Hey, look, an update! :D Sorry for the long wait, my lovely readers and reviewers. I hope you have not lost interest in my wee oneshot project!
J.K. Rowling is still in the process of signing over all the Harry Potter characters and related themes to me. One day, though, just you wait.
Thanks, xLady-Helenax!
Pairing: Take a wild guess, mates
Word-Prompt: Witness
Setting: mid-years of Hogwarts
Witness
Sirius knew he deserved it. He knew that he fully deserved whatever his friends did to him that night and he was grateful to take it. He wanted as much punishment as possible from them, so that he wouldn't feel like he had to punish himself. Not even the month of detentions he had received was good enough. Every single minute of antagonizing scrutiny, every tempered word, everything, he deserved to have thrown at him at full force.
That's why Sirius didn't make a move to defend himself when his best friend of many years punched him square in the face with a strength that had been built up after years of playing Quidditch.
He clumsily fell to the dormitory floor as James stood above him with his hands on his head; fingers laced through his black hair, making it stick up even more than it usually did. He was trembling with emotion; whether it was anger, worry, or fear, Sirius wasn't sure. His cheek tingled painfully from James' attack, but it wasn't bad enough for Sirius to care.
Sirius looked to the left and found Peter's legs facing away from him. He moved his gaze upwards and watched as the blonde boy clenched and unclenched his fist around one of the four corner posts of his bed. His stubby fingers tightened against the wood threateningly as he inhaled, then relaxing as he exhaled.
Sirius looked away, ashamed. He had never seen Peter in such a state. Usually the boy was soft and full of laughter and helpfulness, not anger. It was all Sirius' fault. He had brought this change to one of his best friends.
James moved. He was removing his robes, followed by his shirt, and then he walked to his bed without a word and closed himself inside the curtains, though Sirius knew his dark-haired friend wouldn't be doing much sleeping.
He got up from the floor and promptly left the dormitory. He felt like he shouldn't disgrace his friends with his presence any longer, so he made his way down the steps and crossed the common room to lie down on the couch.
He almost gave a sad laugh when he looked up unblinkingly through the common room window and was faced by the full moon. It was ironic, as if it was hanging there just to mock him. Sirius shook violently, refusing to cry, as he turned around in the couch and closed his eyes.
Sirius didn't know if the first sounds of Gryffindor students coming down to go to breakfast woke him up, or if they just brought him back to reality. Either way, his thoughts had tormented him for the few hours he'd had of silent contemplation.
He got up instantly and went into the dormitory where he showered and changed as quickly as possible, in hopes that James and Peter would sleep in a little longer and wake after he'd left. When he came out of the bathroom fully dressed, he could see the upright silhouette of James behind his bed curtains, but he pretended not to notice and fled the room and left Gryffindor tower to wander the halls alone until classes started.
Sirius managed to stay calm for the rest of the day until they had Potions before lunch. Once he was in the same room as Severus Snape - when he had to look at his face and was unable to smirk, sneer, or insult the Slytherin – he cracked. He couldn't stand the look of smug understanding on the greasy boy's face. He asked Professor Slughorn if he could go to the bathroom, but he took his book bag and disappeared for the rest of the day.
That afternoon, no one caught a single glimpse of Sirius Black or Remus Lupin.
Sirius served his detention in the evening, and did his homework in the abandoned Divination tower instead of returning to the Gryffindor common room. In the middle of the night, he gathered up his courage and walked slowly towards the Hospital Wing.
He would not be seen, he told himself; he could not be seen. He just wanted to check – to reassure himself that Remus was there.
The only light source that illuminated the single occupant of the infirmary was the waning moon through the window. Sirius padded up to the bed where Remus lay asleep. His face looked ominous, pale and hollow, as if he'd been living inside a dark house for ten years without stepping outside. Not even the relaxation of slumber lifted the worry lines from Remus' young face.
Sirius took his chances and sat on the bedside chair and pulled his legs up against himself, leaning his chin on his knees.
"Fuck," he said, voicing his first word all day. "I'm sorry, Remus."
