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This chapter was rather hard to get out, but soon we'll be getting into the good stuff.
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Chapter 7: Lost and Returned
When the sun peeked through the blinds Nanoha practically growled in disturbance. Out of all the places the light could go, it had to be directly in her face. With a scowl she rolled off of her pillow and readjusted herself. Somewhere in her half- asleep mind she registered that the pillow was much warmer than it should have been. In comparison to the comfortable heat she had grown accustomed to, the morning air was freezing and a sudden shiver rolled down her spine. Nanoha shifted until her back was against the suddenly relocated pillow. Violet eyes opened suddenly awake and an auburn head turned, surprised to find that Fate was in her bed.
The blonde looked the exact same as she had the previous night. A sudden thought raced through the brunette's now fully alert mind. Fate hadn't woken her up last night, the girl laying peacefully beside her looked as though nothing troubled her. Why isn't she upset? It was a strange thing indeed. When one loses their parent, shouldn't they be an uncontrollable mess? The sleeping figure was anything but that. It was as though she didn't have a care in the world. Red eyes slowly blinked open, the fog clearing from them.
"Good morning Fate-chan." Nanoha's peppy voice seemed unnaturally confused and toned down. The blonde knew her friend had something on her mind, it wasn't often that she didn't. With a small smile, Fate returned the sentiments.
"Good morning Nanoha. Is there something wrong?" Sleep still traced the girl's voice, making it sound the same as it had the previous night, which caused Nanoha to smile slightly. Fate wouldn't admit it but when she woke up she was feeling a little odd. Her head was in an almost trance like state, her brain feeling numb.
"N-no, I'm okay." The brunette shook her head, not wanting to upset the seemingly alright girl. Fate shrugged off her questions, it didn't seem like Nanoha was too apt to share whatever had been plaguing her mind.
"If you say so." Burgundy eyes shifted to look at the clock, rolling when she saw how early it was. "Too early for a Sunday." The runner mumbled, fatigue seeping back into her body. She burrowed her head into the soft pillow beneath her. Nanoha giggled lightly at her friend's antics, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up to her warm pillow again. A knock on her bedroom door ended that dream. Her mother turned the nob, quickly making her way into her daughter's dimly lit room. Lilac eyes could see a shaded figure behind her mother but couldn't tell who it was. A man in a uniform came forward, not even bothering to introduce himself to the brunette. His clear brown eyes locked with the blonde that was now sitting up.
"Miss Testarossa? I'm Officer Sate. Would you please get up and accompany me to the station?" The Takamachi women turned their eyes to the injured runner. An awkward silence encompassed the room before the soft voice answered.
"Okay." With that, the policeman walked out of the room so the girl could get dressed. Nanoha faced her friend, a look of panic crossing her features. Had something happened?
"Fate-chan, what do you think they want to talk to you about?" Dubious ruby eyes leveled Nanoha with a questioning look.
"I'd imagine it has to do with my mother." The brunette couldn't help but feel a twinge of concern flare through her at the blonde's indifferent voice. Nanoha searched her friend's eyes, not able to discern any emotions. Fate herself seemed kind of lost by her lack of feeling. And with that the two went about their daily routines. Nanoha found clothes that could fit the blonde and soon they both emerged from her room. As Fate walked away the brunette couldn't help but feel a twang of profound loneliness. Every step was as though she was being left behind, like the blonde was running away.
"Please look out for yourself Fate-chan." Nanoha mumbled, her words being carried away by the wind. She watched sadly as the car left, taking her only friend away. After Fate's departure, the day carried on as usual. The brunette couldn't help the shadow slowly weighing down on her mood. Her mother had tried to comfort her, but it didn't help. Even Shiro had attempted to raise his daughter's spirits but nothing worked. Nanoha couldn't believe how emotionless Fate had been before she left. How utterly broken the girl appeared. What would happen to her now? The day dragged on endlessly until Monday rolled around. Nanoha couldn't help but notice that her best friend was not attending, she would do anything to see the blonde sitting behind her. The days turned into a week.
