Chapter 6. Lunar Cycle
Pairing: Leah/Jacob
Soundtrack choice No room for doubt by Lianne La Havas feat. Willie Mason youtube watch?v=pBCt5nfsZ30
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer all the characters.
Leah was gently awoken from sleep by the vague smell of strawberry jelly and milk scented breath gently wafting up her nostrils. It wasn't until she felt sticky little fingers softly padding around her face that she truly stirred.
"Mama's sad?" Harri asked in a stage whisper.
Leah opened her eyes slowly to be greeted with Harri's big bright eyes staring intently back at her. Leah reached for Harri under the covers and gently pulled her closer. Once they were practically nose to nose Leah stroked her daughter's face and smiled softly, "No mama's not sad…"Leah lay a small kiss on the tip of Harri's nose "…Mama is happy because her favourite person in the whole wide world is here. Do you know who that is?"
Harri thought for a second, then with unbridled exuberance yelled,"Me!"
Leah laughed "Yes,you!" and began smothering Harri with more kisses. Harri, who began laughing riotously at her mother's sudden antics, backed up under the covers and managed to crawl away, far from Leah's reach and promptly sat up in bed and smiled. Her hair was messy and her mouth covered with Strawberry Jelly. She wore one of Seth's old Transformer's T-shirts as a makeshift nightie. Leah watched her daughter and felt a sort of calmness enfold her. From behind the closed curtains of her room she could vaguely make out a stream of pale sunlight peeping through the seams. Today was a new day. Today she felt stronger. Today she had lived to tell the tale and today she was a mother, albeit a mother who had for three days completely neglected her child ,unable to see past the haze of heartache ,but Leah silently promised that she'd make it up to her perfect little girl because today she was no longer bound by the fear of facing Jacob Black's inevitable wrath. He had released her. Leah felt herself get breathless and her heart lurch at the thought .he . had. released. ..her. Jacob had let her go ,Leah promptly made a decision.
She rolled over on to her back and took a deep breath. "What would Princess Harri like to do today?" Leah asked, smiling over at her beautiful little girl who by now had stood up on the bed and was steadily bouncing up and down. "Ponies." Harri said without hesitation. "Uncle Seth says we can ride Ponies on the beach." Leah got up and went over to the curtains; she pulled them open as the pale winter sun hit her with such force that she had to close her eyes. She allowed herself to soak up its rays for a second as her thoughts wondered over to the other side of the reservation, to the man who had released her. "Sure, baby. We can ride ponies." She said pensively.
-x-
Jacob sat staring into space. Not listening to Renesmee as she prattled on about a book she'd been reading, although she looked to be about 10 or 11 she spoke with a understanding and sophistication that made her seem at least 16,despite the fact that she'd technically only been alive for four years .Jacob was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Bella and Edward watching him, as they whispered amongst themselves.
"Maybe we should call Carlisle, see if there's anything he can recommend for depression." Bella said.
Edward shook his head "He's not depressed, he's hurting…give him time."
Bella frowned as she watched her best friend. "He's been sitting on our couch for the best part of three days, staring into space and not talking. He won't eat, he barely drinks. I'm worried, what if he has a relapse?"
"If he were going to go and get wasted he would have done that already instead of sitting on our couch." Edward gently rubbed his wife's back.
"Well, I'm not so sure. No matter how bad it got before, he'd always talk to Ness….but look at him now…absolutely nothing. I'm scared for him, Edward."
Edward and Bella exchanged a look, one that called for action.
"Hey Ness, could you go with your dad ?" Bella smiled at her daughter.
Renesmee who was mid-sentence looked from her mother to her father .It was serious and she was a smart girl.
"It's just Charlie needs help erecting the marquee, the wedding's almost here , all hands on deck." Edward quickly added.
Renesmee got the message and looked down at Jacob sadly "Ok. Jake I'll be back later. Do you need anything?"
Jacob didn't reply, which came as no surprise to any of the Vampires in the room.
As Renesmee and Edward exited the house, Bella sat down next to Jacob and placed a chicken sandwich in front of him. "Eat something Jake, please."
-x-
Leah entered the kitchen with Harri firmly hoisted up on her hip and paused as she took in the craziness that surrounded her. Everyone appeared to be in full wedding mode.
Every surface in the kitchen was covered with either flower arrangements, bottles of drink and food ingredients or some sort of decoration. Half the female population of the Quileute tribe seemed to be weaving in and around the house laden with wedding paraphernalia.
