*After communication with a fellow Lovely Reader, I gained insight that it might be helpful if I preface a chapter with the characters that will be in that specific chapter. That way, if one of the characters is somewhat irksome, like a certain blonde character (lol), then the reader can gauge if they want to continue with this chapter or skip to the next one…or read another fic of mine instead.
So, with that in mind, this chapter contains only Lacey and Jo. It is the continuation of their discussion at Lacey's home where Jo had given a very poor apology. This fic is pro-Lacey and ending pro-Dacey, but present chapter contains Lacey and Jo. However, I feel it ends on a realistic note…like the saying goes "Some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime…" Let's see what that holds for Jo…
The Break Chapter 7
"Lacey, please wait." Jo had come to Lacey's house to apologize. Somehow, the apology had fallen flat. She knew that Danny would be disappointed if she did not try again for Lacey's forgiveness.
"I think you should leave. We aren't accomplishing anything here. Until you are honest with me and more importantly, honest with yourself, then it does no good to talk with you." Lacey states. She feels like she is beginning to have another headache. All these confrontations were causing a lot of stress. She never had headaches much in the past. However, she also never had such emotional rollercoasters to occur successively in her life either.
"I can be honest…just a few more minutes please." Jo's gaze implores Lacey to allow her some more time to talk with her.
Lacey looks at Jo…really looks at her. She looks past the ragamuffin sweater, past the wild curly blonde hair, and looks at Jo's face. Lacey remembers a similar look when her nearly 14-year-old self had told Jo that Jo needed to "buckled up and forget about Danny". Lacey could still envision that day when she tried to state the hard facts to Jo, who had refused to consider rational thought regarding their friend, Danny.
Back then, Lacey had tried every avenue to force Jo to be realistic on their situation. "Look, Jo, it's been almost 3 years. His last appeal failed. Face it, he's gone and may never come back until we have graduated college. Don't you get tired of all the taunts at school – 'oh, those are the friends of the child murderer'? Don't you want to just fit in and be 'normal'? Don't you want to live again? Aren't you tired of being so sad all the time?" However, Jo was adamant that Danny would be home again… that the girls should 'just wait a while longer'. Lacey had decided that she wanted to live again. She wanted to be free of the stigma associated with Danny. When his appeal had failed, her last hope had died. She had to face reality. The Danny she knew was gone. Even if he were to be released, he would be a different Danny…someone she may not even want to know again.
Lacey had let Jo know her decision that she was reluctantly saying 'goodbye' to Danny at that time. When Jo responded with a flat-out refusal to "release the ghost of Danny", then Lacey told Jo that she was moving on in life without her. She would never forget the haunted look on Jo's face when Lacey turned to leave their fort and to leave their friendship behind. That was the same haunted look that Jo was giving her now. For that little girl of yester-year, Lacey would grant one last moment…probably one last goodbye yet again.
Lacey closes the door that she had opened to show Jo out of her house. She still leaves her hand on the door handle. "What is it, Jo? What more is there to say?"
Jo offers a hesitant smile that falters as she seems to struggle to find words. Jo twists her hands as she answers Lacey. "I seem to not know the right things to say or do. Can you meet me a little bit…I don't want things to end badly for us."
Lacey is perplexed. Her brows furrow as she questions "How were things supposed to end Jo? I saw the looks between you and Danny in the school hallway that day. I was suspicious that maybe you had pushed forward and tried to pursue a relationship with Danny. At first, I was hurt…I was numb with pain. Then, I was angry. I was angry that a 'friend', who kept saying that it was 'fine' for Danny and me to date…that you were 'okay' if Danny and I wanted a relationship - although, I didn't need your permission to date Danny. We could do whatever we wanted to do. However, it made me so furious that this same 'friend' could backstab me."
"Lacey, I didn't backstab you!" Jo is fretful that Lacey has misunderstood her point of view.
