I'll admit, I don't feel the song fits perfectly. Kind of blanked there. This was also a bit of a difficult chapter for me to write, as you will see, the focus shifts elsewhere. I had a small plot written in my story bible, and couldn't think of much to do with it. Probably since I resumed college yesterday. It's taking my attention on this work away at the moment. Or maybe this chapter really just was never meant to turn out too well in my view. Who know.


7: Beauty Knows No Pain

As I sit here and listen to Amanda playing her piano, I can't help but wonder if the notes she puts into play are the notes of her heart. A musician should play from the heart as much as they play from the written note, and I know that Amanda does. But which sort of tune is this?

If this is from the written note, I will be happy. This sad music drifting through her house would betray emotions in her heart that I would wish she didn't have. Pain. Loneliness. If only I could help her, but I want to wait for her to come to me, more than anything. I don't want to pressure her, despite her words to me.

Amanda is in pain. That is the likely answer, and one I don't want to be true. I just hope that it isn't. I hope that this music is from the written note.


But Amanda's playing was from the heart. As she sat alone in her house, her fingers playing across the piano keys, her heart was seeping through her fingers, into the piano. Everything she played was from the heart, not from any written sheet music. This was her pain. Her heartache.

The melody was filled with melancholy and sadness. She was sad about Simon, for all the good he seemed. She missed Kyle, but couldn't be with him yet. Not now, even if she needed someone to heal her heart. She was afraid of heartbreak again with him. He said that he and Jessi would never be together, but she had bumped into Jessi the other day, and Jessi seemed to doubt that.

"He may say that, but it's not true. We've had this rivalry already; I intend on continuing it."

"Even if he doesn't want you?" Amanda had asked.

"He wants me. He's just afraid of what our relationship will be like," Jessi had stated.

That confused Amanda. She was left pondering that, and still didn't have an answer. She was sure that nothing would come of those two. She just knew it. Kyle wanted her, not Jessi. And she wanted him, just like Jessi. Obviously that could only go one way, really.

She would have Kyle in the end. There was no doubt in her mind about that. But when was the end? When should she go to him? When was 'too soon' going to end?

As her song of melancholy continued, she sat in quiet thought, wondering about Kyle and herself, while her heart continued to come into her music.


Olivia's heels clacked against the floor, signaling her approach. As the doors slid aside, she stepped into the darkness, with two security guards waiting behind her, at the door instead of entering.

"Well," she smiled. The smile was filled with malice, but not at face value. The subtext, as it were.

Mike looked at her. The room was small, with a chair and a cot, a basin as well. It felt like a prison cell, more or less, but he was given proper meals. Darkness and minimal comfort kept him from thinking of the meals as significant of anything more than keeping him fed. If the food were of worse quality, it would feel like prison. With better food he could feel better, though the darkness would keep him in misery.

Though as she looked him over, she knew that the food had kept him well fed. He hadn't been losing his strength to hunger. If he tried to attack her, he could likely overpower her. He wouldn't get out the door, however, but he could overtake her.

"Why did you do it?" she questioned simply.

He made no moves against her, surprising her. She expected fight, but he was only a scientist and lab worker who had become a proper member to sit at their table. She guessed that he wasn't that type who would try to attack her.

"Do what?" he questioned.

"Oh? Playing dumb?" she asked, kicking him in the shoulder since he was sitting on the floor. The point of her high heeled shoe – the toe – dug into his shoulder. He went down with a shout. She kept her foot on him, putting all of her weight onto the heel as she changed where she stood.

He continued to shout, never saying anything.

"Tell me!" she shouted down at him.

She stepped off of him as a guard came in, pulling him to his feet and checking on his arm. Olivia nonchalantly stated, "I think I broke it. If not, my fault. That was the intent."

"Yeah, it's broken," the guard told her.

"Oh, good," she said with a smile, "If you want the other one to remain as it is, then tell me what you were doing," she told Mike.

Through his pained look she saw defiance in his eyes. But he seemed to reconsider his silence and spoke.

"I stole a flashdrive."

"We know," she said, pulling it from her pocket, "We found it. Why?"

