Here's chapter seven!
I hope you like it, but I have some sad news...
I'm moving next week and I probably won't have time to update until the following week.
But I've already written chapter eight...so...
34 reviews = next update on...this Sunday :)
Dear Journal,
I've never talked to anyone about what happened that day, not ever. Not to my therapist, not to Adam, not to Alli. No one. It was my secret to carry, the burden of Eli's past stuck to me forever. He was so broken, such a wreck, but beyond all the pain he managed to break out a smile every once in a while, which is more than I can do.
You know, I never really explained my life up to this point, I never explained why my parents fought, when it started, basically I never explained my life before Eli. When I looked over what I've written so far, I kind of laughed, it was like my life revolved around him - which isn't true.
I had life, but it ended right after a blonde, backstabbing bimbo moved to Degrassi. I was a nerdy girl; I wore my classic schoolgirl outfit every day until I was influenced by Miss Alli Bhandari to wear normal clothes. I finally got noticed by my 'friend' K.C. Guthrie when I changed my appearance, and I was too distracted by finally being recognized that K.C. had made a move after I changed my appearance.
Life was perfect until the middle of freshman year when a blonde and beautiful girl named Jenna Middleton moved to Degrassi. She had no friends, so I befriended her because that was what Saint Clare did. And that blonde and beautiful girl stole my boyfriend, right from under my naïve and ignorant nose.
Worst day of my life, catching my boyfriend sucking face with someone who I thought was my friend. She saw me when I walked into the classroom with a smirk across her lips as she pressed her lips to my boyfriend's neck; Jenna had texted me, telling me to meet her there, in the classroom. It was all a plan. I never felt more stupid…and hurt. She did this; she took everything from me, for no reason.
Jenna told me it was because I was too perfect, which was far beyond the truth. I was too book-smart, not enough common-sense smart, too self-conscious, my sister abandoned me, and my parents were slowly - oh so slowly - turning into a psychotic mess of swears and insults. I hated my life, and the only good thing was K.C. and Alli. I still had Alli, until this year.
Of course, the power hunger Bhandari ditched me once she fell for Mr. Popular who looks like Taylor Launter. It was depressing, having my only real friend break all our plans just to suck the dick of a Twilight Wannabe. Worse thing is, he's cheating on her. It's nothing new, everyone knows, even Alli knows. But if all it takes is some heartbreak to stay on top, she'd endure just that to be known throughout Degrassi.
Now, onto the matters of my family life - or lack thereof I should say. Now, I really rather not ruin my story, but my parents have split, and left me to live in the forgotten memories of our past. To remember the days when we'd all dress up in sweaters that made you itch for a Christmas Card, the days Darcy and I would beg our mother to lick the batter off the spoon when she made cookies for the Church Fundraiser, or the one time we all just up and left for a giant vacation to New York - although all we did was go to Christian camp. But still, it was time together as a family, as something whole. Not anymore.
Then there's my non-existent sister who abandoned my wrecked family for Kenya. Not that I blame her…she went through a lot of shit in her life. Crude language, coming from Saint Clare nonetheless, but that's what happened. Got stalked, posted and was caught with provocative pictures, got…raped. It was all too much. So she left. Left her family, her problems, everything she couldn't handle. Ironically she chose to go fix someone else's problems, but maybe that's the point. Since she can't fix her own, why not fix someone else's?
My life sucks, that's all there is to it. No parents, no real friends, no support. I have Adam and Fiona, sure. But my parents are split, I lost the love of my life in the worst possible way, and I feel as if God is purposely fucking with me. But hey, it's like Eli said. God is one sick bastard.
It was a brilliant Wednesday night, near the end of June. The air was thick with heat, even when the sun's presence was gone, the aftermath of its immense heat lingered throughout the night. I wore a simple green tank top - I've taken a weird interest in green clothing lately - with white shorts and my feet were bare.
The black canvas of the sky was lit with an outrageous number stars tonight, each twinkling as if waiting for someone to finally wish upon them. I closed my eyes, inhaling the sickly sweet smell of summer's heat and the burning smell of firewood.
"I wish we could just stay here forever." I whispered, clutching Eli's hand tightly in my own.
"Technically, we can't. It's quite impossible for anyone to stay in one place, doing one thing forever. At some point you'd have to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc. And you'd get bored, human patients only goes so far. Pl-"
"Shut up, Eli." I giggled, sitting up and letting go of his hand.
"I'm just stating the facts, Edwards. Can't blame a guy for telling the truth. Isn't that what girls want to hear? The truth?" Eli challenged me, I shook my head.
"No." I giggled. "Because when I ask you, 'Does this dress make me look fat?' I don't want the truth that, 'Yes, your ass looks huge.' Yeah, I definitely don't want the truth." I sighed, giving him a smirk.
