Hi everyone! I am so so so so SO sorry for taking so long to update this! The truth is, I've been working on some other projects and have been disregarding this one. I'm so sorry. That said, now that I have basically taken the story into my own hands (now that it's Yuna's POV and not following The Great Gatsby so closely) I've been struggling a bit more. But you guys should all like this better because the ending to The Great Gatsby is a bit sad and potentially not how I'm going to end this story. ;)
Anyway, enjoy!
VII. Into the Past
Often when I thought back to the past, I felt so overwhelmingly sad that it was quite often a layer of tears would form over my eyes, no matter how hard I fought them. So, throughout the years, I began to train myself not to think about the past. Instead, I focused on the future, but honestly, the future was so bleak and meaningless that it almost brought me to tears as well.
So instead, I focused on the present.
But when he walked in the room, it was as though the past had walked in with him. It surrounded me, suffocating me, almost as much as the smell of the flowers that surrounded me. My vision instantly became blurred and it took some time before I recognized that there were tears in my eyes.
Of course there were tears—there were always tears when I thought about the past.
A look of familiar concern was instantly in his blue eyes. He looked torn between taking a step towards me and taking a step away from me. And my heart clenched as I realized I wasn't sure which step I hoped he took.
But he neither stepped forwards nor backwards and instead remained standing where he was, his mouth slightly agape, his hair dripping in wet tendrils down almost to his shoulder. His eyes were on mine and mine were on his. I heard a slight choking noise, and I was certain it was coming from him, as though he was trying to say something but was unable to do so.
It felt like hours, days—months!—passed but then Rikku was suddenly walking in, looking from him to me, her green eyes full of uncertainty.
Finally, though—as practical as always!—she walked over to the wonderful silver tea platter and said, "Does anyone want some tea?"
But neither Tidus nor I moved. In fact, I even wondered if I had dreamed that Rikku had said anything at all.
Finally, I managed a small, "I haven't seen you in many years."
"Five years next November," Tidus said. Hearing his voice sent my body into a sort of frenzy.
I blinked a few times, which sent a tear slipping slowly down my cheek. Five years? Had it really been that long?
"Five years…" I repeated, slowly.
Rikku suddenly walked back to the door.
"Where are you going?" Tidus demanded, turning slowly, as though he was worried to take his eyes off of me.
"You two… you two catch up, or whatever," Rikku said. She had a confused, sad sort of look on her face. I felt another clench in my heart. Was she wondering whether or not she'd done the right thing by reintroducing us? I looked at her and decided I could never be angry at her. Even though I was wondering as well whether she had done the right thing.
She caught my eye then and I forced a small smile. I was relieved when she returned it. And with that, she walked out, leaving Tidus and I alone.
I had thought the silence was heavy and awkward while Rikku's presence was there, but it was even stronger when she left.
"Why don't you come sit?" I finally said, nodding to the other side of the couch. I held my breath though as he took the seat. I was suddenly wishing I hadn't invited him to come so close.
"I'm sorry about this," he suddenly said, looking sheepish. "I shouldn't have… I just… I wanted to see you again."
A lump had formed in my throat and I managed to swallow it away with more ease than I had anticipated.
My feelings were out of my control. I couldn't pin down a single feeling but I was trying—and finally I realized which feeling I had landed on.
"I'm glad," I said. And when I said it, the tears were suddenly coming out of my eyes. I was cognizant of the fact that Tidus' eyes went to my wedding ring when I put my hands up to wipe the tears away.
Tidus sat back against the couch and stared straight ahead instead of at me. I quickly managed to wipe my tears and said, "I thought I'd never see you again, you know."
"Yes, I know," he said.
"Will you ever forgive me?" I wasn't sure why I said that. I wasn't even sure what I wanted his forgiveness for. But then I realized—I wanted him to forgive me for everything.
Tidus' eyes were back on mine.
"I forgave you long ago," he said.
Hearing him say that caused another lump in my throat and this one wouldn't go away, no matter how many times I tried to swallow it. So there I was, swallowing over and over which made it seem as though I was sobbing and Tidus sat there, just watching me.
