We found shelter in a farmer's barn that night. As we arranged our bedrolls, Nate pulled me aside. "You had the dreams again?"
"Yes. Is it obvious?"
"You look tired. I am sorry. I will stay on watch while you rest."
I nodded, too tired to speak. The idea of facing another night with the voice filled me with dread. Should try to actively listen to the voice, as Avernus had suggested, and find out what it wanted? The thought terrified me. The voice was strong enough when I tried to resist it. If I opened myself up to it, wouldn't it take me completely? What if my mind drowned in the sound? I would lose myself. Lose my mind.
I noticed my hands were shaking as I laid out my bedroll. "Wake me if it gets really bad," I said to Nate.
"You have my word," he said.
I closed my eyes.
#
At first the voice was just a wall of sound, again, beating a rhythm deep in my gut. This time, I focused.
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
I struggled to make sense of the sound.
I know what you want, human. I can help you.
"Who are you?"
Your people call me Lusacan. Come find me. Speak with me.
"What are you? Where are you?"
Come find me, human. Let my voice guide you.
"How? How do I find you? What do you want?"
Find me where I sleep.
Then my strength faltered and my focus shattered. The words became a pounding ocean again and I screamed in pain.
#
The day was covered in fog. My limbs felt heavy and I was so limp I thought I might fall off my horse. Nate looked concerned, and even Oghren noticed something was amiss, taking opportunities to joke about my clumsiness.
I tried to take deep breaths and focus on the positive. Alistair. His name was a talisman. "How was the king, Justine, when you left him?"
"He was well, your Highness. The situation in Kirkwall is complicated and dire, but he did well. I am sure he misses you, of course. He spoke of you constantly."
"Ah. I suppose he referred to me as the 'old ball and chain' again?"
"I wouldn't remember that, your Highness," she said slyly.
I sighed. Alistair thought it was hilarious to call me that. "Did he get any of my letters? I wrote him nearly twice a week."
"Correspondences were difficult to track, but yes, I believe he received several."
"And you wouldn't happen to know what was in the letters you carried?"
"I don't make a habit of reading other people's mail, your Highness. Especially when it belongs to my king."
"Yes, of course. I just hoped… I haven't had any word from him." I bit my lip.
"That's strange," Justine said. "He did write to you, I'm sure of it. Perhaps the letters were lost."
Perhaps. Or stolen. Was this another piece of Anora's plan? But why?
We rode on in silence for a while, and then a whisper tugged at my consciousness, sparking a memory from my nightmare.
"Lusacan," I said aloud, to no one in particular. "What is Lusacan?" The name rang a faint chord, but I couldn't place it.
Nate looked as confused as I, but Justine turned to look back at us. "Lusacan? That is the name of an Old God, Dragon of Night."
"Why do you ask?" asked Nate quietly.
"I — oh, nothing."
Justine cocked her head in a puzzled fashion. "Do not Grey Wardens study such things? The Old Gods that the darkspawn turn into Archdemons with their corruption?"
"Now that you mention it, yes, I do recall that name," I said. "You seem to know more than the average solider about Grey Wardens."
She blushed. "I have wanted to join your ranks since the Battle of Redcliffe. But when the king recruited me to his guard, I felt my duty was to serve him. As he is, also, a Grey Warden, I contented myself that in serving him, I was still helping the order."
Ogs said, "Told you she'd want to sign up."
She looked at me with a huge beaming smile. "Perhaps, your Highness, if you wouldn't mind… you could persuade the king to release me from his service so I could join the Grey Wardens?"
Her eyes were lit with hope and eagerness. I couldn't bear to see them extinguished. "Perhaps," I said. "We'll see."
"Oh, would you? Thank you, your Highness."
Nate looked at me. "And it seems you will help another lost soul find her path, Commander."
"Stuff it," I muttered, and cantered away ahead of the group to be with my own thoughts for a bit.
We'd just crossed a bridge when Biscuit suddenly stopped, legs stiff and head high. I knew that look and signaled us all to a halt. I watched the dog. He lowered his head and growled.
"Ready yourselves," I warned. I drew my sword.
We all dismounted. Nate had his bow out and he slipped like a shadow into the trees. Oghren gave his battle-ax a swing. "Finally! Some action. I was just about to fall asleep."
I glanced at Justine. Her face was pale, but she gripped her sword and shield steadily. "Don't push yourself, Justine," I said. "Stay alive."
