Beth didn't want to open her eyes. Her head was pounding, her throat was dry, and laying there doing nothing seemed far more appealing than trying to function through the day. The bed she was in may not have been her own but it was every bit as inviting, if not more so. It didn't help that the sheets smelled like him. A perfect mixture of Irish Spring and Old Spice, a scent that immediately made her mind forget the pain she was in and drift to the night before in a sleepy haze, lingering on the moment when Rick had pressed her against the counter, his mouth expertly moving against her own.
It was the very same memory that made her eyes snap open once she was fully awake, feeling almost embarrassed that she'd been playing it over in her mind.
A small part of her had expected Rick to change his mind. To wake her up in the middle of the night, tell her to leave, and take back every kind thing he'd done. It would have been almost easier to accept that than to accept that she was currently between his sheets, with almost every one of her senses being consumed with him. Her mind recalling his soft lips, inhaling his scent, her ears even absorbing the same sounds Rick's did every morning like the hum of his fridge and the familiar chirp of a smoke detector that needed a new battery.
It was the type of thing she was sure Rick would usually shy away from. Domestic familiarity.
But if Beth needed any more proof that he wasn't holding anything against her, she had to look no further than the water and bottle of aspirin left on the night stand. It certainly hadn't been there the night before. No, Rick had to have left it there earlier, a small act that spoke volumes.
And after downing the entire bottle and popping two pills, Beth let her eyes look around the room, taking in the details she hadn't been able to previously. She knew this was the bedroom he'd once shared with his wife, but any signs of a woman ever having slept there were completely gone. No decorative pillows, no framed pictures on the walls, nothing. The room was very much that of a bachelor. Completely empty of any keepsakes, nothing on the dresser except a watch and a bunch of spare change.
She couldn't help but wonder if there'd ever been a woman there since Lori. It wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't stop her brain from going there. It was the very thought that made Beth do something she had no right doing, finally reaching over and opening the drawer of his night stand, just to see what secrets it held. Nyquil. Tums. A few pens. More spare change. Even a pair of reading glasses that she tried to imagine him wearing, wondering what he read when he put them on.
Finally, she slammed it shut a little too forcefully, officially ashamed for snooping. What had she expected to find? An open box of condoms? Just the thought made her cheeks flush, her brain quickly recalling his body pressed against hers. But if Rick had recently had any other women pulling on his belt loops, there certainly wasn't any evidence of it.
It probably explained the intensity when she thought about it. Maybe his hands on her face had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with the lack of female attention in his life.
And before Beth could debate why she even cared, her phone rang, making her jump.
She checked the caller ID this time, not surprised to see Maggie's name. It'd be easier to ignore her, Beth knew that. But at some point she had to talk to her sister, and why not do it in the very moment she desperately needed a distraction?
"I'm pissed at you."
It was the first thing out of Maggie's mouth as soon as she heard Beth pick up the call and Beth knew she deserved it.
"You could hear me fine last night, why'd you hang up?"
Beth couldn't think of a good response, other than the truth. And judging by how emotional Maggie already sounded, she wasn't sure she wanted to worry his sister with her problems.
"What's going on with you?" Maggie finally asked, exasperated. "You never answer my calls, you hang up on me when I tell you I'm pregnant, you sounded drunk last night."
"I was drunk last night."
It was all Beth could say for herself. A poor excuse if she'd ever heard one.
"You been getting drunk a lot?" Her older sister asked, concern in her voice.
"No. It was just a bad night, that's all."
She didn't want to worry Maggie, especially not now that she had a baby on the way. But at some point, Beth knew she'd have to come clean. And before Maggie could reply, Beth went on, hoping to ease her sister's mind a little.
"Look, I'm sorry about last night, Maggie. I really am happy you're pregnant. But last night was just a bad time. Every day has been a bad time."
"I know you've had a hard time since daddy..."
Beth smiled despite herself, glad for once that Maggie was finally acknowledging what Beth had been going through. That she was saying something other than telling Beth to move on.
