Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Isn't that magical.

I know this chapter may just seem like one really long rant, because it's all one scene with lots of yelling, but work with me here.

The next chapter will have mostly Double D trying to make progress in love.

Beware of swearing and random MegaTokyo reference.

And updates may be fewer and/or farther in between (I know, it'll be terrible now). I start my first ever day of high school tomorrow (can you smell the freshman-ness through the computer?) and I have to admit I'm freaked out.


Chapter 7: We Walk the Plank on a Sinking Ship

Eddy ran down Tim Burton Street. It was midday, but in Cartoon Hollywood, that means people were either working or drinking away the feelings that derived from being cancelled in the bar. Stores were open, but relatively empty, except for the occasional juice bar. The only people in there would be B-lister employees going to get lunch, under the false impression that smoothies were 'now' when they were in fact 'five minutes ago'.

"ED! DAMMIT, ED!" Eddy hated to admit it to himself, but he was actually filled with worry. "ED! Do you know what's going to happen to you if you don't come out at the count of three?! ONE!" This simple technique was easy, left a lot to the imagination, and most importantly, worked with Ed. "TWO!"

Now Eddy paused to look around. About a quarter of the time Ed forgot that three came right about now, but he at least had a pretty secure idea of how to count to twenty-nine. Oh well, just in case, "THREE COMES RIGHT AFTER TWO, YOU KNOW!"

And now another pause. "Dang. Where is he? THREE!"

Nothing. The only sounds were of Jake Long, a B-lister, coming out of the smoothie shop and talking boorishly loud on his also 'five minutes ago' style cell phone. And within a minute, Jake was gone too, leaving Eddy alone. Eddy figured Ed wasn't down this street and ran through an alleyway, as a shortcut to Hartman Avenue. As he ran, he quickly took out his mobile phone and speed-dialed the third speed-dial option: Coop's apartment number (yes, he also lives in an apartment. There are no houses within a ten-mile radius).

"Hello?" Coop sounded as if his mouth was full, as per usual.

"COOP! It's Eddy!"

"You don't have to yell. I have Caller ID."

"Is Ed there with you?" Coming out on the other side of the dumpster-lined nook, Eddy took a glance down both ways of the street to see if he could catch Ed that way.

"Naw, why? Is he supposed to be?" A crunch and then a very quiet but still audible 'squish' sound was heard through the phone, and more chewing. Eddy predicted Coop put something gooey on crackers… possibly bacon-flavored 'cheese' from a spray can.

"Ugh! No, he's supposed to be with me! I lost him!"

Coop couldn't help but laugh. "Oh wow. Good luck with that. Why don't you just call Double D?"

"NO WAY! He'll freak! And besides, Ed's REALLY lost!"

"Wellll, I'll keep a look out for him. But it's my day off. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe Kiva will, I'll give her the heads up."

"'KAY THANKS BYE!" Eddy shoved the cell phone back into his jeans. He looked up and down the street again in a frantic way. "HEY, ED! MARCO!"

No answer.

"I GOT A CHICKEN!"

No luck.

"AND BUTTERED TOAST!"

"GOOD FOR YOU!" Some exasperated person in a tall, mostly glass office-type building shouted and then closed their window.

Normally Eddy would answer in a snarky fashion, but he didn't have the time. He whipped out his cell phone again, going by force of habit first for Double D's speed-dial number, the first Eddy had. But Eddy caught himself in time and went for Ed's, the second. After the voicemail picked up, Eddy let out an exasperated grunt and shoved his phone back in his pocket. It's not like Ed ever answered, anyway. Eddy was pretty sure Ed thought that '7' was the talk button.

Eddy's next stop was Moe's Tavern. Eddy remained calm and didn't attract attention to himself. No doubt there would be a plethora of half-drunken offers to help Eddy search for Ed if he let them know what was up, so Samurai Jack would be the only one he would talk to.

"JACK!" Eddy continued his all-capitals yelling. Jack didn't look up from what he was doing. He was wiping off a wine glass and doing other things that included bartender-type milling around. "Have you seen Ed?"

"I have seen neither of your friends today."

'KAY THANKS BYE!" Eddy ran out. He also ran into another group of cancelled cartoons… the Teen Titans. "HEY! Guys!"

"Hi, Eddy," Robin, their leader, answered without enthusiasm… or feeling. They and the Eds were acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less.

"Have you seen Ed? I can't find him!"

