her expression "but, we had always been friends. Eventually, Sheldon needed to talk about it. Penny was his best friend, the person he always went to." Amy's voice drifted off. "Knowing his loss and the passage of time, made it easier to listen."

Absently, Alexis rubbed the boot on her left leg. "I just can't…I mean, Dad?"

"Sheldon was a very different man before she died. He loved her. You know your father's capacity for intensity."

Alexis nodded. Her whole life made sense now. Sheldon had molded her to be the type of doctor she was so that no one would ever have to suffer the way Penny had again. Or him for that matter.

Amy slid the manila envelope over to "In this envelope are your birth certificate and the adoption papers I signed. Penny's letter is also here. You can read it. She asked me to ensure that you had a normal childhood. That Sheldon didn't keep you locked up in a lab somewhere." Amy gave a small laugh. "Penny knew him better than anyone in the world and probably loved him more than anyone else. Aside from you, of course."

"Did you ever forgive him? Them?" Alexis asked. Amy stared at her, her eyes magnified by her glasses. She took a deep breath then said, "Penny asked that I make sure you played softball, took dancing lessons, learned how to drive."

Alexis felt the tears fill her eyes again. Her mother had done all those things; she never missed a game or a recital. It was Amy who had taken her out early on Sunday mornings once she got her learner's permit. She also didn't answer her question.

"I'm sure you want to get at the contents of that envelope." Amy said. "Let me show you one thing and then I'll give you some time." She reached into the envelope and pulled out a photo and handed it to Alexis who gasped when she saw it.

The picture was of three faces- Penny, Sheldon and Alexis- taken when Penny had enjoyed her brief remission.

"I look just like her." Alexis covered her mouth with her father's hand.

"Right down to the blond hair." Amy agreed before picking up the glasses and exiting the room.