By the time Monday came back around, not a word had come from Fate. That fact alone was grating on Nanoha's mind. What if Lindy lived in some far off place? What if she would never see Fate again? The brunette slumped in her desk, she had gotten there early trying to avoid angering Alisa further. The past few days had been horrible for Nanoha, she went to school, ate and did homework but that was all. She had denied any plans just in case Fate would need her. After a week her hope was beginning to wane. Alisa's chair scraped against the floor and the brunette shrunk down a little more, fearful of the short blonde's rage.
"Uhm Nanoha?" The brown haired girl about fell out of her seat because of how fast she turned to face the runner. She had been missing the girl for the past seven days. Without a second thought, Nanoha sprung out of her seat, throwing herself onto the desk behind her in order to wrap her arms around the blonde.
"Fate-chan! I missed you." A slight tremor in the usual peppy girl's voice didn't go unnoticed by Fate. It was quite obvious that Nanoha had felt lonely. She had promised that the brunette would never feel that way again and she had failed. With a sigh, her arms went around the small form's waist. They both knew they were getting odd looks, but neither of them cared. Nanoha had been so afraid that she would never see her Fate-chan again and Fate was worried she had hurt her only friend.
"Mou, get a room you two." The saucy voice of Alisa broke through their moment, causing the brunette to slide off the desk awkwardly. Both teenagers had red cheeks as the angry gaze swept over to the brunette. "Oh so now you're okay?" Green eyes glared daggers towards the other blonde before snapping back to the innocent violet pools.
"I am a little better… Yes." The shy answer only seemed to enrage Alisa further and she looked poised to strike. A calming hand was placed on the short blonde's shoulder. The purple haired owner of it smiled down at the duo.
"We're glad you are feeling better, Nanoha-chan." Suzuka was not one to keep a grudge, unlike the seething blonde next to her. The four talked amongst themselves until the beginning of class; however, violet eyes were locked on the side of Fate's head the entire time. There were so many questions to ask, things she wanted to know. But the two currently next to them held her curiosity back. They discussed different subjects and all the homework Fate would have. The runner couldn't help but notice the piercing stare coming from the girl to her left.
The blonde looked healthier today, Nanoha noted. The bruises on her arms were fading, and the cuts she could see seemed to be healing as well. She also couldn't help but notice that Fate didn't have her crutches, which meant her leg was healing. But the burgundy eyes still seemed so lost. It was as though the girl didn't even have her own emotions.
Alisa cleared her throat when she noticed Nanoha staring. What is it with you? The brunette giggled, her cheeks flushing at being caught. It wasn't like her to be so unfocused but she couldn't help it, there was something wrong with her new best friend. Sometimes it was as though the blonde didn't even have any feelings at all. A sly smirk crossed Alisa's features, the expression making Nanoha swallow hard.
"So, did Nanoha-chan tell you how lost she was without you? I had no idea you two were so close." The brunette could feel her face burning in shame. Note to self: payback on Alisa-chan. Violet eyes narrowed at her longtime friend.
"Well we have gotten closer recently, but no… I didn't know she was lost without me." The sprinter admitted, her conscious chastising her. She should have talked to Nanoha last week, but it was so hectic she had forgotten. That thought made her chest constrict. You forgot her, like those people she told you about. Fate sighed, looking down at her shoes. The brunette and purple haired girl picked up the change in demeanor. Alisa either didn't, or she chose to ignore it.
"Well she did. You should have seen her, always sulking and acting like a lost puppy." The red orbs narrowed at that statement. She had nobody to blame but herself. She was the brunette's friend and yet she had disregarded her.
"That's not true!" Nanoha spoke out, indignant. She couldn't stand watching the sprinter beat herself up any more. Fate had just lost her mother, she didn't need more things to occupy her mind. Not to mention she still couldn't run, that didn't help her situation.
"Mou Nanoha, you were practically in a coma." Alisa retorted, not understanding why the brunette would even try to deny it. It was the truth, Nanoha hadn't seemed like herself, she hadn't all last week.
