Anchor


She stretched out on the bed, the loose fabric of her black dress draping over the edge. A voice, frantic and commanding, echoed in the background but she couldn't bring herself to pay attention to the words. She ran the soft black fabric through her pale fingers idly, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

If Caraway was right, and the sorceress was with her, what did she want? She hadn't passed on her powers like in the old stories Fujin had read about when she was a child. She didn't speak to her, didn't really harm her…she just inhabited her. Was she in danger? Was she putting Seifer and Raijin in danger by being near them?

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" The volume of Seifer's voice pulled her back to reality.

"Xu, listen to me." Fujin turned her head to find him pacing across the room, his tie long removed and his shirtsleeves rolled up, as he held the handset of the phone in a a white-knuckled grip. "I don't know how else I can say this to you so that you'll get it through your thick head. I need to speak with Cid." He pressed his index finger and his thumb to his temples.

"I can't tell you anything about it. What I need you to do is go and find Cid—" Seifer was cut off by a response on the other end of the line.

"Well that's great leadership," he said sarcastically. "I don't care if he's sleeping. WAKE HIM UP." He was close to combustion.

"Seifer, just get off the phone." Fujin spoke weakly from the bed. He covered the mouthpiece with his hand and glared at her.

"No offense Fujin, but I've had enough of following your lead." She rolled her eyes, and turned back to the ceiling. She could hear the muffled voice of Xu, Cid's trusted assistant, echoing from the handset.

"I told you I can't tell you anything. Listen, I'm not calling for me I'm calling for Fuj—hello? Hello?" She'd hung up on him. No doubt Xu had endured even more colorful language when Fujin wasn't listening.

"Mother fucker!" He slammed the handset down with a loud crack, and spun around to stare out the windows, enraged. He took a minute to catch his breath.

"If you had just told me." His arms were crossed, and he tapped his foot anxiously on the carpeted floor. "I could have…"

"You could have what Seifer?" She sighed from the bed, and turned away from him again. She wasn't sure she was processing this information very well—she felt foggy and numb. The whole ordeal seemed almost comical. She had a sorceress inside of her that wouldn't leave. Another sorceress was threatening a great war. There were more connections to Garden. Her head was spinning. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"I could have asked more questions than you did. I would have helped try and figure out what was going on." From the corner of her eye she saw him begin pacing again.

"I shouldn't have left you in there with him, telling you these stories and not getting all the facts. He wouldn't have gotten away with that if I'd been there. Leaving you with all of this information and just walking away." He scoffed, and quickened his pacing around the room. His jealousy was starting to show.

"He didn't have any more information Seifer. I'll talk to Cid when we get back. Just calm down." Fujin was trying not to take the insults on her capabilities too personally.

"Calm down?" He stopped his movements to glare at her. She didn't bother looking back at him—she could feel his eyes burning into her. "You cannot possibly be telling me to calm down right now. We have an information grenade in our hands and you might have a fucking sorceress in your head. Do not tell me to calm down."

"Listen," she covered her eyes with her hand. "Can you just stop making this about you for a minute and go find Raijin and bring him back here? He needs to know what's going on."

"Making this about me?" He marching towards her and glared down at her. She hesitantly lifted her hand from her eyes to stare up at him, meeting his furious emerald gaze. "I'm worried about you, and somehow you think I'm making this about me? Man, you're on a roll lately, you know that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Fujin rose up to rest on her elbows and challenge him.

"You know exactly what I mean." They stared at each other for an uncomfortably long moment, their eyes silently at war.

She didn't have the energy to engage in this conversation right now. In truth, she wasn't sure what specific thing he'd meant…SeeD? Pandemona? The words they exchanged in the street, or the sting of rejection from the awkward morning they'd had? Caraway fully bringing about the realization that she outranked him now? There were so many things he could be mad about it was hard to keep track.

He was the first to look away, scoffing and shoving his hands angrily in his pockets. He marched away from her to sit in an armchair in the corner of the room, placing his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together as he turned to look out the window.