He took a deep breath, shuddering with emotion.
"God, I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I did it. I don't know what came over me," he said distressingly. "I fully expect you to hate me forever, y'know," he continued as his eyes filled with tears. "I guess that's why I'm here. I needed to see you and talk to you one last time."
"You fool," a strained voice rasped. Sirius nearly fell off his chair in fright as he looked at Remus' face. He was so shocked; he couldn't bring himself to say anything and an uncomfortable silence stretched between them.
"I thought you came here to talk to me," Remus enquired without opening his eyes. His voice clearly showed that he was angry. The sandy-haired boy did not continue; he just stayed still as though he was still sleeping.
Sirius opened his mouth and closed it again without saying anything. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, and then tried again. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know it probably means nothing, but I truly am."
"Yeah I guess it doesn't mean anything, since you expect me to hate you anyway, right?" Remus said, this time opening his eyes and turning to look at Sirius.
Sirius gasped at the sadness portrayed in Remus' amber eyes. The smaller boy looked cracked, broken beyond repair. It was as if all happiness had left the boy's soul, leaving him an empty shell of suffering to live the rest of his life in. Remus was destroyed, betrayed, lost and confused. And Sirius had done that to him.
Right then, the tears began to flow. Sirius could not hold back the flood that poured down his cheeks as all his pent up anguish released itself at once. He was a silent crier, having practiced being quiet about his distress while at home under the wrath of his parents.
"I can't believe you think so low of me," Remus continued, refusing to look away from Sirius. "Do you not have any faith at all, that I might be a good enough friend to forgive you? Did you even think that maybe I would get past it when I remembered all the good times we'd had? Sirius, I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose, and I'm ashamed that you would think for a moment that I would react so cruelly towards you over one mistake. If that is what you think of me, maybe you are right, and I shouldn't forgive you."
Sirius was sure that this situation could not get any worse. It was bad enough that he'd betrayed Remus' trust and exposed his secret to a Slytherin, but now he had unknowingly insulted one of his closest friends so harshly that a friendship seemed hardly salvageable.
"I – I didn't mean it like that," he stammered, not knowing what to say to make it better. He inwardly cursed himself and his large mouth.
"Sure you didn't mean it like that, just like you didn't mean for Snape to actually follow your directions when you told him how to get into the Shack," Remus replied angrily.
Sirius finally cleared some tears from his face, even though he wasn't sure he could handle seeing the menacing look in Remus' eyes.
"Remus," he moaned. "Remus, please, I didn't mean it, please."
Remus sighed and looked away. They lapsed into silence as Sirius sat shivering and crying and Remus stared at the plain ceiling attempting to sort out his thoughts.
Sirius didn't know how long they stayed that way, but he was aware of the sky outside growing lighter. "I should go," he said quietly. "I'm sorry if I kept you awake. You should be getting a lot of sleep."
"Yeah," Remus replied simply as Sirius lifted himself from his chair and began to walk away. He went slowly, and Remus closed his eyes, fighting back tears of his own. Sirius was almost at the door when Remus bolstered up his courage and stopped him.
"Sirius?" Sirius stopped instantly, but didn't turn around to look at his friend. "I'm going to need time," Remus said just loud enough for the other to hear. "If it's meant to be, things will sort out, but it will take time."
Sirius thanked Merlin that Remus was a forgiving individual.
"I understand, and I will wait," he said softly. He moved to the infirmary door and gripped the handle. "Thanks, Moony," he added, and then swiftly left the wing, shutting the door behind him, finalizing their conversation.
When he closed the door behind him, Sirius leaned back against it and let out a heavy breath. He'd really messed up yesterday; letting Severus Snape be a witness to Remus' condition, but it seemed that the young werewolf could find it in his heart to forgive his friend. Sirius sighed, wishing he could go back in the infirmary and just hug Remus and make everything better, but he knew it was impossible. Like Remus had said, he needed time, and Sirius could respect that. He accepted it, and would simply give Remus the space he needed.
Sirius had already messed up once, and he did not intend on doing it again.
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-D0nQuix0te
