Chapter 6
They reached Earth's orbit the next afternoon.
Kathryn had to stand from her chair when they were finally close enough for her to make out familiar landmasses and oceans, and Earth's impressive orbital docking station. Her heart was almost too full to contain her anticipation and joy. And her nervousness.
"Voyager, you are cleared to dock," a disembodied voice stated over the comm system.
"Mr. Paris, you heard the lady," Kathryn instructed.
"Yes ma'am!"
Despite her calm tone, Kathryn couldn't control the butterflies in her stomach as they made their final approach – in fact she couldn't quite explain their presence altogether. Maybe it was the conversation with the admirals that still unsettled her, or maybe deep down she shared Mr. Kim's concerns that the journey would have changed her so much that she wouldn't appreciate what she had been longing for all along; that Earth would not turn out to be what absence had made it out to be in her mind.
She took a page out of Seven's book, and sternly reminded herself that, whatever waited for her on Earth, she would adapt.
Over the last few hours, she had discreetly observed the young woman and her interactions with Chakotay, but the two of them had been nothing but professional toward each other. There was no sign of the intimacy she had witnessed between them a few days ago, and it intrigued her. Added to that, Chakotay's behavior toward herself the night before had certainly felt like the old days, and she hadn't detected a hint of particular affection between him and Seven over the course of the evening. Were they just being discreet? Or had she imagined the whole thing in the first place? In all honesty, she was still trying to figure out her own feelings, and understand why the thought of Chakotay and Seven upset her to such an extent. After all, she had long ago drawn a line between Chakotay and herself, and had never truly expected that there would come a time when she would be free to cross it. But now that they were safely back in the Alpha Quadrant, she realized that she was mourning; she was grieving for the possibilities that were suddenly and truly snatched out from her and dangling out of her reach. She figured it was true what they said: you didn't know what you had until it was gone.
Tom's delicate docking maneuvers brought her back to the moment and she frustratingly pushed her emotions aside for now. She couldn't let herself be distracted at such a meaningful moment.
She had been told to dress formally for the occasion of Voyager's docking, and she looked on in pride at how distinguished and noble the dress uniforms made her senior officers look. However, even though she had always enjoyed the pump of Starfleet protocols, today she would have gladly dispensed with them, and focused on the simple logistics of bringing her crew home.
It took several minutes for Tom to complete the procedures, but at last, they heard the clamps as they made contact with Voyager's exterior.
Tom let out a relieved sigh, and Kathryn gave a lopsided smile.
"Docking procedure complete," Seven stated from behind her. "We are now locked with the docking station."
"Well done, Mr. Paris."
He nodded, and Kathryn straightened her shoulders. "Attention all personnel," she spoke through the comm system, "prepare for disembarking. Remember that your personal effects will be retrieved once we're on board the station, so you need only take what you need with you. Janeway out."
She exchanged a look with her officers, then nodded to herself before climbing up the steps. They lined up behind her, and she led the way, Chakotay close behind her. Kathryn felt a strange mix of excitement and sadness as she made her way through Voyager's corridors, the crowd getting increasingly larger behind her as her crewmembers joined the procession. The Doctor met up with them and fell in step with Seven and Mr. Kim after acknowledging the captain with a nod. It was a quiet affair, though the air buzzed with excited, restrained, energy.
She took in a calming breath when they reached the bulkhead separating them from the docking station. The door opened, and Kathryn stepped out. She faltered in surprise as loud clapping and cheering greeted them on the other side – dozens of Starfleet personnel lined the corridors that led to the center of the station. Exchanging a surprised look with Chakotay, she resumed walking and led her crew further into the station through the cheering but respectful crowd, overwhelmed by this honor. Finally she saw Admirals Paris and Hayes, and a man she recognized as Reginald Barclay, standing at the end of the line. She led her officers up to them.
"Captain Janeway, officers, we are honored to be the first to say: welcome home," Admiral Hayes stated. "I know you're probably all eager to return to Earth and see your loved ones, but as per protocol, you will all need to submit to a medical exam before you are allowed to do so."
There was a snorting sound from behind her at the bit about the medical exam, and Kathryn didn't need to turn around to know whom it was from.
The admiral went on, unfazed by the Doctor's indecorous objection. "For now we've arranged some temporary quarters aboard the station while we unload your personal effects and get debriefed."
"Thank you, Admiral Hayes," Kathryn acknowledged with a nod.
"While we get you all organized, please join us for a celebration in our mess hall. Ensign," Hayes looked at a young Starfleet officer, who nodded.
