chapter 7

hi everybody and hi rouko70. well im sitting infront of my laptop flexing fingers and enjoying the stirring of ideas in my head. i hope you are all well and keeping safe on your streets? this chapter is over the course of one shower. yes one shower. this idea came to me yes in the shower and i thought how would rorshach react to a shower and some quiet time after his meal. well this is how i think it would go. enjoy and any feedback would be appreciated and replied too with gusto. oh and this is not a diary entry. i did attempt it but i decided a different approach as i feel rorshach had updated his journal enough for one day.

Rorshach found himself alone in Daniels spare room. it was more spacious and better kept than his own meagre one room apartment. the carpet was cream the bed was a double with crisp sheets and it had one of those memory foam mattreses. nothing like Rorshachs old army cot with mattress stuffed with newspapers and discarded rag to keep it inflated and linoleum peeling floors. This room had off white walls and a few pictures hanging on the walls. Rorshachs walls had bugs living in every crack and a nail to even hang a picture would have brought the wall and several mouldy layers of wallpaper from past residents crumbling down around him. He walked over to the pictures, on closer inspection they were photograph prints. The first one of lush greenery and apparantly an empty woodland but upon closer inspection an owl was sat against a piece of bark. The owl was so well camouflaged next to the brown of the trunk of the tree that Rorshach was impressed with the creature. He rarely felt any admiration for anything but this owl was a skilled hunter and killer and could use its surroundings to hide, a bit like himself. he walked slowly to the next picture and he could feel the soft plush carpet under his shoes as it gave in slightly to his weight. The next picture was a pristine white scene and as he looked closer it had a snowy own sat on a fence post in the distance. The owl was the same colour as the slate grey sky and white of the snow on the ground. Its eyes looking directly at the cameraman, were a stunning amber. The thought crossed Rorshachs mind that the owls eyes were the same colour as Walters hair. Under the mask a rare smile crept across his face. The next picture took a while to figure out. Rorshach cocked his head to the side staring at the picture before him. it looked to be an entire picture of in various browns and yellows and the occasional black lines running vertically down the page. Rorshach stepped back still looking at the picture and to his amazement an owls head appeared. the actual image was of an owl so well camouflaged that rorshach was taken aback. He stepped forward and traced his gloved hands over the glass looking at the owls face and black eyes. He had never had time to appreciate pictures or art but he enjoyed these. Daniels choice of images didnt suprise him in the least but these photos were , in their own way one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. His glove left a smear on the glass frame and rorshach felt suddenly bad, he tried to wipe off the smear with his scarf but that made the smear more prominent and noticeable and for the first time in his life rorshach realised that he needed a shower. His clothes were still clean from Daniels hijacking but they had since been to his apartment and had picked up the usual grot and grime of the city. He looked down at his gloves and turned his hands over slowly. He pulled at his scarf and undid the knot that held it firmly at his neck and when it was loose his took it off from around his neck. He placed it on the dressing table as he did not want to put it on the pure clean bed. Next his gloves. He pulled at the fingers and slipped off the first glove and then the second placing them next to the scarf on the dresser. The hat was next . He lined all these things up and looked at himself in the dresser mirror. He watched his mask dance around his face and he became hypnotised with what he saw. A dogs skull formed down his own face and then in an instant dissapeared, next was an angel with its wings spread wide and arms hailing to the sky, Rorshach enjoyed that image but it did not stay it shifted into two hands covering his eyes and cheeks stretching to his neck ready to choke him. His eyes grew wide as a moment of panic came and then just a quickly vanished when the image changed into an evil face. A mask to cover his own face yet showing the truth of what lay under the mask. He gasped and yanked off the mask in one motion. The face now in the mirror was Walter. He stared at his own reflection. He had never liked his own reflection and today was no different. He had learned at an early age that he was ugly. his mother had told him enough times that he was an ugly little shit and he did not doubt it. his hair had always been a point of ridicule from everybody he had ever met. His mother, her numerous clients, teachers, doctors, other children, even other adults. They all seemed fixated on his hair. Next had come his freckles. kids at the home had once held him down and played dot to dot on his face and by the time they had finished his entire face was a black scrawl of mess. He had not fought back, he had not seen the point at the time. He merely wanted it to be over and if he had fought it would have taken longer. Walter smiled at the memory to follow that unfortunate one. Walter at 10 years old had taken the pen they had used on his face, which a week later had still been grey with the permanant pen and stabbed the main boy responsible with it. He had stabbed him through the right hand. It had gone right through the back of the hand out through the palm and actually impailed the boy to the table. Needles to say the boy bobby maxwell he remembered had had to undergo surgery but was never able to use that hand again. the scar had looked like stigmata and walter was proud of himself for marking the boy with a significant religious mark.

walter leaned closer to the mirror. His eyes were blue. As child he had had deep sky blue eyes but now into adult hood they were steel grey blue. He thought back to everything he had witnessed and always thought it was because, eyes being the window to the soul, his were corrupted and therefore his eye colour was stained with his failures. He hated his eyes. he could not look people in the eye without his mask. eyes dont lie and his life was a lie. His mask an illusion to fool people. He peered closer, his eyes had a slight purple grey haze, the beginning of cataracts he though to himself and sighed. what was the saying an eye for an eye well if he did go blind that would be god living up to his word. He scoffed out loud and turned around. He walked over to the door and locked it with the latch. Walter looked over to the other door that behind it held an ensuite bathroom and with a sigh he walked to the door and opened it and went in.

