She woke up next day, hearing numerous knocks on her door.
"Milady? Milady, are you quite alright?", It was Simmons, she sounded worried.
Cora stretched her arms and yawned, "Yes, Come in, Simmons". She sat up before she could enter.
"Milady, Lady Grantham has asked for you twice, I thought you were ill, that's why you didn't rung for breakfast", Simmons explained, her brow furrowed.
"What? What is the time", Cora asked.
"It's almost an hour over the usual time you go downstairs"
Cora's eyes grew wide. She didn't know what happened and how she slept this long, maybe it was because her mind was a whirlwind from the past several days due to that Kara. She shook her head and almost let out another 'UGHH', but controlled herself. As much as she wanted to avoid any harsh talk with Lady Grantham in front of all the guests, all her efforts were backfired. She knew it; this is going to cost her a lengthy lecture. Then suddenly she remembered, it was her birthday! A small smile appeared on her face. Maybe not, she thought. Maybe she will be kind enough to compromise this particular lecture because it was her birthday.
"Simmons, where's his lordship?", Cora inquired.
" said he is out on some estate business with Lord Grantham. He asked for you twice, milady but you were asleep so he went", Simmons replied.
Damn it, he would've wanted to wish me!
"Did he tell when he'll be back?", Cora asked, her voice full of frustration.
"No, milady"
Cora only nodded and got up to dress herself. She went down at met the sight of her mother-in-law shouting at one of the footmen. Cora sighed and continued her walk. Lady Grantham saw her approach towards her and gave her a harsh look.
"So, you're finally out of bed then?", Violet said, anger in her voice was evident.
"I'm sorry, Mama, I don't know how I slept so long"
Lady Grantham held out a hand to stop Cora from speaking, "Never mind, my dear. I don't know how you Americans work anyway. Now that you're finally downstairs, please go and check the flower arrangements for the ball tomorrow and I've made a list of thing that need to be checked as well", she handed Cora a long list of things and Cora, sighed, this is going to be a long day.
She looked up to see her mother-in-law but she was already gone. No wishes, not anything, just a long list of things that needed to be done. Maybe she was really angry after all, Cora thought and went to see the flower arrangements.
Cora spent the whole day doing the things that her mother-in-law instructed her to do so. Robert still hadn't returned yet. She passed by Kara a couple of times but she ignored her presence like Kara did almost all the time they've been together before. She wanted to prove how perfectly suitable she was for the position of the future Countess of Grantham and as Robert's wife, but he still hadn't returned yet and she had planned to stick with him throughout the evening. Cora was exhausted, she hadn't had her breakfast, she only ate two bites of her chicken at luncheon when Lady Grantham called out to her for another thing that needed to be done.
By the time, Robert returned, it was the time for the dressing gong so he went straight to his dressing room. He had had a tiring day with his father. They've been to check numerous farms and had talked to numerous harvesters and had ordered things that were needed for the crops. He was tired and all he wanted was to have dinner and go to bed.
After dressing he thanked his valet and went to Cora's room. She was in the middle of adjusting her gloves, she didn't hear him enter and he quietly observed his wife of five and a half months. She wore a purple dress and she looked magnificent.
Cora looked up and saw Robert observing her, she immediately blushed and Robert entered the room fully.
"I am sorry, I should've knocked. You look lovely"
"Thank you, Robert", she said shyly. "Where were you all day?"
"I was out on the estate with Papa, there were things that needed our immediate attention, I looked for you but your maid said you were asleep and I didn't want you to be disturbed"
"Oh, no it's my fault, I don't know how I slept so long".
Their eyes met and she waited for him to say something, to wish her but he kept looking into her eyes.
"Are you unwell", Robert inquired.
What? This was unexpected.
"No, no I'm fine, why?"
"You look tense, are you sure?", he placed the back of his hand of her forehead.
Cora smiled at his touch, "I'm fine, Robert". He smiled back and took her hand and kissed the back of it. "We should head downstairs", he added and walked towards the door.