"If you'll all follow me, please," the young woman instructed loudly as she turned on her heels.
"Captain, please join us for a moment?" Admiral Hayes stopped Kathryn before she walked away with the rest of her crew.
At Chakotay's concerned look, Kathryn gave him a reassuring nod, and he dutifully followed the ensign while Kathryn turned to follow her superiors. She quickly noticed the look that passed between Tom and his father as Tom walked next to B'Elanna and Miral, but Kathryn couldn't really tell if what had passed between them was positive or not. Small steps, Tom had said.
"Captain, I beg your pardon, but it is truly an honor to meet you in person," Lieutenant Barclay suddenly appeared at her side, grinning excitedly, and she smiled.
"Lieutenant Barclay! The honor is all mine. Your work on Pathfinder has been truly remarkable!" she replied as he shook her hand vehemently as they walked. Their movement forward made it an awkward kind of handshake, but Kathryn hid her amusement – he looked so excited to be in her company. He finally let go of her hand when they reached the officers' ready room.
"Can I get you anything, Kathryn? A drink, perhaps?" Admiral Hayes asked as he made his way to a small table with refreshments. None of it replicated, of course.
"Coffee, please. Black," she replied as she accepted Admiral Paris' invitation for her to sit down.
They were all extremely civil to her, but Kathryn couldn't quite shake the suspicion that it was feigned. Well, with the exception of Reg's eagerness, maybe.
Admiral Hayes handed her the cup of coffee, and Kathryn discreetly inhaled its tangy aroma before taking a sip.
"So," Admiral Hayes started as he took a seat across from her. "How does it feel to be back?"
Kathryn swallowed her slight irritation at the small talk and decided to play the game for a moment – which she knew she could do very well. She smiled. "Wonderful! It's been an extraordinary journey, but it's good to be amongst friends again."
The admiral nodded as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "I'm eager to learn more of your adventures, I've already read some of your reports, and your dealing with the Kazon, and… what was the name of those aliens who harvested organs to fight their disease?"
"The Vidiians."
"The Vidiians, right…"
Kathryn set her cup down on the coffee table. "Forgive me, gentlemen, I would be happy to discuss our journey at length once my crew and myself are settled, but at the moment I would like to make sure that my crew, my entire crew, is treated with the respect they all deserve."
Admiral Paris stiffened at her subtle reference to their last conversation, but Admiral Hayes smiled kindly, genuinely. "You can relax, Kathryn. They're all fine, you have my word. But since you seem eager to get down to business… We did ask you here for a reason."
"I'm listening."
"A promotion."
Kathryn startled in surprise as she took this in – that was not what she had expected. "Whose? If it were up to me, I'd promote my entire crew! They're all extremely deserving. Young Harry Kim, in particular."
"Captain," Hayes interrupted her with an amused smile, "there will be time for other promotions, but for now, we mean yours."
Kathryn's gaze went from pleasantly surprised to absolute incredulity as she stared from one admiral to the other. "Mine," she repeated dubiously, her mind working overtime trying to figure out the politics behind this offer. It had to be about politics.
Admiral Hayes smiled at her reaction, and even Admiral Paris' expression softened at her utter surprise. "Yes."
Kathryn frowned in confusion. "But… why?" That seemed to amuse her superiors, but Kathryn's mind was still reeling from surprise, so she hardly noticed. "I mean don't get me wrong, I like the sound of 'admiral' as much as the next captain, but I haven't exactly been a model Starfleet captain over the last few years – and certainly not over the last few days! I've been suspicious and insubordinate…" she faltered as words left her.
Hayes exchanged an amused look with Paris. "I don't think I've ever heard anyone make their own case against their promotion to Admiral before," he joked before he returned his attention back to Kathryn. "It's a well guarded secret that Starfleet likes when their captains are able to think outside the box, and to come up with imaginative ways of accomplishing their missions while upholding Starfleet values and directives. You are exemplary in that regard, Kathryn, and Starfleet would like to honor your achievements as a pioneer and representative in a part of the galaxy none of us has ever dreamed we would explore in our lifetime. What's more, the knowledge you've gained, the tactical experiences you've developed in dealing with foes we have never encountered, and some we already know of like the Borg, are all invaluable. And lastly, your courage, and perseverance in bringing your crew home is truly inspiring. In light of all this, your…shall we say, transgressions, are trivial, and can easily be overlooked. Wouldn't you agree, Paris?"
Admiral Paris gave a sincere, albeit grave, nod.