She nodded.
Arrows flew from the brush, and the mabari quickly found their source. He overpowered one bandit, tearing at his throat, while one of Nate's arrows sprang from the chest of the other, killing her instantly.
With a graceful leap, Justine threw herself in battle against two of them while I circled to flank and stab, striking out with both blades at once.
"More coming!" Nate shouted.
Oghren was taking care of himself just fine, swinging against three hapless attackers, chuckling as they tried to scramble away. Justine worked slowly and powerfully, blocking and counter-attacking with a precision in her movements that impressed me. She seemed to have a sixth sense for arrows, for her shield was always there to block them just before they hit. Every movement of hers flowed gracefully into the next, and she sliced through the line of enemies with the steady, deadly expertise of a truly elite combatant. Only one other warrior I'd ever fought with had a similar mix of grace and strength, although his style was different from hers. His was the way of the roaring lion, while hers was the way of the light-footed panther.
She controlled the battlefield with astonishing discipline. I stayed close to her, worried about her state and the fact that we didn't have a healer with us. I danced in, blades whirring, and darted out of reach before the bandit could counter.
COME TO THE DEEP ROADS
The voice hit my head like a hammer and I stumbled. Maker's breath, not now. My feet seemed made of lead. "Blast!" I'd moved too slowly, and lost my footing. The bandit was injured and crazed with fury. He leapt for me, sword lashing out towards my head.
"Your Highness!" Suddenly Justine had flung herself over me, taking the brunt of the bandit's blade square on her shoulder. I felt her whole body shudder with the effort.
No, Maker, do not let her die for me.
I heaved myself clear. My mind was spinning and my eyes blurred. I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
I heard Oghren shout as two more dark figures sprang at me. They'd sensed weakness. Justine interceded again, placing her body between me and my attackers. Maker help me, I fell back in desperation. It was as if I'd forgotten how to fight. My body wouldn't move in the way I'd been trained.
Justine launched into a ferocious flurry of short, sharp cuts that beat back one bandit and felled him with a slash at the back of his knee; she was breathing heavily now. I shook my head to clear it. The other bandit came for her. She sprang back, flinging her shield at him in a graceful arc. Then, at the exact moment the shield connected with the man's face, her sword swung to slice at the other side of neck, nearly severing the head.
I'd never seen a move like that. It was amazing. But I had no time to marvel at it, because as she bent to retrieve her shield one more attacker swung his long two-handed axe at me. I barely managed to roll out of the axe swing when it came crashing down near my head. I kicked out wildly and somehow managed to strike his knee. He staggered back.
COME FIND ME
I concentrated on building the mental blocks, but it was impossible to do that and fight.
"Elissa!" That was Nate. I heard his arrow sing right over me and stab the bandit in the armpit, where he was unprotected by armor. He howled, but raised his axe for another blow.
I'd somehow dropped my weapons. My hands were empty. I twisted away, scrambling to get up.
I KNOW
On my knees now. I scrabbled in the dirt for my weapons — for any weapons. Darkness blinded me, the voice drowned me. My fingers closed around my dagger; my sword was nowhere to be found. As the bandit lunged, I managed to twist aside and grab his wrist with my right hand, using the leverage to propel me to my feet and at the same time swing the dagger in my left hand into the exposed flesh just under his chin.
WHAT YOU WANT
I staggered back. My vision clouded with white, and the voice was swallowing me. My hands were covered in blood.
I slipped into unconsciousness and into the ocean of the voice.
#
Someone was shaking me. Through the terrible voice, another: "Elissa! Wake up! Elissa!"
I opened my eyes.
Nate. Oghren. Biscuit. "Justine?" I asked.
"Here, your Highness." Her face came into view, streaked with blood. "I'm just a bit bruised, but I'm fine."
"I'm sorry," I said.
Nate took charge. "Can you walk?"
I gingerly moved my limbs. "I don't think so."
"Let's get her up and away from the road. Come on, then." He propped me up. I was too far gone to even feel any pain. "We'll set up camp up the hill, out of sight from the road. Oghren, could you fetch wood and get a fire started? Justine, if you feel up to it, find some water, please. We passed a stream not too far back."
While the others followed his instructions, he carried me up the hill, with Biscuit following closely. He set me down on the grass. "What happened? You've never lost your footing like that before."
"Everyone makes mistakes." It hurt to talk.
