A/n- Warning, very angsty towards the end.
Chapter Seven
I stood in front of Chief's desk and waited for her to come in. She gently shut the door and told me to have a seat. She sat down across from me and looked at me for a moment before speaking. "O'Hara, if you are too uncomfortable with this case, just say the word. I completely understand after your… incident with Yin."
"Oh Chief, it's okay," I waved my hand like it was no big deal. "I'm perfectly fine working it."
"Well I'm glad to hear it." She smiled at me and leaned back into her chair. "But I feel that there is something bothering you." My face went blank.
"N-nothing's wrong. I'm just a little… tired," I stumbled. "May I get back to that evidence? I still feel like we're missing something." She nodded. I numbly got up and walked towards the door. What she said next shocked me.
"You found out about Mr. Spencer, didn't you?" I froze before turning around and slowly walking back towards her. I didn't know what to say.
"What do you mean?" She gave me a sad smile and put a finger to her head like Shawn always did. "How did you…how long have you known?"
"Since the very beginning." I sat back down in the chair completely shocked and waited for her to go on. "When I first started at the SBPD, I was Junior Detective." I smiled knowing that I had the exact position that Chief had when she started. "I worked alongside Henry for years. He was the head detective at the time."
"I had no idea that you and Henry were partners," I blurted out. Shawn never told me any of this; but then again, he was good at not telling people things.
"He taught me everything I know," she said with a smile. "Often in our spare time or to break the silence in car rides he would talk about his son, who was about 14 at the time. He would tell me how ever since he was a young boy Henry trained him to be the perfect cop. He'd brag about his son's eidetic memory and how he taught him how to be observant. I don't want to tell you the whole story because Shawn deserves to tell you when you're both ready for that talk. Long story short, I knew the by the second or third time we hired him that he was a fraud; but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to point it out because Henry was right. He had the potential to be the perfect cop. He was solving cases that we couldn't even crack. Even though Mr. Spencer probably doesn't even have a PI license, he is one hell of a detective. I'd go so far as to say that he is the best detective this department has seen."
All I could do was smile through tears. I looked down at my hands as I absentmindedly picked at my nail polish from the wedding. Maybe Shawn did have good intentions. Maybe he was just so caught up in his lie he couldn't find a way out. It doesn't matter though, I thought. I can't trust him anymore anyways. A single lie can make someone second guess every truth that they were ever told. And sadly, I knew that Shawn didn't only lie to me once.
"Juliet." I looked back at Chief. That was one of the few times that she had ever called me by my first name. "I know that what he did was wrong and he hurt you. And I know that you're going to have a hard time trusting him again. But Mr. Spencer is a good man. You both deserve each other, and you both deserve to be happy. You need your time, that's understandable; but do take in consideration how much he loves you." I smiled and nodded.
"Thank you, Chief. I needed that," I said as I stood up. Then the unimaginable happened. Chief Vick walked around her desk and pulled me into a hug. It felt weird that my boss of almost seven years was becoming a friend, but I guess it was inevitable.
"Anytime, O'Hara. Now," she walked back over to her chair and opened the files on our case again. "I want you to go home and get some rest. I'll tell you the same thing I told your partner. I'll call you if there's any changes in the case." I went to leave without putting up a fight. "And O'Hara. We never had this conversation," she said slowly. I told her I understood and left to get my things.
"What was that all about," Carlton asked when I got to our desks. He could have been home by now. He was obviously taking his time gathering his things up so he could be nosy about my conversation with Chief Vick.
"Nothing of importance," I say with a small smile.
"I know you're lying O'Hara," he said as we started to walk through the dead station to the door.
"I'm not," I say with a defensive laugh. "It really wasn't anything of importance to you." When we stopped at our cars he turned to me with a serious face.
"Was it about Spencer?"
"What do you mean," I said with fake innocence.
"Cut the crap, O'Hara. I know something is up with you two!" Damn his detective skills.
