Here it is, Edward's home! I hope this chapter was worth the wait. You may need a tissue, so consider yourself warned!
Thanks as always to my awesome super sexy beta Bittenev. You have mad skillz, Bitt, and you are just the sweetest thing! I love ya!
To my BBFF Dolle--thanks for suggesting the song. It's perfect for E & B, and it's perfect for this chapter. I love you more than wine in a box!
A huge thank you to all of my readers! You have no idea what your reviews mean to me. There have been several times when I've considered giving up this story, but your wonderful words have kept me going. Thanks for sticking with me on this ride.
The song for this chapter is "Keeping Me Alive" by The Afters. The link is on my profile.
Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all things Twilight. I own a couple of Twilight posters.
Chapter 7—Keeping Me Alive
EPOV
I stared out the window as Bella drove me home, looking to see if anything had changed in the six weeks I'd been in the hospital. It hadn't. The world kept turning, as it always did. My life was dramatically different now, but so many other things remained the same.
Bella lowered the heater in the car, for which I was grateful. It wasn't too cold today, yet she had dressed me like a snowman. My leather jacket was appropriate for the weather, but I felt the scarf and gloves were overkill. She had even made me wear a beanie. Although, I didn't mind that so much since it covered my scar. I still didn't have complete sensation on my left side, so I guessed Bella was worried that I wouldn't be able to feel the cold.
We finally pulled into our driveway, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was home. I noticed my dad's car in front of the house and hoped he was here alone. I really didn't want an audience. I waited as Bella got my wheelchair out of the trunk and brought it around. She helped me out of the car, into my wheelchair, and then wheeled me to the house.
I immediately noticed the ramp that had been built over the porch steps. "Emmett did it," Bella said, answering my unasked question. "He also made a few changes in the house to make life a little easier for you." I smiled. My goofy brother had a big heart, and I knew he'd do anything for me.
My smile faded as Bella opened the front door and I saw both of my parents and Elizabeth standing there. Great. I just wanted to relax and enjoy my first day at home. I wondered when everyone else was going to show up.
"Welcome home, dear," Esme said as she hugged me. I forced a smile.
My sister was literally bouncing up and down. I was convinced that she had been spending too much time with Alice.
"I'm so happy you're finally home!" she squealed. "This is like the best day ever!"
Thankfully, Carlisle stepped in. "Now, now, let's give Edward some time to get settled. We don't want to overwhelm him."
Bella helped me to take off my snowman garb before wheeling me into the living room. I saw that the furniture had been rearranged slightly, presumably to accommodate my wheelchair. I also noticed a new recliner. "Wh-what's that?" I asked.
"I thought you'd be more comfortable in a recliner than on the couch," Bella replied. "I hope you don't mind."
"It's f-fine. Th-th-thanks." I hated that I still stuttered so much. At least I was talking more. "Wan-na sit."
Carlisle helped me into the chair, and I used my right hand to pull the lever so I could recline. Bella was right; it was comfortable. It was so comfortable that I dozed off. I was pretty tired from the morning's events.
When I woke up a little while later, I heard voices. That could mean only one thing. The rest of my family was here. So much for a relaxing day at home.
Emmett's booming voice broke my sleep-induced stupor. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty's awake!" he called out.
"Sh-shut up, Em," I told him.
Jasper laughed. "He can talk now, Emmett. You can't get away with telling him anything you want."
Bella apparently heard us because she came in the room and kissed me on the cheek. "Are you hungry? We just had pizza delivered." I nodded, so Bella helped me into my wheelchair and brought me into the kitchen. Esme, Elizabeth, Alice, and Rose were in there eating and talking. That bothered me, but only because I was still a little self-conscious about eating in front of other people. I actually found it difficult to eat with just my right hand, and I still had some facial paralysis. Oh well, I was just going to have to suck it up. It wasn't as if I could eat in secret for the rest of my life.
Alice bounded over to hug me. "So, how does it feel to be home?"
