"You're absolutely sure that the Mayans don't know about the warehouse?"
"No, thankfully they ambushed us before we got to the turnoff. I doubled back through town and they disappeared before I even reached the clubhouse."
Clay nodded his head at Juice, satisfied with his answer. They'd gone over all of this the night everything happened but now that the new shipment was in and they had to make another run to Bluebird he wanted to be absolutely sure he hadn't missed anything.
"They were strictly doing recon. They have no idea what we've got going on out there or they wouldn't have rushed us where they did. They were hoping we'd fuck up."
Clay looked at Jax's words and regarded him thoughtfully. "So what's the move VP?"
Jax tapped the end of his cigarette into the ashtray. "No move. They delayed us by a couple days, hardly worth starting shit over. We make the run tomorrow night with Leroy's guns and the new shipment, taking the opposite route in case they're still watching the highway. With the amount we're moving we have to use one of Unser's trucks anyway, we should be well below the radar."
Tig's eyes narrowed but he said nothing and Clay called the meeting adjourned. As everyone filed out of the chapel, Clay kept his Sergeant at Arms behind. "You got anything to add to this? You've been weird about this shit for days now."
Tig's eyes were cold. "Alvarez keeps flexing his muscles bigger and bigger lately. Seems like a good time to knock him back down a peg would've been when he was alone, that's all I'm sayin'."
Clay took a drag of his stogie. "We run the shipment tomorrow night. After we get Leroy what he's got coming to him we'll be in the black, which means more than half of this shipment is ours. We send Alvarez a message then."
Tig nodded and turned to leave. Clay knew he didn't like the way Jax had chosen to handle the situation the night before, but Clay wasn't sure it had been the wrong call. Bringing more Mayan attention before they got their arsenal stocked wasn't what they wanted. Still, Alvarez needed to be shown who was boss and Tig didn't like taking the thoughtful route. He'd have to keep his eye on the situation. Having the two men sitting on either side of him at the head of the table on different pages could implode a charter over time.
As Jax walked out of the clubhouse to make his way to his bike he saw Gemma standing in the doorway to the office. As soon as she saw him she beelined it for him, the expression on her face grim. He stopped where he was and waited for her to approach. "What's up?"
Standing in front of him, nearly eye level in her high-heeled boots, she looked around and seemed to decide that there were too many people milling around for what she had to say. "Come with me, I need to talk to you."
Jax's eyebrows knit together in confusion as he followed her back into her tiny office and closed the door behind him. "What's going on?"
Gemma turned to look at him, her arms folding over her chest and her lips set in a grim line. "Luann just called. She had to take one of her girls to St. Thomas."
Jax was pretty sure where she was going with this and his stomach filled with dread. He wasn't ready to have to discuss this with her, not when he didn't even understand how he felt about it. Still, he'd learned never to provide Gemma with information until he was clear on what she was talking about first so he stood silently and let her finish.
The look on her face was soft but determined. It was her "I've-got-some-terrible-news-to-break-to-you" look. "Tara's back baby."
Jax ran his hand over his face and sat down on the couch under the window, having no idea how to play this. He'd have to be honest with her that he already knew; she was pretty good at seeing through him when he tried to snow her. But he knew she wasn't going to relish the idea of Tara being back and he was too emotionally exhausted to deal with her opinions about it on top of his own.
Seeing her that night, feeling her in his arms, had changed things. Had changed him. It felt like ten years had never happened, like she'd never left, and he laid up half of the night again thinking about it. He didn't know if there was any kind of reconciliation in the cards for them or, hell, if he even wanted that. Love her or not, she'd bailed on him. But it somehow felt like he was getting some kind of a second chance. At nineteen years old he'd been on top of the world. He'd become a patched member of the club, he had the girl he loved and he was earning bank enough to have everything he wanted. People respected him, even if most of them respected him for fear of the reaper on his back.