"Because…I…I was going to give it to Kyle Trager…"

"You never struck me as a traitor," Olivia stated, "That really hurts. You could have tried to sell the contents to someone else. Made money off of Latnok's plans. But that you betrayed us? We could forgive money, but not this."

Fearing more pain, Mike called out, "He never saw it!"

"Are you lying to me?" Olivia demanded, walking towards him again. He struggled to back away, but the guard had his arm. He shook his head furiously.

She smiled, "If you lied, I'll break your other shoulder when I come back," she promised him.

"I didn't show him! I gave it to him, but he never looked at it!" Mike told her, "He was more concerned with his friend than trying to use it, or trying to bring down Latnok!"

"Bring us down?" Olivia questioned him, "What do you mean?"

He started to tell her quickly about the plans. About using the shipments to take advantage of the lack of staff and get inside. He also revealed how he never told Kyle where the main facility was, so it was safe.

She smiled, "Thank you for the information. And thank you for being incompetent as well. Were you competent, I'd have to worry about the boy knowing things he shouldn't. Release him."

The man let go of Mike. Mike fell to the ground, clutching his shoulder. She walked out the door, "I'll have a doctor look at that for you. For now you'll be stuck here, though. You may prove of enough use later to be freed again, and work with us at a lower level, however."

He watched her leave without a word. As the door closed, his room plunged into darkness again, leaving him alone in pain.

As she walked on, the two guards walked at her sides, "Do you believe him?" one asked her.

"Why shouldn't I?" she asked him, "I broke his shoulder."

"He could be stronger than expected. He might have feigned the pain and begging and pleading."

"I doubt that," she said, "I do believe him, because he's a weak man. Now, I want you two to fetch a doctor later, and also ask him if he looked at these files, or made any copies," she held the flashdrive up, "Give him some time alone, in the dark and in pain, though. Let's see how he likes his situation with pain. Remind him it'll double if he lies."

"Of course," the guard said.

"Leave me," she said, moving on alone into another room, using a keycard to access it. As she walked inside she sealed it behind her, entering into a room that she had made her own. A bed, dresser, closet, desk with computer, and bathroom facilities. That was about it. She had moved into this Latnok facility for now, ever since becoming the head of the organization. She didn't need much, and didn't care for comfort.

She sat on the bed, putting her head in her hands. They captured Mike. That was good; her security was worthwhile, and seemed to be on her side. But Mike had betrayed her. He had sided with her, then betrayed her. Would others try? How would she find out? Bring them out of hiding and take care of them?

Were her security guards actually trustworthy? The Latnok security seemed to care for their jobs, and didn't care about who was in charge. That was good, at least. As long as she kept them happy, she should be fine.

"At least the boy didn't see anything," she said quietly, looking at the flashdrive. She stood up and walked over to the computer, plugging it in. As the files came up she scrolled through. They were all Latnok projects that she had forced into being put on hold due to her search for Cassidy, which was more important.

"He could have sold them," she said, "And if the boy saw, then he would be able to stop them, unless major changes were made." Or so she assumed. She was by no means a computer genius, but to her it seemed like with all of the lines of code and specifications on the drive that Kyle could easily stop what they were doing, if he saw. It would be too much of a hassle to rewrite the codes, to make new plans, to just overhaul everything.

She closed all of the files and removed the flashdrive. She would return it later, when she went to the meeting room. For now she stood there, looking at the blank computer screen, thinking of what she would need to do next.

"He said…that Kyle ignored Latnok for his friend," she muttered. She refused to target Kyle's loved ones. His family. His friends. She had her standards, her morals. Never. She would never cross that line.

But maybe she had to. She needed to find Cassidy. She needed Cassidy. And Kyle knew. She knew that he knew. She closed her eyes and thought for a time, her mind racing.

Should she cross the line? Should she finally do what she had said she would never do? Should she go after someone to force Kyle's hand?
She clicked something on her computer. Files came up about Kyle, about the Trager family, about known associates and friends. Anyone who could be of use to Latnok if they ever needed to target someone.

