A/N: The updates will be much slower come next week. Back to school for me :/
Also sorry it took longer than usual to post this chapter. This not so clever little cookie, managed to cut her finger open with a cheese grater, don't ask!
Also ignore the grammatically errors in this chapter. I wrote this very late at
Anyways enough of my ramblings enjoy….
"Rachel." She hears Jesse breath out, she feels the tears fall freely down her face. It felt like another lifetime ago since she heard his soothing voice. One of the official reviewers for National's weren't lying when they said his voice could melt butter.
All she wants is a glass of water. She hadn't felt this thirsty in a long time.
He doesn't say anything, she knows she is waiting for her to talk but suddenly hearing his voice brought back all the hurtful memories of how he treated her. She honestly thought he was different from everyone else around her, that he wanted to protect her from all the hurt she faced in the world.
Well as it turned out, he (and Shelby) hurt her more than anyone else he was protecting her from.
"I'm- I'm sorry, this was a mistake. I won't call again." Rachel mutters before hanging up the phone. She knows he would have tried to talk her out of hanging up if he managed to get in a word in.
She wasn't ready to let him in.
She felt relief and dread flood over her all at once as the final school bell for the day ring throughout the school. She needed to vacate before all the students started swarming the quad and see her still clad in her uniform or even worst what if she saw Santana or even Finn, she didn't feel like dealing with them right now.
Or if someone from Glee came looking for her when they realized she wasn't at rehearsal, but that was if they even noticed she wasn't in attendance in the first place.
Rachel hastily gathers her things and makes her way towards the parking lot, some students are already heading towards their cars but like always they do not notice the small brunette still clad in her rather heinous looking gym clothes.
She arrives homes, quite shocked to hear her father's talking in the kitchen. They were rarely home on a weekday, they worked late hours but occasionally they would both take the night off to rest or even watch a couple of Rachel's past videos.
Hurriedly she makes her way up the stairs, praying they don't follow her or notice she is back home from school so quickly and why she was still in her gym clothes when they knew she always changed after gym.
The first place she heads for is her computer, she excitedly opens the laptop yet her heart sinks when she sees no new email notifications. She was certain that Jesse would have emailed after her dramatic phone call to him today.
Maybe he didn't care about her as much as she originally thought?
Maybe he was off with some experienced and supplicated college girl?
Or maybe he was just extremely busy with all his school work?
She prayed the third rationale was the actual reason as to why he hadn't bothered to email her after today's events. She slumps slightly in her computer chair.
"Rachel honey?" She inwardly flinches and glances up, not shocked to see both her father's standing in her doorway, looking at her worriedly.
Usually when they were home early, the first thing Rachel does is rush into where they are residing and eagerly discuss the plans for the night ahead, yet today she hadn't bothered to even greet them hello.
"Why are you still in your gym clothes?" Leroy Berry asks, looking at their small daughter suspiciously.
Rachel shrugs and says nothing. She was praying this moment wouldn't come. She had avoided discussing the bullying at school with them since her fifth year when the boys regularly threw their milks at her when she wasn't looking or suspecting it.
"I didn't have time to change." She finally mutters.
"More importantly why aren't you at Glee?" Hiram asks, his concern rising. Their daughter never missed a glee rehearsal.
"I didn't feel like going today."
"What is wrong honey, first you come home and don't even rush into greet us hello and than we find you up here still clad in your gym clothes and skipping on Glee practice. Are you still lethargic over Finn?" Leroy asks gently as they both step into Rachel's pink room, she has had this coloured room since she was four years old. They had spent the weekend painting it this colour.
"It's not Finn," Rachel whispered more to herself than to them.
"Than what is it? Where are your regular clothes?" Rachel finally looks at her father's. She sucks in a breath and slowly rises from her computer chair.
"Some of the popular girls put my clothes into the toilets at school," she finally admitted, biting back the tears, she hated crying in front of her father's, they panicked and would bring numerous glasses of water up to her, despite the fact she was feeling quite thirsty as of now "I stood up to one of them today and she said she would put my clothes in the toilet, I didn't think she meant it. I mean we are in Glee club together. I thought we were a family." Rachel confessed quietly.
They are a family. I'm just not apart of it she thought sulkily to herself but didn't dare say it aloud.
"Is this the first instance like this?" Leroy asks gently, Rachel looks away and shakes her hair.
