Happy Friday all! Here's the next instalment. I hope you enjoy Mariella meeting a few more people in Jay's life. It's a long chapter, go and grab a cup of tea before you begin!

Chapter 7

"Hey Jay." Natalie opened the front door with Lizzie on her hip and gave him a peck on the cheek in greeting. "Will got stuck in a trauma but he should be home any minute. He was going to swing by the store and get some beers too. It was kind of last minute, we weren't prepared."

Jay stood on Will and Natalie's doorstep with a cake box in his hands and Mariella clutching onto his sleeve. Mariella was the one who said she was ready to meet her cousins, but she was understandably apprehensive. She stared up at Natalie with an expression somewhere between fear and admiration.

Natalie was a paediatrician, she spoke to frightened children every day, Jay had no doubt at all that if anyone could handle this situation perfectly it was his sister-in-law. Lizzie wriggled to be put down but Natalie held her tight. She'd be out the door in a shot given half a chance. Holding the toddler meant Natalie couldn't bend down to Mariella's level, but she smiled warmly. "Hi Mariella. I'm Natalie. I'm so pleased to finally meet you." She held out her hand for a formal handshake and it made Mariella smile as she took it. "And this squirmy little miss is Lizzie."

"Hello" Mariella replied. Lizzie looked down at her curiously and Mariella touched the little girl's hand.

Natalie smiled at that gesture and looked up at Jay affectionately. "Come inside into the warm."

There was still snow on the ground even though there hadn't been a blizzard for a couple of days. They stomped off the snow clinging to their boots on the porch before stepping into the hallway and closing the door. Will and Natalie's home was instantly inviting and Jay always felt happy entering their house. It was in stark contrast to his own dark and cold apartment and he made a mental note to ask Natalie for help to make it more of a home, because he had a sneaking suspicion that his big brother had very little to do with the interior design choices.

"Owen, Zachary, come downstairs please." Natalie yelled up the stairs to her sons before walking through to the kitchen. Jay followed, guiding Mariella. He watched his daughter as she looked around silently, as always drinking everything in. She looked in awe. Jay wondered what kind of houses and apartments she had lived in before. He took a guess that they had never been as large or as impressive as this. Hell, Jay had never lived anywhere as large and impressive as this. When he and Hailey were searching for a place all those years ago, they went for location over size and lived in a modest townhouse close to work. Jay loved that house, and the memories they made there. Visiting his brother's family always made him miss that. He missed having a home, not just a place to live. He hoped he could build one again, with Mariella.

In the kitchen Natalie put Lizzie down on the floor and she scampered away, thrilled at having some freedom. "I made lasagne for dinner" Natalie said, taking the oven gloves off their hook by the stove. "I hope that's ok."

"It's perfect" Jay said. "Thank you for having us over so last minute."

"Absolutely our pleasure." Natalie turned to speak to Mariella. Her tone was one of somebody who had spent years around kids and was perfectly at ease and knew how to put them at ease too. Not only was she a brilliant doctor, she was a wonderful mother. "I've heard a lot about you. Do you like Chicago so far?"

"I like the snow" Mariella replied.

"Really?" Natalie shook her head. "I much prefer the sunshine."

"It was fun. I met a new friend and we went to the park."

"Oh yeah?" Natalie looked at Jay and he filled in the blanks.

"Chrissy Dawson."

"That's great" Natalie said, speaking again to Mariella and not to Jay. Jay could see the effect it was having on Mariella, he could tell that being the focus of Natalie's attention as she spoke to her filled her with confidence. "You know, my son Owen is on the same soccer team as Chrissy's brothers. Do you like soccer?" Natalie bent down and spoke in a theatrical whisper. "If you do, Owen will love you forever. It's all he talks about." Just them twelve year old Owen slid into the kitchen doorway in his socks. "Speak of the devil."

"Are you talking about me, Mom?" Owen asked, but he wasn't annoyed. He sounded relaxed and cheerful. "Hi" he said to Mariella. "I'm Owen." He wasted no time in trying to get to know his new cousin. "Do you like sports?"