Cassidy had compiled this small database. She knew that as a fact.

She looked through. She couldn't violate her morals here, but she could do something. She knew she could do something to force the boy's hand. And she found the target. Smiling a little with a bittersweet smile, she knew what she had to do.

Her morals were in her way, yet they were one of the most important things she had. She couldn't just violate them. But this was no true violation. This was getting creative and getting around them. It would work. It had to work.

She would never think of it as a break in her morals. As a breach of what she had sworn to herself. No. This would work, and only Kyle would suffer for it.

She walked away from the computer, leaving the room with the swipe of the keycard. The computer was still up, and on the screen was the face and information of Amanda Bloom.


As the playing of the piano stopped, I considered going to Amanda. I considered at least talking to her, and asking her about her music. Not this music. I wouldn't want to be intrusive, but about her music in general. Maybe she would open up to me.

Kyle opened the door to leave his room when Jessi walked inside at the same time, "I heard you get up," she said.

"Have you just been listening to me?" he questioned her, "Every little sound?"

She shrugged, "I get bored sometimes," she answered.

"That's not why," he told her.

"I know," she said, turning to him with a smile, "I'm just glad you know as well."

"What does that mean?" he asked her.

"You hurt me," she said, dropping her smile, "You hurt me when you told me how you felt about us in a relationship."

"It was the truth," Kyle told her, "And I'm sorry it hurt you, but that is how I feel about it."

"That's fine," she said, "And yes. You're truthful, I guess even when it hurts. Except when it matters."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"I know that you kept Amanda from knowing about Charlie," she said, "So you wouldn't hurt her, to let him try to salvage things."

"How do you know about that?" he questioned, a bit angrily. That was something she shouldn't know. It was also something that was private, something that had transpired between himself and Amanda that he wanted to keep private, only between those who knew. It wasn't a big deal that she knew, but it was a violation of privacy, somewhere. And it showed Kyle not at his best. It showed him being helpful to Charlie, and trying for Amanda, but being self-serving in various ways.

Had he told her, it would have been self-serving to end their relationship. Withholding the information was self-serving in its own way. It made him look for at least a time like he didn't know, that he was the one who didn't hold back information from her, until she realized that he also knew, at which time it became an issue for their friendship.

"I talk to people," Jessi told him, leaving it at that. She continued on the subject at hand, "You were keeping things from Amanda, the truth. You tell the truth otherwise, because you're a good person. And you tell me the truth to hurt me. Intentionally. Do you really hate the idea of us so much?"

"I don't hate you," he told her.

"Not what we're talking about," she told him.

"I don't hate you, like I said. I like you, Jessi. I wish that a relationship with us could work in some way, but I love Amanda. I want to be with her, not you. Because I know it works."

"If only for a time," she commented.

He continued to talk, "You and I are alike, but so different. Amanda and I have something together, and so do you and I, but in a completely different way. It's destructive and sickening to me. I don't know how it happens, but you bring out a side of myself that I don't like, Jessi. If we could remain who we are, and I wouldn't change like that, if you wouldn't change like that, then we might be possible. But no. Not now."

"It doesn't change me," she said, "It just brings me out a bit more."

"The point stands," he told her.

"I guess you're right about that," she said, "But you should embrace that side, like I have. I've embraced it when it comes out. Do the same," she said almost pleadingly, urging him.

"If I did that, I would lose who I am," he told her.

"Then become like me," she said, "Look at us…I'm just as good as you, and in some ways, better."

"I'm who I am," he told her, "I can't change for you."

"Would you change for Amanda?" she questioned him, getting at what she wanted to.

"That's irrelevant," he told her, "She likes me for who I am."

"But if she didn't?" she questioned.

"I won't answer that," he said, "There's no point to it."

"You just don't want to answer. Are you afraid of what it means if you do?" she questioned him.

"Jessi…if it hurt you last time when I told you the truth, then you should probably stop now. Or it'll hurt you again, and possibly even worse this time."

"I don't believe that Kyle," she told him, "I don't think you could do that again. Try on purpose to hurt me so I leave you alone. It's not who you are."