The actual room was a soft pink colour. the shower was a walk in with the glass being the kind that was grey and hazed for privacy. There was a round bath that was deep and had only one tap. The tiles were the same shade of pink and the floor was red. there was a full length mirror with waves rather than a straight edge and the toilet was rather standard and had a toilet seat. his toilet at home was a shared one and there had never been a seat as long as he had lived there. he stared at the toilet lid as it had a fluffy cover on it. who on earth put a cover on a toilet seat lid he thought. he locked the bathroom door, a little excessive considering he had locked the main door and it was just him and Daniel in the house but walter didnt think so. privacy was everything to him. he undid the buttons on his coat and undid the belt that held it together in the middle where the buttons were missing. If anyone had ever been close enough to him to notice they would have seen non of the buttons matched. countless fights had seen them torn off and walter had had to basterdise the coat and its buttons many times with a needle and thread. He slipped off the coat and hung it on a door hook which was an owls face. next came the suit. it was not a bad suit but it was 2 sizes too big for walter and the edges were frayed. the trousers also were too big but he had stitched up the bottom and a belt held them up. His shirt was once white but now was a yellow sweat stained colour. A mixture of his sweat and blood had done that to all of his shirts so he didnt really notice anymore. He now stood and looked at himself in a truly grimey vest and his boxers. he still had on his shoes which were the only thing to truly fit him. he had had them for years had left care with them and considering he was the same height he was when he left care so was his shoe size. He undid the laces and slipped them off along with socks so holy they could of been now stood infront of the mirror and slipped off the vest and places it on top of the toilet seat.

Walter looked at himself for the first time in years. his flat had one small mirror he used for shaving and he could never strip down too much as there was no heating in his place. he stood in the bathroom and looked at his frail almost naked body. he turned back checking he had definatley locked the door, paranoid him never! his body frame was small and pale. he had no sun tan as his skin very rarely saw the sun and even if it had, he remembered as a child his skin just burned red raw in 30 seconds of sunlight making him stick out like a tomato. he kept covered up at all times. his torso was hairless and freckels covered his chest and arms all the way down to his hands. his ribs showed when he lifted his hands and arms above his head as did his many scars. he turned slowly looking at the scars resembling tiger stripes. his newest would be scar, was still under the bandages but it wasnt that he was looking at. he began to could one two three four... nine ten... twenty one twenty two. All the scars from his neck down to his toes. thirty seven in all and they were the ones to scar that he could still see. he had broken all of his ribs individually at one point of other, fingers, wrist , dislocated shoulder twice and most painful had been a smashed collar bone. he fingered his collar bone now. it had not healed straight as he hadnt been to the hospital. he could push it with his finger and the bone would shift under his skin sideways. His arms had cigarette burn scars again from care, thanks to the older boys using him as an ash tray. They had decided because his hair was red he was fire proof and for two weeks straight had held his wrists and used his under fore arms to put out their ciggaretes. they had figured the staff would not see his under arms. they did but they did nothing to help him. he had been eight when one day a boy had said that walters whore mother loved this shit and walter lost it. he had snatched his arms away grabbed the cigarette that was dropped and stubbed it into the boys eye. He had twisted the cigarette through the eyelid and it was a mercy the boy wasnt blinded. Walter was never burned again by anybody!

His legs were hairless due to constant wearing of trousers but dotted with freckles. His knees were scarred and hard from years of trips slips and falls from rooftops chasing bad guys and this aided him. He poked his knees with his fingers and realised he had no sensation in either. the nerve ending were long dead. He sighed again to himself and stepped over to the shower. He opened the glass door and looked at the controls. It was one switch and a round dial that controlled the temperature. He pushed the switch and water exploded out of the nozzle above him, his arm got suddenly soaked and he pulled away. He checked the door one last time to make sure it was locked and slipped off his loose thread bare pants. he put them by the shower door but not to close lest they get wet. he stepped naked into the shower and shut the glass door.