Lacey comes away from the door to stand closer to Jo. "Yes, you did, Jo! You were the 'friend' who would undermine Danny and my relationship several weeks later. If the tables had been turned and this was a guy who had been in a relationship with you, I would have told him that he should take some time and some space away from everything…that he should re-evaluate everything with a clear head. I would have highlighted all the happy times he had with you. I would have reminded him of all the good things that you two had shared together. I would have been very vocal - that giving up on that special girl would be his ultimate regret. I would have been the biggest cheerleader for you two to get back together!" Lacey's face is pained as she puts her hand over her heart to illustrate her conviction.
Jo wants to interrupt but Lacey does not let her. Lacey continues fuming. "Did I get that consideration from you? No! Did it even register how I would feel if you pursued a relationship with Danny, from whom I had been only a short time separated? No, you were thirsty. You were selfish! You weren't a friend. You were a hypocrite – accusing others of wrongdoing whereas you yourself had no qualms about the slights you were doing to others by your own actions! You were doing these things to me – a supposed friend….a friend who risked her life trying to save you…a friend, Jo!"
"Lacey, I am grateful for your friendship and all that you have done for me. Please believe me, I am your friend…" Jo's eyes widen as she tries to correct Lacey.
Lacey negates what Jo is uttering. "Friend? Do you even know what it means to be a friend? It means to be supportive, Jo. It means to be a sounding board, a warm hug, a thoughtful gesture, a confidant. When have you been those qualities to me…the 16 year-old-me? What you did - betray a girlfriend - is even worse. It is against 'girl code' to want to be with your friend's ex-boyfriend. Oh, yeah, I forgot…you just had me as your 'lone' girlfriend and actually, we hadn't been friends for a very long time. Funny thing though…I thought we had begun working our way towards a friendship of sorts. That day I helped you get ready for Homecoming, I thought it was fun putting on makeup together and having 'girl talk'. You even expressed that it felt nice and you could picture that this closeness was how we would be - if things had turned out differently with us. I thought you meant that sentiment."
"I did mean it." Jo is tearful.
Lacey shakes her head. "No, everything with you is 'conditional'. You are friends with someone if all conditions suit you: if you get your way, if you don't feel hurt, if you are happy…those connections are all 'conditional'…all fragile."
Jo denies. "Lacey, that is not true…"
Lacey continues as her knowledge of Jo paints a forlorn picture. "You even love 'conditionally'. Danny had feelings for me and pursued me for a relationship. When you found out about that relationship, your friendship with him was 'conditional' because you fell in love with him. If Danny didn't have romantic feelings for you in return, you didn't want to help him clear his name nor help him stay out of danger when he was running from the law."
Jo doesn't like hearing Lacey's recollections of Jo's interactions with her friends over this last year. "But I did help him…." Jo begins.
Lacey counters "Only when you suspected that I might be helping Danny….that is why you followed me to Rico's. If you had no suspicions, then you would not have been present to hear Danny's confession of innocence in Tara's murder."
Jo pounces on the detail to show Lacey that she is wrong. "Once I heard his confession, then I helped Danny."
Lacey had a silent small ironic laugh. She smirked "Yeah, you helped Danny alright. You were involved with the accidental murder of Vikram. Danny said he had to kill his father in order to save your life. Yet, you let him carry that guilt on his shoulders. You didn't want him to share that news with others who could have helped him. That was another 'conditional'. If he didn't share everything with me, then that was a way to have him tied to you."
"I honestly didn't think of it that way. We were trying to protect you." Jo reasoned.
"Save it, Jo. The damage is done. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, conditions…when Danny tried to warn you about Charlie being dangerous, you believed Charlie. Charlie was a stranger you had only known for weeks; yet, you believe him over the word of Danny, your lifelong friend. Again, you were 'conditional' because Charlie was trying to court you. Since you were infatuated with Charlie, you turned your back on Danny, your friend who needed your support and your trust. You turned your back on him - until you decided you needed his help…you were only willing to believe in Danny once you saw Charlie's erratic behavior. Your love, your loyalty, your friendship is all 'conditional' to whatever is convenient to you…convenient to however a situation is affecting you at this specific moment…not something a friend can depend upon for the long-term. You are the very definition of a 'fair-weathered friend'…only a true friend if the weather is blowing favorable in your direction. Your kind of friendship doesn't stand the slightest bit of wind…much less any major storm."