"You're right," he told her, "So I'm just walking out."

"That's not like you either, to just leave someone like that," she said, "Not like this."

"It's the better of two options," he said, leaving and closing the door behind himself, leaving Jessi in the room alone. But by the time he got out of the room, he listened, trying to figure out where Amanda was. He focused on her house, but no heartbeat. Outside as well, but nothing.

She was gone. I missed my chance to see her now, and to ask about her pained music. Jessi prevented me from doing that, so she accomplished something pertaining to her goals. But it won't last long. I will see Amanda the next time she's around, and I will do my best to be there for her, should she need me to be.

Jessi has her own intentions in mind. She's not a terrible person, but she's not the woman for me. Only Amanda is that woman, and I hope that that's how our story will end.


Amanda had gone out for a walk, without The Rack, without a job. She didn't want to sit home alone anymore, waiting for her mother to come back from work, or for someone to come and visit. That didn't happen often. Kyle seemed hesitant to come after they had spoken of each other and their feelings. She would have enjoyed Lori's company for a time. Until it turned to her feelings for Kyle, which she knew Lori would bring up.

As she walked, she failed to notice a van slowing and parking somewhere behind her. Why should she notice? It wasn't important.

But as she kept going, three men got out and followed her. She still didn't notice. Until one grabbed her arm while another tried to grab her legs.

"Hey! What…what are you doing?" she shouted in fear, "Help! Someone!" she screamed, but there was nobody around at this time of day.

As Amanda struggled the men started to move back to the van with her, while the third just looked around, getting ready to get back and drive. However, he failed to notice a woman coming up, striking him in the back of the head with a thick stick from somebody's nearby yard. He stumbled, his vision blurring. She saw a gun in his waistband, so she took it, aiming it at the other two men.

"Let her go!" the woman shouted, "I will kill you two!" She aimed it at the stumbling man, "And him too!"

The two men released Amanda, dropping her to the ground. They backed away, hands up, not stupid enough to go for their guns. The woman moved to Amanda, helping her to get back while keeping the weapon trained. The three men got into the van and drove off.

"No license plates," the woman muttered, "Well, can you remember them at all? Wait. Sorry, manners," she said, lowering the weapon after the van was gone, "I'm Megan."

She chose a fake name. In case Kyle had told her about his last trip to Latnok. In case the name Olivia would mean anything.

"I'm Amanda…thank you so much," she said with great relief, looking back after the van, "What did they want with me?" she wondered.

"It's probably better not to think about it," Olivia told her. It was working, she was relieved and thankful, based on her body posture, body language, tone. Olivia knew these things, and could see it working before she received actual confirmation from Amanda herself.

"Yeah…if you hadn't been here…," Amanda said.

"I was, though," Olivia said with a smile, looking at the gun in her hand, "I'll deal with this," she said, "It's a good thing they bought the lie."

"You were bluffing?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah. No idea how to use one, really," Olivia lied. She had firearm experience, of course, but Megan didn't.

"I'm glad it worked," Amanda said, "Thank you so much…I really don't know what I would do without people watching over me."

"People? Others?" Olivia asked.

She nodded, "Yeah…I have friends who do that. One who just is always there…always knowing when I'm in trouble."

"Too bad that friend wasn't here for you today," Olivia said, sure it was Kyle. She was thankful he wasn't around. That would complicate things, "At least I was here, though, to take his or her place."

"His," she clarified with a smile.

Olivia smiled, "Let's get away from this…grimmer talk. Is he someone special?" she asked.

Olivia figured that she could easily extract information as long as she was a savior. As long as Amanda was thankful for her presence, for being saved. A question like that would be small enough to probably get an answer, compared to what she wanted to get to later, but might also be problematic. She wanted to see how easy it was for Amanda to answer something more personal to even her savior.

It wasn't hard. It was working.

"He's…well…he was my boyfriend…and…," she smiled a bit more, "I think we're in love with each other, deep down, somewhere…"

"That's touching," Olivia said, "I've never had anyone like that in my life."