Cora walked with him but that voice spoke again, Hah, he doesn't even remember. She felt a new wave of tears flooding out but she blinked them back. He doesn't even remember it. She realized that nobody in the whole house wished her and all she did the whole day was check flower arrangements and the variety of wines and the seating arrangements and if there were more maids or footmen needed, that's all she did. On her birthdays in America, she was treated like a princess and here nobody even remembered her birthday, it really wouldn't have mattered if nobody remembered besides Robert but the person whom she gave away everything for, doesn't even remember.
You've ruined his life. You're a burden. He wants Kara.
That voice spoke again and suddenly she felt claustrophobic. Robert noticed her sudden change in expressions.
"Cora, what's wrong?", he saw her eyes turning glassy.
"I am fine, I just felt dizzy for a moment", Cora replied blinking back the tears.
"You must rest, sweetheart"
"No, no I'm fine, I must attend dinner or you mother will eat me alive", she replied with a smile.
"I can tell Ma-"
"No, Robert, really, I am fine", she said and started walking ahead of him.
She obviously wasn't fine. She was depressed, lonely, unwanted and a burden. But she had to attend this dinner. She wanted to observe Kara and Robert, putting her own feelings aside. She always noticed Kara but today she wanted to observe Robert.
The seating arrangements were the same as the day before. Kara greeted Robert and he greeted back, with that terribly killer grin of his. She heard them talk about their days. She noticed that Kara was the one flirting, not Robert, He was loyal to Cora but she saw how easy he was with Kara, how natural they looked. He was himself with Kara and he hardly ever was like that with Cora.
She makes him happier.
She didn't know when the dinner started or when the dinner ended, she just knew that he was happier with Kara. She knew he liked her and she was glad but she loved him, much much more than what Kara felt for him, but she knew that he was happier with Kara.
All the men and women were in the drawing room and she sat in a group of Lady Grantham, Lady Charlotte and Lady Susan, when Williams entered and walked towards Cora. He handed a bunch of letters to Cora.
"Milady these came by the evening post, you were busy so I thought it better not to disturb you"
"Thank you, Willaims", she smiled back.
She knew what was in those letters and she smiled thinking. Robert watched her from the other side of the room, wondering why she had so many letters together in a day.
Cora went to her room late. Lady Grantham was in no mood for ending the drinks and it was almost midnight, she excused herself and went back to her room and changed herself. She was in no mood for Simmons fusing all over her. She sat in a comfortable position on her bed and ripped one letter open, it was her fathers. Then she opened another, it was Harold's. One by one she opened and read almost twenty lengthy letters from all the people who truly loved her.
She cried reading them. She missed her home, her family, her friends. But there was something in the letters that made her heart ache.
Oh do tell what Robert did for you?
How did he surprise you?
What did Robert gift you?
Did you have a party? Write to me, tell everything.
You must be so happy.
I know she must have had a wonderful day and won't be missing us.
She set aside the letters and cried her heart out. She wasn't needed here, she didn't belong here. After what felt like hours she sat back up and wiped away her tears. It wasn't that he was better off without her, it was more than that. She was an outsider and she was tired trying, she gave her all but all she got were taunts in return. She would've gone through this with Robert's help but she was all alone, he was sweet and gentle in private but she knew that he'd never keep her priority and that his family and his estate would come before everything. She missed being loved, she was always the favorite in her family. He'll never love you, He's better off with Kara.
She looked at her side table and took out a muffin from the box that was placed on her table every day. The cook downstairs made fresh biscuits or cakes and some were always sent to every frequently used room, every evening. She took out one of the small candles from her drawer and lighted it with the help of the already lit candles; she placed that in the middle of the muffin and murmured to herself, Happy Birthday, Cora.
She blew out the candle and shut her eyes, they stinged because of the crying. She took a bite and placed the rest on a small plate.
Robert drained down his scotch and tried hard to listen to Lord Spencer who was talking about his newly purchased motor car. He was exhausted, he had had a long, tiring day and he needed his rest for the ball tomorrow and it was past midnight. He excused himself and went to his dressing room.