"Listen," he exhaled, keeping his gaze fixed on an imaginary object in the distance. "Are you in, or are you out?"

"What are you talking about?" Fujin feigned ignorance, hoping her response would deflate him and the conversation would dissolve into nonexistence.

"Don't be coy with me." He responded, flatly, but his features softened—he still wasn't looking at her. "If you're not in, then it makes things easier. I can separate us from this and at least try to be logical." He grew quiet then, his gaze shifting to fix on the floor in front of him. "But if you're in…then I'm probably going to keep doing crazy shit, like calling Garden in the middle of the night demanding to speak to Cid."

In the midst of all of these revelations, she hadn't really realized that his degrees of worry hinged on where they stood. The concept seemed a little unfair. She laid down on her back again to stare at the ceiling, trying to come up with an adequate answer while the wind howled through her.

"I'm not…not in." She whispered. She heard his starched shirt rustle as he shifted his body in her direction.

"That's not an answer, Fujin." She didn't respond.

"Well, then. At your request I'm going to go find Raijin. Maybe you'll figure it out while I'm gone." She heard footsteps, the familiar sounds of his trench coat being swept onto his broad shoulders, and Hyperion being lifted. And then, the almost as familiar slamming of the door.


She didn't see him come back that night. She'd fallen asleep in the room by herself before they'd returned home, exhausted from the revelations of the day. She woke up to a note from Raijin on the nightstand, telling her that Seifer had the great idea of going on a deep sea fishing "guys trip" on their last day in Dollet. He'd signed the note "We'll see you later - Raijin and Seifer," but she knew the latter had no hand in it.

She could only guess at what ran through his head as he crafted the idea for the trip last night, angry at finding her asleep when they'd returned to the room. I'll show you making this all about me. I'll show you calming down. It was callous and childish…it was the exact sort of thing Seifer would do if he'd felt wronged.

Fujin spent the day wandering aimlessly around Dollet, reminiscing about the better moments they'd had that summer. She popped into a few shops and bought a handful of seaside trinkets to bring back with her in an attempt to keep her mind off of everything she'd learned yesterday. In an attempt to keep her mind off of him, too.

She'd had her eye on a silly, overpriced holiday ornament that she'd seen early on in their trip. It was just little bits of Dollet driftwood bound together with twine, in the shape of an anchor. Seifer and Raijin had been with her the first time she'd seen it. It had actually been Seifer's golden fingers that had plucked it off of its fake tree display, and held it up in front of her face. Look, this is kinda neat Fuu. Whaddya think? It was so homely she'd laughed. C'mon, it's not that bad…I kinda like it.

She'd planned on going back to get it for him to add to the Posse's collection, which they'd curated together over the years in place of the collection any family might've had. An anchor, she'd thought, was very symbolic of what Seifer meant to them. She and Raijin had been drifting alone before he came along—he'd held them steadfast against every tumultuous thing they faced.

She bought the ornament and had it wrapped for him in a plain brown paper, tied with a string. It was simple, like her feelings for him…nothing fancy needed to be said. It was exactly what you saw. Steady devotion, loyalty, and love under it all. Did he really have any question? Didn't he know she was just worried about everything else? She could always count on him to be steady, why couldn't he be that for her right now? Why was he trying to force her to bend?

Probably because he was used to being wanted, and not used to wanting.

She found herself wandering toward the docks with the small package clutched in her hand. Even though she knew they wouldn't be back yet, she could feel Seifer out across the ocean waves, moving closer. She walked across the weathered boards to the very end and sat down. She dangled her feet over the edge, and took in the view of the bay—the wind hummed between her ears.

Yes, I can hear you. She thought to herself, or rather spoke to the thing inside of her. Let's not start this now, I have things to do.

Fujin was still very unclear about what to think about the sorceress—both the one in her head and the one posing an imminent threat. But she'd spent her time alone thinking about the past few days, and realized that maybe it wasn't her place to worry about finding clarity. It was probably better to leave that to those with more experience, like Garden and Cid.

