A/N: I really wish I'd finished this story before breaking dawn came out. I've read it and it's pulled the rug from under my feet. I always like to stick to canon and now my story is outside canon sigh I have to be such a perfectionist about this stuff. Anyways, I'm gonna finish this story in the way I originally planned it. I won't put major BD spoilers in this story. Hey, anyone catch the 'summer and winter' line in the honeymoon scene from BD? Eerily similar to my line in chapter 4. ZOMG I'm psychic! Or Meyer is predictable in her writing! j/k j/k. I also wrote a Juno parody with Bella as Juno ages ago but never finished it cos I started this one. Spooky! I might start that one next but for now, on with the show.

REVIEWS make me happy.


7.50am

The smell of blood made me nauseous. My nose seemed to be extra sensitive in picking up that odious scent of rust and salt whenever I was near it. It would make my stomach churn and I would be running for the nearest bathroom to throw up if I couldn't get away quick enough to avoid the smell.

If you had told me before I met Edward that I would be spending eternity drinking blood I would have laughed in your face and seriously questioned the state of your mental health. And then we wouldn't be friends anymore. And yet here I was, bloody animal corpse in my hand, glugging down on the fresh blood spilling out of its throat as if my life depended on it. And I liked it.

My mouth had started to water before I had even killed my prey. Edward had hunted first to show me how while I crouched amongst the forest brushes. He showed me how to kill; he didn't want any animals to suffer unnecessarily until I learnt how to kill my prey swiftly and without causing distress to the animal.

After I quenched my thirst, I wiped my mouth roughly with the back of my hand and stared at the deer's blank milky eyes. For the first time I understood the sacrifice I had made in trading in my mortal life for that of a vampire. I stroked the light brown fur on it neck, still cradling its head with one hand, lost in my own thoughts.

"How are you feeling now, Bella? We can still hunt if you need more," Edward said sympathetically.

"Are you kidding? This is my fourth one. Anymore and I'll be fit to burst," I smiled weakly.

"Be honest though, Bella. This creeps you out. You don't have to say so, I can tell," he said bowing his head down as if he was ashamed.

I rested the deer's head gently on the ground and rushed to Edward's side. I cradled his face in my hands forcing him to look at me.

"My silly, beautiful, oversensitive vampire. Of course not! I'm just glad I'm not tearing the throat out of some wandering tourist. I was just thinking about the level of control I would need to exert to stop myself from doing that. Do you think I could stop myself in time?"

"You wouldn't get that out of control. I wouldn't let you. I know how much it would upset you if you did that. And there's not much nutrition in wandering tourists anyway," he said, smiling. "Well, not in the ones who don't get much exercise in their daily life,"

"I'll remember that the next time I get the munchies: 'Don't snack on the passing tourists'. I don't want to pack on the weight," I said, making a big show of pinching at the skin on my lean stomach.

Edward's eyes lingered on my abdomen for a moment before his eyes snapped up to my face. Always the polite gentleman.

"How's about we go home? I have a feeling we might be receiving some guests," he said.

"Your family are coming over? When?" I said, panic threaded into my voice.

"You mean, when are our family coming over?" he said, pointedly.

"Yes, yes, but I don't know if I'm ready. I just feel like I'll walk into the room and they'll all burst out laughing at me," I said picturing the scenario unfold in my mind.

"Bella, they loved you as a human and they'll love you as you are now. Plus Emmett will be dying to arm wrestle you and you can't possibly let him down," he said with a hint of humour in his voice.

"Aah, yes Emmett. Suddenly things are looking up," I said, relishing the opportunity to take Emmett down a peg or two for all his teasing.

"Let's go home, champ," he said, pulling me up and walking us out of the forest while I was still dazed with my imaginary future victory over Emmett.

12.50pm

In an effort to tidy up the house, I had managed to smash the legs off the coffee table, dent the doorframe leading into the kitchen, shred the bed linen in the guest bedroom when I was trying to make the bed and snapped the handrail from the staircase banister. At least I had an idea of the quiet strength pulsating through my muscles but I didn't really want the house to look like a tornado had hit it. I had mistakenly believed that my clumsiness had vanished for good but obviously not. I sat glumly in the living room trying not to break anything while Edward fixed the handrail.

The doorbell rang and I rushed to the door. I still couldn't get over the feeling of the floor flying underneath my feet. I opened the door and was greeted by a sea of expectant faces all smiling at me. Jasper seemed to be concealing something large behind his back. He caught me staring and smiled sheepishly. I stepped back to let them all through.

"You look amazing, my dear, it's so good to finally see you," said Carlisle sounding rather relieved.

"It's lovely to see you," said Esme, kissing me on cheek.

"Hey Bells, we bought a present," said Alice chirpily.

Jasper held out an expensive looking coffee table. I had to stifle my laugh as I received my gift. My psychic sister-in-law had evidently been aware of my destructive behaviour and was already taking matters in hand to help me rebuild my home. I wasn't ungrateful but I was slightly annoyed that my clumsiness was being broadcast loud and clear on 'Alice airwaves'. We walked through to the lounge where everyone sat down. The attention turned to Edward and another chorus of greetings began as he came in to join us.

I didn't notice that Alice had a medium sized box in her hand with a label 'handle with care' written vertically along one edge in bright red. She pulled me aside and whispered into my ear.