Then she'd left and his life had been a series of stupid decisions and lonely nights, even when he was surrounded by people. Fuck, especially when he was surrounded by people. Having her back, feeling the connection after all these years that had always tied them together, he felt stupid thinking it, but it felt like a sign. He couldn't wipe the slate clean, but he could start shit over. Start doing things different.
How the fuck he could explain that to Gemma, however, when he barely understood it himself was too much and he had no idea how to begin.
Putting an incredulous hand on her hip she glared at him and he knew his hesitance had given him away, removing the need for him to think of anything to say at all. "You knew?"
Jax sighed. He'd play this like he played everything with Gemma. He'd tell her as much as he had to and play the rest close to the chest. He'd start by admitting that he knew she was back. Unless she pried, he'd leave out the part where he'd actually burst into the hospital like a man possessed in order to see her. "Hale told me a few days ago."
Gemma absently tapped a jewel on the pocket of her designer jeans with one of her acrylic nails as she continued to stare a hole through her son. "You've known that bitch is back for days and you didn't tell anyone?"
Jax shrugged, attempting to look flippant. "That shit is ancient history. Why should I care if she's back or not?"
Gemma chuckled humorlessly. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter sweetheart, we can smell our own."
Jax stood up and walked closer to her, the expression on his face earnest. "Mom, it's been ten years. Do you honestly think I've been holding a candle for my high school crush all this time?"
Gemma looked up at her son, looked at the man he'd become and she felt pride swell up in her chest. He was strong, a leader. He had her strength and perseverance and JT's vision and thoughtfulness. He also had JT's blind spot when it came to women and that was where he still needed protecting. She knew her son, knew that what he'd had with Tara hadn't been a normal teenage crush. He'd fallen in love and he was the kind of man that wouldn't do that easily, even at 16. It may have happened young but she knew how real it was and there was no way that turned off just because she'd left. Not for Jackson. He was loyal to the bone and when he loved, he loved completely.
Putting her hand to his face she smiled genuinely at him. "Baby, I just don't want to see you hurt again. With everything that happened back then and now with all the shit going on with Wendy and the baby, I just want you to be happy."
Jax smiled. For all of her meddling and machinations he knew that she meant every word of that. Kissing her on the forehead he gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "I'm fine mom, don't worry about me."
Turning to walk back out she followed him to the door. "How is Wendy anyway? She keeping the needle out of her arm?"
Jax stopped again just outside of the office and turned back around with a roll of his eyes. "She's clean, she's 6 months pregnant for fuck sakes."
Gemma shrugged innocently. "Okay, okay, sorry."
Turning away again he finally made his way to the garage to get some work done. His mom had always hated Wendy, had seen that she was weak from the get go, but Jax had refused to listen to her and plowed headlong into the relationship anyway. Opie was locked up, Tara had been gone for years, and he'd been tired of lying in his bed either alone or with some piece of ass that he could've given a shit about.
Part of him knew all along that he'd been desperately trying to fill the hole Tara had left and he'd failed utterly with his hasty marriage. It had turned to shit almost immediately and stayed that way with very few exceptions for the duration. Even their half assed attempt to reconcile had been a shit show and now they were only speaking through doctor's bills.
Which, he realized, he hadn't seen in awhile. He'd have to look on his dresser at the clubhouse and see when the last one was that he'd gotten.
He started up his bike and pulled out of the lot, thinking he might stop off at the diner for a quick lunch at the counter. It was a beautiful day and as he rode, his mind turned back to the worry on his mom's face during their conversation.
She may have hated Wendy but Tara had been another thing entirely. Gemma had loved Tara. Sure, she'd kept her at a slightly suspicious distance, but she did that with everyone. She'd seen something in Tara that she liked for her son. Her strength and intelligence would be things Gemma would suspect and respect all at once. At the root of it though, she'd been able to see how deeply Jax was in love with her and she liked that Tara reciprocated it. Tara treated him well and that mattered to Gemma. When she'd gotten the crow, his crow, on her back at eighteen Gemma had treated her like family. When she'd left, it was like she'd left Gemma too and where some people would hurt over that, Gemma hated.