"Now Alice, he's only been home a couple of hours," Bella replied as she brought me my plate and a bottle of water. "Do you need anything else?" she asked me.
"I-I'm OK," I said. "Hap-py to b-be home," I added, turning to Alice.
I went to pick up my pizza, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it with just my right hand. I tried to use my left hand as well, but it didn't want to cooperate. I closed my eyes and groaned.
"Edward, do you need help?" Bella asked gently. I nodded in defeat, so Bella cut my pizza into small pieces so I could eat it with a fork. I was completely embarrassed. Bella sensed my feelings because she leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Don't be upset. No one cares about the way you eat. Honestly." She then gave me a quick kiss of reassurance on the cheek before letting me eat. I was amazed. What had I done to deserve such a wonderful woman?
Bella brought me back into the living room after I ate, and I hung out and watched TV with the guys. After a little while, though, I began to feel sleepy. I also had to go to the bathroom.
"Dad," I said. "Ba-bath…" I asked my father because I didn't want to disturb Bella.
"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded, and he wheeled me to the bathroom. I immediately noticed the bars around the toilet. I looked at Carlisle questioningly.
Carlisle smiled. "It was Emmett. He took it upon himself to make the house safe and accessible for you. There's a seat in the tub so you can sit and take a shower, and he also put a bar on the wall in there for support."
I smiled as well. I only wished there was a way I could properly thank my brother for all he'd done.
After taking care of business, I looked at Carlisle and said, "Tired. Lay down." He brought me into the bedroom. I was so tired of being tired. Once I was settled in bed, I asked Carlisle about it.
"Why? Al-ways tired. Why?"
Carlisle sat on the bed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, your body's been through a lot over the last several weeks. It needs time to heal. You had two brain surgeries. Full recovery from those takes a couple of months. Throw in the stroke and rehab, and of course it's going to wear you out. I know it's hard for you, but you're going to have to work with your body's limitations right now. Don't overdo it, and rest when you need to. You're a doctor. You know these things."
I shook my head. "No. Not a d-doctor. Not an-ny-more."
"Let's not worry about that right now," Carlisle replied. "You'd be surprised. You may recover enough to go back to work. Right now I want you to rest. You just got home from the hospital." He got up to leave but stopped. "I love you, son," he said. I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes.
"L-love you t-too, Dad," I said. Carlisle squeezed my hand and then left me to rest.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. Everyone must have gone home, and I wondered how long I had been asleep. I sat up and thought about getting into my wheelchair by myself, but I figured it would be best not to take any chances on my first day home. Bella must have heard me stirring because she came in the room a couple of minutes later.
"Hey, did you have a good nap?" she asked as she sat next to me on the bed.
"Feel b-better," I replied.
"Good. Everyone left so you could have some peace and quiet," she said. "Emmett's going to come back a little later, but otherwise it's just you and me." Bella took my hand in hers and kissed it. "I'm so happy you're home. I hated being apart. I missed you so much."
"M-missed you," I said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. Bella put her arm around me, and I rested my head on her shoulder. We sat like that for a few minutes, and for once it seemed like all was right with the world.
Bella and I spent a relaxing afternoon at home, just like we usually did on a Saturday. It just felt right. Emmett did come back later, and we watched TV for a while.
"It's getting late, Edward," Emmett finally said. "Do you want me to help you take a shower before I go?"
"Em, you don't have to," Bella said. "I can do it."
"No, I want to," Emmett insisted. "You can't do everything, Bells. Let me help."
Bella relented, and Emmett wheeled me into the bathroom. He ran out to get my pajamas from the bedroom but came right back. He started the shower, making sure the water temperature was OK, before helping me undress and get into the shower.
As I sat in the shower, I suddenly remembered something from the night I had the stroke. I remembered getting dizzy and nearly passing out in the shower. I didn't realize just how loudly I had gasped at the memory until Emmett stuck his head around the curtain.
