Chapter 7, Alone

It was to the sound of voices that Harry awoke the next morning and his first sleep muddled thought was who the bloody hell is in my room? Then he remembered that he wasn't in his own bed at Grimmauld Place, he was at Hogwarts, in his shared dorm with Ron and Ernie and... Oh god, Draco. Last night's dream came flooding back to him unbidden and he groaned, suddenly aware of the tent currently pitched in his pyjamas that made it painfully obvious what sort of dream it had been.

"Oi Harry, get your lazy arse out of bed, we're going to be late!" Ron called through the curtain.

"Just go on without me!" Harry shouted back to his best friend.

When he was quite certain that everyone had gone he pulled back the curtains of his four poster bed and padded across to the bathroom. A cold shower, that's what he needed. Once he was washed and everything else taken care of he grabbed a towel and rushed out to get dressed, hoping he wasn't going miss breakfast. Much to his horror though the room wasn't as deserted as he'd previously thought.

Draco stood at the foot of his bed, arms folded and watching Harry with an amused smile.

"I see your punctuality hasn't improved," the Slytherin commented.

Harry wanted to sound cool, he really did, but all that came out was "well yeah, I sort of, slept in, a bit."

This caused Draco to laugh, a short bark that lit up his eyes and caused Harry's stomach to lurch. Here he was, standing in nothing but a towel, stuttering like an idiot because Draco Malfoy was looking at him, and what was worse, Harry was staring right back! Say something you idiot! He scolded himself.

"What are you doing here?" He asked before he could stop himself.

With both eyebrows raised Draco said "if you must know I left one of my books in my trunk, I came back to get it." He waved the book in the air as if to prove his point. "You better hurry, or you're going to miss breakfast," he added.

Despite the fact that Harry really really didn't want to miss breakfast at first he didn't move. It was like meeting Draco on the train the day before all over again; Harry found himself rooted to the spot. Move! His inner voice shouted at him, and so slowly he made his way over to his bed, pulled his uniform out from his trunk one by one, and tossed each item onto a pile on the bed. He then turned towards Draco.

"I er, you know, sort of have to," he stumbled, gesturing to the pile of clothes and himself.

"We're sharing a room now Harry you're going to have to get used to changing in front of me," Draco said, sounding even more amused than he had before.

"Right, or you could just wait outside," Harry shot back, feeling flustered.

For the briefest of moments Draco seemed hurt by Harry's tone, but his cocky smile soon returned as he bent down to pick up his bag. "Fine, I'll wait downstairs," he said.

Minutes later as Harry, now fully dressed, hurried down to the common room he wondered if Draco would still be there, of if he'd just gone on without him. Fairly confident it would be the latter he was surprised when he reached the bottom of the stairs to find Draco lounging against the back of a sofa, arms folded in that nonchalant way he always had.

"That was quick," the blonde observed.

"Don't want to miss breakfast," Harry explained, and it was partly true, he was hungry but it wasn't what had really made him hurry. Despite telling himself that it was a really bad idea he just couldn't stop himself from wanting to spend time with Draco, even if it was only en route to breakfast. It was even harder to resist when it was offered so freely. He wasn't even sure what his feelings for Draco were exactly at this point, but he was keen to find out.

"Are you alright?" Asked Draco.

Harry blushed. Damn stupid blonde git, he couldn't stop thinking about him even when he was with him.

Harry paused outside the great oak doors. It was a momentous occasion: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, entering the Great Hall together as friends. If someone had told them years ago that they would be here they would have laughed in their faces. Either that or punched them.

"What are you waiting for?" Draco asked, but when Harry met his eyes he thought he could tell, or at least he hoped he could tell, that he was thinking the same thing. Bracing himself he pushed open the doors and walked into the bustle and noise that was breakfast at Hogwarts, Draco right behind him.

"Right well, I'll see you in class," Draco said turning to face him. Harry felt a little silly. Of course Draco would be going to sit at the Slytherin table, and his own friends were waiting for him at the Gryffindor table.

"Sure, see you later," he said back absently.