Pulling into the diner Jax walked in and gave a quick jerk of his head in greeting to Danny behind the counter. Danny's eyes grew wide in response to seeing Jax, which stopped him in his tracks. The poor old guy looked completely at sea, which was baffling for a moment until he saw the old timer's eyes flick toward the booths and Jax turned to see what had the owner so worried.
There, with her nose buried in a medical looking journal and sipping coffee, was Tara.
It was as if all of his thoughts about her had conjured her up and he smiled over to Danny to reassure him before he made his way to her booth and plopped down in it across from her as if they did this every day.
She looked up quickly in surprise and he saw a faint glimmer of something else before she could compose her expression. It unsettled him that he couldn't read what had passed through her eyes. There was a time that he used to be able to practically have entire conversations with her from across a room with just their eyes. Her poker face had improved and it was a little sucker punch that he was on the receiving end of it.
Putting it out of his mind he decided to keep their second meeting light. Tilting his head for a clearer view, he read the title of her journal and smiled. "Operative Techniques in Thoracic and Cardiovascular Surgery." He tilted his head back up to face her, his smile becoming an amused grin. "Enjoying a little light reading?"
She laughed and closed the journal. "When you're a resident you have to be up on top of the latest information all the time."
Jax nodded appreciatively. "So you're a heart surgeon."
Tara smiled. "Trying to be. A pediatric heart surgeon actually."
Jackson didn't try to keep the pride from his face. She wasn't his anymore, but he was as proud of her as if she still was. "A pediatric heart surgeon. That's amazing Doc, really."
Shaking her head a little, almost bashfully, she smiled at his praise and took a sip of her coffee. She was at a loss for words at how his compliment made her feel. She'd worked harder, achieved more, than anyone on the planet had ever given her credit to be able to. Except Jax. He'd always believed in her, made her feel like the smartest person on the planet and it floored her to realize that the one person's approval that she gave a good god damn about was his. When her father had sent her a card for graduation, two months after the fact, with a rambling letter about how pleased he was she'd skimmed it and thrown it in the trash. Too little, too late. But all Jax had said was "that's amazing" and there was practically a lump in her throat.
She'd been through so fucking much, mostly in the last year, that just his presence was enough to make her want to burst into grateful tears to be out of Chicago and back in Charming. She wouldn't though. She would hold back, break down with relief later. For now, she just wanted to drink coffee with Jackson Teller and feel like Tara Knowles again. Feel safe again. She'd always felt like she was safer with him than anywhere else. Looking into his big, blue eyes and seeing the boy she'd loved looking at her now as a man she knew she'd been right.
Margie brought over a coffee for Jax without being asked and he smiled flirtatiously at the older woman in thanks. He knew that the kindly proprietor's wife was an avid gossip and desperately wanted an excuse to catch even just a shred of conversation to pass along to her friends later. "You want a sandwich or somethin' honey?"
Jax had to stifle a laugh at her transparency and shook his head. "Thanks Margie, I'm fine.
She turned away with a plastic smile that barely concealed her disappointment and he smirked back across the table at Tara. "Still feels like I'm a kid around this town sometimes, but we went and grew up. When did that happen?"
Tara nodded and folded her hands on the table, her expression serene. "I wonder the same thing all the time. Some days I get up and feel like I'm going to be late for some class or something and then I remember, I'm a doctor."
They both laughed, understanding the sentiment completely and then the smile faded just slightly from Tara's eyes, though Jax could tell she was working hard to keep it on her face. "Speaking of growing up, I heard you got married. Congratulations."
He couldn't stifle the spark of pleasure her words ignited deep inside him. She'd, at some point or another, either kept tabs on him or asked about him. He'd been on her mind too. Fuck, that shouldn't feel so good.
"Yeah, that was a dumb idea. Been done awhile now."