"I would never say that, I love your ass." Eli whispered in my ear, making a blush spread across my cheeks.
"Funny, Elijah, real funny." I snapped back, turning my head to look him in the eyes. He was so close.
But I couldn't kiss him, we weren't together. I know I said I would be with him forever, but he told me that he needed time. That I needed time, to let what he told me sink in. And it has, for the past week I've thought it over; I lost sleep over the whole story. I was heartbroken that someone had to go through something so horrible.
So I decided to protect him, as impossible as it sounds, I'll do it. I won't let him get hurt, again. Maybe it was my upbringing as a Christian. Salvation for the damned souls, but Eli's soul wasn't damned, it was damaged. And I'd be damned if I let anything else happen to him.
Tentatively, I placed a hand on his upper left arm, only he winced and moved the arm away from me. I furrowed my brows in confusion, tilting my head and staring at his guilty expression.
"Eli, you didn't!" I hissed, turning around on sit on my knees and pulling the sleeves of his shirt up.
There was a large cut running up his arm, fresh and puckered, glowing pink in the light made by the fire we made earlier. I stared at it, feeling my stomach churn painfully.
"Eli! Why?" I whimpered, looking from the ragged cut to his pained face.
"I…I had a run in with Fitz. We argued, and the argument turned into a brawl. But then…he brought up my past. I don't know how he found out about Julia…or Elliot, but he called me a freak. A psycho. I ran away, and when I got home, I don't know what came over me. Next thing I knew, I was in my bathroom with…this."
"You could've called me, Eli! I would've come over, I would've helped you!" I cried, placing both of my hands on face so he'd look at me. "Please, don't do this, ever again. If you're hurting, just call me, and I'll be there. I promise."
"You can't fix everything, Clare! You can comfort me all you want, feed me empty promises, all the bullshit lies Christians make. But you can't bring back my brother, you can't bring back Julia! You can't fix everything so stop sounding so disgusted and leave it alone."
I dropped my hands from his face, looking at him incredulously. Eli's face never looked so broken, not even when he told me what happened. His eyes were cold, hard, like the day he told me he felt nothing for me, and his lips were drawn so tight they were barely visible. This was raw anger and disappointment and hatred. I shook my head, then stood and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?" He asked, I sighed shakily.
"I'm trying, Eli. I want to help you, I want to take all your pain away and I can't! You're right, I can't fix everything. I couldn't fix my sister, or my boyfriend, or my parents' marriage. I'm useless!" I cried, wrapping my arms around my body as a shaky sob escaped me.
The sound of rustling clothes and leaves were made, and suddenly arms were around me, holding me up when I felt like I was about to collapse.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as he burrowed his face in the crook of my neck. "You can't fix me, but you can…you can make my life a little better."
"How, Elijah? What could I possibly do, you said yourself that all I can do is make empty promises. What good is that? I mean, I can't make you happy. I'm useless, I can't do anything!" I cried, while staring at the dwindling flame of our fire.
"You could love me." He whispered, pulling my body closer as my eyes grew wide. "You could love me, hold me, and be there for me. You don't have to fix me, just make my life a little bit more tolerable. Be my rock and I'll be yours."
I was turned around swiftly, coming face to face with him. He was so close, close enough to kiss. I stared into his eyes, no longer cold but soft like the grass that was tickling my feet, and his lips were in a small upturned smirk - although I think that his lips are permanently set like so, always smirking, always mysterious.
"Love me," he whispered.
My hands rested on his shoulders, sliding up to tangling in his soft black hair. His eyes closed, enjoying my hands working through his hair. Eli's hands slid from their resting place on my hips to wrap around my waist, pulling me closer.
"Forever," I whispered and he pulled my lips to his.
This kiss, though I knew it was coming, was just as electrifying as the first one we shared. There was no hesitation; there were no surprises to jump at us. It was just my lips against his, his against mine, our bodies pressed flush to each other.
It was bliss. It was magic. It was like my body was being consumed by him, devoured by that beautiful monster called love. We both angled our heads opposite of one another, and my lips parted shyly as his teeth teased my lower lip.
I groaned, tangling my hand tightly in his hair, the other digging its nails into his neck. His tongue swirled in my mouth, sliding across my teeth and dancing with my tongue. I whimpered when his arms pulled me closer, as if I could get any closer.
Eventually, as Eli had stated, we couldn't stay like this forever. We pulled away, both trying to catch our breath, heavy pants and the sounds of crickets were all we heard. I smiled lazily at him, and he returned it. I never felt so peaceful then at this moment.
"I'll love you forever," I said.
I never lie; I loved him then, I love him now, and I'll love him every day until I die.