the heat was a shock. he stood and held his hands up to protect his face the water running down his forearms. the water seeped into the pinkish bandages and stung the wound. Walter winced and clapped a hand to the wound. breathing through his teeth he lowered his head the water now hitting his head and running down all around his head line and falling to the sides of the wound. he pulled at the soggy bandages and they came away to reveal a deep slice surrounded in old crusty blood that was beginning to wash away. the bandages fell to the shower floor by walters feet but he was unconcerned. he trace the wound with his finger, it looked like a crescent moon. He scooped water into his hand and trickled it over the fresh wound watching pinkness pool around his feet and swirl down the plug hole. it stung less now and he acclimatized to the water and heat. he hung his head down and just stood staring at his own feet. he had relatively small feet, but he wasnt a very tall man and he remembered a cruel comment a girl once said to him about his manhood and his shoe size. Walter understood what she meant and he had been embarrassed and his face had grown red which had made the girl and her friends laugh at him harder. he hated women. his mother the care home nurses and girls in the home too. Even as an adult they had only shown him disdain. His landlady was a harsh woman. Making all manner of comments to anybody who would listen. yeah women were all whores and good for nothing harlets.

He lifted his head up to face the nozzle blasting the heated water at him. It hit his face and made him dribble slightly. The heat was actually very pleasant and he was enjoying watching his skin turn from a dirty grey to a healthy pink colour as the water bashed off months of filth and body grime. Right above his head was a small shelf with little bottles that read body wash. All were different colours and he read the flavours. Red was cherry, darker red was strawberry, green was lime and apple , yellow was vanilla and white was coconut. He hesitated not knowing if Daniel would mind him using one but his hand extended anyway. he chose vanilla. he didnt know why he just liked the word. He opened the little bottle and sniffed the sweet smelling wash. He liked it and proceeded to lather it all over his body and in his hair and face. He washed all his nooks and crevices, he washed his elbows behind his neck and ears, his feet his genitals and his chest. he had forgotten his wound until the soap touched the tender edges and Walter gave a yelp of pain and desperately tried to wash away the bubbles. it was a full two minutes of panting and swishing before the bubbles had been washed away from the area and walters eyes had stopped watering from the pain. he stood again head up letting the hot water run all over his body and clean the bubbles away. running his hands through his hair he checked all the bubbles were gone before switching the shower to off mode. the water shut off abruptly and walter realised how steamy the bathroom was. he opened the glass door and leant across to the towel rail and grabbed a soft red towel. he wrapped it around his waist and grabbed the larger one and began to rub himself dry as he stepped out onto the tiles. the floor was warm with under tile heating and walter had not been expecting it. he stood for a moment then took a small step forward testing this new experience. he nodded to himself. he had to wipe the mirror with the towel to see himself clearly. his short hair was curly and his face although pale was flushed pink as was the rest of his body. he dried himself more and decided to urinate. he moved his clothes lifted the lid and the seat and began. he had never been able to pee naked before. not when he was little as he never dared take off his clothes, not after the incident with one of his mothers customers trying to touch him down there. it was the first and last time she had protected him. she had screamed blue murder at that man and hit him with the broom and screamed him out of the house. no not at home. not in the care home. if you took off your clothes the other kids stole them and burned them or swapped them for girls clothes. As an adult living in a grotty apartment with a shared bathroom and no lock there was no privacy. Walter peed in his sink at home but never naked as it was too cold. his other business was done swiftly in cafes.

this being warm and naked and having a pee in complete safety was nice. he shook himself off and used toilet paper to dry the edges. he flushed the paper away, turned collected his stuff and noticed an un opened toothbrush on the sink. he looked at it. un used brand new. sterile and waiting. he tore at the packet and strokes the hard bristles. the cabinet over the sink held many mini sized toothpastes and walter chose one. these came in sealed packets and walter new they were safe to use, not like in care where kids wiped acne and other nasty things over the nib. Walter shuddered to himself. he squeezed a line onto the new toothbrush and began to scrub his teeth. he had one tooth missing that had been knocked out some years ago but it was not noticable. he brushed and spat, brushed and spat brushing until his spit was red with blood from years of in proper dental hygeine. he didnt care. Walter ran his tongue over his teeth and they felt nice. He again scooped up his stuff and opened the bathroom door. he looked out first checking the room was clear and he was alone. he raced over to his mask and put it on. He relaxed now his mask was on he felt safer more himself. he laid his stuff on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed adjusting the towel covering himself and letting the other one drape around his shoulders. he remembered the extra bandages Daniel had given him and applied them to the wound. Walter lay back on the bed, dry warm and with a full stomach. he could hear the wind outside and the rain beating at the triple glazed windows and was very tired. very tired but safe. his headache was less but it was still there in the back of his skull. he wondered why he still had it. perhaps he had bashed it the other night and hadnt noticed. yeah thats all it was a bump. shuffling up the bed walter decided he best get dressed again in case Daniel knocked on the door. his head hit the cool soft pillows and he stretched his body, never had he felt so comfortable. he never got to think about anything else he fell asleep in his mask, in a towel ,on top of the bed with the sound of the rain and the door locked.

normally the idea of comfort caused him to feel disgust but maybe it was because he had never experienced it for himself (authors note)