"It's the dreams, isn't it? The Old God? It's speaking to you when you're awake, now." There was an edge of panic to his voice.
"I'm just tired. Don't worry so much."
He just looked at me. "Maker's blood, you need to rest. You need healing, beyond what skill any of us here have."
"I look that bad, huh?" I hadn't thought, before, of the impact the voice might have on my companions. I was supposed to be their strong, fearless leader. And I'd stumbled in battle like a raw recruit. I'd barely managed to get out alive, and Justine had to take a hit for me. I was a danger to them all. "I'll be fine, Nate. Don't worry about me."
"You are not fine. We need to contact Vigil's Keep and ask them to send a mage immediately. We can meet them on the road."
"How do you imagine we do that? Do you have some secret method of…" I broke off. He avoided my eyes. "You do, don't you."
"I was trained to work with ravens."
"We don't have any working ravens at Vigil's Keep yet. We're waiting for Montsimmard to send a spymaster."
"I… Anora trained me."
"Anora!? How does she know anything about ravens?"
"She has been studying bardic arts. Did she not tell you?"
"Of course not. Why would she tell me such a thing?" Nate had just given me yet another reason not to trust her. Did he truly not see? How could he be so blind to her nature? I knew Anora did nothing for free. Why did she teach Nate how to work with the ravens? What was she getting at? "When did this happen?"
He made a sound of impatience. "You may interrogate me later, Commander. At the moment, we need help urgently. I can call a raven and we will send a message."
A strange voice broke in. "Why bother with that when you have a healer right here?"
Nate whirled, dagger in hand. I could only shift my head slightly to see a fuzzy outline of a figure dressed in forest colors, ochre and green, carrying a staff.
"Identify yourself," Nate barked.
The elf held up his hands and advanced slowly. He had Dalish tattoos and his hair was an improbable shade of deep, bright red, bound loosely in a knot. "Calm yourself, Ser Twitchy. If I were here to harm you, do you think I would have announced myself?" He smiled. "I'm here to help. I am a healer."
"An apostate!"
"I prefer the term 'free mage'," he said. "'Apostate' sounds so nefarious. Will you let me help your friend?"
My voice came out cracked. "Nate, let him."
Nate moved aside. "I am watching you, elf."
He merely lifted his eyebrows at that but made no comment, and then knelt by me. His cool fingers touched my brow and my temples, then his hands ran lightly along my arms and my legs.
"Do I know you?" Through my fog, I saw his face and a memory floated back to me. The kind blue-grey eyes, the soft voice… "Are you the one the Dalish call Aneirin the Healer? Wayne's former apprentice?"
Nate lowered his dagger a fraction. "You know this mage?"
The mage started and squinted more closely at my face. "Can it be — Lady Elissa Cousland? It is you! I am sorry, I did not recognize you under all the blood and dirt. I've been looking for you."
"There you go, Nate. That's the perfect disguise. Blood and…" A fit of coughing interrupted me.
Aneirin turned back to his task with brisk efficiency. "Nothing broken, by Mythal's mercy. You were very lucky. But there is a deep wound inside your ribcage. It must hurt." He closed his eyes and hummed. The familiar healing warmth emanated from his hand and bathed me in sunshine. I relaxed.
"All done. The best thing you can do now is sleep. I can give you some herbs that will help ease the pain."
"No, no sleep. Not yet. What are you doing here? Were you following us?"
He looked surprised. "Following you? I didn't even know you were here. Not until I saw the — all that mess." He waved to the road down the hill, where we'd left the bandit bodies. "I'm sorry I didn't get here in time to help with that. I heard voices and thought you might need some help. When I saw the Grey Warden uniform, I figured you weren't a bandit." He nodded at Nate. "But yes, I was sent to find you."
"But what are you doing here, traveling by yourself?" Nate did not relax an inch. His hand still rested lightly on his dagger.
"I can generally take care of myself, especially in the woods. I'm small and quiet and no one notices me unless I want to make myself known."
I said, "Why were you looking for me?"
"The Dalish wanted to deliver something to the Grey Wardens and since I had once met you, the clan thought I'd be a good emissary. But let's take care of you first, and then I'll tell you all about it. Hush now."
Sorry this is late, everyone! I try to post on Tuesdays, but this week got super busy. Back on track! I really hope you're enjoying the story so far! Thanks, as always, for reading. xoxo