As they parted Harry felt stupid for making such a big deal out of nothing. No one had noticed, and no one had cared. Just because Harry's heart was close to bursting out of his chest didn't mean that everyone present could hear it. He should be happy that everyone had moved on from the past and put prejudices aside. No one was interested in who he came down to breakfast with, but then why did he feel so disappointed? He had a mind to a ask Hermione but he wasn't ready to tell anyone about how he felt about Draco yet. Granted she would probably figure it out for herself but until then he had to figure everything out for himself.

Being a student again took quite a bit of readjustment. Having to stick to a schedule was something Harry hadn't had to do for a long time, and then there were classes to attend and homework to complete. The 8th years did have a few privileges the other students didn't but other than that Harry felt it was a little like being a kid again. Well as much of a kid as you can be while constantly fighting a dark lord hell bent on world domination and killing you in particular.

This year was exactly what he and Ron and Hermione had always wanted; a normal year at Hogwarts, but Harry found that he wasn't enjoying it as much as he should have. It wasn't the classes or even the homework, it was something else. He couldn't work it out at first, but one afternoon in late September, as he lay sprawled on the sofa by the bay window, trying to study but struggling to focus, it finally hit him: he was lonely. Why the hell was he on his own, studying of all things. Where were Ron and Hermione and Ginny? It was a stupid question, he knew the answer of course.

Ron and Hermione were up in the dorm, enjoying some "alone" time together, and Ginny being a seventh year was in Gryffindor tower. Sitting up he scanned the room. There must be someone here he could hang out with, but as he looked at each in turn, the Ravenclaws hunched together studying at a table; Frances and the other Hufflepuffs who appeared to be baking a cake; Nev and Shaemus deep in discussion and Draco and the other Slytherins chilling by the fire, he realised that none of them wanted to talk to him. They had all been back at Hogwarts for weeks now and not once had anyone just come up and asked "hey Harry, how's it going?" Were they avoiding him? And if so, why?

He didn't like feeling left out, but even more so he hated moping around. It made him feel like an angsty teenager, and even though he was technically still a teenager he didn't like to feel like one. He was an adult now, and he was bloody well going to act like one. With his mind made up he put down his book and stood up. He was going to go and see Ginny. She was still his friend, and she'd be able to tell him why everyone was acting strange around him, and she'd be honest about it too.

No one even noticed him leave, or at least if they did they didn't say anything. No "are you alright Harry" or "where are you off too Harry?" He was feeling more than a little rejected and when he stepped out onto the walkway it appeared someone somewhere was mocking him. He could have sworn in was sunny the last time he'd looked out of the common room window, but now it was chucking it down. He hadn't even brought his jacket. He did have his wand though, so he cast a bubble charm around himself and continued on to the main building.

As if to emphasise his solitude he found the foyer almost deserted, and he hardly passed anyone on the familiar route up to Gryffindor tower. When he arrived at the portrait of the fat lady she asked for the password.

"Erm I don't know the password but it's me, Harry Potter, I lived here for 6 years."

"If you don't know the password then you can't get in, that's the rules," the fat lady said.

"But..." He made to protest but she cut him off.

"I'm sorry Mr Potter but I cannot let you in without an password."

Well that was the end of that great plan. Feeling dejected once again he turned around and started back down the stairs, head drooping and walking far slower that he had on the way up.

"Harry wait!" Someone called from behind.

He stopped and waited, and the girl caught up with him easily. He couldn't remember her name but he was fairly sure she was a year bellow Ginny. She'd come to the first DA meeting but hadn't come back.

"Do you need the password?" She asked.

"Er yeah, I was just going to see Ginny," he explained.

The girl smiled at him sweetly. "It's 'new beginnings,'" she said.

Harry was surprised that the girl had stopped to help him and he thanked her sincerely.

"You're welcome," she chirped, and before Harry could say anything more she was gone.

"New beginnings," he said to the portrait.

"It is indeed," the fat lady said, and she swung forward to let him through.

Everything was just as he remembered it. The comfy sofas and armchairs, the fireplace, the crimson coloured walls covered in portraits. At last he was home, but without Ron and Hermione he found that it just wasn't the same. He wasn't a part of this group of Gryffindors and he felt like he wasn't a part of the group of 8th years either. Shaking his head to clear it of the depressing thoughts he scanned the room for Ginny, and spotted her over by the fireplace. She was sat cross-legged on the rug with a large black book in her lap.