Mariella nodded. "Yeah. I like playing outdoors. I like playing soccer."

Owen's face lit up. "It's the best. We can play. If you want."

"Not in the dark and the snow, bud" Natalie said. "Here, come and help me with the salad."

"Can I do something?" Jay asked, but Natalie waved him away.

"No way, you're the guest. I'd offer you a beer, but…"

Jay smiled. "It's alright. I can wait."

"Where's Zach?" Natalie asked but Owen shrugged.

"I'm here!" The six year old launched into the kitchen at top speed and collided with Natalie's legs.

"Steady on" she said, "be careful." She scooped him up, even though he was getting bigger and heavier every day. "Uncle Jay is here for dinner and he brought someone to meet us all. This is Mariella. She's your cousin."

Mariella smiled at the little boy. He didn't look at all puzzled or bothered by this news, just said "Hi" then turned back to his mother. "Can I have some chocolate milk please?"

"No" Natalie said firmly. Jay got the feeling that wasn't the first time today or even in the last hour that she had given the same answer to the same request. "You'll spoil your dinner. We've just got to wait for Daddy to get home then guess what we're having? Garlic bread."

Zach grinned. Inexplicably, that was his favourite food in the whole world. He bounced off into the living room, all thoughts of chocolate milk forgotten.

There was the sound of keys turning in the door then a second later, Will's shouted apologies. "I'm sorry, I got stuck at work. I've got the beer though." He kicked off his shoes then struggled through to the kitchen carrying a case of beer. He put it down on the counter top and kissed his wife lightly on the cheek.

"Hey brother" he said. He put his arms out for a hug and Jay returned it.

It felt so strange, this moment, and Jay couldn't quite figure out why. Introducing his daughter to his brother this way felt surreal. He'd always figured that if he ever did become a father, Will would be there with him the whole way, as Jay had been for Will, not only as he was becoming a part of Owen's life but when Zachary and Elizabeth were born. Now he was a father, but instead of a tiny newborn, he was introducing a fully formed little girl to his brother.

"Mariella, this is your Uncle Will." Jay held out his hand to gesture for Mariella to join him.

Will crouched down to her level as Mariella approached and looked from her to Jay with a mixture of disbelief and happiness. "Hey Mariella. It's so great to finally meet you. Welcome to our crazy family."


After dinner, as Natalie put Lizzie to bed, Jay and Will sat on the couch watching Mariella and the boys play with Lego on the living room rug. Will popped the caps off two more beers and passed one bottle to Jay.

"Wow Jay" Will said, shaking his head ever so slightly. "I can't believe it."

"You can't believe it? How do you think I feel?"

"You really had no idea?"

Jay shook his head. "None at all. I wish I had, I would have been there for Camila, you know I would."

"I know man. It's not your fault."

Jay didn't say anything. Was that true? He tried to push that thought away, now wasn't the time. But now in his older brother's company, Jay felt vulnerable, like he was a kid again. Will had a way of looking at him and getting to the bottom of exactly what he was feeling, he always had. Just then Mariella looked up, as if to check that Jay was still there, and gave him a small smile before turning back to her task. Jay watched her hand Zach a Lego brick and help him fix it onto the wall of the house they were building.

Jay took a swig of his beer. "She looks just like her" he said. He blinked, forcing the emotion back down. "Her mother. She was so beautiful. She had this smile, this light inside her. I see it in Mariella too."

Will sighed. It was a long while after the event that Will found out what exactly went down with Camila, and he still couldn't believe his brother had been so stupid as to get involved with her and jeopardise his career. But it had all happened so long ago. His feelings on it didn't really matter anymore, and whatever mistakes Jay had made, something good came from it. Will still couldn't quite believe this little girl even existed but he was happy for his brother and thought that this might just be a gift from God. He'd watched Jay's life fall apart after his accident and everything that happened since, with his addiction and his marriage failing. Until Mariella came into his life, Will had spent a lot of time worrying that Jay would spiral again. But he saw something different in him now, in the way he spoke and the way he carried himself, a new resolve to stay strong. This new responsibility was just what Jay needed to stay on the straight and narrow, Will was sure of it.

