Luckily, Colin seemed to sense their need to be alone. After twenty minutes of chatting he excused himself, made Jane promise not to be a stranger.
When the door closed behind him, Maura sagged against it.
Jane walked over and took Maura's hand in hers, leading her over to the couch.
"Sit," she coaxed. Maura did so wordlessly, an absent, hurt look on her face. Jane kissed her forehead and moved into the kitchen.
She wished she knew how to make Maura feel better, but comforting had always been her mother's role. Jane had never become particularly adept at making people feel better.
The only thing that came to her was to make a cup of tea for Maura and then let Maura decide what she wanted. Jane would listen, or talk, or leave- whatever Maura needed.
Making herself at home, she put the kettle on and found an assortment of teas in a cabinet. Impulsively, she scrolled through Maura's docked iPod and found something soothing to play.
Miles Davis resonated softly through the room as the water boiled. The open floorplan allowed her to appraise Maura as she waited.
Maura looked… broken.
Like a wounded child.
Jane supposed that was probably how she felt, in a way.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she rasped.
Maura shrugged.
"I don't know how to help you right now," Jane admitted. The kettle whistled and she filled the mug, bringing it over to take a seat next to Maura.
While Jane wanted nothing more than to pull Maura into her arms, she couldn't be sure what Maura wanted. She left a few inches of space between them, placing the tea on the coffee table.
"You are helping," Maura soothed, pressing her hand against Jane's thigh. Jane grabbed Maura's hand and laced their fingers together. She kissed Maura's knuckles and Maura gave her a soft smile.
"Ok," Jane allowed. "Well I wish I knew how to help you more. I'm sorry you've had such a rough day."
Maura nodded, her lower lip trembling slightly. She muffled a yawn and sank further into the couch.
"Why don't you go take a nap?" Jane suggested. "I'll let myself out."
"No," Maura protested. "You don't have to go. I'm really not that tired."
When a yawn followed hot on the tail of her words, Jane grinned.
"You're not that tired, huh?" she teased.
"Well," Maura sighed. "I suppose a short nap wouldn't hurt."
"You deserve it," Jane encouraged. Then added teasingly, "You want me to tuck you in?"
"No," Maura replied.
Jane tried to ignore the stab in her gut at the refusal.
"I uh," Maura blushed. "I want you to stay."
Swallowing harshly, Jane found Maura's eyes.
In them she could see the hurt, the anguish, the sorrow, the weariness.
The need.
She needed to be held, comforted, reminded that she was safe and important and loved. Jane had never wanted to be the person to offer that more than she did in that moment.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," Maura didn't hesitate. "I'm sad and exhausted and it seems like the only times in my life when I feel safe are when I'm with you."
"Then of course I'll stay," Jane assured her.
"Thank you," Maura replied.
Jane put the untouched tea back in the kitchen, turning off the music as she did. When she turned, Maura was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
"Coming?" Maura asked.
"Yeah," Jane nodded.
A heavy feeling overtook her, like they were crossing the threshold into something weighty and important.
They might be merely sleeping, but she knew that once she was in Maura's bedroom, in her bed, pressed against her…
There was no turning back.
She wondered if Maura felt the same way.
Maura slowly lumbered up the stairs, her steps leaden. Jane tried not to focus on the delicious swell of Maura's ass or the curve of her hips.
By the time they arrived in Maura's bedroom, Jane's heart was pounding. Maura slipped under the covers and let out a deep, shuddering breath.
Jane took a moment to survey the space before closing the blinds against the setting sun. She sat at the foot of the bed and removed Maura's shoes and then her own.
Then, with trembling hands she pulled back the blanket and slid into the bed behind Maura. She scooted up flush against the smaller woman, resting a hand over the slight bump of her abdomen. Maura covered the hand with her own, squeezing tightly.
Jane rested her face against Maura's neck, pressing her nose softly to a spot below Maura's ear.
"You smell nice," she rasped.
"Thank you," Maura sighed. "You feel wonderful."
They both took a minute to adjust to the intimacy, the closeness, the feel of warm, softness pressed so close.
"I'm really sorry," Jane said after a moment.
"It's not your fault," Maura shrugged. "I should really have known better."
"I know it's not my fault," Jane replied. "But it doesn't mean I don't feel sorry about it. I hate seeing you get hurt."
"I know," Maura pulled Jane's arm more tightly around herself. "I like that."
"You like what?" Jane furrowed her brow.
"How protective you are," Maura responded. "It makes me think… it makes me think my feelings aren't so one-sided."
"I'm in love with you," Jane blurted.
Maura's body tensed and for a moment Jane wondered if she'd made a mistake by admitting it. But then Maura turned over, her wide eyes meeting Jane's.
"You are?" she asked shakily.
Jane nodded.
"I'm in love with you too," Maura rasped.
Jane smiled, fucking one-thousand kilowatt grinned.
"I know," she laughed.
"You know?" Maura asked, blushing.
"You sorta told me earlier," Jane shrugged. Maura's eyes lost focus as she tried to recall making such an admission.