Leah caught sight of her mother who despite the chaos was sat at the table with Angel who seemed to be going over the wedding menu ,trying to coerce Sue into taking small bites of the samples he held out in front of her. Sue took a bite and nodded, prompting Angel to jot something down on his note pad.
"Morning." Leah smiled as she sloped over to them.
Angel and Sue looked at Leah in shock. "You're up?" Sue asked unnecessarily.
Leah nodded,"I know I've been M.I.A recently but I'm here now and I want to help." Leah quickly added .She deposited Harri on to the nearest stool. "So what do you need me to do?"
Absolute silence. Sue looked at Angel, and Angel looked at Sue. Leah rolled her eyes. "I've been slacking on my Maid of Honor duties, and I'm sorry but seriously guys, I want to help."
Sue smiled with relief, "Well I need you to pick up the cake and our dresses from the Shop, and then I need you to.."
Leah held up her hand. "I'm gonna need to write some of this down.."
-x-
Bella sat next to Jacob for what seemed like an eternity, just watching him breathe in and out . his eyes were glazed over and he was obviously away with his thoughts. It broke Bella's heart to see him like this again.
"Jacob." Bella said, gently putting her hand on his thigh. There was no reaction to her words, instead he sat staring into space ,unaffected by the world around him.
"JACOB!" She tried again, this time louder and shook him a little. It did the trick because his eyes met her eyes with recognition. Bella smiled slightly but Jacob's face remained expressionless. "You need to eat something."
"I'm really not hungry." Jacob said gruffly.
Bella sighed "You can't go on like this Jake. Snap out of it."
"And how do you suppose I do that."
Bella bit her lip, "Maybe you could go and see her, she's beautiful Jake, she looks just like you, she has your smile and everything.."
"Did my dad put you up to this?" Jacob could feel the irritation beginning to course through his veins. "Cos' if he did you can tell him where to stick it!"
Bella placed her hand on Jacob's hand, "No Jake, your dad has nothing to do with this .I know you, I know it's killing you."
Jacob snatched his hand away and stood up, "Leave it alone Bella!"
Bella followed suit and stood up too, she could see Jacob fighting himself. "So you're just going to run away, pretend your child doesn't exist?"
"Hell yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do." Jacob spat bitterly. "If Leah can do it, so can I."
Bella shook her head ,this wasn't Jacob talking. She stepped closer to Jacob,who in turn took a step backwards. "You don't mean that Jake,it's just the anger talking."
"Yes I do."
"So,you want to just hang out on my sofa ,staring into space feeling bitter and empty about the whole thing for the rest of your life?"
"No Bella! That's not what I want .I want the girl and the kid and the wedding ring and the white picket fence but what choice do I have? What choice have I ever had in this whole damn thing!..."Jacob's voice broke and he began to crumple.
Bella wanted to hold him, support him whilst he cried out his frustration.
"Don't touch me." Jacob said turning away.
The tone of his voice made Bella stop dead in her tracks. She watched helplessly as he grabbed his coat and flung open the door ,never once looking back at his friend as he jumped on his motorcycle and rode off.
-x-
Leah picked up the phone.
" Clearwater Residence . How may I help you?"
"Leah? It's Rachel."
Leah grimaced. The last thing she needed was a scolding from Jacob's protective older sister.
"My dad and I were talking and I'd really love to get to know Harri," Rachel began slowly, "and I know you've got a lot to do with your mom's wedding and all,so I thought maybe you'd need someone to take Harri off your hands for a while."
Leah wondered if Rachel were some kind of psychic witch or something . She really could use someone to watch Harri whilst she ran errands for her mom,but Rachel Black of all people…
"I don't think that's a good Idea. Y'know with Jacob being around and all…" Leah began.
"Jacob's not here . He hasn't been around for a couple of days."Rachel said somberly.
Leah sighed and rested her head against the wall. "I just don't think it would be a good idea . Harri doesn't do well with strangers and.." Leah looked over at Harri who was busy making a mess with a box of confetti, happily giggling with tribe members ,all of whom happened to be complete strangers.
Rachel softly hmm'ed causing Leah to shift her focus back to the conversation. "I know what you're thinking Leah ,but I just want to get to know my niece while she's here .I haven't met her yet. That's all."
Rachel's proposal sounded completely appetizing and now that everything was out in the open she did want Harri to know her family, so before Leah knew it , she was promising to drop Harri off for an hour ,maybe two max, just so she could help with the wedding prep uninterrupted by Harri, and it wasn't like she was leaving Harri with a complete stranger, Rachel was her aunt. She trusted Rachel, they used to be good friends once upon a time. Harri would be fine,Leah rationalized, especially since Jacob would be nowhere in the vicinity.