"And I'm sorry I got caught up in Glenn."
It was an apology Beth hadn't even realized she needed to hear until Maggie said it. It was true. After their dad had died, Maggie had simply moved on with Glenn. Not that Beth blamed her. It was natural. It still hadn't made it hurt less to be left in the dust though. But the blame didn't rest entirely on Maggie's shoulders either. Beth knew her own avoidance had only made everything that much worse.
"It's okay." Beth told her sister, meaning it. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you congratulations. And that I didn't jump up and down with you when you called. I really am excited."
"Well, you had a hell of a way showing it."
She could tell her sister's anger was slowly starting to fade. They just couldn't stay mad at each other for long, it was how it'd always been. Even with the distance that had spanned between them recently, it was easy to fall into their familiar rhythm. Apologies weren't even necessary. Just acknowledgment, and then both of them could quickly move on.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was drowning in self pity, okay? I promise I'll answer you from now on."
"You better." Maggie said, letting the topic go after that. "So tell me what you've been doing. It's gotta be a hell of a lot more interesting than married life."
"I got a job." Beth suddenly remembered, hoping the offer still stood after she'd had to have Rick escort her out. "Well, I think anyway."
"You're just now getting a job? What about friends? Please tell me you have friends." Her older sister pleaded.
Beth looked around the room again before answering. Her eyes coming to rest on the empty bottle of water and the aspirin.
"Yeah, I have friends."
Even if the kiss shouldn't have happened, Beth knew she could consider Rick a friend. That the previous night hadn't been all bad.
"Any...guy friends?" Maggie asked, and Beth could practically hear his sister's eyebrows comically wiggling, desperate for details.
"There is one man. Yes."
"A man?! You're moving on to the big leagues, huh? No more college boys..."
"It's not like that." Beth said, cutting her sister off before she could even begin to the get wrong impression. "He's a friend. Barely that. But that's it."
The statement was partly for her own benefit. Beth was trying to talk some sense into herself, trying to make the events of the night before fade as quickly as they could.
"Sure he is. Keep telling yourself that. You wouldn't even have mentioned it if there was nothing go on."
"There really is nothing going on, Maggie. You asked if I had male friends. I do. The end."
Beth could feel herself getting defensive and judging by Maggie's laughing on the other end, she was also aware of it.
"Well, maybe it wouldn't kill you to be more than friends. A little lovin' is good for the soul. I'm just saying..."
"Alright, Maggie. I'm done. I'm hanging up now."
She didn't really hang up, but welcomed the topic change when Maggie started going on about birth plans and baby names. Eagerly participated in fact, happy to distract herself from the topic of Rick.
And it wasn't until they made promises to talk more and really hung up that Beth let her mind wander back to him. Not that it was hard when she was still tangled up in his bed.
Had she mentioned Rick on purpose? Had a secret part of her wanted to discuss that kiss? She refused to believe it. To think for even a second that she could be feeling that way towards a man that was probably feeling the exact opposite about that kiss than she was.
Finally getting up and stretching her legs, ignoring the pounding in her head, Beth decided it'd just been a case of wearing beer goggles. Whatever lingering feelings she had were all because she'd been drunk when it happened, the alcohol was surely to blame for the fondness of the memory.
And as luck would have it, Beth had slept so late that it was easy to push away thoughts of Rick as she rushed to freshen up before Carl got home. After a few bites to eat, more water, and a long hot shower, she'd glanced at the clock only to realize the boy was due home any minute.
Usually Beth didn't show up until Carl was already home, and he most certainly had never found her inside the house before him. She wasn't sure how he was going to react, or even if he'd already been told by Rick that she'd be there. It was doubtful. They'd had more important things to talk about, a talk that Beth could only hope had went well. The last thing Beth wanted was to make Carl uncomfortable with her being there while he was also struggling with everything else.
But she didn't have much time to stress. As soon as she got out the of shower, a desperate attempt to get her body moving, he walked through the front door, surprise on his face when he seen her standing at the kitchen table, her hair still wrapped in a towel around her head.
