AN: I actually write on a pretty new Windows PC I use for gaming!
I have no idea why my Open Office kept crashing. I switched to Google Docs now because I lost my one-shot a few days ago and I'm tired of losing my writing.
I only meant to upload this next week but since the fanfic just reached 400 followers I'm going to upload it a little earlier.
7. demons
I spent my days learning world history and training, eventually starting on simple taijutsu exercises, target practice and hand signs. The frequent lessons with Miki accelerated my progress on reading and writing, gave me a better understanding of the world outside Konoha and gave me a strange sense of home in this war-torn world. Its history was as rich and vivid as that of my last life, and every event I learned of drove home the point that it was more than just a story.
It was easy to slip into a routine after a while; days seemed to blend together, even with training. It stopped being special, more a fact of life. Six months in I had my first spar with Shigure, and though I made a valiant effort I lost to his skill and speed. I'd be lying if saying it didn't bother me especially because Father had been watching through the open door of his study, but Shigure was a lot older than me, and that would obviously never change. Maybe I'd catch up some day once we both reached adulthood.
Sometimes I played with Kawarama, my cousin on the Senju side. Sadly he was about half a year younger than me and behaved more like someone our age, which meant that he was very huggable, but not a good conversation partner overall. Shigure was better at this, but we spent so much time together that he was more of a brother than a friend. In other words, we occasionally ended up trading blows, and the bastard always won.
It was strange to say, but I was... kind of lonely. I wanted a friend. I never interacted with any of the other clan children that absolutely had to exist if the clan didn't want to go extinct in the next few decades, my parents conveniently kept me away from them, and this even though I had heard people asking about me. I felt like a basement dweller with how little I got out. Even Kawarama only ever got to visit, I had never seen his house myself. I knew that Madara was likely incredibly paranoid about letting me go outside with the attempt on my life and all, but wasn't this a little over the top?
By the time I was five I had devised a cunning plan to escape the maddening confinement of our residence. We had days without training, obviously – Izuna couldn't sacrifice all his time teaching two kids how not to die. Normally I spent those with writing practice, drawing with Mom or, if he was around, holding scrolls for Madara in his room while he complained to himself about finances, but one day I decided to be a little rebellious and use this time of least supervision on schedule to sneak out. It wasn't exactly hard, per se. The front door wasn't locked during the day, the defensive seals my mother had put up didn't register me as a threat and the door to my room was conveniently close to the exit, leaving very little travel time to get caught. The most difficult part was really choosing a moment of parental absence – I wasn't able to walk so quietly that they couldn't hear me and the door would obviously make a noise if opened. An opportunity presented itself however when Izuna entered without closing the front door and I used the momentary noise to slip through.
I didn't really have a plan where I was going yet, but I sensed something would come up in due time. I mean, this was a district populated by a sole ninja clan, and it was huge. Something exciting had to be out here.
When I left the front door I was still feeling relatively positive about what I had just done, but the moment I set foot on the street I suddenly realized that I was, well... alone and in the middle of the street. Filled with ninjas. Foreign people kept walking past me in both directions, most of them familiar only in presence and appearance, and all wearing the red-and-white crest on their backs that I had grown so used to seeing everywhere now. People of all sizes and ages, some seeming barely older than me, all apparently being busy.
I had never left the house on my own, and now, out here, I suddenly started to feel a little anxious. I ran to the other side of the street and leaned against a lamp post for a few seconds, trying to regain my composure. The overwhelming noise of chakra and visual overload were causing my heart to nearly jump out of my chest. And here I thought I had gotten over my social anxiety. Apparently two years of therapy still weren't worth shit.
Okay, Kasai. Calm. It's not that bad. No one's going to kill you.
Yeah, easy to say. Not like anyone tried to kill me as a baby already. Oh wait.
But well, they're dead, are they not? That broken neck sure sounded convincing.
I shuddered at the memory, then shook my head and decided to move on before my mind summoned even more buried pictures I'd rather keep buried. The streets weren't easy to navigate from the looks of it and the whirl of chakra signatures and noise were starting to give me a headache already. Sometimes I wished I could just turn it off, but I yet had to find a way to make the constant chaos of chakra stop. I had tried meditation, shutting down my mind – it only made things worse. It really was like constant background noise, it became louder the more quiet everything else was.
Within said cloud of noise I tried to latch on to a single one, hoping to fade out the rest, but Uchiha signatures were laughably similar – I could only keep them apart after spending a lot of time with someone. Eventually I managed to home in on a familiar one – it was Shigure. He stood out because his presence felt a bit like a gentle drizzle of rain to me, followed by a soft gusts of wind – only that the rain was made of ash. I held on to his signature and tried to find him in the street, navigating around a few clansmen in the way – I almost ran into a boy about Shigure's age once, but he merely scoffed and moved on.
