Thanks for the reviews, and all the attention this fic is getting. I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)
22nd December
Santana was gripping her mug of tea with incredibly tight hands as she listened to Brittany list the dangers of forgiving Quinn. Santana had to agree with Brittany; a future with Quinn posed some possible dangers; but isn't love where you're supposed to take a risk? God knows the amount of risks Quinn and Santana had taken when they were together. She looked up and met honest blue; she knew what this was really about. Brittany was worried. She was losing her best friend. The one she had been saving from pain ever since they were 6 years old. She was losing her, to California, a new job, one she deserved; but more so she was losing her to Quinn. It's how Brittany saw it; well it's how Santana thought Brittany saw it.
Santana had to love Brittany sometimes; she was probably the nicest person ever. She had been there for her since forever. Through bad girlfriends, and even worse. Santana just needed to let Brittany know that this wasn't the end of them. That their friendship was forever like they had always agreed. It's not every day someone remains friends with the same person they met in a park when they were hiding from their maid.
"Are you even listening to me?" Brittany snapped; her voice trying to sound angry but failing.
"You told me to follow my heart..." Santana replied; "It's exactly what I'm doing."
"No you're not. You're leaving New York; because you think she'll change if you're away." Brittany said
"Trust me, I was more than willing to file for divorce; and leave... but we both know I would have been miserable in California... especially without Quinn. As much as she's hurt me, I love her." Santana said; "Listen, we're leaving, Britt. I need you to at least support this even if you don't accept it. Quinn knows how important this is to me."
"Does she? She can barely pay attention to understand what's going on... but you really think she's gonna pack all bags and move to California when she has nothing there!" Brittany snapped; her tone wasn't harsh or cold; it was just honest. She didn't want Santana falling for Quinn's charm again; she didn't believe Quinn could change
Santana sighed silently; she didn't want to argue with Brittany, especially over Quinn. She just wanted some support; from her best friend.
"I can't help myself, Britt." Santana said softly, feeling herself getting worked up, getting defensive over her marriage; she was ignoring Brittany's eyes, trying to focus on breathing right.
"Maybe you should... Santana, she's not right for you." Brittany replied with a small tone, Santana shook her head angrily; she didn't say anything but chewed on the inside of her chewing; letting her tongue feel the area to see if there was any blood. She flicked her eyes to her arm when she felt Brittany covered her hand over it; Brittany offered a small smile; obviously feeling awkward for what she had said previously.
"I know things won't be perfect... I don't expect them to be but I need to try." Santana explained, as her chest released the pressure which was building up.
"I'm not gonna tell you what to do... I just think that you should have thought about this." Brittany said; "You didn't even talk to anyone about this... you just jumped straight back in... right into her lies."
Santana pulled her arm back, as if she had been burned; by Brittany's words.
"Don't accuse me of being stupid." Santana snapped
"I'm not... I'm just saying that you can't trust her. Santana, she has lied to you so many times." Brittany said
"Well... thanks for your unconditional support, Britt." Santana remarked sarcastically but no real bite within her tone.
"I'll support you, San... but I can't support her." Brittany explained, running her fingers through her hair, she scratched her scalp before leaning back in her chair; "San, you need to think about this."
"There's nothing to think about. I've accepted the job; and Quinn agreed to come with me. I'll be in California after Christmas." Santana declared, she released the breath she didn't realise she was holding; and softly turned to look at Brittany. Feeling guilty for dismissing her best friend's obvious concerns about her judgement or rather lack of.
Brittany offered a small smile when she met Santana's attention; before looking back at the table. Tea longed forgotten about as emotions ran high; but opinions ran higher. Brittany didn't hate Quinn; she just hated what Quinn had done. Quinn's actions spoke more loudly than her words of trying to be better. Brittany didn't want Santana to leave; she was only 27; she had only been in her job for 4 years; it wasn't likely that she should be given an offer at partnership. This law firm must really want Santana. It wasn't a surprise; Santana was notrious for being almost brutal in Divorce trails. A trait which obviously proved valuable.
Santana took Brittany's words to heart; and left Brittany a little after 9; she arrived home to find Quinn in bed, reading a book. It shouldn't surprise her; she had always been a literature kind of woman. Santana unchanged into some shorts and an old grey vest; she climbed into bed, and murmured a goodnight to Quinn, who only to smile quizzically at her goodnight; her eyes clearly showing her confusion at Santana's 'cold' behaviour. Yet, Quinn didn't say anything but switched the lamp off; and settle into a more comfortable position to sleep in.