Before she could decide if she should just act natural or acknowledge the oddity of the situation, he spoke, coming into the kitchen and dropping his back pack on the table.
"When'd you get here?"
It was then Beth realized it was only her guilty conscious that made her assume Carl would be put off by her being there. He looked confused, sure. But it definitely wasn't the expression of a kid that knew his tutor had put he moves on his dad the night before.
"I actually stayed the night." She told him, her relief helping a lie to quickly form on her lips. "I had car trouble last night, your dad picked me up. He's gotta drive me back to my car later."
Any lingering worries she had proved useless. Carl easily accepted the answer, his eyes proving his blissful ignorance. Beth almost felt guilty for the fib, her and Carl were close, but there were just some things he was better off not knowing. And last night was definitely one of those things.
"I talked to him this morning." He finally told her, sitting down at the table, making Beth realize one of the reasons he wasn't suspicious of her presence was because he had other things on his mind. More important things.
"How'd it go?"
She sat down at the table across from him, finally letting her hair down and combing it with her fingers while he talked, relieved for the subject change.
"I don't know." He answered, shrugging his shoulders. "It just seems too good to be true."
Beth nodded, understanding the worry. Rick had already put Carl through so much, she imagined it'd be hard to just wake up one day have Rick back on his feet. Hell, even she had expected Rick to wake up angry after what had happened. It only made sense for Carl to fear getting his hopes up.
"I don't know if I trust him." Carl finally admitted, staring down at the table like he was ashamed of the confession.
Beth understood that concern too.
"Do you want to trust him?"
She wasn't just asking for Carl, she knew that. It was a question she was asking herself too. And sadly, Beth already knew the answer. Maybe it was idiotic, but after everything thing that had happened she was certain she, at the very least, wanted to have faith in Rick. And at the very most? Well, that was a different thought for a different day.
"Of course I do, he's my dad. But that doesn't mean I can."
"Carl, I can't tell you how to feel. Trust your gut. No one expects you to forget over night. But it's okay if you want to try. Because you're right, he is your dad. Sometimes people you love are worth seconds chances."
"What about third, forth, and fifth ones?"
She took the time to consider the question. Wasn't it the age old dilemma? When to give up on someone. How to know when enough was enough. And there simply was no good answer. Sometimes people eventually got it right and sometimes they never did.
"I don't know." She answered, coming clean. "Only you can decide that. But if I had to guess, I'd say you already know."
"Do you think he's really gonna stick to it?"
Beth just shrugged, meeting Carl eyes, not wanting to lie to him. She still couldn't believe he was only thirteen and already capable of such a conversation. The kid had heart. Rick might've screwed up a lot recently, but Carl was walking proof that at some point him and his wife had done one hell of a job with their son. It gave her hope that eventually they could sort it all out again.
"I don't know that either. But I do think he's trying."
"I guess. He did help you last night, and I thought he hated you."
It was terrible but they both laughed at the truth of the statement. Rick had treated Beth so horribly that his own son wasn't convinced of how far he'd come until realizing he'd helped her. It was proof that Beth was insane for wanting to trust him. For being willing to brush it all under the rug.
But she just couldn't find the anger anymore. It wasn't just the kiss. But also that touch that had followed, right before she'd left to go shower. It stood out in her mind almost as much. Rick had lingered. He'd allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to linger. There'd been no good reason for it, he'd had no need to grab her in that moment. Except that he'd just wanted to.
Whatever walls he'd had up were down. And Beth was too damn interested to see what was behind them to stay upset. Even if curiosity did always kill the cat.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Beth wanted to blame her shock upon hearing Carl's question from being lost in her thoughts. But no, it would've surprised her no matter what she'd been thinking. It wasn't exactly the abrupt subject change she'd been expecting.
"Um, no." She answered, her brows crinkled in suspicion, finally looking at him.