"No. Though this is the first time they have done something like that. Usually the jocks just throw slushies in our faces or write rude things on our locker." She admits. Both her father's exchange saddened glances.
"How long has this been going on for? Since you joined glee?"
"Since roughly about the fifth grade." Rachel said. She watches as Leroy eyes narrow and straightens up angrily, Hiram places a comforting hand on his chest to soothe him.
"It is actually why Kurt left McKinley. One jock was bullying him very harshly. He even threatened his life."
"That nice fashionable boy who has been around here a few times?" Rachel nods her head.
"If you don't mind, I'd very much like to be alone now." Rachel whispers quietly. Hiram and Leroy exchange worried glances but nod their heads.
"Would you like us to bring you a glass of water?" Leroy asks.
"I'm not thirsty." Rachel replies.
She watches as they both walk out of the room, shutting the door gently behind them. Rachel walks over to her bed, leaning down and reaching for a precious white box beneath the bed, pulling it out and than proceeding to pull out the glass goblet, she stares at the large gold star that rest in the centre.
She hated Shelby. She had never really used that word to associate with her biological mother but in this moment she hated her. Because of Shelby something amazing had been brought into her life and than so suddenly it had been ripped away from her.
Rachel was tempted to throw the glass across the room and watch it smash into tiny little pieces, much like how heart felt after everything she had been put through.
Yet instead she clutched the glass tightly to her chest and hummed 'Poker Face' softly to herself.
It wasn't much comfort but it was something.
Rachel was sitting cross legged on her bed intently watching The Way We Were when her ring tone tediously fills the room. She sighs and glances down, frowning when she sees Kurt's number flashing across the screen.
"Yes Kurt? I'm in the middle of a Barbra marathon." She answers, not hiding the annoyance in her voice.
"You must have had a rough day. Let me guess, The Way We Were?" Kurt replies, a small laugh in his voice. While he was at McKinley he never laughed or smile, ever since he transferred, he couldn't stop smiling or laughing about something.
"Exceedingly rough. Santana and her minions thought it would be funny to put my clothes in the toilet during gym class." She replies, slumping into her pillows.
"Are you sure they won't doing you a favour. The world could use a lot less Rachel Berry sweaters and knee socks."
"Kurt." Rachel replies warningly, pausing the movie.
"Alright sorry. Finn came home today and mentioned over dinner how you weren't in glee today so I knew something was up. You never miss a glee rehearsal. No matter how badly Mr. Shue peeves you off." Kurt said, concern entering his voice.
"I just couldn't face them today Kurt. Santana especially, surely by now she would have bragged to everyone about what she did and they are always on her side. I'm too annoying for them." Rachel said quietly, the previous emotions flooding over her.
"Yeah but nobody likes Santana either Rache, we tolerated her. We feared her. Your not cruel like her. Keep it that way. Extremely competitive yes, beyond annoying at times is a definite, painstakingly talent is another check on that list, but your not cruel and you never will be. You aren't tough, Santana is. I honestly wouldn't worry about them Rachel, someday they will be begging for your autograph and/or working for you."
"Since when did you become so wise Mr. Hummel?" Rachel teased into the phone. Suddenly feeling much better. She hears Kurt sigh into the phone.
"Since I ran away. Don't be a coward like me Rachel, stay strong. Prove your better."
"You didn't run Kurt. Your life was threatened at that school. You merely did what you had to in order to protect yourself. No sees you as a coward, especially Glee club." Rachel said quietly.
"Can I come around tomorrow? I want to discuss something with you." Kurt asks, Rachel rolls her eyes.
"No Kurt we are not having a bonfire in my backyard by burning all my clothes. We've discussed this previously."
"As much as I want to see that day come Rachel, this is much more critical. How does 11 sound for you?" Rachel frowns deepens but shakes her head.
"11 sounds perfect."
"See you then. I need to go now. New Zealand's Next Top Model is on, I just adore their accents, plus tonight is the night one of the girls hyperventilate when they go to cut her hair off. I cannot miss this episode!" Kurt says before hanging up.
Rachel chuckles lightly to herself, she often wondered if Kurt was more of a female than she was.
When Kurt finally arrives the next day (it was already 11:05) Rachel was in her room, vaguely practicing the imaginary ballet scene between Laurey and Curly in Oklahoma! She hears Kurt clear his voice, Rachel opens her eyes and smiles at Kurt.
"Come in."