The Uchiha district was huge. I had never seen much of it, and I was generally wary of climbing up walls and the like yet, so all I could do was run into the general direction of his presence and hope that I would find him eventually. As I walked on the houses to each side of the road grew more and more sparse until said roads turned into gravel paths and vegetation took over, eventually I found myself surrounded by small trees and bushes around a beaten path that barely qualified as anything usable at all, and his presence burned like a bonfire in the immediate environment, leading me to follow his direction more precisely. I caught up with him at the edge of a large clearing eventually, running up to him with the familiar feeling of a minor thrill jetting down my spine. I wasn't supposed to be here, but it was kind of exciting to be after I had been locked up for so long, and this was a whole new world to see.
Shigure took up a startled expression upon spotting me running towards him at full speed. He looked behind him, seeming scared of something in the general direction, then returned his gaze to me as I came to a halt in front of him. I could sense a few people behind him, but not how many.
"Why are you here? Did your father send you?"
His entire body language spoke of anxiety, as did his voice. Was he doing something forbidden, or was it because I wasn't supposed to be here?
"No," I whispered in return, as if keeping a huge secret. "I followed you."
His eyes grew wide as plums and fell on my face, as if he couldn't fathom what I had done. He had no time to reply however, because someone's voice echoed across the clearing.
"Shigure!"
The boy grew even more tense, gaze switching targets in a hectic back and forth.
"You coming?"
Not far behind him I now spotted two kids waving their arms in a relatively wild fashion, then within a few seconds they were in front of us, not the least out of breath. They were about Shigure's height, so I assumed they were close to his age. Beyond their bodies blocking my view I could now sense an entire collection of people, all coming closer, perhaps wanting to figure out what the deal was. Likely more children.
"Who's this?", one of them asked while the other unceremoniously poked at me. "You got a brother?"
Hey, I'm a girl!
I puffed my cheeks, just barely holding back my rebuttal by sheer will. No, actually, I was scared shitless. This was not how I had imagined meeting new people, being mistaken for a boy while some rude kid poked my face.
Shigure shook his head. "Cousin. I, uh... could you tell Elder Iwao that I'll be late? I need to bring her back home before-"
"That won't be necessary."
The entire clearing grew abruptly quiet. Seriously, it seemed like even the birds decided to pack their shit and leave. Nest elsewhere. Start a better life.
Shigure turned his head and bowed to the person that somehow at some point had just shown up as shinobi were wont to do. "Iwao-sama," he acknowledged, seeming unnervingly quiet and distant all of a sudden. I had never seen this kind of shift in him.
The man seemed reasonably old, maybe in his fifties, with graying short hair that must have been a dark brown in color once and almond-shaped eyes that seemed just as sharp as the eyes of a young man. Deep wrinkles were spread all over his face, giving him his aged look. Regardless he was standing with his back straight, even though he was carrying a cane he was casually resting his hands on.
"I see Madara's daughter is joining us today."
Some of the kids that had gathered behind him exchanged curious glances, whispers, even some confused stares. I increasingly began to feel like I really, really shouldn't be here and coming here had been a huge mistake. Just to make it worse, they were all boys.
"Excuse me, uh, Elder Iwao-", I faltered for a second, "...-sama, but I believe, I'm- I'm not supposed to be joining you. In fact, I think I should be returning home... now..."
Before I even knew it I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head, found myself propelled forward by the force behind the hit and landed on my hands and knees, letting out a cry of both surprise and pain. I groaned and looked up behind me, realizing only slowly through the throbbing pain that the old man had struck me with his cane.
I just-
What-
Why?
The kids around me slowly began to whisper, low and suppressed chuckles and other noises of subdued amusement echoing in my ears long after they had passed. They were laughing at me.
No. Nonononono-
They were laughing at me!
I felt anger bubble in my chest, restricting any coherent thought I could have had, then it changed to despair and finally helplessness.
Get up. Get up.
I forced myself to my feet even though my head hurt and tears began to sting my eyes. God no, I couldn't cry here, not in front of everyone-
I felt a steady hand grab my shoulder and twist my entire body around until Shigure's face came into view. He seemed so serious I barely recognized him, as if he had just switched shinobi mode on. When he parted his lips to speak the words that came out were so quiet they might as well have been the wind.
"Kasai, that was an order. Learn to read between the lines or you'll be in trouble."
That wasn't trouble already?!
Without further elaborating he let go and gestured me to move closer to the center of the clearing, following the other children of which some were still quietly giggling or talking, no doubt about me and my absolutely epochal failure.