Kathryn sat speechless for a moment – if she hadn't known any better, she'd think she had stepped into some kind of virtual reality. Grabbing hold of her coffee mug, the heat that diffused through the ceramic warmed her fingers and reminded her that this was real. She cleared her throat. "I thank you, for your kind words. For once, I'm speechless! I- I need some time to consider."
"Of course," Hayes acknowledged.
"Out of curiosity, what would happen to Voyager if I accepted the promotion?"
"Well, we'll have to undertake a complete diagnostic before we make any decisions, but she seems to have some fire in her still. I'm sure we could find her a mission worthy of your journey, and of her technological assets."
"Especially with the improvements Tom told me you made on her prior to your return," Admiral Paris added, "there are many ways we could use a ship like that."
"But of course she'd need a new captain."
Kathryn nodded, her mind too full to say anything more.
"Well, we'll be looking forward to your answer, Captain Janeway," Hayes stood and extended his hand.
Kathryn imitated him and shook his hand. "Thank you."
"Lieutenant Barclay here will show you the way to the mess hall, if you'd like to join your crew."
"I would, thank you."
"Very well. We'll join you shortly."
Kathryn set her coffee cup on the table again, and was about to leave when she stopped. "Does this mean that Commander Chakotay and the other former Maquis are out of the woods?"
Hayes and Paris shared a look. "I'm afraid this promotion has nothing to do with that. We'll still be expecting you tomorrow to discuss the issue with the panel."
"I see. Well, until tomorrow, then." Kathryn nodded, and with a last look between the two of them, turned on her heels.
Note: it occurred to me that the crew would probably be more likely to be beamed to the docking station, but for the sake of adding a little bit of dramatic flair, I took some creative liberties. Besides, I figured a ship like Voyager had to have at least one door that wasn't a cargo bay door they could use for boarding and deboarding ;-)
oooOooo
The mess hall was filled with a mix of the newly arrived Voyager crew and the docking station staff and officers. The air smelled like food and though Chakotay felt hunger gnaw at his stomach, he found himself drawn to the large window instead, which offered a magnificent view of Earth and its faithful companion, the moon. For a moment it struck him that he was like the moon, endlessly circling his larger than life companion, destined to never get close enough to touch by forces that were beyond his control.
"Forgive me, Commander Chakotay?"
Chakotay nodded to a younger woman; a Starfleet engineer, by the looks of her uniform. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"
"I'm sorry to disturb you at such a moment, sir, but I'm to head a team to run program diagnostics on Voyager, and I was asked to coordinate with you, or one of your crew. Your knowledge of the ship would make the process much more efficient. I will also be in charge of the unloading operation, including the crew's personal effects, and I could use a hand implementing the procedures from those who know the ship best."
With what Kathryn had told him of Starfleet's suspicions about his Maquis past, Chakotay was relieved by the simple request, and actually glad to have something do rather than stand awkwardly in the mess hall and fretting about the captain. So Chakotay eagerly nodded. "Of course. I'll help you with anything you need, and I know just the man you're looking for to help with the diagnostics." He turned around to touch Tuvok on the shoulder. "This is Mr. Tuvok, our chief of security."
"Lieutenant Mora," the young Engineer introduced herself with a nod.
Chakotay then rounded up the heads of the departments, as well as Seven, and assigned them to various tasks. They all eagerly agreed to get to work, and looked as relieved to be doing something as Chakotay was, and Mora seemed all the more relieved to be able to delegate.
Chakotay completely lost track of time as he spent the next few hours concentrating on his task of inventorying and checking their cargo before unloading what was meant to be returned to Earth, checking on rations and even making a list of what would need to be replenished before Voyager was commissioned again. After that was done, he spent some more time lending a hand to Mora's people with collecting the crew's personal effects from the cargo bays. He even completed a deck-by-deck room check, to make sure that everything was in order, and nothing was left behind.
At last he walked into the captain's ready room – the last room to check – eyes on his inventory pad.
"How nice of you to come and help me pack."
Chakotay startled into a stop and looked up. "Captain! I didn't realize you would be here, otherwise I would have never just barged in like that."
She grinned from where she stood by her desk and Chakotay relaxed. "Oh never mind that. I'll forgive it – if you really do help me pack. I didn't get a chance to do it until now."
Chakotay grinned. "Gladly," he replied as he set aside his pad and approached her desk, his eyes sweeping around the room as he did so. All through his inventories, he'd done his outmost to control the nostalgia and twinge of sadness that were there, just beneath the surface, as he silently bid goodbye to Voyager, but they seemed particularly powerful within this room. It was filled with memories and feelings that he wished he could box as easily as the tangible things in the room. Finally his gaze returned to the captain and he took the empty container she was offering. From the sad twist of her smile, Chakotay realized she knew exactly how he felt. He smiled, slightly more happily this time, at the thought that she truly knew him better than anyone.
