Roles Vegeta Shouldn't Play

Chapter Seven: Vegeta as his worst nightmare

When we last left off Vegeta and Piccolo had finally defeated the evil Lance Bass, Vegeta is reunited with his family only to make a shocking discovery.

Bulma: Vegeta! Why are you back from the movie set so soon?

Vegeta: You have no idea how much I've missed you Ben.

Bulma: What?

Piccolo: So Bulma, where were you and Trunks today?

Bulma: We were at Trunks' soccer game; I brought you guys some dinner too.

Vegeta: I don't think that you should eat any, Ben. You look really fat.

Bulma: I'm eight months pregnant Vegeta.

Vegeta: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

Bulma: Don't you remember Vegeta!? I told you six months ago when you were taping High School Musical.

Vegeta: But that was during the part that they were singing my favorite song! You should have known better than to tell me during my favorite song!

Bulma: Sometimes I wonder why I even let you live here and bare your children. Then I remember that it's because you're the hottest DBZ actor. Or should I say WAS the hottest until you got fired.

Piccolo: Kay. I'll just be out now homies. (Runs away)

Vegeta: (Starts to cry) I told you that I'm still sensitive about that!

Bulma: If you miss it so much than why don't you be a man and go demand your job back Vegeta?

Vegeta: Fine! I will get my job back, and when I do you will agree to perform the duet from The Cheetah Girls with me! But I will get to be Aqua!

Bulma: What are you-

Vegeta: (Flies to studio)

Director: Oh crap.

Vegeta: I demand my job back! My life honestly has no meaning without DBZ! I'm a nothing without it!

Director: Well, I suppose that we could get you a role Vegeta, but you wouldn't be able to play Vegeta anymore I'm afraid.

Vegeta: What are you saying? Did someone take my role while I was away?

Director: Yes. I'm afraid that it was… Adam Sandler.

Vegeta: …. Seriously?

Director: I'm afraid so, you see Vegeta, Adam Sandler is short, stupid, violent, and gets wasted regularly just like you do. And so it was unanimous, everyone wanted Adam to be the new Vegeta.

Vegeta: So what role do I get that is superior to the Vegeta role?

Director: Sigh, okay, the only role that's left is Chichi, because David Spade said that he felt that having the role of Chichi was ruining his chance for future acting opportunities.

Vegeta: What will I do in the role?

Director: Oh, you know. The usual, yell at Gohan, go shopping, give Goku his ADD medicine, yell at Krillin, Roshi, Yamcha, Goten, and get stressed out as your menopause sets in and your face gets wrinkly.

Vegeta: I suppose that it's my only hope. Either that or Bulma makes me sleep on the couch the rest of the week.

(And so, Vegeta reunites with his old actor pals from DBZ)

Krillin: (Sees Vegeta coming) Oh God! (Tosses his Vegeta dartboard and his I hate Vegeta T-shirts) Well Hi Vegeta! How's it goin'?

Vegeta: (In Chichi dress) Be silent worthless imp.

Goku: Vegeta! Do you have any food?

Vegeta: Here Kakkarot. (Throws a dog biscuit)

Goku: YAY! (Chases biscuit)

Yamcha: Wow, you know things have been really great since Vegeta left!

Tien: Yeah, I know what you mean, sure the show's ratings and mortality rate have gone down, but that's show business right?

Yamcha: But I noticed that I've been getting more popular. When I went to the store the other day, the angry mob that attacked me was only half the size of the angry mob that attacked me before Vegeta left!

(Vegeta blasts them)

Roshi: Oh crap, get the Dragon Balls.

Director: Okay everybody, as you can all see we have an old member returning to the DBZ cast today can everyone say hello to Vegeta?

Cast: (Grudgedly) Hello Vegeta.

Vegeta: Glad to be back fools.

Director: Okay, today we're going to start by filming the scene where Chichi yells at Gohan to continue studying, action!

Vegeta: Gohan! Stop studying like a little wussy this instant and go out and learn some skills from the masterful Vegeta!

Gohan: Uh…

Vegeta: (Smacks Gohan out window)

Gohan: WAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I want my real mommy back!

Director: Vegeta, I wouldn't hit Gohan if I were you.

Vegeta: Why not? What's the little weakling going to- (Gohan smashes Vegeta through set)

Vegeta: (Cries) My son could beat your son Kakkarot!

Goku: Do you have another biscuit?

Director: Okay everybody I'm going to move on to the next scene now, Adam! Are you in costume?

(Adam Sandler walks on set in Vegeta's saiyan armor)

Adam: Okay, I shall defeat you Kakkarot! You will regret the day that you challenged I, Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyan race!

Vegeta: I wouldn't say that! I would call Kakkarot a nasty name and then I would comment on how I'm going to defeat him! You don't understand me at all!

Director: Vegeta, Let Adam do his job please.

Vegeta: No! I shall not allow this! Prepare for I, Chichi, queen of the biatches, shall send you to oblivion Adam Sandler!

Adam: ….If you want the job that badly I'll just quit. I don't get paid enough and this spandex suit always runs up my crack.

Vegeta: …Okay.

Director: Okay then, I guess that we welcome you back Vegeta.

Yamcha, Tien, Krillin: (Start Crying)

Vegeta: Yes, because I, Vegeta the all powerful and great shall-

Gohan: Vegeta! Bulma just called, she's having the baby!

Vegeta: Who cares? Let me finish my victory speech.

Gohan: She says that she's not going to feed you anymore and that you'll have to sleep on the couch if you don't get there in time.

Goku: NOOOOO!

Gohan: Dad, this has nothing to do with you.

Goku: Oh, Gohan when you're done can we go to the pet store and look at the kitties?

Gohan: (Sighs) Sure thing dad.

Goku: YEY!

Vegeta: Okay, I'll go.

(At the hospital, Vegeta sits in waiting room with Trunks)

Vegeta:……….

Trunks:…………

Vegeta:…………

Trunks:………………

Vegeta:…………………….

Trunks: Dad, where do babies come from?

Vegeta: How should I know, your mother never told me, I think that when you share a sandwich with someone then your germs travel to their esophogaus and they get really fat and then a baby comes out.

Trunks:…….I'm never sharing food with Goten again.

Doctor: Okay you two, it's a girl!

Vegeta and Trunks: Oh Crap!

(MEANWHILE)

Lance Bass: The day is drawing nearer Vegeta, soon you will face the wrath of my bye bye bye attack!

Will Vegeta learn to accept the newest addition to his family? Will the cast of DBZ learn to accept Vegeta? Will Lance Bass get his revenge? Will Goten get pregnant from sharing a sandwich with Trunks? Find out in Chapter 8 of Roles Vegeta shouldn't play!