The Chronicles of Vincent Missiles
This is the story of what really occurred in the game Final Fantasy VII Dirge Of Cerberus that they didn't show us. Featuring Vincent Valentine as our main hero.
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Vincent and all FFVII characters. And sadly I don't.
This story is quite random and if you haven't played the game you might not get a couple of parts. But in my opinion it's still good :D
This story opens with Vincent talking to the evil Rosso the Crimson in the room where you face her in that building.
"…So that's why we need you to give us your materia Vincent Valentine..."
"Oh, just so you know my name is now Vincent Missiles, I changed it. And if you have my materia then I won't be able to control Chaos and I will go crazy and destroy the earth and all it's inhabitants, including you" Vincent reasons
"Oh yes I forgot about that fact that I would die to… Missiles...That's an intresting name choise..."
Rosso suddenly lunges at Vincent to puncture his chest with her hand grab his materia from inside his body. Vincent jumps out of the way and pulls out his machine gun. He shoots her a couple of times and then stands up facing her.
"How did you survive being shot 6 times? You don't even have one scratch on you!" Rosso ignores his comment and shoots weird orange flame things at him and they collide right with him.
"OH NO my health, if I die the world will actually be safer because then chaos won't exist but, I want to live…I need some potion!" Vincent looks around and spies a shopping center just in the corner.
"No freaking way! There's shopping during a boss fight! You're joshing me!" squeals Vincent in disbelief.
He slinks over to the machine in crouch mode and the world freezes as he starts shopping. He restocks all of his potions and buys some new bullets, he also decides to upgrade his gun while he's at it and then he is ready to fight again. 'It's almost impossible for me to loose if I have unlimited potions' he thinks.
He quickly heals himself and then goes back to the fight with Rosso. She sneaks up behind him using her super in-humanly quick speed and bitch slaps him upside his head.
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" he screams and he does a slick dodge roll move and at the same time uses fire materia to set her ass carpet on fire.
"Ahhh my beautiful carpet tail! What have you done!" screams Rosso.
Vincent was laughing at the sight of Rosso's flaming carpet and he heard her mumbling 'stop drop and roll, stop drop and roll, STOP DROP AND ROLL!' to her self as she rolled around on the ground trying to put out the flames.
On the other side of the room Vincent was laughing so hard his sides were starting to hurt. He didn't notice that this was the perfect time to kill her, he also didn't notice that Rosso had put out the fire and preserved around ¼ of her carpet tail thing. She walked over to the hysterical Vincent rolling around on the ground.
"Shut up you fool!" She was very angry and Vincent's howling laughter just made it worse.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" And she kicked Vincent in the side.
He stopped laughing immediately and got up off of the floor.
"No you shut up, stupid Transylvaniface!!"
"Transylvaniface…? Are you trying to make fun of my culture! Because I'm not Transylvanian I'm Russian. And at least I don't live in a poor Spanish home!
"How did you know about my residence in Spain!"
"Vincent everyone knows that you live in Spain. You know how many people like to stalk you and look up your records on the computer just to send you mail and stuff…Don't you get any letters or anything?"
"Oh those are letters I thought people just enjoyed sending me little thin rectangular packages, I thought they may be traps so I burn them."
"You have got to be one of the stupidest people I've ever had to kill! How are you still living, I'm surprised you haven't fallen into a toilet and drown or something mentally challenged like that."
"Well at least I don't have a sty hanging off of my ass!!" screamed Vincent and he pointed to the remainders of her ass carpet. Her face went red with anger and she started screaming random things that Vincent figured to be some kind of profanities in Russian. He just stood there with a slight smirk on his face on how angry she was getting. She slowly clamed down and then sighed.
"Vincent do you even know what a sty is. Because a sty is a pigpen and my carpet isn't a pigpen, it's a carpet."
"Oh…well then…I knew that. I just chose to use it in different context." He said smugly.
"It doesn't work that way Vincent…"
Fed up with her criticism, he turned into Chaos form and destroyed her with two slashes of his claw.
"NOOOOO" she screamed as she faded away into darkness off the side of a building.
"That was for Spain and all of my Spaniché brethren, Transylvani-bitch! " Vincent yelled as he watched her fall from the building.
As soon as she was gone Vincent went around the room and collected the many suitcases that people had left lying around that contain many expensive items. He then walked over to the shopping center and bought a dictionary. He looked up the word Sty.
A pen or enclosure for swine; pigpen. Any filthy place or abode.
"Hmm I guess I can't call ugly random objects sty's but people can still call my house one…I don't really think that's fair."
Vincent re-sold the dictionary. He then went back to his house to try and clean it up to re-deem it as clean and not a living sty.
I think this was the worst one out of all of them so far. I didn't wanna make it to short. So i added some stuff. Stil good though right?
REVIEWS anyone? Plzzzz?
I promise to get a new one out as soon as possible! But reviews are apprecheated. PLEASE SEND ME IDEAS FOR NEW CHRONICLES.