"Hey Ginny," hey greeted once he reached her.

Ginny, who had been completely engrossed in her book, startled at the sound of her name and let the book fall from her lap.

"Harry!" She exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

At the sound of his name the other students suddenly stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at him. Although he had come here because he was feeling lonely he still really hated being gawked at like some sort of freak. It hadn't been like that when he'd lived here before and he didn't understand why everything had changed. Thankfully it didn't take long for everyone to loose interest and carry on with whatever they were doing.

"I came to see you," he said simply as he sat down beside her in the rug.

"Ok," she said, sounding a little confused, "is something the matter?"

"Well I'm not really sure actually. I didn't really have anyone else to ask and I thought you might be able to help me with something."

"Of course, anything," she said, "although if you don't mind me asking why didn't you ask Ron or Hermione?"

Harry sighed. "I haven't seen much of either if them lately. They like spending their time together. Alone together," he emphasised.

"What about Nev or Shaemus? It's not that I'm not happy to see you Harry but it just seems a little strange you've had to come all the way up here."

"I know," he agreed, "that's sort of the problem, no one's really talking to me anymore and I don't mean to sound like a child but I'm sort of lonely. I don't know if I've said or done something to upset or offend someone."

"What about Draco?" Ginny interrupted.

"What about him?" He asked

"You two are friends now aren't you?"

"Sort of, yeah, but he hangs around with the other Slytherins, it's sort of cliquey in the 8th year common room, but I don't think that's why no one's talking to me, I get the feeling its something else."

Ginny looked thoughtful for a moment, but when she turned back towards Harry her features turned sympathetic. "Harry I don't think it's anything you've done wrong," she said gently, "I think it's just what you've done in general."

"I don't understand."

"Well you're not just Harry anymore are you? You're you know..." She waved her hand in a gesture that was apparently supposed to mean something. "A hero" she finished quietly.

"Oh for goodness sake I'm not any different than I was before!" He protested.

"I know that but, well I can see why others might think they can't just come up and talk to you anymore."

"Even Nev and Shaemus? They played just as big a part in the war as I did. You all did!"

"Maybe they think you might want some space or something," she suggested.

"We shared a room for 6 years!" He was getting more and more annoyed with the way the conversation had turned.

"I know it sucks Harry," Ginny said gently, "but in a weird way it does sort if make sense."

He sat silently for a while as he thought it all through. Did it make sense? He certainly didn't think so, but then he only had one point of view, or two if you counted Ginny's. So what was he supposed to do? Be a loner for the rest if the year? That didn't sound like a lot of fun. No it wasn't an option, he still had friends, he was with one right now.

"Hey Gin," he said, "you know you can come hang out in our common room don't you?"

"The 8th year one? No, I didn't think I was allowed."

"I'm pretty sure you'd be allowed to come visit your friends, at least I don't see why not."

Ginny broke into a grin. "So are you saying you want me to come hang out with you?"

"Yeah, I am." He returned her smile, but then it faded. "I miss you," he said seriously.

Ginny's heart ached. She knew he only meant he missed her as a friend and it hurt. She missed him so much more in so many different ways, but she knew they could never be together again. She was happy that Harry had finally found what made him happy but she still loved him. And that was exactly why she was going to push her own feelings aside and be there for him.

"I miss you too," she said finally, placing a small hand on top of his. "Of course I'll come visit."

When Harry left Gryffindor tower to head back to his own common room he felt much, much better. It hurt to know that his friends wouldn't treat him the same as they had before but he still had Ginny and he was looking forward to spending more time with her. He'd hardly seem her at all since the rebuild and even though he didn't like her as a girlfriend anymore he loved her like a sister.

He found the common room exactly as he left it, and again no one even acknowledged him as he crossed the room to sit on his sofa by the window. He picked up his book and resumed his previous position as if he hadn't even left, but this time he had no problem concentrating, because he knew that from now on he wasn't going to be alone anymore.