"When I first cam over," Jane supplied. "You said your mom thinks you being in love with me is some sort of phase. I took that to mean you told her you love me. That you love me."
"Oh," Maura muttered. "I didn't mean to just… blurt it out that way."
"It's ok," Jane assured her. "I'm glad you did. I might not have been brave enough to tell you if I didn't know you felt the same. At least, not quite this soon."
"You're so brave," Maura brushed a hand tenderly over Jane's cheek. "I'm sure you would have found the courage."
"You have too much faith in me," Jane retorted. "I've never been very good at relationships. My longest commitment ended in disaster."
"I don't think I have too much faith in you," Maura replied. She trailed her hand across Jane's neck. "I think I have the right amount. And I'm sorry you got your heartbroken but I can't say I'm too sorry."
"Why's that?" Jane queried.
"You wouldn't be here with me," she responded softly. "And I can't even imagine that."
Maura yawned and Jane smiled, nuzzling their noses against one another in a playful Eskimo kiss.
Maura turned her face up, initiating a real kiss. Jane held back, keeping it light and tender and comforting. When she pulled back, she wrapped her arms tightly around Maura.
"Rest now," she encouraged. "We can talk more later."
"You'll stay?" Maura yawned again.
"Of course," Jane replied. "I'll be here."
«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»
Jane was surprised to realize she'd fallen asleep. Her intention had been to stay up, to let Maura sleep for half an hour or so and then wake her up for dinner.
Glancing at the clock, she realized her plan had completely failed.
It was almost nine p.m. now.
Extracting herself from Maura's arms, Jane popped into the bathroom. She appraised herself for a minute, trying to slow her racing thoughts.
Waking up with Maura was the best thing she'd felt in years.
Years.
Jane suspected Maura would be hungry when she woke up so she made her way down to the kitchen. The fridge and pantry were fully stocked and she set about making a quick meal.
When she was done, she dished up two plates and filled two glasses with water before brining it all back to the bedroom.
She couldn't help herself.
She wanted nothing more in the world than to be pressed tightly up against Maura's body. Setting the tray of food within reach of the bed, Jane slid back in and spooned up against Maura from behind.
The movement made Maura stir. Jane nuzzled Maura's neck.
"Hi," Maura rasped, her voice thick with sleep. "What smells so good?"
"I think that's you," Jane replied.
Maura snorted and nudged Jane with her elbow.
Jane grunted theatrically and wrapped Maura tightly in her arms to restrict further movement.
"I thought you might be hungry," Jane said. "So I made some breakfast."
Maura's body flooded with tension and she sat bolt upright. She flicked on the bedside lamp and looked around in a panic.
"Breakfast?" she squeaked. "Is it morning already?"
"No," Jane assured her, running a hand down her arm. Jane sat up as well. "Relax. It's ok, honey. It's 10 p.m."
Maura deflated, exhaling harshly.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I have a very important meeting tomorrow."
"Well here," Jane grabbed one of the plates and handed it to Maura. "Let me get out of your hair."
"No," Maura exclaimed. "Don't go. Stay with me."
Jane looked down where Maura's hand gripped her wrist. Maura let go, averting her gaze.
"Please," she added.
Jane nodded.
"I'm sorry," Maura breathed. "I think the whole ordeal with my mother has left me a bit more shaken up than I was admitting."
"That's ok," Jane sat against the headboard and put her own plate in her lap. "You wanna talk about it?"
Maura began shifting and Jane picked up her plate, holding it as Maura situated herself next to Jane. They both ate silently for a moment.
"This is very good," Maura complimented.
Jane shrugged. "Omelets are pretty basic," she answered. "You want anything fancier, you gotta go to my Ma."
"Well it's wonderful," Maura responded. "I appreciate it."
"You're welcome," Jane smiled. "Thank you for letting me stay."
Maura's eyes met hers and Jane felt like Maura could see through her. Like she'd never have any secrets from this woman, for as long as she lived.
"I love you," Maura whispered, as if she were in awe.
"I love you too," Jane replied. "Why do you sound… surprised?"
"I've had lovers before," Maura explained. "Some men and some women."
Jane's nose wrinkled at the thought of Maura with anybody else.
"Jane," Maura admonished softly. "I've had lovers who looked at me with care and tenderness in their eyes. Sometimes even love. But I could always tell, when they looked at me, that they weren't seeing… me. They were seeing who they thought I could be, who they wanted me to be."
"Maura," Jane rasped.
"It's not like that with you," Maura whispered. "You see me. As I am- all of me. And yet you're still here. You haven't run away."
"Why would I do that?" Jane's voice was like shards of glass had gotten stuck in her throat.
"People always do when they finally see me," Maura shrugged. "When they realize who I really am."
"Fuck," Jane swore. She couldn't help the irrational anger swelling inside herself. "I would never run away from you. You are… there aren't even words, Maura, to make you understand."
"Well," Maura licked her lips nervously. "Maybe you could show me instead."