The lives of Olivia and Megan were intermixed for the sake of keeping some honesty in her words. She wasn't concerned with what was Olivia and what was a façade, however, at the moment.

"Nobody's interested in someone like you? Who would risk themselves to save a stranger?" Amanda asked, confused by that.

Olivia shrugged, "I'm not a hero, I'm not a savior. I just saw another woman in danger and acted."

"You're still my savior, though," Amanda told her.

And that's what she needed. She needed that acknowledgement; she needed to be accepted here.

Time to gamble.

"I need to go. I'm sure you want to be on your way," Olivia said, hoping…

"No, please. I'm not busy," Amanda said, "If you're just excusing yourself for my sake, you don't have to."

Success.

Olivia nodded, "Well, if you're not busy then…"

"I'm not," Amanda said, "We should go somewhere. Talk. I'd…like to learn more about the woman who saved me."

"I'd like to join you," she said. This was going to be easy if she was so accepting. But company was one thing. Getting this information was going to be something else entirely. She needed to get an understanding of Kyle. It wasn't going to be too relevant, but relevant enough to understand her foe.

As the two walked, they talked about things that weren't important. Olivia kept answering the trivial questions with true and false answers, as both Olivia and Megan. The truth every so often would keep things flowing well, and she knew her part as Megan well enough that the lies came easily.

When the two arrived at a café, Olivia took her towards a spot by the window while they had their coffee brought to them. Both thanked the man. Olivia looked outside for a bit, then looked to Amanda.

"I have a question, if it isn't intrusive," she said.

"Please, ask," Amanda said, obviously unable to judge without hearing it.

"You said that this man is kind of your protector," she said, trying to get at the information she wanted, "That…doesn't make sense to me. Does this happen to you often, that you need help?"

"Um…well, it's complicated," Amanda admitted, thinking about it, "Protector in…various senses. He's helped me in life. He's helped me in so many ways, just in everyday life…and…well…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want," Olivia said. She needed to know.

"I can trust you," she said, looking up from her drink to Olivia, "I did get…abducted once. I guess. I don't remember. He didn't tell me until sometime after it happened, for my sake. He found me and saved me, though. And I've had trouble with an…ex-boyfriend, and he's been there for me, to help keep me safe, just in case."

She knew what Amanda was referring to. She had seen the files. Abducting her at the Prom. So she would speak of Latnok, even if she didn't name it, or state much about it, but allude to it. She knew about that situation, which was interesting. So Kyle did tell her things. But she needed more.

"That's…I don't even know what to say about that," Olivia said, "Did anything happen to the people who did it?"

"Well…it gets complicated there," Amanda said, "I…can't tell you anything else about what I mean, I'm sorry."

"No, I understand," Olivia said. It was a start, but she needed a little more. She hoped Amanda would provide.

"The thing is…," she continued without any sort of provoking, "Kyle told me about them. He told me that they were dangerous, and that it would be hard to stop them, or bring them in, or take them down…or anything. But he told me a lot of stuff about them. He said that they might come for me again, and that I should just tell them everything important. I…I wonder if those men today were…" She didn't finish, leaving the thought there.

"It sounds like they could have been," Olivia said. Technically they were, so she was close, "But…that…that is amazing, and dangerous. To think that such people might be here in Seattle. That…that they would be organized in such a way that they would be so dangerous…"

Amanda nodded, "It's scary to think about…"

It was time.

"Here," Olivia said, reaching up to her neck and unclasping a necklace. She pulled it out, handing it across the table to Amanda, "It's a medal of…"

"Saint Christopher," she said, "The patron of safe travel."

"Maybe you could use it," Olivia said.

"Thank you…but I can't accept this," she said.

"Please do. For my sake, as your protector," she said.

Amanda smiled and nodded in acceptance, "Ok then. I will. Thank you."

"It's no trouble," she said, "Just remain safe."

She watched Amanda put the necklace on. "Try over the clothes," she said, offering it jokingly, "Maybe it'll be stronger out."

Amanda smiled, leaving it like that. It really didn't matter in the end, but would be more potent outside.