"Here's a gift from me, please be careful with it, Bella, it's a 1930s Tiffany piece."

"If it's so fragile, Alice, then why are you giving it to me?" I questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"Because…it's a nice addition to your house, and you know how I like to give you nice things," she said, innocently fluttering her long eyelashes at me in a way I found suspicious.

"If you say so," I muttered. I took the box as gently as I could and flew upstairs to leave it unopened in the guest room.

When I returned to the lounge, I found everyone chatting with each other happily. Hearing the noisy chatter made our home seem more cosy and warm. I just wanted to watch rather than join in. I leaned against the door, holding my arms. That was when Emmett spied me and nudged Edward. He had the expression of a naughty schoolboy which made me dread whatever was coming next. I went to Edward's side and sat next to him on our spacious sofa.

"You're a newly turned vamp and you're already breaking the furniture, nice one, sis," he smirked at me. Why was breaking furniture a good thing? Unless he thought…oh no.

"Way to go, bro!" he said to Edward holding out his fist expecting Edward to return a brotherly touch with his fist. I glared at Emmett and Edward in turn. Edward was about to reach out his fist but then saw my expression and meekly dropped his hand into his lap. Damn right.

"I owe you an arm wrestling contest, don't I?" I challenged.

"Name the time and place, sweets, I'm ready," he said grinning widely, flashing his pearly white teeth. His smile was like a red rag to a bull.

"Outside, right now," I said through gritted teeth.

In a flurry, everyone was outside ready to watch the action. Emmett pulled up a large rock slab that had been part of our rock garden. Esme sighed as she surveyed the strewn flowers lying on the stone pebbles. She had designed and planted all the flowers herself. The upturned soil released an earthy aroma and I wrinkled my nose as I smelt the muddy clay underneath the top soil.

I had to crouch down to lean onto the slab. Emmett flexed the muscles in his bicep in a poor effort to intimidate me. I deliberately yawned, covering my mouth with one hand, rolling my eyes as I did so.

"Try not to swoon at the gun show, Bells,"

"If by 'swooning' you mean 'laughing my ass off', I'll try my best not to,"

"Ooh, fighting talk. So, if I win, what do I get?" he asked cockily.

"You get to keep all your body parts intact," I replied.

"Whoa! Such a feisty vamp, I wonder if your feisty attitude translates to the bedroom department, eh, Edward?" he said, waggling his eyebrows at Edward and smirking.

Ugh! That was one innuendo too far, especially with my in-laws within earshot; enough was enough. In less than one second I had Emmett in a headlock, which he was desperately trying to wriggle out of. Watching him struggle made me laugh and tighten my grip at the same time. Jasper rushed to my side with a slightly fearful look on his face as if he was approaching a mad woman. He wasn't wrong to take such an approach. I wasn't just mad, I was absolutely livid. If Emmett was going to keep taking cheap shots at me he was going to face the consequences too.

"Apologize right now, Emmett,"

"Err…I would…but need…windpipe…to speak…" he gasped.

I loosened my grip accordingly.

"I'm sorry, Bella,"

"For what?"

"For sounding like a jerk,"

"Anything else?"

"I love you, sis?"

"Oh, shut up," I flustered as I released him from my grip while he grinned mischievously at me.

He had obviously said that for shock value and now Rosalie was glaring at me from the other side of the garden. Great. Like she didn't have reason enough to hate me. Everyone else was giggling under their breath. The sheer oddness of Emmett's remark helped to diffuse the anger and tension in my body.

"When Edward bit her did she turn into a vampire or the Incredible Hulk?" Jasper muttered quietly under his breath to Alice.

She snorted with laughter, and then looked guiltily at me. My anger still hadn't completely dissolved yet. When she spoke she was still looking in my direction as if she knew I was listening.

"The fact that she didn't snap Emmett's head off is to her credit. I can't help admiring this feisty version of Bella,"

"And I can't help admiring you," whispered Jasper into Alice's ear as he wrapped his arms around her.

Okay, I admit that was sweet. They are so cute together. Edward came up behind me and threw his arms around me. He must have noticed me watching Alice and Jasper and didn't want to be outdone in the romance stakes. As if that was even possible. He was Edward Cullen, after all. Why didn't he understand that? I shook my head in disbelief and another thought entered in my mind.

"Did I just lose it then? I mean, it's not like Emmett didn't deserve it but I don't want to be a force of destruction. I've already abused our house furniture; I don't want to hurt people too,"

Edward smoothed his hands down my shoulders to my wrists, trying to ebb my confusion away.

"Bella, that was not losing it. Believe me, I've been there and that was nothing like it," he said darkly, as if remembering some disturbing past memory.

"I'm not the Incredible Hulk then?"

"No. More like my personal Wonder Woman,"

"Okay, so what does that make you?"

"The luckiest guy on the planet,"

"No, silly! You've got to choose a superhero –"

"Batman."

"Wow, you didn't even hesitate. What made you choose Batman?"

"He's flawed and brooding and he's the Goddamn Batman. There's no alternative." He said confidently.

"Okay, Bruce, let's go back to the batcave. I wanna check out your utility belt,"

"Kinky. I'll tell Alfred to clear my schedule for this evening." he smirked.

I hugged my very own version of a superhero closer to me. My superhero, my Edward, my happily ever after.


next chapter: Edward and Bella get their freak on.