"Do you ever see Dona anymore?" I suddenly asked. I hadn't thought too much about Dona in so many years, but I realized I was desperate to do something to break the awkwardness between us—and hopefully get rid of the pain that was swelling in my throat and my heart.
"I haven't seen her in a very long time," Tidus said. He sounded so serious when he spoke, just as he always had. I felt my eyes soften. I wanted to smile but for some reason couldn't.
"Are you still living in Zanarkand?" The lump in my throat was disappearing with every word I said, but then reappearing with every word he said.
"No. No—I'm—I'm actually—" he stood up in a clumsy manner and held his cane tightly. There was a familiar childish gleam in his eyes. "I live right next door."
"Next door?" I gasped, standing up almost as clumsily as he had. "You live here in Luca?"
"Yes, right next door!" Tidus said. In an excited frenzy, he took my arm. Then, instantly realizing what he'd done, he dropped it. But the damage was done—my entire body went numb just from his touch.
Sounding calmer, Tidus said, "It's right there. You can see my house from the window."
I looked outside, noticing that it had stopped raining. I followed the direction that Tidus was pointing and felt my face drop, so slowly I couldn't even tell that my mouth had fallen agape.
I spun quickly to face him, about to ask him how he'd managed to come upon such a fantastic place, but I was suddenly overwhelmed by how close we were standing to each other. We were just mere inches apart.
The closeness was about to make me start crying again.
But Tidus' demeanor had changed. He no longer looked rigid and uncertain, but instead calm and confident—just as he had all those years ago. I knew he wanted to kiss me. And I knew that I wanted him to kiss me.
At that moment, however, we both heard the door open. Tidus turned away from me, just as Rikku walked in.
She looked at me and then looked at him. I felt as though there was a sense of annoyance in her eyes, but I wasn't sure what inspired that look.
"It's stopped raining," she said.
"So it has…" I said, turning again to look out the window. In doing so, I caught Tidus' eye. He smiled and I smiled back.
My heart began to pound in a blissful way that I had long forgotten was possible.
"Do you want to see my house?" Tidus asked me. Without waiting for an answer, he turned to Rikku and said, "Let's all go see my house."
"Um, I'll just stay here," Rikku said quickly.
"Nonsense," Tidus said. He turned to me, then, his grin so wide and familiar that I almost felt dizzy, and he offered me his arm. I didn't even pause before taking it.
"No, I'll just—" Rikku began.
"Come on, Rikku!" I just said. I felt as though my voice had raised three octaves. I also wished I could feel my arm, which had already been numb but was now tingling as it sat in Tidus'.
Tidus led the way outside then, with Rikku hesitantly trailing behind us.
Tidus pointed things out as we walked—"I had this sod transported from Mi'ihen" and "My landscaper is the same man who did the landscaping around the Temple in Kilika." My mouth fell more and more with every step we took. Especially as his mansion grew bigger and bigger.
Eventually, we were standing right in front of his mansion and the bay was spread out behind us. Even though the view was very similar from my own mansion, it seemed even more breathtaking.
"I chose this location," Tidus suddenly said, his voice rather soft, "because it's exactly across the bay from you."
"What?" I said. Even Rikku looked surprised.
"See," Tidus said, taking my hand (he did it so casually and it felt so right that I honestly thought nothing of it) and pulling me to his dock. "If you squint, you can make it out." He pointed across the bay and, while squinting, I saw the flash of a green light.
"What is it?" I asked. I noticed Rikku was shielding her face with her hand, apparently also wondering what we were looking at.
"Don't you know?" Tidus looked shocked. "It's the end of your dock."
Rikku gave Tidus a strange look, but she said nothing. I wondered if she had seen the light before.
"I had no idea there was such a light at the end of my dock," I admitted.
Tidus just gave me a smile. My hand was still in his.
"Are you ready to see the house?" he asked then.
I answered with a nod.
We walked up to the house and into it, and I dropped his hand without thinking.