-x-
Jacob drove up through the woods onto the dirt path, behind his shed. Hopefully he had dodged his father and sister, hopefully they hadn't heard his motor,the last thing he felt like was another lecture. He wanted to be alone. Carefully taking the keys out of the ignition and covering the bike with tarpaulin he quietly opened his shed and slithered towards the beat up old couch behind his work desk and closed his eyes.
-x-
"This must be the infamous Harri." Rachel smiled genuinely as she opened the door.
Leah smiled down at her daughter. "Yes, and this is Aunty Rachel. Say hello Harri."
"Hello Aunty Rachel." Harri said with a little wave.
Rachel and Leah both smiled down at the unadulterated cuteness that was Harri Sarah Clearwater.
Rachel beckoned them in and closed the door as she walked them through to the kitchen. The place hadn't changed a bit, Leah thought as she surveyed her surroundings.
Once in the kitchen Leah made a face of surprise.
"Oh that's Paul's dog Killer. He saved him from the shelter a couple of months ago, they were gonna put him down. "
"The dog or Paul?" Leah quipped, as she eyed the old dog snoozing besides a bowl of water.
Rachel laughed. "He's like a million years old, he's harmless, and he loves kids."
Leah nodded slowly, she'd have to take Rachel's word for it. "Is Paul around?" Leah asked, trying her best to sound nonchalant, she just didn't want any verbal altercations in front of Harri.
"OOoh Puppy!" Harri squealed as she made her way over to the dog who lackadaisically opened one eye.
"No,he's at the grocery store,picking up some bits and pieces."
Leah nodded, thank god, she thought to herself. "And your dad,is he around?"
"No,he's with Billy for the day,helping out."
Leah nodded again,she's known that already but heaven forbid an awkward silence should develop. This used to be easy. Rachel and Leah had always been friendly , the obvious awkwardness that had now developed between them troubled Leah. A moment passed whilst the two women avoided eye contact and stared at Harri who gently pet the dog.
"Ok,I guess I should get going." Leah clapped abruptly " I'll be back in about an hour or so . Thanks for this,Rachel."
Rachel smiled as she waved Leah off "Don't worry, Me and Harri will be absolutely fine."
And fine they were, chatting, laughing and playing. Rachel had set up crayons and paints on the kitchen table .And there they had stayed for half an hour, until Paul had returned with lollipops and Harri had decided she was bored and wanted to play with the dog in the back yard.
-x-
Jacob stared at the tiny Little girl who seemed to have appeared from nowhere walking around his shed. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't. He froze. His heart knew who she was instantly .He'd know his child anywhere. She was him, she was Leah, she was that almost perfect night under the moon on their deserted beach. The tiny soul in front of him was everything he tried to forget but everything he so desperately wanted to remember.
She hadn't noticed him yet, she was too busy trailing Paul's mut who had curled up on a pile of rags in the corner. He watched her quietly, silently praying she'd turn around and leave, until she momentarily lost interest in the dog and reached out to touch the chainsaw he had left lying around haphazardly.
"Don't touch that !" he screeched as he raced over to where Harri stood and picked up the saw, then promptly locked it away.
Harri stood,with her little arms behind her back, swaying from side to side completely nonplussed by the sudden appearance of a screaming man. Instead she stood, and looked Jacob over, as if studying him . "Who are you?", she asked in her innocent high pitched voice.
Jacob didn't answer right away. He couldn't remember how to, as his mind struggled to process what was being asked. She could speak! He was in shock, delayed shock but a kind of shock nonetheless. His child stood in front of him and he couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had come along and ripped his lungs out of his chest and then did a body slam on his heart. He couldn't move, he was rooted to the spot that he stood.
"Jacob…" He struggled to get the words out, coughed to clear his throat then stated again "Jacob, my name is Jacob."
Harri tilted her little pigtailed head to one side "Jay-cup?"
Jacob tried to stop himself but before he knew it he was smiling. He'd never heard anything sound so sweet and warm, especially not the mispronunciation of his own name.
But the warmth only lasted a second. Suddenly he was angry, he could feel the anger rising from his gut because he didn't know even know her name .He was a father and he didn't even know his own child's name. Jacob shook the last thought away,he couldn't let himself think like that, she wasn't his, she never had been and now she never would be and he had wanted it that way, hadn't he? Right now, staring into the large brown eyes of his child he couldn't remember anything that had come before."What's your name?" Jacob softened his voice and knelt down on the floor.