"Ed, are you OK?" he asked, concerned.
"F-fine. Re-rem-rem…aaaugh."
"Did you remember something? Something from that night?" he asked quietly.
I nodded and dropped my head, letting Emmett know I didn't want to talk about it. He took the hint and left me alone.
I took my time in the shower, and I called out to Emmett when I was finally finished. Emmett turned off the water, opened the curtain, and handed me a towel. I dried off as much as I could before letting Emmett take over.
Emmett began laughing as he helped me out of the tub. "This reminds me of when we were kids and Mom used to put us in the bathtub together. Remember?"
I had to laugh as well. Bath time with Emmett was an experience. Heck, everything about growing up with Emmett was an experience. My parents often said that having Emmett first prepared them for anything.
Finally I was dried and dressed and back in my wheelchair. "Bed," I said to Emmett. He brought me to my room and helped me into bed.
"Good night, little brother. I'm glad you're home," he said as he gave me a hug. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid. Get better!"
"I will," I told him. "Th-thanks."
Emmett smiled and nodded. He knew exactly what I meant.
Bella came in a short time later. She changed into her pajamas and got into bed.
"Good night," Bella said. She kissed me on the cheek before rolling over to her side of the bed.
"Oh. N-night," I said, trying to hide my disappointment.
Bella propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me. "What's the matter, Edward?"
"D-don't you w-want…" I struggled to get the words out.
"Want what, Edward?"
"Me. W-want me?" I began to tear up.
"Of course I do," she said in shock. "Why wouldn't I want you?"
"Y-you t-tur-turned away f-fr-from me," I choked out.
The look of shock on Bella's face turned to one of horror. "Oh no, Edward! No, no! That's not what I meant! I was afraid of hurting you. I love you, Edward. I'll always want you. You just got home from the hospital, though. I worry about you. I need you to get well. I need you."
The tears flowed freely for both of us now. "Won't h-hurt me," I told her. "Only h-hurt me if y-you d-don't want me."
"Of course I want you, Edward. Don't be silly. This stroke changes nothing. I still love you more than anything."
"Hold me. P-please," I sobbed.
Bella scooted over next to me and took me in her arms. I rested my head on her chest as she just held me close to her.
"I l-love you," I said.
I could feel Bella's sharp intake of breath. "Oh Edward, that's the first time you've been able to tell me that. I love you too. I'll love you forever."
And with that I fell asleep, perfectly content in the arms of the only woman I had ever loved. I knew we still had some issues we'd have to deal with, but right now I was happy just to be with Bella.
Sunday was spent quietly at home, just Bella and me. I had a feeling that Bella had asked everyone for some privacy. Emmett called to talk to me before I went to bed, but otherwise we were left alone.
I was so comfortable in my own bed Monday morning that I didn't want to get up, but I had to go to therapy.
I wheeled myself into the kitchen while Bella finished getting ready. I saw that she had coffee made and the mugs on the counter, so I decided to help myself instead of waiting for Bella. It was easy for me to grab the coffee pot with my right hand, but getting the mug in my left hand was a little tricky. I managed it, though, and was feeling pretty proud of myself. That feeling of pride didn't last long. My left hand began to shake, and I dropped the mug.
"D-damn it!" I yelled as the mug shattered all over the floor, sending hot coffee everywhere.
Bella came running into the kitchen. "Edward? Are you OK?" she asked. "Oh," she said when she saw the mess I had made. "Are you all right? You didn't burn yourself, did you?"
"C-can't t-t-tell," I replied. "Can't f-feel."
Bella rolled up my left pants leg and gently examined my leg. "It doesn't look like you burned yourself," she said, "but we do need to get you out of these pants. Come on, let's go change."
How could Bella be so calm about this when I was absolutely furious with myself? I was useless. I couldn't do anything. I could feel myself slipping back into that unhappy place, and I really didn't care.