Later Olivia watched as Amanda excused herself and thanked her for everything, and then left. She said she was going home.

"Perfect," Olivia smiled. It was a bittersweet smile. While she hadn't compromised her morals in what she had done, she was dancing on the edge of a line that she didn't want to cross.

But this was going to work out. She knew it. She knew that this plan would yield the results she needed. And if not…she had one other plan.


[Start "Drown"]

And that's when I finally found her heartbeat again. She was coming home, so I hurried outside so I could at least see her and talk to her. After having talked to Jessi, I knew that we needed to finally face the inevitable, and stop pushing it off.

Kyle headed outside, seeing Amanda coming down the sidewalk, almost to the Trager house. He hurried that way, "Amanda!"

She smiled and hurried over to him, "Kyle! We…we need to talk. Now."

"I agree," he told her with a smile to match her own, "I hope we have the same thing to bring up."

"I think we do," she said, choosing not to tell him about what had happened to her while she was out. Not yet. "It's…it's time for us to get back together. I'm sure of it."

"As am I," Kyle said, "I've waited…I've waited with the thought that it wouldn't happen for a while. I'm glad that I was wrong."

"Yeah. So am I," she said, "I guess…I guess we're always going to be there for each other. Jessi told me that you two don't work, apparently, and I'm…well, you know. Stuck in that department."

"Jessi?" he questioned.

"It's not important. Was she not supposed to say anything?"

"No…it's fine," he said. He wondered how much she knew about his brief relationship with Jessi, if it could even be called that. But it would be best to forget about it for now. Now that he was here with Amanda.

"As long as we're together…right?" she asked, taking his hands.

"Yeah…as long as we're together. It doesn't matter," he told her.

Olivia was watching, sitting in a car down the road, parked. She watched through her front window with binoculars. Kyle wasn't paying attention, so she was safe. She watched, noticing the necklace still outside of her shirt. Perfect.

She took up a remote control, aiming it at the two of them. She reached up and pressed the button.

The press of the button was also the exact same moment the two kissed. The spark shot from the necklace, into Kyle's chest. It was meant to disable his heart, to pull a trick that Cassidy had done. Force information for his life, though it wasn't to be as strong, so he could speak before he would lose consciousness. However, she didn't expect what happened next.

Kyle tensed as the pain shot through him. Then she saw Amanda also feel the pain and fall back, away from Kyle. "Amanda!" he called, grabbing her before she fell, "Amanda! Amanda!"

Olivia watched, "No…," she muttered, "No!"

This wasn't part of the plan. This wasn't what she ever wanted to happen. She cursed. What could she do? How bad was it for Amanda? She…she couldn't let the girl die.

She reached over, picking up a vial. She opened the door and set it down on the sidewalk, then got back inside and drove. Kyle would find it. If he analyzed it, that wouldn't be good, but she would take that risk, instead of taking a life needlessly.

As I stood with Amanda in my arms, I realized something important. Something truly important. Amanda and I can't be together as long as Latnok is here. As long as they are a threat. We can't just be apart as a couple…we can't even see each other as friends.

My friends are in danger once again. Olivia was never going to go that far…and I'm sure this was her doing. But now…nothing can redeem her in my eyes. I will stop her, and stop Latnok, but until then, I can't even see Amanda as my friend.

And that is what hurts the most. The most, as I see it as a man in love, thinking of nothing but himself. The worst thing is Amanda's condition, as I feel her heartbeat weaken in her chest, as I hear it. I know I can do nothing to save her.

Because this isn't for me to save.

He looked down the sidewalk at the vial. It was hard to see with normal eyesight from the distance, but he knew it was there, and knew what it was. He lifted her and ran that way. He would save her, only because someone was remorseful within Latnok.

"That was meant for me. Not you…," he said softly to Amanda as he set her down, "I'm so sorry…so…so sorry…"

After applying the drug to her heart, he would take her to her bedroom, and from then on, ignore her every call, her every attempt to see him as he would sit in solitude, seeing nobody.

Because that was his own personal hell he created for himself. For what happened to Amanda.

"My penance."

[End "Drown"]