"I have to say, I quite enjoyed the looks on the admirals' faces when they realized all of the senior officers were missing from the reception," she said, amused. "I think they feared it was some show of civic disobedience! That is, until a station officer told them she had asked for your help with processing Voyager."
Chakotay winced slightly, even though her tone and expression were still amused. "Sorry about that. I hope we didn't put you in trouble with the admirals."
She shooed his concerns away with a flick of her hand and a roll of her eyes.
"Speaking of which, wow did your meeting go?" he asked casually as he started packing her bookshelf.
Kathryn leaned back against her desk as one of her hand pushed her hair away from her face. "Unexpectedly." Her expression was uncharacteristically perplexed and Chakotay frowned curiously.
"What do you mean?"
She inhaled as she placed her hands on either side of her body, fingers folding around the edge of her desk. "They want to promote me!" Her tone was a mix of skepticism and incredulity.
Chakotay took only a second to recover from his surprise. "Kathryn, that's- congratulations!"
She nodded pensively, but then looked down briefly. "I told them I needed some time to think about it."
Chakotay nodded, encouraging her to say more.
She pushed herself from her desk and resumed her packing, grabbing items from her desk and placing them gently into her box. "It's too early for me to be able to make a decision. I'm too emotional right now, I can't really think straight, let alone make such an important decision."
"That's understandable." Chakotay acknowledged, but kept on studying her. He knew her very well too. "There's something else, though, isn't there?"
She turned around, and with her hand on her hip started pacing, her other hand gesturing wildly. "Am I just being paranoid here? I can't help but try to figure out what Starfleet will gain from it – some kind of political reasoning that would compel them to make me Admiral. Are they trying to keep me from Voyager? Are they trying to assuage my concerns about you and the other Maquis, and Seven, to mollify my resolve to do all I can to have them give you the recognition you all deserve? To bribe me into submission? I don't-"
She stopped suddenly and Chakotay realized it was because she'd just noticed the smile he had been unable to hide.
"What's so funny?" she asked indignantly, but the slight curve of her lips betrayed at least a little amusement.
"Forgive me, Kathryn," Chakotay chuckled. "But no one could bribe you into doing anything, even less submission, even if they tried."
"Well, I know that, but who's to say they do?" she replied with a sarcastic raise of the eyebrow.
"Well, if they have misjudged you so badly, I have a feeling they're gonna see the errors of their ways pretty soon."
She smiled, then looked up at him again, her eyebrows now rising in a feigned puzzled expression. "So, paranoia is your diagnosis, then, is it?"
"With acute overthinking syndrome, I'm afraid."
Her restrained smile finally cracked and she chuckled as she dropped herself onto her couch and crossed her legs. "Oh Chakotay, sometimes I wish I could be as calm and true to myself as you are!"
Chakotay walked closer, a couple of books still in his hand, but didn't sit. "But then you wouldn't be the one Starfleet is honoring with a promotion to admiral." He paused as he sobered. "I might not know everything about the political climate at Starfleet," at her grin he nodded, "okay, so I don't know anything about it," he conceded. "But one thing I do know – you're one hell of a captain, and even if there are politics involved, it doesn't mean the offer isn't sincere."
She nodded as she took in his compliment. "Maybe you're right." Her gaze traveled fondly around the room and she sighed. "I would miss this ship, though."
"I know how you feel."
Her gaze returned to study him. "You told me last night you could never serve under another captain," she went on. "What if you were that captain? Would it change your mind? I have to admit I'd feel better about the promotion if I knew Voyager was in good hands."
Chakotay shook his head as he returned to the bookshelf and resumed packing. "I'm honored that you would want to entrust Voyager to me, but I wouldn't accept." The images and feelings of his alter ego were still so fresh in his mind, he couldn't help but shudder at the thought of becoming Captain Chakotay. Even though in all likelihood he would make a different kind of captain than the alternate version of himself, he didn't want to even take that chance. Besides, he had other plans for the future.
"Why not?"
"I have no aspiration to become captain."
She gave him a skeptical look. "You were captain of your Maquis ship."
"True, but that was a long time ago, and it was mostly out of necessity." He paused as he considered whether or not telling her more. He decided he could at least throw her a few bones. "Actually, I'm thinking about not serving at all. I'm considering resigning from Starfleet – well, that is if the admiralty considered my reinstatement official in the first place. If not, I guess it'll simply be a matter of returning the uniform to its rightful owner."