"No," But Robin pounded one of his hands halfheartedly. "We're, like, superheroes though… maybe we can… find him." He spoke slowly, and his pattern was off, as if he was forgetting what he was saying every few words or so. Meanwhile, Beast Boy (the green one) waved his hand in front of face, obviously fascinated with it. Starfire, the pretty and sweet girl who was an alien in the show, was wandering around in circles, humming a happy tune and quite possibly did not notice Eddy's presence. Raven, the gothic girl, stood apart from the group with her hood up over her face. So, Raven wasn't acting differently at all. The one who was known as Cyborg in the show was no longer part robot. He was all human (albeit, pretty big) without a bit of metal on him. And he was just fascinated with whatever Beast Boy was doing. It was as if Robin and his whole group were under the influence of more than one kind of drug! And Eddy, along with basically the entire city knew this was true… thanks to The Weekly Espionage's most successful reporter, Dib (formerly from Invader Zim).

"Uhhh…" Now Eddy was unsure. "You know what? Never mind."

"No, no… we couldn't let a citizen wander aimlessly…" Robin started up again.

"Cut the crap, Robin! You're not a superhero, none of you are!"

Robin stared back at Eddy. He continued this for a few more seconds. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Whaaat? How much of the… no, don't answer. ROBIN, don't you remember how your show was one of the few shows in this city that is done entirely with sets and props and special effects? You're not a superhero, dude. Starfire's not really an alien, you've just been shoving anti-depressants down her throat so much she still thinks she's one. Beast Boy's not green, he's just wasting his money on all that green makeup now. Cyborg's not a cyborg, so I don't know why we're calling him Cyborg. And Raven's just creepy, she has no powers." Now that his rant was over and Eddy had taken out a fraction of his pent-up energy on the picture of what he never wanted to be, he started down the street again, keeping a fast pace. "HEEEEEEEY, EEEEEEED! I SAY POTATO, YOU SAY…" No answer worried Eddy even more. It wasn't that Ed could get hurt, but he knew once Ed finally realized how screwed over he was, he would probably lose it.

Eddy was lucky enough to have his yelling catch the attention of another group he knew slightly well. This time, they were from "Avatar: The Last Airbender"; Aang and Katara. They were nice, despite being famous and far from cancelled. Their problem was that overwork and a small possible cancellation scare at some point had turned them paranoid and obsessed with their jobs. "HEY! Aang! Katara! Have you seen Ed galumphing down here? He went somewhere in the city and I can't find him!"

Aang was dressed in jeans (not just any jeans, the two-hundred-fifty dollar designer kind) and a t-shirt and his usual perfectly bald head (but he's still a kid). He was tack-tack-tacking away at his precious PalmPilot, but looked up to make eye contact with Eddy (still thumbing away at the keys). "No, sorry, Eddy. I'll keep an eye out. I heard something, though…"

"YOU DID? WHAT'D YOU HEAR?!" Eddy didn't mean to raise his voice, but he never did care about that kind of thing at any given time. Why should he care when he's in a panic? That's right. He shouldn't. He's glad you agree.

Katara spoke quickly and was already walking away a bit. "We heard someone who sounded like Ed yelling some sort of victory cry a couple streets thataway!" She pointed to the left, ignoring the bell sleeve rolling down on her fashionable, yes-it's-in-we-double-checked-and-humans-wear-it-too silk top. "AANG! We're going to be late and then you know our agent will have a pulmonary!"

Aang hurried off, not ungluing his eyes from his small device. Eddy made a mad dash down two more alleyways and looked around. He took out his cell phone, which he only realized now he stupidly put on vibrate. He had four new text messages. Now that he had a vague idea of where Ed went, even if it was only a maybe from one person, it was enough to permit Eddy to stop and read his messages. Something may lead to Ed. Eddy recognized the first, however, from their overreacting agent, Matsui, who originally was from Japan. It was in all-caps and reminded Eddy of the message he got when they got cancelled, only this new one was about half the size of that one.

From Matsui:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD? SHOPLIFTING??? CALL ME ASAP! WE HAVE TO FIX THIS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO REACH THE CARTOON MEDIA CORP??!! WE HAVE TO KISS SOME SERIOUS ASS HERE TO FIX THIS!!! CALL ME ASAP!

Eddy figured he wouldn't trouble Matsui by actually calling him ASAP. But how the heck did he find out about the shoplifting already?! Next message!

From Double D:

Hey, I'm going to lunch with Jenny and I'll have my cell phone turned off. I just wanted to let you and Ed know. Make sure Ed doesn't get separated! Wish me luck!

Thanks. So much. Next.

From Yellowfur at the Cartoon Media Corporation

I may take you up on that interview after all. My useless, incompetent, assistant will meet with you at your apartment at five P.M. tomorrow night. You cant' miss him; he's made of cloth. I predict by five you'll be done with any parole junk.

Oh. Shit. That's how he knows.

From Unknown Caller:

Thanks for the save!

What does that…?! Never mind. No time!

Eddy started out on his journey again. Or, he was going to, before he got a text message… from Ed. I didn't know he even knew how to work text messages! So he can't dial but he can type with his thumbs?!

Eddy scrolled down frantically and read the message.

New Message

From Ed:

Happy smells like Double D's toothpaste! I'm so near it!