"Harrri Sarrrah Clearrrwat-er."
"Harri Sarah…"Jacob repeated softly . He could feel himself choke up. He hadn't expected the tribute to his own mother but it touched him deeply. "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl."
Harri giggled, displaying two perfect dimples.
And just like that,Jacob Black fell deeply in Love.
-x-
Leah pulled up to the Black place and felt her soul weigh her down as she struggled to get out of the car. Once at the front door she knocked and waited. She inwardly groaned as she recognised the figure walking towards her.
"Paul." Leah nodded and greeted her former pack member as cordially as she could muster.
"Leah." Paul nodded back. He stepped aside to let her enter. "Go through to the kitchen."
Leah exhaled slightly, she had expected a sarcastic comment or some sort of dirty look…Paul was always good at that but she got nothing, maybe he'd softened. Maybe Rachel had changed him, love did that to people, or so she'd heard.
Rachel was at the counter ,stirring some kind of stew. "Hey Leah." She smiled. "You're early."
Leah nodded "Yeah, I thought I should pick Harri up.I promised her we'd go ride ponies…"
Rachel smiled and nodded "Oh, she'll love that. Hey Paul, remember the time Jacob fell of one of those and…" Rachel caught Leah's eye and immediately shut up. Paul who was leaned against the door frame looked down at the ground .Awkward.
Rachel cleared her throat "She's an absolute darling .Thanks for letting me spend time with her,Leah. It means a lot to me." Leah was momentarily thrown by the sincerity in Rachel's Voice . Afterall she knew exactly how Rachel felt about her, Rachel's allegiance lay with her younger brother not the woman who had spurned him.
"You're welcome."Leah looked around the kitchen expectantly, but there was no sign of Harri anywhere. "where is she?"
"In the yard,Playing with my dog." Paul said, straightening up and walking over to the sliding doors that connected the kitchen to the back of the house.
Leah followed Paul out and looked around .No sign of Harri or the dog either.
"She's not here." Leah said to Paul, already feeling the first twinges of panic.
Paul scratched his head. "She was here a minute ago,I checked on her myself."
Rachel came out "What's going on ?"
"Harri's not here."Paul said, scratching his head.
Rachel put her hands on her hips "What do you mean Harri's not here ! ?"
Leah looked at them incredulously, her guts beginning to churn"You've lost my child! ? She's not even 3 and you left her out here alone !" Leah could feel her heart begin to race ,"I swear to God,Paul. If your mut has done anything to my child I will put it down myself!" Leah said as she set off,with Rachel and Paul behind her, around the Black's property, screaming Harri's name.
-x-
Leah could feel herself shaking, The panic was beginning to rise. Don't cry, don't panic, she's around here somewhere. Leah told herself . She could hear Rachel and Paul calling for Harri as they ventured further afield. Leah searched in the shrubbery, she searched behind the old car shells. She paused when out of nowhere came a shrill screech .Leah followed it towards Jacob's shed, the door slightly ajar.
Leah opened the door gently and stepped inside. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the lighting but when it did she immediately saw Harri. Relief instantly washing over her like a tidal wave but the pleasant feeling didn't last that long as Jacob filled her sight .It hadn't occurred to Leah that Jacob might be there in his shed, but he was and everything inside her dropped like a stone. It was a good thing that he and Harri hadn't noticed her yet, instead their attention lay within the open hood of a car. Harri was perched up on the side a small spanner in hand.
"Ok, Harri do you wanna give it a little tap?" Jacob asked. Harri leaned over, with Jacob's support and tapped something within the car. "Tap it again,this time a little harder." Harri did it again and then squealed with delight, forcing Jacob to laugh. "Well done baby girl ."
Leah watched this scene and she couldn't help but smile .Jacob Black was glowing, in a way she hadn't ever seen before.
Suddenly something went silent. It was as if Jacob could sense her because he stopped , turned around and looked right at her. She couldn't read him, but the bond that he had severed hadn't been broken at all. It was still there, just as strong , pulling them together , only this time it was being held together by their little girl.
"Look Mama , me and Jay-cup are fixing cars." Harri smiled brightly at her mother.
Leah looked at her daughter whose dress was covered in car grease and had a makeshift bandana wrapped around her head, making her seem less car mechanic and more princess pirate. Leah smiled slowly ,"I can see that."
TBC.