"No, I was fine. I just had things on my mind." A challenging eyebrow rose and the short haired blonde went to speak when the teacher strolled into class and demanded everyone's attention. The look she gave Nanoha made the brunette happy the teacher had come in. She could only imagine what Alisa would have to say. The instructor started writing notes on the board, English notes. Nanoha had no idea where her notebook had gone, she had been missing it since last week. Maybe it was under her bed? A gentle poke on her shoulder shook her out of her daze. The red notebook was in her sight, being held by none other than Fate. The brunette had totally forgotten she had given it to her. With a small nod she took the offered object, quickly flipping to her previous notes. She was surprised to see a different style of handwriting taking up the rest of the page.
Dear Nanoha,
This is the first note I have ever written, sad huh? Well I just wanted to thank you for giving me your notes and apologize for not being in school today. Lindy had to call me in so we could work out things. I guess she's going to adopt me. It's weird thinking that I need to be adopted. I don't think it's fully hit me, the fact that my mother is gone I mean. Don't worry about me, when it becomes too much I'll call your name. I read somewhere that that's what friends do. So if you ever need me, you just say my name and I'll be there, okay? Thanks again, I hope this wasn't too inconvenient for you.
Fate
Nanoha looked up at the board, not surprised that the class seemed to be talking about something completely different. Fate was always so worried about being a burden when she was anything but that. Without thinking, Nanoha began to write her reply.
Fate-chan,
I'm glad I am the first person you ever wrote a note to. Don't worry about your absence, I was okay without my notebook. Heh, I thought I lost it actually. I'll be here whenever you need me, I pinky promise. You're never an inconvenience Fate-chan, you're my best friend.
Nanoha
When Nanoha decided the note was perfect she ripped it out of her notebook, waiting for the right moment to pass it back. While waiting she decided to doodle her and Fate as superheroes. Though, when it was finished Fate seemed more like a villain with a dark outfit, axe and a cape. It kind of looked like her track outfit, only it was all one piece with a few straps and a belt. Without a second thought Nanoha tossed back the note, hoping it didn't hit the blonde in the face. She heard the blonde chuckle under her breath, covering it up as a cough. It must have been the outfits. Class passed by rather quickly and before Alisa could further cause Fate trouble, Nanoha pulled the blonde out to the track. She figured it would be the best place to have this discussion. Fate always seemed more at home near the field. The duo silently went about eating, a calming breeze blowing past them. Nanoha glanced over at the blonde, not surprised to see her looking out longingly at the track. Despite the troubled look she wore, Fate looked as radiant as always. Heat spread across the brunette's face at that thought.
"It's a nice day today." A calm voice spoke, it's owner never looking away from the track. Nanoha's gaze followed the blonde's. This wasn't the kind of talk she had wanted to have. Then again was bringing up a parent's death a good conversation to have at school? Besides, Fate seemed to be fine with avoiding that topic.
"Mn." The brunette nodded happily. If the blonde wasn't ready for this conversation then Nanoha wouldn't push her. Red eyes shifted the violet eyes of her companion, a knowing smile gracing her lips.
"Lindy got my stuff moved into her house. She told me that chances are, I can't go back to my old home." The heartbreaking words were spoken with such ease that Nanoha frowned. "She even went to my mother's study to grab a photo album I asked for. Would you like to look at it with me after school?" The odd question was immediately answered with enthusiasm.
"Of course, I want to know more about what kind of kid you were Fate-chan" The brunette jumped at the chance to spend more time with Fate. Nanoha couldn't help but notice the way her heart raced when Fate would want to spend time with her.
"Hah. I'm afraid my life wasn't as spectacular as you're hoping it is." The brunette just smiled in response. A smile that made the runners heart do a flip. That's how best friends feel, right? She always got that feeling around Nanoha so therefore it had to be friendship.
"We'll see. Come on Fate-chan, lunch is almost over." The duo walked back towards the building, both their thoughts on their plans after school. Fate couldn't help but wonder if she should have asked Lindy first. Well it was too late now. Besides, the woman worked for most of the day, chances are she wouldn't even see Nanoha.
The brunette was excited to see where Fate lived and even looked forward to getting to know Lindy. It was obvious that the officer was nice. Not many others would adopt a teenager after seeing her lying on a bed.