"This place is gorgeous!" I cried out, spinning around and looking up at the beautiful, glistening chandelier that was hanging above me. "Don't you get lonely, though, living in this big place all by yourself?"
"I always fill it with interesting people," Tidus said. "Like your friend Rikku."
I couldn't help but beam at Rikku, although she looked so uncomfortable.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" Tidus asked.
I nodded quickly. It was amazing. He took us through rooms—rooms so large and ornate that even I was gasping.
"How did you ever manage all of this?" I heard myself say, my voice in a sort of wonderful disbelief.
"Business, my dear," Tidus answered so quickly that it was almost as though he'd had that answer prepared his entire life. I noticed his cheeks went slightly crimson upon calling me "dear." And I'm sure mine did, too.
Eventually we were back in the main corridor, where large windows lined up on the walls, giving way to the most beautiful view of the bay I had ever seen. I spun around again, realizing that I could spend years in this mansion and never be able to appreciate all of the fine details.
Standing slightly away from me, still watching me, was Tidus, although he was speaking to Rikku.
"Inherited it? Oh, no, I did, but I lost all of that. I was in the drugstore business for a while, and the oil business, but I'm not in any of those anymore" he was saying to Rikku. But I was hardly listening—instead I was looking out across the bay, squinting, wondering why I had never noticed a green light at the end of my dock before. How long had Tidus been here—just across the bay?
How long had he been waiting for me?
And then, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by a sadness that I couldn't contain, I began to cry.
Tidus was immediately at my side.
"Are you okay?" he asked, putting his hand gently on my arm.
"Yes, it's just… it's so beautiful. All of it."
His face wrinkled up in a strange, choked-up sort of smile. I noticed Rikku was inching towards the door.
"It was nice to see you both," she said, but by this point, I was only slightly aware of her presence. I was too entranced by Tidus' beautiful crystal eyes, shining just as the chandelier above me was.
Rikku must have left. Tidus and I must have stayed that way, my eyes glistening softly from tears, Tidus' hand on mine…
Finally, as if frightened, Tidus took a small, quick step away from me.
He was still looking at me, but the expression on his face had changed tremendously. He looked almost scared of me.
Then, his lips tightened into a thin line and he said, "Five years…"
"Yeah," I said. I counted in my head—had it only been five? Somehow it seemed longer. But I knew he was counting the last time we had seen each other. My heart seemed to pop at the memory.
"You could have at least said goodbye," he said, his eyes still downcast.
I took a quick, sharp breath and said, "I did. I did that night. You know what night I'm talking about."
Tidus' eyes slowly rose until they met mine. He looked pensive, before he said, "I thought that night was just the beginning."
I felt my eyes close. Looking into his sad, crystal eyes was too much for me.
"And I wished it had been," I said.
"It could have been, Yuna," he said, turning to face me. "It could have been." Then, his face suddenly seemed to glow. He took a step so close to me that I inhaled as though it was some sort of natural reflect. "It can be," he said.
I was still holding my breath.
"It can be," he repeated again, sounding even surer of it this time. And then, he kissed me.
I allowed him to kiss me, but as soon as we separated, I told him what I knew I had to tell him: "Tidus, I'm married."
This seemed to upset Tidus. He let out a sound of scoff and backed away from me.
"Yuna, of course I know that!" he said, and he suddenly took my left wrist and held it up. I realized he was examining the ring. "Don't act like I'm an idiot, Yuna."
I tore my wrist from his grasp and swallowed loudly.
"You've done a terrible thing, you know," I said, not hiding the anger that was apparent in my voice. "You just come in here and think you can…" I stopped. I didn't even know what I was saying. "Why can't you just let me go?" I finally managed, my voice cracking as I asked this question.
"Let you go?" Tidus said, looking shocked that I had said such a thing. "Yuna, I love you."
"I know you do—"
"And I know you love me too!"
I did. I did love him. I had known it from the very first time I had ever seen him.
"You're the one that's done a terrible thing," Tidus suddenly said. His voice sounded incredibly childish, but I realized it was all something I liked about him—it was all something I liked about him. I loved everything about him.