Santana was facing the window, the small gap between the window and the ledge; to let in needed fresh air as their room always got a little stuffy during the nights. Santana's mind was running wild; was Britt right could she trust Quinn? Santana sighed silently; wishing Quinn could ease her wild imagination. Santana looked round at Quinn's back; she knew Quinn wasn't asleep; as Quinn often muttered to herself when she was trying to sleep.
"I told Britt." Santana spoke into the dead room; Quinn released the breath she was holding; but made no effort to turn round; Santana found herself holding back tears when Quinn didn't automatically turn round; instead she sighed; an action she found herself doing frequently involving Quinn; "I'm gonna get some water."
Santana climbed out of bed; and walked out of the room; she closed it behind her; and wiped her eyes. Before making her way to the spare bedroom; she closed the door; and patted her feet to the bed, climbing inside. Santana laid down, and tugged the covers to just under the area of her collarbone.
"What am I doing?" Santana wondered out loud; before closing her eyes, and pinching the bridge of her nose.
"It won't work." Santana reminded herself, her mind already producing reasons to continue with her divorce; but love conquers all or whatever that ridiculous saying was. Santana looked over at the small alarm clock resting on the table adjacent to the bed; it had been just under 15 minutes since she left to grab some water. She didn't know what to find more painful the fact Quinn hadn't noticed her dramatic change in behaviour or that Quinn hadn't bothered to even check up on her.
What Santana didn't realise that Quinn had looked for her; she checked downstairs; and then ultimately realised that Santana had moved into the spare bedroom; she sensed that Santana obviously wanted to be alone so she decided to write Santana a letter; in the hope that Santana might see that Quinn was changing, and for the better.
Dear San,
I love you. I know I have said these words for so long. I know I have said them when I knew I didn't mean it. But I do love you, Santana. I love you so much, that it has nearly destroyed me as I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to feel... like that again. The truth is... I have never been in love with anyone, but you... The feeling I loved, the feeling I didn't want to have again was the one I had when I gave birth to Beth.
I was focused during my pregnancy, I knew it was being given up for adoption so I refused to name the child. I refused to acknowledge the effect it would have on me. When she was born, it was like everything stopped. The pain stopped. I wasn't a silly stupid girl who got mistakenly knocked up. I was a mother, I had given a child life, a chance at living. Within 5 seconds of holding her, I wanted her. I never wanted to give her up... but the look on Noah's face, on my mother's. My choice was... stolen. Snatched away like my virginity. Taken like all the other god given choices, I should have had.
Enough about that. You know me, you know everything about Beth. This letter is about you, about us. Our family. You're pregnant, San. I must admit, I love the idea of you pregnant regardless of everything, my issues getting in the way. You will look most beautiful when you are pregnant, Santana. I know you will. This is our chance, baby. We can make our family; better than the ones we had. No drunken parents, no absent parents. Just loving, just us.
Our child will be everything. It is everything to me. I may not say it out loud or show it in emotion, something I have always needed to work on. But I love our child already... and I refused to feel bad about it.
I hope things will become easier, for us. Right now, you're probably asleep, tear tracks down your cheeks, which I caused. I am always the reason, people have realised. You are the bitch, but now people have realised looks can be deceiving. They know I'm the reason you're miserable.
I used to be the reason you were so happy but life changes so fickly.
I want you to hate me. I wish you hate me. But you don't. You love me. You want to work this out. So I owe it to both of us to try, to try the hardest than I had ever tried in my life. I love you. I repeat. I love you.
I want to talk about our wedding day. 19th April 2017. It was spring, you had always said you preferred the spring to the other seasons. I agreed out of love; the time when I showed how much I loved you with just a simple love, now it takes more than that. It takes me to nearly lose everything before I snap out of my foolish haze. Do you remember what I called you on our wedding day? That's right. I called you a Thunder Storm. You responded by kinking your eyebrow in a way which screamed annoyed. I was right, though. You are like a Thunder Storm, you still are. My Thunder Storm. Protective, aggressive, beautiful, powerful. All qualities I admire in you.
To make our love survive, I will do anything. That is my promise... to you, and to our unborn child. I cannot let you or our child suffer through my behaviour anymore.
I will always love you, Santana Lopez.
Yours only,
Quinn Fabray-Lopez.
"I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you; where we can both fall far in love."