"Lacey, that's not fair. I know I have messed up before, but what about you? You have turned your back on Danny, too!" Jo didn't like hearing Lacey tally all the friendship violations that she had done to Danny and to Lacey.
Lacey nodded her head to affirm just a bit of what Jo had said. "I did turn my back on Danny after his 3rd year in Juvie. I regretted that once he re-entered our lives and appeared vulnerable…just a guy trying to reclaim his life. I even tried to make peace with him by trying to assist in clearing his name of Regina's murder. Once we became involved romantically, I gave him my trust – until he was dishonest about the necklace. Yes, I turned my back on him at that time because a true friend has to be honest for the friendship to succeed. However, once I found evidence suggesting that Danny was framed, I worked hard to clear his name once and for all of the Regina murder charges."
Lacey stares intently at Jo. "After that, I still remained a true friend to Danny….remained loyal even though he became moody and distant. I was loyal - even after the breakup where he left my heart shredded from the lies and omissions surrounding Vikram's death. Nonetheless, I couldn't even harden my heart to drive him completely out of my life…I forced myself to listen to his crazed rants about Charlie being dangerous. I was so loyal that I even drove him to save you that day – when he was so unbelievably worried about your safety. I didn't hold any 'conditions' regarding my allegiance. I did all of this to help…boldly declaring that 'it really was all about the friendship between the three of us' - even if I was convinced that Danny was going to turn romantically towards you after the Charlie chaos was over. I did that out of loyalty to my friends – even though my heart was torn into pieces. I tried to make peace that if you two were indeed destined to be together, then I would sacrifice my happiness for yours. Would you have done that, Jo?"
"L…Lacey…" Jo stammers.
"Would you have done that, Jo? Would you have sacrificed your happiness for me? For Danny? Even if it meant your heart was in shreds, would you make that sacrifice for a 'friend'?" Lacey eyes had filled and a tear escaped down her cheek.
"I…uhmm" Jo clears her throat which has become clogged by hearing and seeing the depth of emotion coming from Lacey. Her eyes had also filled. "I don't know, Lacey. I really don't know. I haven't had to even consider someone else's happiness in a very long time. When Danny went away and when we went our separate ways, my parents saw I was extremely unhappy. It was like they made it their mission to make sure that I was granted everything I wanted. Next, I had Rico, who did everything I wanted and he enjoyed being around me all the time. That was what I had…until Danny came back into our lives."
Jo smiles sadly as she recalls that time. "I loved that he brought excitement back to my life. I loved that he had that 'never-say-die' spirit when the whole town was against him. Eventually, I thought it was kinda cool that he was working to bring our trio back together again. Little did I know – until the tape – that I had missed a lot of major clues that had been in plain view. I was just too self-absorbed to notice those clues. When I thought about all the suddenly-hushed conversations I had wandered upon between the two of you…those intense looks that you two were always giving each other…Danny's incessant actions that he took to re-connect with you again…that relentless persistence should have been a flashing neon sign that he was acting more than a 'friend'. I was so mad at myself. I had made a fool of myself - practically pronouncing my love for him that day in front of the school board and whole town."
Lacey starts to stop Jo in her speech, but Jo held up her palm. "Please, Lacey, let me finish. You wanted honesty so let me be really honest, okay? See, I was also jealous. I was jealous of your popularity…you were the most beautiful girl in school. When you had that sleepover where your mom forced an invitation to include me, I was jealous of the camaraderie you had with Phoebe and Sarita. When I saw them bonding with you, I presumed that if Danny hadn't left for Juvie, then you and I would have still been as close."
Lacey nods at this. If Danny had never been sentenced for a crime and sent to Juvie, the trio probably would have remained intact. Although she never would have wanted Danny to receive punishment for a crime he didn't commit, Lacey could not regret the past five years where she had grown immensely nor regret the new friendships and experiences she had formed and explored.