"What was that? Because it vaguely resembled the ballet scene in Oklahoma." Kurt said, plopping himself down onto Rachel's bed. Rachel smiled brightly at him.
"You are honestly the only person who has every gotten that."
"Not even St James?" Kurt asks impressed with himself. Rachel stiffens at the mention of his name but says nothing, she is praying Kurt didn't notice.
"No." She finally says.
"Huh that actually shocks me."
"You said you had something important to discuss." Rachel says, attempting to change the subject. She sits next to Kurt. He looks at her.
"Oh I've realized it's nothing." Kurt says flitting his wrist and turning away from Rachel, who in returns rolls her eyes.
"Really?" She asks debatably.
"Fine, not really. I lost my nerve ok. Anyone can act brave over a phone." He muttered and Rachel chuckled.
"Kurt Hummel nervous about something? This must be major. I need to know now. You cannot leave me in the dark like this! I will get no sleep tonight because I was awake wondering what it is that you are so shy about admitting to even me, does Mercedes know? This will kill her if I know something about you that she doesn't-"
"Rachel stop being so dramatic and listen to me." Kurt says cutting the girl off. She stares at Kurt wide eyed before nodding her, pretending to zip her mouth shut.
"Fear wasn't the only reason I ran away from McKinley. I mean it was the major contributing factor yes but also not the sole reason."
"Go on." Rachel pressed, leaning forward immersed in what he was about to tell her.
"Just before I transferred, Karofsky pushed me into the locker and I don't know, something inside of me snapped so I went to confront him in the locker room and," Kurt said quietly, Rachel eyes widened.
"And what?" She asks quietly, dreading what Kurt was going to tell her next. Maybe Karofsky had actually physically hurt Kurt and he was too afraid to admit it.
"He kissed me." Kurt finally admitted. Rachel's mouth fell open and hurriedly shut again.
"I'm sorry, did I hear this correctly. He- he kissed you?" Rachel asks, her voice growing in pitch. Kurt nods.
"He also went to kiss me again but I pushed him away. Dave Karofsky was my first official kiss. This world is truly ironic." Kurt stated bluntly.
"So does this mean he is?"
"I honestly don't know. I got Blaine to talk to him. He is so much better at those things than I and Karofsky turned into an ape and threatened Blaine, I don't know if he is in fact gay or merely confused or just something but I couldn't face him Rachel. Not because he was without fail threatening me but also because every time I looked at him I flashed back to the locker and I realized that he would forever be my first kiss and it killed me. That was suppose to mean something you know? Not some awkward locker room kiss from a confused adolescent boy." Rachel grabs Kurt's hand comfortingly, smiling sadly at him.
"Love isn't a very nice feeling." She mutters.
"Nor is confusion."
Rachel stares at Kurt. The boy had just poured his heart out to her. Her of all people, no one had ever done that before. Usually it was her sobbing on someone's shoulder. No one had ever confided in her something so major before, not even or Jesse. She felt her heart swell for the boy. Maybe she had finally found someone to confide into? Someone who wasn't a romantic interest, maybe just a friend?
"I've been sort of talking to Jesse." She mutters out before she can stop herself. Kurt looks at her frowning before laughing.
"I'm sorry. I thought you just said you were sort of talking to Jesse. As in Jesse St James?" Kurt asks inquisitively. His diva persona returning slightly.
"Yes as in Jesse St James." She had most definitely dug herself a big hole now.
"What the hell Rachel? I mean honestly. Isn't the boy egging you or stealing regional's from us enough hurt? You have to let him hurt you again."
"I can't help Kurt. I'm drawn to him. He is the only person I've met who is just like me, who accepted me for who I' am."
"But Finn-" Rachel shushes Kurt.
"Finn never accepted me as I' am Kurt. He always tried to change me. Tone me down. Jesse never did that, he took me as I came."
"He egged you in front of all his friends Rachel!"
"And in case you don't remember, so did Finn. Before he joined glee club. He and his football hooligans would regularly throw drive by eggs at me, he often slushied me in the face and those boys threw pee balloons at you! Even when I was with him, he never defended me. In fact when Santana teased me about my attire, Finn laughed with them. If there was one thing Jesse never did, he never laughed at me. Not cruelly anyway. We all have that one person in ours lives we are continuously drawn to Kurt, we can't explain it but it is there and sometimes it is so painful you want to force it away but it's always there! I hate that I'm so drawn to him, I really do. He hurt me beyond comprehension but so has everyone else, why is he treated so harshly by everyone?" Rachel fumed, Kurt stared at her wide eyed before whistling.