And I had done a terrible thing. I closed my eyes.
"I need to go home," I finally said.
"That's it?" Tidus asked, shrugging his shoulders in a dramatic fashion. "You're just going to run away?"
"I have to think!" I cried. "Tidus, I thought… I thought I would never see you again. Don't you understand how difficult this is for me?"
I was on the verge of tears and it was apparent in both my eyes and my voice and my movements—my body couldn't stop shaking.
"Well, if we could just talk—"
"No, Tidus. If I stay here even a second longer, I'm going to—"
I had finally gone where he had wanted me to go and I knew he recognized it as his chance because his eyes suddenly flashed.
"You're going to what?" he asked, lowering his voice just slightly. He was suddenly standing near again.
I didn't want to answer that question. But I did anyway, completely on accident, when my eyes went to his lips.
And then we were kissing again, this time much more passionately than before.
The relief I felt when I returned home and found that Baralai was not there was so overwhelming that I felt as though I was going to pass out. I had hardly been able to drive myself home, being that I was shaking so badly—shaking from what, though, I wasn't entirely sure. I had managed to convince myself that I was worried that Baralai would wonder where I had been all day and why I was returning so late. But I knew I was shaking for other reasons. All I could think about was the way Tidus looked at me—I hadn't been looked at like that in years. Five years, to be exact.
As I prepared for bed, though, I was suddenly filled with dread. I couldn't do this. Not after everything I'd done to clear myself!
Back then, I would have called Gippal. Gippal was the one who had helped me through the mess before. But now, I called Rikku.
"Hello?" It sounded as though I'd woken her.
"Hey Rikku, it's me," I said, my voice barely above a whisper despite the fact that Baralai wasn't around.
There was silence. I realized Rikku probably wasn't sure what to say.
"Look Rikku, about this afternoon…" I began.
"It's none of my business," Rikku said quickly.
"I know, I know," I said, sitting on my bed. "But I have to talk to someone. I can talk to you, right?"
I swore I heard Rikku let out an exasperated sigh, but she recovered quickly and said, "Of course, Yunie."
"So, um, Tidus and I, um, we used to, um, see each other. A long time ago."
"I know, Yunie. Five years ago. Tidus and Gippal told me."
"Gippal knows?"
"Yeah. He met Tidus once, a long time ago. And Tidus told him."
"How long have you known?"
"Not long."
"Oh. Well, I, I really liked Tidus. I still do, I guess. I… I made a lot of really, really foolish decisions back then, you know. Tidus was one of those foolish decisions."
Silence.
"But Rikku, I don't know what to do. I love him—Tidus. Well, Baralai. I mean…"
This time, there was no mistaking Rikku's sigh of exasperation.
"Look, Yunie, I'm going to give you some advice that Gippal gave me. Okay? Just do whatever you want. Whatever's the most fun, I think he said."
I smiled.
"That sounds like something Gippal would say. But he has nothing at stake! I have everything at stake!"
"Like what?" Rikku asked.
"Well, my reputation."
"Which has already been tarnished."
It made me upset that Rikku wasn't sugar-coating anything. But maybe that was the reason I had called her and not Gippal. Plus, I figured the fact that I was calling so late on a Sunday night wasn't helping.
"Rikku… my dad hated Tidus. He told me he wasn't good enough for someone like me. He told me I needed someone more like Baralai."
"So you went with Baralai?"
"When my dad died, I was so lost. I had no idea what to do, Rikku!"
"Well, I just told you what I think you should do," Rikku said.
"Have fun?"
"Yes. Go with Tidus."
Hearing her say that made me positively beam.
"You really think so?"
"I like him, I guess," Rikku said. "And Yunie, you see… Baralai… he's…"
At that moment, I heard Baralai's voice.
"I've got to go, Rikku," I said quickly. A strange sort of giddiness was suddenly overcoming me and I knew I needed to hide it before Baralai saw me. "Thank you so much, my dear!"
And then I hung up, and put on what I was sure was a mischievous smile for Baralai.