How was I supposed to tell that was an order, exactly? I only meant to-
"Kasai, go already," Shigure ordered, brows furrowed. "You're only making it worse."
I stared at him for a few seconds, not sure if he was being serious or not. "If my father hears of this-"
"He will scold you for coming here."
I felt my heart sink. Technically he was right, I wasn't supposed to be here. Yet I also couldn't imagine that Madara would just let someone hitting me stand without another word. Not even the so called elders.
Right?
I... I wasn't so sure.
Eventually I gave up and followed the other kids to the center, now dreading what would happen next. I saw that by now another adult had arrived, who, to be quite frank, looked even worse than the other. His skin was a rare olive color, his eyes ever so slightly slanted and giving his face a predatory appearance, along with the strangely straight nose that was almost feline somehow. He seemed younger too, in his thirties at best, and his hair was shaved to the point he only retained a mohawk-like central strip with a small ponytail at the back. Both his cheeks were tattooed, adorned by black swirls right under his eye in fact, though one side was larger than the other.
"Nagisa," Iwao called. The newcomer inclined his head ever so slightly, displaying his respect and inferior position in the infernal Uchiha pecking order.
"Shigure," I asked meekly. "What is happening here?"
The boy didn't think long to respond. "Training. I come here whenever Dad doesn't have time for me," he casually began to explain. "It's pretty nice to spar with others sometimes, see where you're at."
From the corner of my eye I saw this Nagisa fellow clap twice, then yell: "Ankle-biters, warm up!"
The kids began to move – some ran, some moved through a bunch of kata, one of them even tossed a fireball the size of a small boat across the clearing and reduced a few trees at the edge to charcoal.
Holy shit.
Shigure simply grabbed my arm and started running laps around the clearing. I was somewhat grateful for his quick thinking, since I was currently pretty much out of my mind, a littleoverwhelmed by all the chakra suddenly in motion. Most of them weren't exactly powerful signatures, after all they were kids, but still. So many different signatures, it was confusing my brain. At the very least Izuna's harsh training allowed me to not collapse after three rounds, I could keep up reasonably well.
"Why did you come here? This was foolish."
Shigure didn't seem amused. To be honest, looking at this now, it was a fucking stupid idea, and my head was still throbbing as proof.
"I don't know," I responded, and that was the end of it.
After we were done with warm-up the kids gathered at the center again, where Nagisa began to seemingly arbitrarily pair them off. My heart sank to my knees when I realized that he was picking opponents, and by the size of the clearing I figured that the spars would take place with an audience. I frantically sought Shigure, him being the only person I had ever really sparred with, but he was already being paired off with a kid roughly his age and brown hair. It was the guy I had run into earlier in the street.
Shit. No. Crap.
Just- Just crap.
The stranger stared at me with mocking smirk on his lips. "Taken, sorry," he jeered, as if well aware of my steadily rising inner sense of dread and desire to stick with the only person I knew here, or simply trying to unnerve me terribly. I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat.
Don't cry here.
"Kid."
Startled by the voice behind I whirled around, finding only Nagisa there, and a little kid looking only a little older than me. "This one."
Okay. Okay. This might not be so bad.
"Actually, Nagisa, I would like to see her face Tora."
Iwao's voice sounded like a demon from hell right now.
Why, old man. Why.
I wanted to cry.
Nagisa tilted his head and thoughtfully furrowed his brow. "Michi is no match for Shigure, though."
My gaze drifted towards Shigure's partner, who observed me with barely concealed amusement. I couldn't match Shigure either. How was I supposed to match this guy, then?
The older man nodded, putting his weight on his cane. "I am aware, but she is Madara's daughter."
My father wasn't even training me!
Why had I come here, just why, why-
Tora switched positions with Michi. I didn't know either of them, but this Tora didn't seem to be interested in exchanging any friendly words, in fact, he seemed to desire the exact damn opposite, and that was to humiliate me completely here and now.
Iwao summoned a long and seemingly worn bamboo cane from a sealing scroll, twisted it in his hands a few times and apparently deemed it proper for use, then he handed the cane to Nagisa who trotted to the center of the clearing and unceremoniously slammed the thing about thirty centimeters into the ground.
I somehow had it in me to flinch.
"For all of those who are new here today," Iwao began to explain with his voice raised, "this bamboo cane will be your only weapon. The one who manages to claim it first will have the advantage in the following spar."
I felt about ten eyes on me, as if I was the only one new here today. Even Iwao stared at me as if giving me a personal instruction. I felt even smaller than I already was, surrounded by creatures, monsters, appearing so much taller than me.
I wanted to run. Get away.
What were my chances?
My gaze skipped from point to point, behind me, beside me, in front of me- there really was no way I could get away quickly enough to not get caught.
None.