"I never thought you had such a passionate rant about love inside of you Rachel. I have to admit I'm impressed." Kurt admitted, patting her sarcastically on the back. She glowered at him.
"Do not tell Finn or Mercedes. Ok especially Mercedes because that girl cannot keep her mouth shut about anything, especially when it comes to romantic gossip. I'm begging you Kurt."
"You have my honour. I swear on my one of a kind D & G hand bag." Kurt said seriously, Rachel nodded and smiled at him.
"Why did you choose me to tell about what happened between you and Karofsky?" She asks quietly.
"Because you have no one to tell it too."
"Thanks Kurt." Rachel spoke sarcastically.
"And because your trustworthy believe it or not and stop trying to change the subject. You really like St James that much?"
Rachel shrugs "I honestly don't know but there is something about him I cannot turn away." She admitted. Kurt shrugged.
"The heart wants what the hearts wants right?"
"I guess so. It's the one organ I cannot control with a proper diet."
Kurt chuckled to himself "I really need to go Rachel. I promised Blaine we would catch Burlesque." He said before rising off the bed.
"I went to the midnight screening. I surprisingly enjoyed it." Rachel informed him. Kurt nodded.
"Good luck with everything, I truly believe that you deserve to be happy and I'll support you no matter what. Even if no body else does." Kurt informed her.
"Same goes for you Kurt." Rachel whispered as the boy walked out of the room.
Rachel rose from her spot on the bed and sat at her computer chair. Hurriedly connecting to the internet. She needed to do this before lost her nerve and let her rational side take over once more.
The worst part of myself misses you.
She hastily wrote Jesse the email, closing her eyes and holding her breath as she clicked send. She let out the breath when she saw send flash onto the screen.
She closes her eyes and prays she just didn't make the biggest mistake of her life.
Rachel jumped when not even had five minutes had passed before she heard the loud sound of a new email notification flash onto the screen. She clicks open, biting back a smile as she reads over the email. Her heart sinking and swelling at the same time and pounding furiously into her chest.
Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
Of course he would choose Lionel Richie, that was their song. It had been from the very moment in the music store. That fateful day when they had met. She smiles wistfully to herself.
"For I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying. I love you." Rachel mutters quietly to herself before shutting her laptop down.
She would face her heart tomorrow.
"Rachel could you please come in here, your dad and I would like to discuss something with you." Rachel heard Hiram call from the dining room. She watches as the trashy reality show Toddlers & Tiara's flash onto the screen. Her father's had never been that pushy, she had been the one who had insisted on getting her nails done and her teeth whitened at four years old. These parents were merely crazy.
She rose and walked into the dining room. She frowns when she sees her father's sitting at the dining room. Concerned expressions on their faces.
Fear rushes through her, maybe they had found about Jesse and were hear to lecture her about the mistake she was making talking to that boy and he would only hurt her again. She wasn't as stupid. She was treating this with caution this time, and she would rationally explain this to them.
"May I enquire as to what this discussion is about?" Rachel asks, her voice breaking from the nerves.
"We want to discuss the bullying with you sweetheart, take a seat." Hiram said, motioning to the seat across from them. Rachel moves and sits down across from them.
"We feel terrible that we hadn't seen the signs of you being bullied before. Your father and I had read so many books about teenagers yet we ignored the signs, we feel awful." Leroy began slowly.
"Don't feel bad dad! I was too afraid to tell you. It's my fault."
"Our point is Rachel that no child deserves to be bullied, especially one as unique as yourself. Your father and I stayed up last night discussing it and we think we have come across a viable option." Hiram said gently. Rachel frowns, maybe they were going to hire an exclusive body guard to follow her around school. It would be good practice for when she became so famous she needed a 24/7 bodyguard.
"Your hiring me a bodyguard?" Rachel asks happily. Trying to hide the giddiness out of her voice. Leroy and Hiram exchange a confused glance.
"No sweetie." Leroy said gently, Rachel sunk into her chair.
"Than what?"
"Well as fate would have it, everything has fallen into place for us." Leroy said, sharing a proud smile with Hiram.
"Such as?" Rachel asks, frowning even more so.
"We think it would be a wise choice if we transfer you to Carmel High School."
So what did you think? This chapter is quite long and I spent alot of time writing it :)
Also remember my lovely readers. Reviews are my applause...