After helping me change, Bella sat on the bed and took both of my hands in hers. "Edward, I know you're not used to having people take care of you, but you have to realize that you can't do everything by yourself. Let me help you. It's OK to admit you need help."
"No," I said angrily. "N-not help-less."
"I never said you were helpless," Bella replied. "You just can't do it all right now. I only want to help you until you can."
"Hate this," I muttered. I knew Bella was right, though. I knew I couldn't do it all. I knew I needed help. I also knew that I didn't want to depend on others. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I felt like I would never be normal again. It sucked.
Thankfully Bella didn't dress me like a snowman again when it was time to leave. We rode in silence to the hospital where I would have therapy Monday though Friday for five hours a day. I was glad that the hospital's rehab center also treated outpatients because I really liked my therapy team. I just didn't always like therapy itself. I basically saw it as a necessary evil.
I worked extra hard in therapy that day, this morning's incident still fresh in my mind. My persistence must have been obvious because my therapists cracked several jokes about how hard I was working.
Bella was beaming when she picked me up. I was happy to see her too. "How was it?" she asked me.
"G-good. H-hard," I replied. "I'm h-hungry."
Bella laughed. "So you worked up an appetite today? Do you want to stop somewhere and grab lunch?"
I shook my head. "Home." I wasn't ready to go out in public just yet. I felt much safer in my own home.
The rest of the week continued the same way. Bella would bring me to therapy in the mornings and run errands or take care of the house while I was there. She'd pick me up afterwards, and we'd just hang out around the house. I did what I could to help, which wasn't much. We had shared the household chores before my stroke, but now I really couldn't contribute. Our family and friends visited often, and Emmett came by every evening to help Bella or just hang out.
We were driving home Friday afternoon when Bella told me that Alice had called. "Alice and Jasper want us to go to dinner with them tonight."
"No," I said, cutting her off.
Bella frowned. "Edward, you can't hide forever. You're going to have to start living your life, even if it's not the life you planned on."
"Not r-ready," I replied.
"Then when are you going to be ready?" she asked me. "It's just a casual dinner at Italian Pie, nothing fancy. Alice and Jasper really want you to go. I think it might do you some good to get out. Being cooped up in the house isn't healthy."
I sighed in exasperation. "OK, fine, w-whatever. I'll g-go." I hoped this would make Bella happy because I sure wasn't happy about it.
I pouted the whole time Bella helped me get ready that evening. I let her choose my clothes and didn't say a word when she had to button my shirt because I couldn't get my fingers to cooperate. I wanted to wear a baseball cap to hide my scar, but I thought that might be out of place, even in a casual restaurant. I was just going to have to deal with it.
Alice and Jasper were already at the restaurant when we arrived. They both got up to hug us when Bella wheeled me to the table.
"I'm glad you decided to come," Jasper said. "I had a feeling you'd try to get out of it."
"Oh, he tried," Bella replied, "but I wasn't letting him off so easy. I was going to drag him if I had to."
I hated them talking about me like I was a child or something.
The waitress brought our menus, and I opened mine to see what I wanted. All I saw were blurred words. The only way I could read the menu was to cover my left eye. Luckily I was familiar enough with the place to know what I wanted.
"Edward, do you need any help?" Bella asked.
"Got it. Know w-what I w-want," I replied. I had decided on the mushroom ravioli since it was a favorite of mine and would be easy to eat with one hand.
Bella, Alice, and Jasper chatted while we waited for our food. There wasn't a whole lot I could contribute to the conversation. I was completely regretting my decision to go out tonight. Why couldn't Bella have just let me stay home like I wanted?
The waitress brought our food, and we ate in silence for a few minutes before Alice spoke. "How's therapy going?" she asked me.
"F-fine. T-tough some-ti-mes, but g-good," I replied.
"That's great!" Alice said excitedly. "You'll be good as new pretty soon!"
"D-don't kn-know a-bout that." I seemed to be stuttering even more tonight, and I wondered if it was because I was nervous. Apparently, I was also dripping marinara sauce down my chin because Bella reached over and wiped it with her napkin. OK, now I was embarrassed as well.