He changed with the help of his valet, he was about to lie down but he noticed the lights in Cora's room from his adjoining door. He turned the knob slowly and saw Cora leaning on the bed back and noticed the bunch of letters spread on her lap and the muffin with a candle. Why was she sleeping like this? He closed the gap and saw a tear running down her eye down her cheek. Why was she crying? He realized she wasn't feeling good since the time he came back. He gently wiped the tear from her cheek, trying not to wake up but failed. Cora jerked right up.
"Oh, Robert!",she stated, sitting back up and rubbing her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you but, you were…you were crying in your sleep", he sounded worried.
"Oh, was I?", she a laughed a little and started gathering her letters together.
He noticed the half eaten muffin and found it odd that she had placed a candle in it. Why would anyone do that, unless…Oh God!
He didn't know where to start; he just saw his wife; crying and celebrating her birthday alone. His heart ached, how was he so stupid?
He took her hand and she stopped collecting the letters and stared back at him.
"What's wrong?", she asked curiously.
"Cora, oh Cora, I am so sorry", he squeezed her hand, his voice barely a whisper.
She stared back, not understanding what he was saying. Robert crossed the room to sit opposite her on the bed and took both of her hands.
"The muffin, this… it was your birthday", he stated the obvious but sadness in his voice was evident.
She lowered her gaze, embarrassed to have been caught in such a state.
"Cora please look at me"
She looked at him and he saw her eyes filling with tears.
"I am sorry, why didn't you remind me?"
Cora looked back at him, blinking back the tears, "What was I suppose to say, Robert? That it's my birthday, please wish me? And when? You weren't here all day". She kept her voice calm but failed to hide the shaky deliverance.
"I don't know how it slipped my mind. Mama or Rosamund should've reminded me", he looked away to their intertwined hands. He felt disappointed in himself. He has seen Cora; her eyes were sad, from a very long time and didn't know what to do. He was so busy with the estate matters that he neglected it.
"That's because nobody remembered it, Robert", her voice had calmed down a bit.
"I am truly sorry, I am so sorry for this", he wiped away her tears from her cheeks.
"It's fine. Don't worry I am not crying because of this", she lied. "It's just that everyone from back home sent these birthday letters so I got a bit emotional" , she started collecting the letters back in a bundle.
"Oh, who are they from?"
"Mama, Papa, Harold and some of the friends. They wished me a good day and thought I didn't miss them", she ended with a sad laugh.
"How did you celebrate your birthday back in America?", he asked helping her replacing the letters.
"Papa would always arrange a party for me, I don't know how he came up with so many different ideas, it was always better than the previous one"
He felt terribly sad for her. Nobody here bothered to wish her and back there everyone made sure that she had a great day.
"Happy Birthday, Cora", he said sadly.
"It's over now"
"I know…but I wanted to wish anyways", he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"Thank you".
He sat up took out another muffin from the jar, lit it and brought it near to her lips.
"Blow it"
"I have already done that"
"I know, but do it again and make a wish"
She did as he said, she didn't need to make a wish, she only had one single wish and that wasn't the kind to ask for. She only ever wanted Robert's love back and she knew that she won't ever get it back.
"Now take a bite", Robert said.
"Robert, what are you doing?", she chuckled a little a took a bite.
"That's all I can do here". He took a little bite himself and took her hands again.
"You miss your family, don't you?",
"Yes, I do, very much".
He nodded and she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She started crying again silently and he took her into his arms and she let him. He moved his hand up and down her back. "I am sorry, I shouldn't cry like this".
"No, cry. Cry all you want", he placed a light kiss on the top of her head.
He realized how unhappy she had been here and it pained him. She was so beautiful, so innocent and so lovely. She didn't deserve this treatment, she deserved better. He failed as a husband.
"Can I do anything for you?", he asked, so sweetly that her heart fluttered.
"Just hold me, please", she said.
He placed another kiss on the top of her head and stood up. "Where are you going?"
He crossed the room and sat more comfortably on the bed and held out his arms, "Nowhere. Come here, you will be more comfortable".
She smiled and scooted closer to him. Her head on his shoulder and his hands on her waist, "Thank you"
He didn't say anything, but just placed another kiss on her head, both lost in thoughts.
She deserves better. She is so unhappy and it is because of me.
He is so nice to me but he is so unhappy and it is because of me.