"She's beautiful" Will said. "She seems like a lovely kid."

"She is. She's amazing. I can't believe how well she seems to be adjusting, I keep waiting for something to go wrong."

"There are bound to be some set backs" Will admitted. "But you'll get through it, I know you will."

"I can't believe how much I love her already" Jay admitted. "It's like I've always known there was a piece of me missing and now I feel whole. I know I sound like an idiot saying it."

"No" Will said. He put his hand firmly on Jay's shoulder. "You sound like a parent."


"Come on then." Sylvie slid Hailey a beer across the table as she sat down in a booth at Molly's. "What's on your mind?"

Hailey accepted the beer silently. It didn't take a genius to work out what was going on here. Dawson's attempts to help her at work today hadn't worked so he sent his wife to try and fix whatever it was that was wrong. It would take more than a beer and a chat to fix this but Hailey looked up at Sylvie's friendly smile and felt bad. She was only trying to help, they both were.

They had never been that close, Hailey and Sylvie, not before she started dating Jay. They got on, of course. It was hard not to like Sylvie Dawson. But the two women had such different outlooks on life, honestly Hailey found Sylvie's relentless optimism kind of draining. But she also knew how lucky she was that she had people around her who cared.

"Thanks" Hailey said. They clinked glasses and she took a swig.

"Antonio told me you're struggling. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help."

"I've had a hell of a day. We're no closer to an arrest on this case we're working."

"That's not it" Sylvie said bluntly. "I'm married to a cop remember? I know the difference between personal troubles and work-related troubles." Sylvie took a sip of her own drink.

Hailey sighed. Why was she trying to pretend she cared about their current investigation even a fraction of the amount she cared about Jay? Sylvie could see right through her and Hailey knew it.

"You're right, it's not the job. It's everything else."

"Halstead?"

"I'm trying to keep my distance but I'm worried about him. I don't know what I can do to help, or if he even needs my help. He's taken a couple of weeks off work, I've not even seen him since Mariella came to Chicago. I just want to know he's ok."

Sylvie smiled with sympathy. She knew what it was like to not be able to help the person you cared about. Plenty of times Antonio's troubles had been way beyond anything she could help him with. She had learned over the years of her marriage that sometimes you needed to take a step back and let them work it out for themselves. But Sylvie got the feeling that now, with Hailey and Jay, was not one of those times. "He's ok" Sylvie said.

Hailey looked up from her drink in surprise. "You've seen him?" Hailey swallowed. "You've met his daughter?"

Sylvie nodded slowly. "Chrissy and I bumped into them in the mall. The girls played together in the snow. Jay seemed really good, Hailey. If you're worried he's not going to be able to cope and fall off the wagon, I don't think you need to be."

"This is such a huge thing to happen. I know how freaked out he's been. He called me the first night she arrived, he sounded on edge. God knows I've seen him like that plenty of times to know what could happen." Hailey ran her hand through her hair. Her eyes were red and there was a lump in her throat. "I just want to help him."

"You will" Sylvie said. "Just give him time."

"I'm happy for him" Hailey said truthfully. "He's always wanted to be a father. It just didn't happen for us." Hailey turned away a second and swallowed a quarter of the bottle in one gulp. If she was going to go any further down this rabbit hole, she would need something stronger.

"Remind me again why you two can't work it out?" Sylvie said, half in jest, but there was a genuine question hiding behind her jovial tone.

Hailey shook her head. "It's complicated. We both made mistakes. In the end, being together hurt too much. It's better this way, I really believe that. But that doesn't mean I've stopped caring. Part of me will always love him."