"Carlton-"
"Don't Carlton me," he interrupted in a harsh tone. When he spoke again his tone became soft. Gentle but still stern and filled with honesty. "Say the word O'Hara and I will shoot him."
"Carlton," I said in shock. "That's not necessary! It's far from necessary! The complete opposite of necessary." I realised that I was rambling and stopped myself. I looked up at him. "We're just going through a… rough spot. It'll be fine." I don't know who I was trying to convince: him or myself. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to be right. Would it eventually be okay? My stomach dropped when I realised that I didn't know the answer.
"If you're sure." I nodded. I was glad I wouldn't have to have my partner convicted of murder. I had overheard his and Shawn's conversation three years when he threatened to kill him if he ever hurt me, and I was sure that he would take him up on that.
"I am." I said opening my car door.
"Okay, well… uh…call me if you need anything," he said awkwardly before walking over to his car door.
"Okay."
"I mean it."
"I know," I said with a smile. "Thank you." He nodded and got into his car. I waited until his car was out of sight until I pulled my phone out.
I had to call Shawn. We had to work this out. It had only been two days, but this game we were playing was mentally draining. I couldn't keep trying to figure out if he loved me or if I was just another one of his games. After my talk with Vick I was determined to resolve everything that night. No matter what the outcome was.
I quickly tried to dial Shawn's number, but between my shakiness and the tears in my eyes, I couldn't dial it. When I finally got his number right, it went straight to voicemail. This happened another two times. I sighed and started my car. I told myself that he and Gus were probably doing something. I tried to block out the thoughts that said he just didn't want to be bothered with me.
I kept my mind as empty as I felt on the drive home.
I was used to being greeted by Shawn when I got home; no matter what time it was. As I unsuccessfully tried to unlock the door, my mind drifted to a night a few months before.
Carlton and I had a huge break in our case and I was at the station until well after midnight. When I got home I expected Shawn to be sleep, but instead he was waiting for me in a suit with candles on the table. Apparently he had been waiting for hours with a homemade spaghetti dinner to surprise me. Since it was so late and the meal was in the refrigerator, we settled on a candlelight peanut butter and jelly dinner. I felt awful that I ruined his plan, but he said it was still better than he imagined.
The house was silent and felt vacant. Just like the night before, I put myself on autopilot. I went into the kitchen and pulled a box of fruit loops out. I held the box and looked at it for a few moments. I still couldn't find my appetite. I sighed, putting the box back and kicking my heels off. I left them in front of the stove. I'd deal with them later.
When I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I almost screamed. I looked awful. I had bags under my eyes and they were bloodshot. I unpinned my hair my hair and got ready for a shower. Just like every night, I turned the water almost as hot as it could go. I tried to scrub the new horrors of the day away. And just like every day, it didn't work.
When I got back to my room I checked my phone hoping to see a missed call that wasn't there. I wanted to call again him again, but it was almost two in the morning. Before I knew what I was doing, I had dialed the number. While I was busy mentally scolding myself, my message started recording. I didn't realise it was until about five seconds of silence was already recorded. I couldn't just hang up then! He'd be horrified that something was wrong. Maybe.
"Hey, Shawn!" I tried to sound happy and lighthearted, but my effort sounded weak and pathetic. "Uhm…" What was I supposed to say? I still didn't know all the facts and that's something I almost always need before confronting someone about something. Especially something this big. What I said next didn't mean to slip out. "I miss you." I sounded so small as my voice cracked and tears filled my eyes. "I really want to talk about… all of this, but I guess I picked the wrong time." I tried to let out a small laugh, but it wouldn't come out. "Well, you don't have to call me back since it's so late. I guess I'll-I'll see you sometime tomorrow."
I sat my phone on the nightstand and crawled under the blankets. The bed felt like it was going to swallow me whole. I rolled over and looked out the window. I wasn't going to get any sleep.