He studied her eyes for a reaction, any reaction, but that poker face was back in full force. "I'm sorry to hear that."
The look she gave him then seemed genuine and the previous spark dimmed. This was a small town, it was possible that she'd been treated to a wide array of information upon her return that was entirely unasked for on her part. Maybe she'd heard about his marriage without actually giving a shit one way or the other. He felt like a dumbass for allowing himself to hope.
An awkward silence fell over them and they both fidgeted with their coffee mugs. What was there left to say? He wouldn't be human if he didn't have about two hundred fucking questions but he wasn't about to ask them. He had them in the first place because when she'd left they hadn't spoken again. She'd burned down the house and salted the earth. He would feel like way too much of a pussy if he suddenly started begging her to fill in the blanks that she'd left in the last ten years. There had been a time when he would have chalked it up to pride, but this girl had torn his heart out. Keeping a bit of himself back wasn't pride, it was self preservation.
The minutes ticked on, the silence between them growing heavier and more loaded with each passing second. Tara lifted her cup to her lips and sipped her coffee, putting it back down on the table gently and then surprised them both by chuckling softly at just how ridiculously uncomfortable the entire situation actually was. Jax followed suit and pretty soon they were both smiling at each other.
She shook her head slowly. "It's been a long time Jackson."
He nodded. "I guess a lot changes in ten years."
She nodded at him and cocked her head sideways, her expression growing thoughtful. "I guess a lot stays the same too."
Her words were loaded with so many possible meanings that he found himself at a loss for how to respond and then, just for a minute, her defenses slipped and he saw a world of emotions flicker through her eyes. He saw uncertainty, plenty of it, but there was also happiness mixed with nervousness and something that looked almost like fear.
He instinctively reached across the table to cover her hand with his and his voice was soft as he allowed himself to ask the question that had plagued him since her return. "Why did you come back here?"
The tentative tone of his voice told her just how much she'd hurt him, just how big a chasm she'd blown between them, while every nerve in her hand caught fire at his touch. After the night that she'd seen him in the hospital she'd been able to feel him for hours, was able to smell him on her scrubs. She'd left this town to become someone other than a biker's old lady with a prison record and a quick temper. She'd left to become someone other than Gemma. But as she sat here now across from that biker, his strong hand on hers and his blue eyes watching her face as if nothing else existed in the world at that moment she knew a part of her had never left him. They'd been like earth and the moon, separated by time and space, but orbiting each other just the same. She'd told herself that she'd come back to Charming for the job, because she had a family home here, because a small town with law enforcement who knew her would be a safer place for her to get away from Josh. But, she knew that was all just surface shit. At the root of it, just to be in the same vicinity of Jax again had been the desire and everything else had fallen into place around it.
But she couldn't tell him that. The hole between them and the history behind them was epic and, just like him, she needed to protect herself too. "St. Thomas had a smaller program. Less residents means more surgeries."
He knew it was a bullshit answer of the highest order and his frustration at being stonewalled warred with his understanding of her hesitance. Hadn't he just tried the same shit with Gemma earlier because he couldn't bring himself to give voice to what was going on in his head? He'd seen her mind working at his question. Seen that the answer had a lot to it and he decided to give her a pass.
He gave her hand a final squeeze and then let it go. "I know there's a lot of shit behind us, but it's good to have you back Tara."
Their eyes held for several seconds, a lifetime going unspoken between them, before Tara returned his soft smile and nodded. "It's good to be back Jackson."
With nothing more to say he got up, threw down a couple bucks for their coffees and with a small parting wave he walked slowly back out of the diner. He was more confused than before on how exactly they'd fit into each other's lives now. Were they friends? Acquaintances? Exes? Merely former lovers? He had no idea what to call them. He kick started his bike and pulled onto main street again, catching a glimpse of her watching him from her seat by the window and he realized he didn't give a shit that there wasn't a name for what they were anymore. For now, just having her back in his world would be enough.