Sylvie's expression plainly said that all she was hearing were excuses that were not changing her mind. But something behind Hailey's eyes stopped her from saying so. "Hailey, are you alright? Has something happened?"

Hailey stopped. The look of genuine concern on her friends' face made Hailey want to cry. For days now, she'd been wallowing in regrets and dwelling on the fact that Jay had something now that she could never give him. A child. But she wasn't ready to share her pain with another person, even one as lovely and kind as Sylvie. Part of her resented Sylvie's life, and the rest of her felt like the worst person in the world for it. Because Sylvie had a strong loving marriage and three beautiful children and seemed to have it all together. What could she know about what Hailey was going through?

The smile Hailey gave to Sylvie was one of sorrow. "I know you mean well, but I'm not ready to share. I'm sorry."

Sylvie touched Hailey's arm. "Don't be. I get it. But when you are…"

Hailey nodded. Maybe one day she'd be ready. But right now, the only thing Hailey wanted to share her feelings with was a bottle of whisky.

"If you want to call him Hailey, you should. I'm sure he'd want to hear from you."

"They're bonding. I don't want to get in the way of that. I was pretty blunt with him the last time we spoke too. I just don't think I should interfere."

"Jay told me he thought the best thing for Mariella was to meet the people in his life, to know that she had people in this city that cared about her. That includes you."

"Not any more. Once upon a time maybe, but not now."

Sylvie sighed. Hailey was drunk and stubborn and she wondered what the use was of trying to make her see sense when she had put up a barrier around her emotions. "That's not true" the paramedic said, giving it one last try. "You're both very much in each other's lives, whether you realise it yet or not."


It was a cold and grey morning the day after the dinner at Will and Natalie's and the snow had turned to slush. But inside Jay's apartment, with the central heating turned up high, it didn't really matter. Jay had nothing to do today and nowhere to be. He slept late and Mariella did too, it was almost 11am by the time they finally made breakfast.

"I had fun last night" Mariella said, dropping her spoon into her empty cereal bowl.

Jay smiled at her from the counter where he was pouring himself a second cup of coffee. "I'm so pleased to hear you say that" he said. He pulled out his own chair at the kitchen table and sat down heavily, still feeling the affects of the beer and wine he'd drunk with dinner. They'd got a cab home last night, Jay realising that he'd had a bit too much to drink to drive home. He'd have to go and get his car at some point, but there was no hurry.

"My family are your family now" Jay continued. "I know it must be difficult and scary moving to a knew city where you don't know anyone, but I wanted you to meet my brother and his family to help you see that there are a lot of people here who care about you, even if you've not met them yet. You're not alone."

"Do you like having a brother?" Mariella asked. "I always wanted a brother or sister."

Jay thought back to all the fun he and Will had had together growing up, and also all the times they drove each other crazy and had blazing rows, much to the exasperation of their parents. "Sometimes" Jay said truthfully. He smiled.

Later, Jay and Mariella sat cross legged on the living room rug with carboard box of photographs open on the floor between them. As eager as he was to get to know his daughter, Jay realised she was probably just as keen to get to know him. It was more important for Mariella, he thought. She was a child, and she had been asked by the universe to put all her trust in this man who, although related to her by blood, was a complete stranger until not too long ago. Jay didn't know where to begin to tell her what she needed to know about him, not in words, but thought that seeing for herself evidence of events that had shaped his life so far would help Mariella to get a sense of who he was.

The photo on top of the pile was a studio shot of him in his Ranger uniform before his first tour. It felt like a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago. He barely recognised the man looking out of the frame, but it was still an important part of who he was.

"Mom said my uncle Luis was in the military" Mariella said, looking at the picture. "He died before I was born."

Jay kept his mouth shut. She was too young to hear that sorry tale right now. Maybe one day.

"Did you like being a soldier?"

Jay thought about this. It was a difficult question. "Some parts of it. I met a lot of great people and learned a lot about myself. But I won't ever go back."

"You like being a cop?"

"I do."