Absolutely none.
I prayed for my father to somehow miraculously appear.
"Tora and Kasai, you'll be first."
The boy leaned in as if to give me one last push and whispered, "Good luck."
I knew then and there that I was dead.
We were facing each other, the bamboo stick between us. My heart was in my throat, my stomach ready to empty its contents on the ground.
I would fail. I knew I would fail.
They had set me up to fail. I didn't even know why. Maybe there was no reason. Maybe Iwao thought I was obnoxious.
Why was I here. It was stupid. Stupid stupid.
Nagisa raised his hand to give a signal, and then everything was over.
We both moved at almost the exact same time, but Tora was faster than me, having the advantage of longer legs and more time to train. He reached the cane a second before me, swung it over his head and aimed at my legs in one fluid motion.
Dodge!
I slammed my feet into the ground and came to a halt just a few centimeters before the end of the cane, but the force had me sauntering forward and into my opponent with my entire weight. I somehow had the mind to reach out with my hand and aim it at his chest.
He jumped back, putting too much distance between us for comfort.
Shit.
I was still going forward with way too much energy behind it now.
Don't fall don't fall-
I somehow managed to turn it into a roll, but Tora was now coming at me with his damn bamboo stick, aiming for my exposed side. I dodged barely but didn't pay attention to his legs and found myself knocked on the ground. Kicking out blind in sheer confusion somehow allowed me to land a hit on his arm-
Holy shit he dropped the cane-
I didn't waste time to listen to him curse, instead rolled around to grab the piece of bamboo now free for the taking, picked it up with one hand and basically sprang to my legs with the other.
Hit him!
His arm was exposed, I only had to aim-
I aimed, I realized the cane would connect with his arm, realized that it would cause him terrible pain, it was a fucking stick those things were hard oh god-
And then I almost faltered mid-strike, weapon connecting with his arm so weakly it would barely leave any damage even if it weren't just a piece of particularly hard wood.
No-
Nonono-
He scoffed and grabbed the cane with his other arm, yanking it out of my grip while I was staring at him wide-eyed and confused.
No!
"What kind of princess are you?!" he asked, no, yelled, something between anger and disbelief and-
Sharp pain erupted in my side, its source becoming clear only seconds before I felt another in my arm, and then my leg, I couldn't even, couldn't react-
Shit, shit shit.
It hurt it hurt.
I went down, clutching my side and then my leg and everywhere else where he hit mercilessly.
Mercy, why had I shown him mercy?
He hit my stomach too, my entire body bent and writhed in pain.
Please stop, please just-
I reached out blindly hoping to stop the next blow, it instead connected with my fingers and left a sharp, searing, searing pain there too, until everything hurt, everything, it hurt so bad.
"P-please-" I could barely force out the words, all air gone from my lungs, "s-stop, please!"
I waited, silently, anxiously, yes, waited in terror.
But nothing else came.
The kid threw the cane away in a dismissive gesture, then turned around and didn't even bother to address me with another word. I tried to get up but the pain was so bad I couldn't even move my arms, everything felt so stiff, pain, pain everywhere.
"Shigure," I cried out, almost choked on the damn word, and noticed only now the tears streaming down my face, leaving hot streaks on my skin.
No, no.
They were laughing.
All of them, laughing, it was everywhere, I heard nothing else, nothing but laughter, laughter laughter.
Stop. Please stop!
Someone picked me up by the arms, but my vision was too blurry, I couldn't see who it was, I didn't even care, I wanted to be gone from here, just get away and never return.
It was Shigure who carried me home. I couldn't walk. I didn't want to walk. I felt like a useless bag of shit and sand compiled into a collection of even more uselessness.
I had faltered mid-strike because I hadn't wanted to hurt him. Shit, what kind of shinobi was I going to be?!
Was I going to be like this the next time, too? It's not like I hadn't sparred before, but I had never held a weapon, and the bamboo cane, no matter how crude, was just that.
I buried my face in Shigure's neck, feeling the tears stinging again.
It felt so stupid to cry, but everything hurt, and now they were all mocking me, probably telling all their parents what a weak little girl Uchiha Kasai was. Can't hit her opponent, how pathetic.
It could've-
Could've gone so well. I had the cane. I had the damn-
"Crying isn't going to solve this, you know."
Shigure seemed to have mentally disconnected from the situation at some point. He still seemed awfully calm, and so distant. I wanted the normal Shigure back. The one who hugged me and pouted when I bit him. It made me angry.
"You didn't do anything!"
He shook his head. I felt the motion in my entire body, cringed from the pain.
"No one did anything..." I muttered weakly. "Why did they do this..."
"We're shinobi. What did you expect?"
AN: I'll just let that sink in.