Jo was so wrapped in her confession, that she had not noticed Lacey's nodded confirmation. "I didn't have your confidence. You had a boyfriend and you had Danny, who vied for you and won. When I saw that tape, I was dumbfounded that I had no one, but you had 2 boys who wanted to be yours. I didn't care about Archie, but I did care that Danny was the other boy. It reminded me of the closeness that Danny and you shared when we were younger. When we were sledding, I was always in front with your hands holding onto me, but you had Danny's arms holding onto you. When we would do sleepovers and watch movies, Danny would tease you about hiding your eyes behind your hands during the scary movie scenes. Whenever a boy would tease you about your curly hair that day or when Kevin tried to steal a kiss from you that time, Danny was always your defender."
"Danny defended you, too. Jo, he cared for you, too. You know he did…he was close to both of us." Lacey states.
Jo shakes her head. "Now, who's not being completely honest? You two would plant tadpoles in a teacher's desk because she had been unfair to Danny. He didn't even ask me to join him in his act of vengeance. He asked you. You two had a connection that was different from the connection I had with Danny. I would even sometimes notice him staring at you when you weren't noticing. That sex tape brought back all of those long-buried memories."
Jo takes a deep breath and releases it. "Lacey, I guess if I were really honest, I would say I did feel a little bit of jealousy when I saw you were helping Danny to clear his name while he was in hiding. I then thought 'Hey, this is my chance to also help him' and that is what I initially was trying to do. When I disobeyed Danny – staying there during his meeting with Vikram – I thought I was doing the right thing. I was trying to tape Vikram's confession. When Vikram tried to hurt me and Danny had accidently killed him as a result, I told Danny to keep everything a secret. I really did think it was the best at the time. However, after talking to you today….I reflect back, and I think 'Oh, my God, I had a subconscious reason for that secret, too.' I think I also saw it as a way of having something finally that you didn't have…I had something to share with Danny that you didn't. I really didn't realize that until our talk tonight."
Jo looked at Lacey with very sad eyes as her personal realization left her reeling somewhat. She continued her assessment. "When things went south with your relationship with Danny, I half-heartedly resisted him when he came to me confused. Then, Lacey, I got swept away in the rush that finally, finally, Danny noticed me, the girl who had been there all along – just waiting for him to pay attention to me…to recognize feelings for me. I, the nerdy girl, had won the boy's love…I had triumphed over the popular girl. The feeling was heady. You are right. I wasn't thinking nor reacting as a friend. I was just reacting as a girl who saw something she wanted and it was right there within her grasp – just for the taking. Wow, you were right…I'm a terrible friend…a really, really horrible friend. I'm sorry…so…so…sorry." Jo's confession ended on a sob as she lowered her head to her chest and began softly crying.
Part of Lacey still wanted to lash out at Jo…to hurt her as Lacey still hurt. However, a bigger part of Lacey warred against that. It was those long-buried feelings making their presence in 'real life' again…making her feel some pity for the friend her younger self had loved. Lacey didn't feel those same warm feelings for Jo of present day but she would honor that memory of the past. Like years ago, Lacey decided at that very instant, that she didn't want to feel sad nor angry anymore. If she could forgive Danny, then as her last act of kindness (for the friend she once knew so long ago), Lacey would forgive Jo. Consequently, like years ago, Lacey knew she was leaving this friendship behind. Even though she knew it was the right thing to do, she prepared herself to receive that haunted look from Jo again - except this time it would be a 16-year-old Lacey saying a final goodbye.
*Lovely Readers, thank you for your reading and for your continued support. This fic has had lots of emotional turns so far. The hardest thing to reconcile within your heart is when the past memories collide with the current present state of a situation. It looks like Jo was active in Lacey's life for a very long season. Now, what does this mean for Danny, who is still friends with both girls? Also, who else influences Lacey's journey as she realizes her full potential?
P.S. To my readers of 'After the Burn', I promise 2 chapters this weekend since I have been busy this week and since this 'Jo' chapter would not leave my mind until I had put my thoughts together to complete Chapter 7 of 'The Break'. Thank you for your continued patience.
DimplesValntina