Either Alice didn't notice or pretended not to because she was still rattling on. "Nonsense, Edward! We all know how hard-headed you are. I'm surprised you haven't kicked that wheelchair to the curb already. It won't be long before you're up and running."
"Not li-likely," I said darkly.
"Alice, this isn't just something that's going to go away overnight," Jasper reminded her. "Edward's got a long way to go."
"I know," Alice replied in exasperation. "I just have a really good feeling about things. We're going to have our old Edward back."
"C-can we t-talk ab-bout s-some-thing else?" I interjected. I really didn't like my recovery being the subject of our conversation.
"Of course. Sorry about all of that," Jasper apologized.
We continued to eat and discussed topics that didn't involve me. The rest of the evening turned out to be fairly pleasant even if I was uncomfortable being out in public. Alice and Jasper were my friends, my family really, and they only wanted what was best for me.
The girls got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Jasper and me at the table. "So," Jasper began when the girls left, "how are you really feeling?"
I knew there was no way I could lie to Jasper. He'd see right through me. I answered him honestly. "T-tired. F-frus-tra-ted."
Jasper nodded. "I wish there was something I could do to make this easier. I hate seeing you like this. Just don't give up." He paused for a moment and began to laugh. "I could tell you were pissed off about being dragged here the moment you came in. The look on your face was priceless. I'm glad you decided to come. You need to get out more."
"Em-b-bar-ras-sed," I said. "D-don't want p-people to s-see me like th-this."
"Edward, you have nothing to be embarrassed about," Jasper replied. "I know you're self-conscious, but you don't have to be. I promise that people aren't staring the way you think they are. If they are staring, it's only because we're the two best-looking guys in the place."
I had to laugh at Jasper's last remark. He was right. I knew he was right, so why was I having such a hard time accepting it? Would I ever accept it?
When the girls came back from the restroom, we talked for a few more minutes before we all left. Jasper wheeled me to the car and helped me in. Bella and I rode home in comfortable silence.
I was exhausted when we got home, so I went straight to bed. I looked forward to the day when my lack of energy was no longer an issue. Bella joined me a short time later and snuggled up close to me. I quickly fell into a deep sleep…but it didn't last.
I had a terrible nightmare, the images were clear in my mind, and I felt panicked.. Bella had left me, and I was alone. I kept calling out to her, but she wouldn't come back.
"No, Bella, no! D-don't l-leave me!" I cried out.
"Edward, wake up. It's OK," she said gently. "I won't leave you."
"N-no! Don't go!" I practically sobbed.
"I'm not going anywhere," she replied. "It's OK. You just had a bad dream. I promise I'll never leave you."
"Don't go," I repeated.
"I won't go. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." Bella rested her head on my chest and put her arms around me. She began to hum softly, and I soon fell asleep.
Unfortunately, the nightmares continued. I'd wake up calling out for Bella, and she would comfort me until I went back to sleep. I was the one who had always comforted Bella, and here she was doing it for me. I hated that she had to take care of me that way.
Wednesday was an important day. It was Elizabeth's birthday. It was hard to believe that my baby sister was now 15. It seemed like only yesterday that Emmett and I were dreading her arrival. We were celebrating with a family dinner at my parents' house.
Bella and I were the last to arrive at Esme and Carlisle's, but we weren't late. Apparently the birthday girl was still in the shower because softball practice ran late. After greeting my family, Carlisle and I went into his study to talk.
"How are you feeling? Any headaches lately?" Carlisle asked me.
"Still t-tired a lot. N-not too ma-ny h-head-aches," I replied. "T-taking my meds like a g-good boy."
"That's good," Carlisle chuckled.
"Dad, b-been having ni-nightmares," I admitted. "Dr-dreaming of Bella l-leaving me."