He was watching her, almost like he'd just realized something. She had a feeling he'd been staring at her the entire time she'd been thinking of Rick. And as soon as Beth was starting to think a thirteen year old was going to ask her out and cringed at the thought, he made his point clear.
"My dad is going to start dating soon...he's doing everything else."
Still she stayed silent, not entirely sure where Carl was going with the conversation. It could only go one of two ways, and Beth wasn't sure she wanted it to go either way.
"You should get a boyfriend." He finally said, matter-of-fact. "Before he gets any ideas."
Beth just sat there, staring at Carl, knowing the expression on her face was probably one of shock. She wasn't sure if Carl was trying to protect Rick by the statement or her, but she had a suspicion it was the latter. His tone was one of concern. She didn't even want to begin to imagine what he'd say if he knew what had happened in that very room the night before.
But it was almost funny that he could read Rick so easily. She didn't know whether to laugh it off or assure him it would never happen. Instead, she settled for the only thing she could think of.
"I'll do my best."
It was a vague answer but it was all Beth had, and luckily it was enough for Carl to change the topic. To finally crack open a book, reminding her what she was supposed to be doing. That she was there to be tutoring the kid, not getting drunk and kissing the father.
Just when Beth thought the day was finished throwing curve balls at her, it proved to have a few more up it's sleeve. As soon as her and Carl's hour of studying was up, she was fully expecting him to invite her to play a game with him. It was what they always did. He didn't even ask anymore, just assumed she would. They'd close their notebooks and just go into the living room without a word, it was what always happened.
But of course it just had to go differently. And when Carl asked if he could invite a friend over to join him instead, Beth's mouth almost dropped. But she understood the weight of the moment, that Carl was taking a chance on Rick not to embarrass him, how big of a deal it was.
And it was how she tried to pretend it wasn't weird when a curly haired kid came over, pushing his glasses up his nose, taking her usual place. His name was Patrick and by the looks of it, Patrick had been there a time or two. Already knew where to find the cups when he poured himself a drink, asking Carl about Rick like he knew him. And as happy as she was for Carl to finally feel confident enough to bring a familiar face over and feel normal for once, Beth was also lost without something to occupy her mind.
The boys quickly got lost in their game and it left Beth with nothing else to do but wander the house, straightening a few things as she went. But Rick had been keeping up with the place and there just simply wasn't enough to do to stay busy. Finally, throwing in the towel, she went back to Rick's room in search of her phone that was still somewhere buried in the covers. Of course it had to be dead. It was just her luck. Finally finding a phone charger that was wedged between his night stand and bed frame, she plugged it in, resting against his pillows so she could charge and pass some time.
And it was easy to get consumed. Beth couldn't remember the last time she'd checked Facebook, sent anyone a message, or even tried to beat a level on Candy Crush. It was exactly the type of distraction she needed. A harmless one. Before she realized it, she'd gotten comfortable in Rick's bed yet again, finally giving into the urge to stretch her legs while she stared at the screen, laying down.
The time passed quicker than she realized and when she heard Rick clear his throat, she almost jumped up, not realizing it was time for him to get home.
Setting her phone down, she looked up at him, seen him watching her from his spot in the doorway. Beth had no idea how long he'd been there. She almost apologized for laying in his bed like she owned the place, but if the smile tugging on the corner of her lips told her anything it was that he didn't seem to mind.
"You comfortable?" He finally asked, still not coming in.
He looked tired but happy. His posture was weak, like spending all day on his feet for the first time in a year had taken it's toll. But his lazy blue eyes looked amused at least, even when she felt them give her body a once over, scanning from her legs to her face.
"I was bored." She finally admitted, smiling back at him. "I've been replaced."
"I see that. Can't say I'm sorry though."
The sentiment was easily understood. That it was nothing against her for once, Rick was just pleased that Carl had invited a friend over. And maybe if he wasn't bone tired, he might've said something more about it, but instead Beth just watched as he finally entered his bedroom, not even seeming to mind that she was there when he started kicking off his boots and getting comfortable.