Mariella rifled through the pile until she found the picture she'd seen once before, of the whole Intelligence Unit in their dress uniforms the day Antonio made sergeant. She pointed to the photo. "That's Chrissy's Dad?" she asked. She looked up at Jay and he nodded. "He's Latino. I thought he was."

"Yeah" Jay said. Stupidly, it hadn't occurred to him that she and Chrissy had more in common than simply their youth and gender and the fact their dads worked together. Jay waited for Mariella to make a further comment on that fact but she didn't, although Jay could see that thoughts were swirling around behind her eyes. He made a mental note not to forget this moment, it was important.

Amongst the pile of loose snapshots and portraits in cardboard frames, there was a small blue album and this is what Mariella picked up next.

Jay laughed. "How embarrassing" he said with a grin. "There's pictures of me when I was a kid in there."

Mariella looked up with a mischievous grin on her face and flipped the album open. The photo she came upon was of Jay aged 7 in his Little League uniform looking thoroughly fed up. Goodness knows why his mother had kept this picture, it wasn't his finest moment. "You don't look very happy" she said.

Jay leaned over to take a better look. He was so close he wanted to put an arm around her but curbed the urge. "I wasn't" he said. "I didn't like baseball very much. I prefer hockey."

The next page had a photo of Jay and Will in suits and matching green ties. Jay couldn't remember the occasion, probably a wedding of a cousin of one of his parents. He was about 11. Behind the brothers, his Mom and Dad stood smiling with their arms around each other. It was a rare moment of family togetherness. They painted the picture of a perfect happy family. It may have been true at the time, but Jay couldn't be sure it wasn't only an act for the camera. But still, Jay felt happy Mariella could see his parents.

"That's my Mom and Dad" Jay said. "They both died. I wish they could have met you."

"Your Mom's pretty" Mariella said.

"She was" was Jay's reply. He stared at the photo, and it may have been a trick of the light, or perhaps just wishful thinking on his part, but he swore, when he looked back again at Mariella's smiling face, just a hint of his mother in her.

"What's this?" Mariella picked up a white envelope, made of thick expensive paper and embossed with roses. Jay's heart began to quicken. He thought about snatching it from her hand and pretending it wasn't anything important, but that wouldn't be fair.

He took a deep breath. "They're my wedding photos" he said quietly. Or, more specifically, half his wedding photos. Jay hoped Hailey still had the rest of them hidden away somewhere safely. He hoped he hadn't messed things up with her so much that she had got rid of them in a fit of fury, but Jay wouldn't blame her if she had.

Mariella looked up, surprised. "You were married?"

Jay gently took the envelope from Mariella and undid the fastening. "I still am" he said. "Technically. But we're not together anymore, we broke up."

"The lady you work with? The one you're friends with still?"

By now Jay had realised that Mariella really listened to everything that was said to her and there wasn't a piece of information she didn't absorb. Jay would have to be careful about that in the future, he thought. There was no telling how that attribute might get him in trouble one day. "That's right. Her name's Hailey."

"Can I see the pictures?"

Jay realised that although he had opened the envelope and taken hold of the stack of photos, he hadn't pulled them out yet. Subconsciously he was preparing himself to see them again. "Of course" he said eventually, and pulled out the glossy prints.

Jay's eyes filled with tears. It was such a beautiful day, their wedding day. On a pier by the lake, the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and the small ceremony with only a handful of guests was not flashy but it was perfect. In the first photo, he and Hailey looked into each other's eyes and the joy he remembered feeling in that moment broke Jay's heart.

"You look happy" Mariella said.

A lump came to Jay's throat. "I was very happy. I was in love." Jay stopped himself from continuing. Was in love? If he was honest with himself, there was no past tense about it.

Mariella moved to the next photo, it was a more formal portrait of Jay and Hailey standing under the flower archway after the ceremony, entwined in eachother's arms. The sunlight glinted off Hailey's ring and the clear blue water behind them. Jay tore his eyes off the image to look at Mariella, wondering what the little girl could possibly be thinking. "She looks beautiful" Mariella said finally. "Her dress is very pretty."