The blonde was slightly nervous, she had never had anyone over at her house. What if Nanoha didn't have fun? What if she never wanted to come back? Fate couldn't help imagining different scenarios, each one as unlikely as the next. Having friends seemed like such a daunting task. Any number of things could happen, there were too many variables. Fate shrugged mentally, Nanoha seemed to like her. Surely that wouldn't change after one day at the blonde's new house.
The rest of the day passed in a boring blur. Finally the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. The two met at Nanoha's desk, each one smiling brightly. Alisa growled at them as she was pulled out of the room by Suzuka. The short blonde couldn't describe it, it felt like she was losing one of her closest friends. She saw how Nanoha would look at the runner and it almost hurt her.
"Mou Suzuka, why are you so calm about those two?" She crossed her arms over her chest in a manner that plainly spelled frustration. The purplette simply laughed at her friend's expense.
"Can't you tell? Nanoha-chan really likes Fate-san. I don't want to get in the way. Well, I don't want you to get in the way." The ever gentle voice spoke, her words only succeeding in agitating the girl further. Alisa shook off her rebuttal and settled for brooding in silence.
Nanoha and Fate's walk home was relatively uneventful. The two discussed minor things, neither one wanting to dampen the mood with anything too serious. When they entered Fate's house, the blonde wasn't surprised to find it empty. They made their way through the three bedroom house, violet eyes darting around to take in all the decor.
"Is that your room?" A slim finger pointed towards the dark blue room in question. Ruby eyes followed the gesture, her eyes meeting with her adopted brother's room.
"No, that's Chrono-kun's." She continued walking towards her bedroom. The room was rather plain, white walls and a yellow floor. "This is mine. Lindy-san had an extra room and she brought my things from my old house. To be honest I don't know if she was allowed to do that, but she did." The blonde shook her head at her adoptive mother's antics. Lindy had been trying to make her comfortable in any way possible. A soft smile stretched across Fate's face as she made her way to the desk.
Nanoha watched her friend dig around the desk, not surprised to find her furniture was black. With a sigh the brunette fell onto the soft bed, a lemon scent erupting from the sheets. She was beginning to love that smell. The blonde dug around for a few minutes before coming back up with an old book in her hands. She made her way towards the bed, her hands running over the leathery material. Now that she was sitting next to the brunette she felt a growing sense of apprehension in her stomach. Looking at mementos from the past might not be the best way to spend her evening. But she had promised and she would never go back on a promise. A hesitant hand flipped the album open, the first picture depicting two five year olds with Precia. Nanoha grinned and studied the photo curiously. With utmost assurance she pointed towards the taller blonde.
"That's you, isn't it?" Violet eyes looked into her friend's, hoping she had picked the right one.
"Yeah, my eyes gave it away huh?" Auburn hair rustled as the girl nodded.
"You have such pretty eyes Fate-chan." Violet met ruby as if to prove her point. A blush littered the blonde's face and she quickly flipped the page, averting Nanoha's attention. The next picture showed two happy little blondes, one attempting to climb the others shoulders. Fate chuckled slightly at the picture. Her sister had always tried stunts like that since she loved being tall. The next was one of a nine year old Alicia and some boy. The photo seemed to amuse Fate greatly.
"That was Hitachi-kun. They "dated" for a while until he kissed my sister. Alicia was so upset, she ended up crying. I slapped him for upsetting her. Mother was so proud of me." A shadow seemed to descend over Fate's burgundy eyes. It wasn't often that Precia was impressed by her youngest. In fact that had been the only time. Noticing the shift, Nanoha wracked her mind to come up with a change in subject.
"I've never kissed anyone." A bright red blush crept on the brunette's cheeks, an awkward laugh accompanying it. She hadn't meant to say something like that. Fate chuckled slightly at her friend's reaction.
"Me either. I was kind of jealous of her." Violet eyes met red and for a few moments neither spoke. A quiet descended over them. Nanoha was wondering what a kiss felt like while Fate was wondering if it was weird to want to lock lips with her best friend. The tension rose until Nanoha turned the page in an attempt to quiet her thoughts. They had already caused her to redden thoroughly. She was surprised when she realized the page only contained multiple pictures of Precia and Fate. In the first one they were sitting happily on a square blanket, obviously having a picnic.