"You can't be serious!?" she sounded so shocked that Chakotay had to throw her a glance over his shoulder. Her expression was as astounded as her tone as she stared at him, wide-eyed, sitting on the edge of her seat as if she was ready to spring up any moment. "I mean I know you said you had doubts, but I didn't think you were actually thinking about resigning altogether!"
"I am, actually."
She stood and walked until she was standing at his side. "Well, of course this is your decision, but… why?" she asked with genuine curiosity as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"A number of reasons," he replied, hoping his voice and expression didn't betray that she was one of them. He gave a small shrug. "I think I'd like to teach."
A wide grin suddenly lit up her face. "Oh, you would be great at that. I'm guessing anthropology would be your discipline of choice?"
He smiled as he placed the last book from the shelf into the box. "I figure, with all the experience I've gained, and the sheer number of first-contact situations we faced on our journey in the Delta Quadrant, I could have something to offer, even though I don't have official training."
There was a momentary pause. "What about Seven?" Her tone was mischievously curious and teasing, but Chakotay's instincts told him it covered some deeper emotions, some feelings she was trying to hide from him.
"Oh no, I don't think anthropology's really her thing," he deadpanned, and smiled when her studying gaze lightened in amused surprise. He opened his mouth to say more, but at that moment Tuvok's voice resounded through the comm system.
"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."
The communication caused a momentary distraction and Chakotay shifted his eyes away from Kathryn in frustration at the interruption. "Go ahead, Tuvok."
"Lieutenant Mora requires your assistance in Cargo Bay 1."
"I'll be right there." Chakotay sighed as he glanced at Kathryn again. She looked perfectly composed, and it unnerved Chakotay that he couldn't tell what went on in her head. "Do you need help with the rest of your packing? It's getting late, I could send some of Mora's people to give you a hand," he offered.
She shook her head as she moved back to her desk. "I think I'll finish on my own."
"Alright." He lifted the box of books he'd filled and moved to leave it on the floor by the door. "Are you free for breakfast in the morning? We could travel to Starfleet Command together."
She nodded. "Mess hall, 800?"
Chakotay gave a nod. "Until tomorrow then."
oooOooo
"Well, that wasn't so bad," B'Elanna said as she watched from her perch on the bed as Tom gently put Miral's sleeping body into her cot. Their temporary quarters aboard the docking station weren't all that different from their quarters on Voyager, which – well, made it kind of strange, actually.
"I know! It's weird, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," he whispered so as not to wake their daughter.
B'Elanna frowned. "Why?"
Tom looked back at her incredulously. "Why?" he repeated.
"Tom, your father hasn't seen you in over seven years. He probably thought he'd lost you for good for a while. Why do you keep expecting something bad will happen? It seems like you're calling for it."
"Because…. Just because, alright? I know him. That's all."
"You've changed, Tom. What makes you think that he hasn't?"
Tom walked back to the bed and dropped himself next to B'Elanna with a sigh. The shifting weight on the mattress made her bounce slightly. He took her hand. "I've been disappointed too many times, okay? I just can't get my hopes up right now."
B'Elanna smiled as she squeezed his fingers and leaned into his shoulder. "I get it. Really. But for now, why don't we just enjoy the fact that his first meeting with Miral went well? We'll take it from there."
The reunion between Tom and Admiral Paris had been awkward and tense, as they all stood in small groups around the mess hall. Even though B'Elanna could have cut through the tension with a knife, Tom and his father had exchanged a civil – and even heartfelt – handshake. And the admiral's face had really lightened when B'Elanna had introduced Miral to him. After that B'Elanna had been summoned to work by Chakotay, but from what Tom told her, the rest of the evening had continued in much the same fashion.
"You're right," Tom conceded.
"Of course I'm right."
"And it really wasn't so bad."
"I know. I'm the one who said that."
"Can you believe we're finally here?"
B'Elanna was unfazed by the sudden change of topic. She scoffed softly. "No. Not really. You?"
Tom sighed again as he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer into his embrace. "No." He gave a small, puzzled chuckle. "What are we gonna do?"
"One step at a time, Tom."
"Okay."
"Let's get some sleep while we can," B'Elanna whispered as she glanced at Miral's cot.
"Or not?"
B'Elanna's grin widened as she gazed into Tom's mischievous expression. "Or not."
oooOooo
Next up: the hearing and dinner on Pier 39…