Carlisle became concerned. "Edward, I don't ever remember you having nightmares. That's a little strange. Do you think it would help if you tried a sleeping pill? Something mild, of course. I don't want you drugged up. Maybe it'll help." He paused for a moment. "You do know that Bella would never leave you?"
I shook my head. "Not good e-en-ough for her."
"How can you say that?" Carlisle asked in amazement. "Bella loves you. Of course you're good enough for her. This stroke doesn't change who you are on the inside."
We sat in silence for a few minutes before I remembered something I wanted to ask my father. "Uh, Dad, is it OK for me t-to have sex?"
Carlisle definitely wasn't expecting that. "Well, um, sure Edward, as long as you're feeling up to it. I don't see why it should be a problem."
"I'm j-just af-fraid. S-scared that it won't w-work," I said.
"A stroke doesn't normally cause erectile dysfunction." Carlisle was putting on his clinical face to answer my question. "It's usually anxiety that causes performance problems. I think as long as you're relaxed and ready, everything will be all right."
"Good. Th-thanks, Dad," I told him.
We figured Elizabeth would be out of the shower by now, so Carlisle and I went to join the family. Elizabeth came bounding down the stairs just as we entered the den. Everyone greeted her with hugs and kissed and birthday wishes. We hung out in the den until it was time to eat.
Since it was a special occasion, we ate in the dining room. Our whole family was there, including Jasper, Alice, Charlie, and Renee. They were family even if they weren't blood relatives. Mom had fixed Elizabeth's favorite dinner, spaghetti and meatballs. I ate carefully, not wanting to get myself covered in spaghetti sauce.
We all chatted throughout dinner about anything and everything. I was enjoying myself and having more fun than I'd had since the stroke.
We were almost finished dinner when my mom looked up at Bitt. "Elizabeth, have you told everyone your good news?"
"No, Mom, I haven't," Elizabeth said through clenched teeth.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Esme asked her. "Tell them!"
"Tell us what?" Emmett inquired impatiently.
"Your sister has a date!" Esme exclaimed in delight.
"My sister has a what?" Emmett boomed.
Elizabeth sighed. "See, this is why I didn't want to say anything. It's no big deal. Colby Ryan asked me to the freshman dance, and I said yes."
"Oh honey, it is a big deal," Esme said. "It's your first real date!"
Emmett actually looked angry. "I don't like it. Not one bit."
"Now Emmett, it's just a school dance. Leave your sister alone," Carlisle told him.
"And you wonder why I didn't tell you," Elizabeth said. "If it was up to my brothers, Emmett would be here showing off his muscles and Edward would try to run him over with his wheelchair. Why don't you just have Uncle Charlie come over with his police car and his gun?"
Emmett seemed to like that. "Hmmmm, that's not a bad idea."
Elizabeth threw up her hands in exasperation. "Would you please stop? Colby is a nice guy. He's taking me to a dance. It's not as if we're going off to get married."
"I teach Colby, and he is a nice kid," Bella said. "I'm sure he has nothing but good intentions when it comes to Elizabeth."
"He'd better, or else he'll have to deal with me," Emmett nearly growled.
Rosalie smacked Emmett in the back of the head. "Geez, Emmett, they're kids. Besides, we were about Bitt's age when we started dating."
"I know, and I remember exactly what I was thinking back then," Emmett said matter-of-factly. "There's no way some little punk is going to have those thoughts about my baby sister. I'll rip him limb from limb first."
"That's enough, Emmett," Carlisle said with finality. "When it's your daughter, you can do all the limb ripping you want. Your sister is going to the dance with this boy, and that's that."
Thankfully the subject was dropped, and we moved on to other topics. I couldn't believe that my little sister was old enough to date, but I wasn't going to argue about it.
When the dinner dishes were cleared, Esme brought out a huge chocolate cake, Elizabeth's favorite. We sang "Happy Birthday," and Bitt blew out all 15 candles. After cake and ice cream, the birthday girl eagerly opened her presents.