Beth didn't even try to tear her eyes away. Watched as the shoes came off first, the belt, even as he started emptying his pockets on to the night stand beside her. It wasn't until he started unbuttoning his plaid shirt that she debated if she should look away. But if Rick minded an audience, he wasn't showing it. Or maybe he was just too tired to care.
"You feelin' better?" Rick asked as he unbuttoned the last button, easing himself out of the shirt like it pained him to do so.
Beth used the question as an excuse to justify her staring at his bare chest. To absorb every detail of his body that she could. His hard chest, the thin narrow hips, even the chest hair that left a trail all the way down, past his jeans. Rick might have spent the last year abusing himself, but there was no wear and tear to be seen. Just a thin frame that was lean in all the right places, but not overly so.
Finally she remembered it was her turn to speak when he looked over at her, raising an eyebrow, once again catching her in the act.
"Yeah, I feel better. Thanks for the water this morning."
She said it just to see how he'd react. If he'd own up to the good deed or use it as an excuse to remind her of how she'd fucked up. But if there was any lingering awkwardness or resentment about everything, Rick had clearly moved past it if he'd ever felt it all. Instead he just nodded his head and to Beth's surprise, sat down on the edge of the mattress next to her, his body almost sagging in relief at finally getting off his feet.
"Rough first day?"
She asked just to distract herself. To stop her eyes from staring at his back that faced her, mentally forcing her mind not to try and take a mental note of his each freckle on his skin.
"Somethin' like that. Didn't help that someone kept me up all night."
It was said with humor and if Beth needed anymore proof that the previous night had been a turning point, the laugh that followed was all she needed. The relief that flooded through her was how she justified finally allowing herself to reach out and touch him, reaching up to place a hand on his shoulder, slowing beginning to rub and squeeze the tension away.
She felt his whole body practically sigh to the touch, easily giving in to the massage. With his his elbows resting on his knees, he bent forward, allowing her better access as his head hung down, his eyes finally shutting as he relaxed.
"What is this job anyway?"
As her hand worked over his muscles, Beth realized she had no idea what exactly Rick had been doing all day. Flipping burgers? Bagging groceries? There hadn't been a chance to ask and now that he was finally willing to talk, she eagerly took advantage.
"The shooting range. I thought it'd work out okay because it was familiar."
She just nodded, even though he couldn't see her face, and let him keep talking at she ran her fingertips over his skin. Started at the top and slowly worked her way down, adding pressure to the hard spots, gently stroking the soft ones. The stress was already leaving his body, allowing him to greedily turn this way or that to guide her hand to where he wanted it the most.
"Pretty sure Abe just hired me so people could come in and gawk. To see if the rumors are true."
"Which rumors would that be?" She asked, raking her fingernails over his soft sides, felt the jolt when his stomach contracted at the sensation.
"That I actually crawled out of my hole and rejoined society." He finally answered, neither of them acknowledging the effect her touch was having.
"Well, give it a few days. They'll get bored eventually."
"I know."
After that neither of them spoke. Beth just laid there, losing herself in the act just as easily as Rick was. Her hand exploring his body, every inch of bare flesh under her fingers, getting just as much enjoyment out of it as he was. Even when her arm started to ache, she continued. And not just for Rick's sake, but for her own. She liked watching him give in to her touch, a satisfied smile growing on her face each time he'd let out a deep breath.
It wasn't until they heard Carl yelling from the next room that Beth jerked her hand away, almost like they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't. And she supposed, they had been. Carl's words were suddenly fresh in her memory, his discomfort at the idea of his dad going anywhere near her. And even though she already missed the feeling of Rick's warm flesh against her skin, she couldn't be too disappointed. Not when she imagined how Carl would've felt if he'd actually walked in on them instead.
"Dad?!"
Carl yelled it again, and Beth was almost relieved when Rick finally eased himself up to go see what his son wanted. And while she was happy it meant that Carl wouldn't come catch them, still, a selfish part of her yearned to have Rick's skin against her own again.