It had dawned on her though, as she'd left the shop with the small gift for Seifer in her hand, that there had been one thing that had happened she could control in all of this chaos. Everything she'd ever wanted was in reach…and she'd been stupidly afraid of reaching out for it.

What do you do when you get everything you've seemingly ever wanted? The familiar thought ran through her mind, with a new thought attached. You bend.

It would be simple then, to give him an answer if he needed it. To say aloud the words that she spoke silently for years, if he needed them said. She could do that for him. Would he still want to hear them?

She didn't stay on the dock very long—she'd have loved to wait for him to get back, but it seemed too desperate. She'd also been deathly afraid to leave the note for Cid alone in the room, so she'd kept it on her knowing it would be safer with her than anywhere else. It was probably best to get it back under the protection of a locked door before nightfall came. She returned to the hotel room, fully intent on telling him that she was very much in.


They returned from their voyage just before sundown. She'd been in the bathroom drying her hair, struggling with makeup again, putting on yet another black dress—shorter and form fitting this time. She'd even put on the pair of silver earrings he and Raijin had bought her for her birthday. For something she'd determined to be simple, she was sure getting elaborate. She'd been anxiously thinking of ways she could casually invite just him out to dinner, when she heard Raijin bumble through the door.

"That was the biggest fish I've ever seen, ya know? Why didn't you keep it?"

"Hyne, what would we do a with fish right now, Raijin? Our room doesn't have a fridge, and if it did it still definitely wouldn't have one big enough for a giant fish."

"All the same." Fujin heard the loud creaking of mattress springs, recognizing the sound as the weight of Raijin plopping himself down on the bed. "It would have been cool to show it to Fujin … Fuu, ya here?" Raijin yelled through the door.

"Yep, I'll be out in a second." She placed her hands on the edge of the counter, staring back at herself in the mirror. She was nervous. Her stomach was a mess. Perhaps getting enough courage to do this wasn't so simple after all.

"Everything alright, ya know? I told Seifer I was worried about leavin' you by yourself." She heard Seifer's familiar footsteps moving away from the door, the creaking of mattress springs once again, and Raijin's footsteps trudging close to her. "He said you'd be fine though. Sounds like you are."

"Yep, I think sleeping in was a good thing." Fujin groaned inwardly as she swallowed her pride. "Thanks for not waking me up—I really needed that."

"Hey, we're thinking of heading out to the bar to grab food and drinks on our last night in town, ya know. Do you wanna come—"

She darted toward the door, opening it quickly getting a full view of the room. Raijin stood directly in front of her, and Seifer was in the corner of the room in the same chair he'd been in last night reading a paper he'd picked up on their adventure, his feet propped up on an ottoman. He didn't bother to look her way, and her heart sank a bit.

"Dinner sounds…good." She hesitated, not quite accepting the invitation. "I was thinking—" Raijin's surprised expression caught her off guard.

"Holy Hyne Fuu, you look…um…well, hot actually" He laughed to himself. "Now that sounds weird. Are you going somewhere?"

She'd didn't dare look away from Raijin, but she saw the corner of Seifer's paper dip down to see what the commotion was about. It stayed that way for a few seconds, as Fujin continued to stare at Raijin.

"I was just … waiting for you guys." She smiled. "I just … felt like getting dressed up for our last night out." The paper rustled and perked up again. She let herself look in his direction—his face was shielded from view.

"Well lucky us, eh Seifer?" Raijin looked back at their friend and then back at Fujin. "Sometimes I forget just how pretty you are, ya know?" The seemingly back-handed compliment was quickly followed by an unexpected hug from him. She decided not to kick him—he was being genuine, even if it came out terrible.

"Well, lemme through so I can wash up, and we'll get headed. There's a girl I'm supposed to meet anyway. Whaddya say Seif?" Her heart lifted a little again, hearing that Raijin had plans to depart later.