"This is you, right Fate-chan?" Red irises faltered slightly at the picture. Those days seemed so long ago. It had to be before Alicia had died since her mother was actually smiling.
"Yes. It was the week of my seventh birthday."
Flashback (Fate POV)
.
The green grass tickled my bare feet as I readjusted myself. We were on a picnic, just her and I. It was the first time we had ever done something without Alicia.
"What do you want for your birthday?" Her kind eyes looked down at me and I smiled. My birthday was the greatest day ever. I was excited about turning seven. "I'll give you anything you want." She sweetened the deal even though it was unneeded.
"I want you to be happy mom!" She seemed surprised at my answer, her usual grin spread across her lips as I flopped onto her lap. Mother chuckled, wrapping her arms around my small shoulders.
"You are such an oddball Fate." I giggled happily, stretching my legs out. "I love that about you." The sun shined brighter than I have ever seen it, the small breeze keeping it from getting too hot. Sitting here like this was relaxing, it was perfect. She brought out her camera quickly snapping a picture of the two of us.
This next picture was taken the week of my tenth birthday.
"Hey mom! Are you going to take me on a picnic this year?" I was genuinely curious. It was our birthday tradition. Mother would always take me to the park and we'd talk about what I wanted. The woman in front of me was a mess, no doubt focusing on my sister's death. It had been around four months since the accident and it was no secret that I was coping much better than my mother was. Yes I missed Alicia and I still mourned her, but I couldn't show my mom that. I had to be strong for her. She had changed recently, every once in a while calling me Alicia. I didn't tell her how much it hurt when she would look at me as though I was not what she expected. The purple hair was messed up but she managed to nod through her cries. I gathered our things and practically dragged my mother out of her room. We found our usual spot in the park and put the blanket down. We sat and shivered in the cold November air.
"So, what do you want this year?" Her voice seemed to be losing the spark I remembered. She seemed so sad. Had I made her that way? I slowly took off my shoes, crossing my legs. I looked down at the yellow shirt she had given me last year. It had half of a white heart on the right side, the other half was on Alicia's baby blue shirt. Mother told us she got them because one was not complete without the other. Did that mean my heart would never be whole again? I didn't want to live my life feeling broken.
"I want you to smile. To be happy." My usual answer came out as I crawled over to her. "I love you mom, I don't like seeing you so upset." Her purple eyes softened as she stared up at the sky.
"I love you too Alicia." Her eyes met mine and she quickly moved to fix her mistake. "Fate, I'm sorry. It's just hard to let go." I nodded sadly, cuddling up to my mother's warm side.
"I miss her too mom, but you still have me." I tried to smile reassuringly up at her, she returned the gesture. I didn't realize how fake her smile was.
"Maybe we should move, start over?" I nodded, maybe then mother would be back to normal. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I hugged her tighter. She quickly went about the tradition of taking our picture. She was hugging me to her and we both shrugged off our sadness to make the picture great. I didn't realize it would be the last time my mother would show me any kind of affection.
End Flashback
"Why isn't there one for your eleventh birthday?" Fate frowned slightly, a look of immense sadness coursing through her. Nanoha immediately regretted the question and went to take it back when the somber voice of Fate broke though the silence barrier.
"We moved after that and our yearly picnic became a thing of the past. Over the course of a year, I had taken to calling her mother instead of mom. She once told me mom reminded her of Alicia. She had changed more, the move affecting her in a negative way. Now she would almost neglect me. I tried many times to communicate with her, but each time my words were met with either silence of bored mumbles." Nanoha couldn't even imagine her own mother ignoring her. Fate continued, ignoring her friend's comforting hand on her arm.
"That day was different, she came to talk to me. She asked me the usual question and I responded the same as always. She said; "You can't make me happy. Only Alicia can." My heart broke at those words. I would try my hardest to be Alicia, to bring my mother happiness. That was the day I started running." The brunette could almost feel her heart shatter at those words. Precia didn't deserve a daughter as wonderful as Fate. Thin fingers skimmed over the photo, resting lightly on her mother's smiling face. A familiar stinging came the Fate's red eyes and she tried hard to keep the tears at bay. The pain in Nanoha's chest intensified as the blonde continued.
"I-I won't ever see her smiling face again."