The women eventually went to the kitchen while the men gathered in the den to watch a basketball game on TV. I really wasn't interested in the game, though. Elizabeth was sitting at the piano, so I wheeled myself over. We just sat there quietly for a few moments.
"I haven't been playing much lately. I've been busy with school and stuff," Elizabeth admitted.
"Haven't p-played m-much lately either," I joked, and we both laughed. We sat quietly again before I spoke. "P-play for me?"
Elizabeth looked at me in surprise. "Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.
I nodded, and Elizabeth began to play "Claire de Lune," one of my favorites. I closed my eyes and remembered my sister as a little girl banging on the keys. She had certainly come a long way since then.
I opened my eyes when the song ended. "B-beau-ti-f-ful," I told her.
"Thanks," she replied. "Have you tried playing yet?" she added quietly, and I shook my head. "Do you want to try?"
"Can't," I said, holding my left hand. "D-doesn't r-really work."
Elizabeth smiled mischievously. "We could do a duet. How about 'Chopsticks'? I'll play the left hand part, and you play the right."
Elizabeth and I used to duet on "Chopsticks" all the time when she was younger. I nodded, and we got ready to play.
Something happened, though, when I went to put my fingers on the keys. I couldn't remember the song. I had no clue what notes I was supposed to play. I had played this song a thousand times, yet I couldn't remember the notes. I thought about other songs I played often but just totally drew a blank.
Elizabeth stopped playing when she realized that I was just sitting there. "Edward, what's wrong?"
"C-can't re-re-mem-ber," I stammered. "F-forgot the song. F-forgot them all."
"What do you mean you forgot them all? You can't remember how to play?" Elizabeth looked as if she was about to cry.
"C-can't re-mem-ber," I repeated. I was shocked. I knew that I might be physically unable to play, but I never dreamed that I would actually forget how. Fucking brain damage.
"Dad!" Elizabeth called out. "I need you and Bella now!" She then put her arm around me in an effort to comfort me.
Carlisle and Bella were at my side in an instant. "What's the matter?" Carlisle asked.
"Edward can't remember how to play the piano," Elizabeth practically sobbed.
"F-forgot," I said, still in shock.
Bella and Carlisle exchanged a glance before he knelt down so he'd be at my eye level.
"Edward, your stroke damaged the right side of your brain," Carlisle explained. "Unfortunately, that's the part of the brain that controls musical ability. You can't remember how to play because of the brain damage."
"Ever p-play again?" I asked.
"I don't know," Carlisle replied solemnly. "You may regain your ability in time, but you may not. You have to be prepared for the fact that you may never play the piano again."
"No!" Elizabeth cried out. "That's not fair! Why can't I just teach him how to play again?"
By this time, the rest of our family had come into the room and looked at us in concern and shock.
Carlisle sighed. "It's not that easy. It all depends on how his brain heals."
"This freaking sucks! I hate this! I hate that my brother had a stroke!" Elizabeth yelled as she ran out of the room. Esme went after her.
"Ruined Bitt's b-birth-day," I said, lowering my head in shame.
"No you didn't," Carlisle assured me. "She'll be OK."
"G-go home," I told Bella.
"OK, we'll go home," Bella said with a small smile.
Emmett insisted on wheeling me out to the car and helping me get in. "You know I'm always here for you," he said. "I worry about you, little brother. Take care of yourself and let us help you." I nodded, and he squeezed me in a big hug before closing the car door.
Bella didn't say a word on the way home, for which I was grateful. I didn't feel like talking at all. I was too upset and shocked by what had happened. All I wanted was to get home and go to bed. What I really wanted was to crawl in a hole and die, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.
"Bed," I said to Bella when we pulled in the driveway.
Bella turned in her seat to look at me. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. Bed," I repeated.
I could tell that Bella wasn't happy about it, but she brought me inside and got me ready for bed. I didn't have any nightmares that night. I didn't need to. My life had become a living nightmare, one that I never thought I'd wake from.