"Sure, whatever." He was definitely still mad at her. She was hoping to change that.

Raijin rushed past her and slamming the door, and the shower was turned on almost instantly.

Seifer didn't look up from his newspaper at first, or even acknowledge that she was in the same space as him. She moved to sit down on the foot of the bed, cleared her throat, and she heard him flip a page.

"So, how's the wind today?" He asked from behind the paper with a slight edge to his voice.

"Good…a little quieter."

"That's great," he flipped another page. She noted that there was no way he could be reading that fast.

"How's the news?" She quipped back. He let the paper droop down again, giving her a sideways glance that wound up scanning her entire body before landing to rest on her face. She knew he was probably hating himself for letting that happen.

"Good." He replied, his jaw stiffened. "Informative."

"Well…that's great." Fujin replied back, angling herself towards him. "Did you guys…have a good day?" He let out an exasperated sigh and folded the paper up.

"Yep Fujin, great day." He ran his eyes over her again, before standing up to grab a glass from the nearby dresser and stalking over to bang on the bathroom door. She suddenly got the sinking feeling that tonight wasn't going to go as well as she'd hoped.

"Hey Raijin, you done in there yet? I need to get some water."

"Almost done!" Raijin yelled back. "I told you not to get those drinks on the way home man."

Ahhh, she thought to herself. That explains some of it.

Seifer mumbled something under his breath and was about to return to his chair when he spotted the gift she'd bought sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. He stared at it perplexed.

"What's that?" He asked her, walking over to it quickly and picking it up, shaking it lightly. His mouth moved faster than she could answer.

"Fancy dress, a little gift…all done up." His voice was quiet to avoid Raijin hearing him. "Are you…going out to meet that guy?" Fujin rushed to her feet in a panic, reflexively taking the box from him.

"No, of course not." She could see a small hint of anger in his eyes for having the audacity to take something out of his hands. "I said it already, I was waiting for you guys."

"Ha. Sure Fujin. Whatever you say." Seifer eyes ran over her from head to toe once again. It made him angrier, but instead of saying something hurtful to her like he'd usually do he spun away from her, and went to sit in his chair again. "Raijin, hurry up! I'm ready to go."

"One second, man! Sheesh…" Their comrade yelled back through the door.

She wasn't sure how to approach him at first. She didn't want him to be angry with her, but if he'd already been drinking it was incredibly bad timing for a profession of love. She sighed, and sat down on the ottoman in front of him.

"It's for you." She extended the box to him. "I wanted to…do something nice for you."

"Oh…" There was a hint of relief in his voice. He didn't move to take it so she shook the box a little. He reacted, and reached out his hand. It looked small when he held it, and she suddenly felt incredibly silly.

"It's just…something stupid." Fujin tried to downplay it so his expectations wouldn't be high. "It made me think of you…I thought about you a lot today." She looked back up at him when she didn't hear a reply. The features of his face hadn't softened, he just looked bewildered.

"Okay, Fuu. I mean…that's nice, I guess." He seemed to be having a lengthy internal dialogue. Raijin, with his impeccable timing, swung the bathroom door open.

"Alright, you two. Let's forget about all this sorceress crap for one night and have some fun, ya know?"

Seifer, who was still staring at the small box in his hand, smirked and shook his head before placing it down on a glass end table next to him. He stood up and walked past Fujin, without saying a word.

"Let's go. I'm tired of thinking about all of this serious shit." She heard him march out the door.

"Hey Fuu, you alright?" Raijin asked her, as he grabbed his jacket readying to leave. "If you don't feel good you don't have to come."

"Oh no, I'm fine. Let's get going. Sounds like a fun night." She smiled at him, and looped her arm in his to show enthusiasm. He was giddy.

"Yesss!" Raijin put his hand on her arm, and led her out of the room. From her outward appearance, no one would know there was anything wrong with her. On the inside, her heart was fractured.