Jay nodded. He thought so too. Given the choice, Hailey would live in jeans and sweaters with messy hair and minimal makeup every day. Jay happened to think she looked gorgeous however she dressed, but had to admit he found her extra stunning on the rare occasions she dressed up, never more than the day he married her.

The next photo was of Jay and Will and a very small Owen, all in matching suits. "Look at that" Jay said, trying his best not to show the depth of emotion he was feeling at seeing Hailey in her wedding dress again. "I'm surprised Owen stood still long enough to get a picture. I remember everyone spending most of the day trying to keep him from going swimming. He almost went in the lake once or twice."

Mariella giggled, but her mind was still on the previous photo.

"What are you thinking, honey?" Jay asked, trying to coax Mariella's thoughts from her.

"Can I meet her?" she asked.

"Hailey?"

Mariella nodded, but timidly. Like she'd said something she shouldn't have.

Jay wasn't sure how to feel about this request. Of course he wanted Hailey and Mariella to meet. But he thought it would happen until further in the future, once Mariella had settled in. Once she was at school and Jay was back at work, maybe. But Mariella appearing in his life was one of the most important and wonderful things that had happened to him, and Jay wanted so badly to share that with Hailey. But he didn't know how Hailey would feel about it. The last time Jay had spoken to her, Hailey had told him that although she would be here for him, he needed to do this on his own. He was still getting his head around what that meant.

"I'll ask her" Jay said. He didn't want to promise something that was out of his hands. "I'll give her a call in a little bit."


When Hailey's phone rang in the early evening the day before, the shrill ringing cut through the fog of her hangover. She was just leaving the district, completely exhausted thanks to a combination of her late night drinking, both with Sylvie and alone once she'd returned home, and the hectic day on the job that, thankfully, ended with them apprehending their chief suspect in the homicide case they were working.

She paused on the sidewalk and took her phone from her pocket. She stared at the display for a few seconds when she saw who was calling, debating with herself over whether or not she should answer. She was so glad she had.

Now she stood in the hallway outside Jay's apartment, her heart thudding in her chest. She'd said yes to his request in a heartbeat, not pausing a moment to even consider declining. Her heart was aching to meet Mariella, she didn't realise until that moment how much she wanted to. She wanted nothing more than to see Jay be a father, she knew how much it had always meant to him.

When Jay opened the door, he looked happier and more relaxed that Hailey had seen him in a good long while and that made her relax. But she was well aware of what a mess she looked, the remnants of her hangover and sleepless night still hanging on even though it was dinner time.

"Hi Jay" Hailey said, getting her own greeting in first. She was nervous, and her voice wavered slightly as she spoke.

"Hi. You look like hell" Jay said, as if reading her mind, but his harsh words were accompanied by one of his charming lop-sided grins and Hailey couldn't be mad.

"Thanks" she said, deadpan.

"Sorry. I just meant… Are you okay? Are you looking after yourself?"

"Yes Jay" she said, although it wasn't the complete truth and she felt sure Jay could see right through her. "I'm fine. Now isn't the time though" she said. "This isn't about me."

Most things are about you, one way or another. That was what Jay wanted to say, but instead he stepped aside to allow Hailey into his home.

"Where is Mariella?" Hailey asked. "I can't wait to meet her."

Jay's smile was so warm Hailey couldn't help but return it. "She's in the living room. She wanted to meet you too" Jay said. "We were looking through that box of photos. She found our wedding pictures."

"I'm nervous" Hailey admitted. "I don't know why."

Jay was touched by this admission. He was so grateful to Hailey for coming, so grateful she wanted to meet his daughter. After everything he'd put her through, he wouldn't blame her if she didn't want anything to do with home outside of the unit. Yet here she was, making good on her promise to be there for him if he needed it.

"Don't be nervous" Jay said, and emboldened by the occasion he took Hailey's hand and lead her through.