Chapter 7

Anubis had already begun his attack of Earth when they arrived, nearly crashing into the icy ground of Antarctica as they pulled out of hyperspace too close to the planet. The reprogrammed set of rings burrowed through the ice as goa'uld death gliders came screaming at them, letting loose a volley of blasts that shook the cargo ship. Prometheus came out of nowhere and positioned itself above them, absorbing the attack and giving back as good as it got.

SG-1 ringed down to the planet, appearing in a cavern much like the one they had found on Teonas. Jack's steps were heavy as the icy cold drained what little strength he had left and he collapsed forward, alarming his friends. Teal'c managed to catch him and hold him upright, with Daniel supporting his other side.

Jack nodded, indicating they should move forward. He shook them off when they came to a wall with a human-size recess in it, like an upright coffin. He leaned forward and braced himself on either side of the device. "Durmata," he whispered softly, longing for the sleep it could provide.

A strange sound came from the next room and he peered around the corner, his body stiffening by reflex at the sight of Anubis.

The creature of his nightmares spread its arms. "You are too late. The power of the Ancients is mine," it boasted.

His mind warred with his body, the latter remembering what it had suffered briefly by this thing's hands, the former knowing he could get his revenge.

With a strength he didn't possess he pulled himself upright, shoulders back straight and proud, and calmly walked towards the image of evil, shoving his hand through the thing's artificial face and walking through the holographic image, shattering it's power over him.

There was the familiar chair in the room and he held out his hand for the ZPM after pulling out the depleted one. Daniel helped him to stand and moved him over to the chair, where he took several seconds to regain his strength and think about what he had to do.

There was a screaming sound and the rings activated, depositing a pair of Anubis' Kull warriors in the adjacent room. SG-1 found shelter and returned fire, shots from both sides slamming into the ice walls, sending shards flying. His teammates shouted at each other and Jack, urging him to do what he had to do.

He cleared his mind of the sounds of battle in the room, turning the chair away from the Kull warriors, his fingers shifting the gel pad under his hand, his mind focused on the ships positioned above the planet firing on his world, his people, his friends.

In his mind he saw the battle, he saw Prometheus take a hit and begin its final attack run on the Mother Ship. He dug within himself to stay conscious as his vision blurred then refocused. His eyes closed and his mind called out for the drones, thousands of lights springing out from a hole in the floor, driving through the Kull warriors in the room then bursting through the hole in the ice caused by the ring transport, streaming up through the atmosphere, and out into space, diverging and ramming through each pyramid ship in Anubis' fleet.

One by one the hataks exploded, drifting lifeless as hull integrity collapsed. The drones streamed around the hull of the Prometheus, converging at its bow and pounding through the heart of Anubis' Mother Ship. Prometheus broke off the attack, veering to the right to avoid the explosion and shock wave of the enemy vessel.

He didn't stop until every hatak and every death glider was destroyed. As the last ship went down his hand fell limp to his side, his head dropped to his chest, and he knew that now he could finally die in peace.

"Sir."

Her hand touched his face and brought him back. He tried to open his eyes to see her one last time, to say goodbye to his friends and let them know he would be all right.

"Colonel, we won, please don't do this."

We won. Anubis was defeated and Earth was safe. He had fulfilled his promise to defend Earth, he had given everything he had for this planet, for his friends. He had nothing left to give, it was over, it was done. He deserved to rest in peace.

"It's over, sir, but you can still make it. Please, let us help you. Together we can make you want to live again. Please, Jack. I don't want you to die. I don't want to do this without you. We still need you, you're our friend and leader. We'll help you, Jack. Please. Stay with us."

He finally managed to open his eyes and lift his head, gazing into her desperate face. Her eyes were moist with unshed tears. He reached out his hand to touch her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb until his arm fell limp with exhaustion. Her hand came up to cover his, to hold it there, and she turned her face to kiss his palm gently.

"Please, Jack. I don't want to lose you again. I'll always be here for you."

He knew he could trust her. He knew he could believe her and she would never lie to him. But he was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.

She just didn't get it. He had lost his soul in that damn abyss of torture and isolation, he would never be the same person again. They would all learn to hate him, as much as he despised himself. He tried to tell himself that he had done all of this to save lives, to defend Earth, but in his heart, what little he could still lay claim to, he knew it wasn't the truth. He didn't do it for the people of Earth, or even for his friends. He did it for revenge. He did it to see Anubis suffer, to fight back and destroy the bastard who had tried to break him where even Ba'al couldn't.

And then there was Carter herself, the one who had talked him into taking the Tok'ra symbiote which inevitably led to his capture and unending death. What right did she have to beg him to live again, after everything he had suffered because of her the last time? How could she even think she could have that right?

He was just too tired to argue. He closed his eyes and dropped his head again, content to end his life right here whether his team, who had left him behind, wanted him to live or not.

He couldn't even be angry with them for leaving him behind, for giving up on him. He had missed them, his family, but like his ex-wife Sara they obviously didn't need him. They would be fine without him. Or would they?

He opened his eyes again, and saw the devastated look on Carter turn to hope, trails of tears glistening on her flushed face as she saw he was still conscious.

"Jack, you're not alone in this. We're here for you." Daniel's voice was strained with emotion, and slowly Jack looked over at his friend, who was locked in a self-hug that had always torn at Jack's heartstrings that Daniel had no one else to comfort him. He had seen that look before on the younger man, when he first returned from Abydos at the initiation of the Stargate Program, after his beloved wife Sha're had been kidnapped by Apophis. Was he that important to Daniel? Could Daniel survive another loss of someone so important to him? Jack didn't doubt it, but he remembered his own battle with Daniel's ascension, the loss of his closest friend. He hated to put Daniel through that, to be the cause of Daniel's misery.

"Indeed, O'Neill. I do not wish for you to die."

His eyes shifted to Teal'c, his jaffa friend, who understood him better than anyone. Teal'c rarely showed his emotions but Jack knew they were there all the same, buried beneath the surface. But now...his friend was as sad as he had ever seen him. He remembered a time early in their friendship when he was pinned to the Gate Room wall by a metal spear through his chest. Teal'c had never left his side, had stood by him when he was at his weakest and made him feel strong enough to get through anything.

Could he bear the thought of never seeing his team again? Could he call it quits on their friendship? He would give his life to protect them, but could he live for them? Carter, Daniel and Teal'c were his family, and he knew what it was like to lose someone important to you. But did he care enough to stay for them?

It was his right to be selfish. He had to do what was best for him. If he stayed around he may end up hurting them worse than if he ended it now. Logically, he knew he may never recover from the trauma he had suffered, and he may take it out on those closest to him, those he would never want to hurt.

They were safe. They were alive. That was all that mattered. They could live without him. They had been doing just fine the last two years without him. They didn't need him. He would just hold them back from doing great things.

"Give life a chance, Jack. We can make it better. Again."

With Daniel's words, he remembered Charlie. After Charlie's death he thought the pain would never go away, and he didn't want to live anymore. But with Daniel's help he had learned to enjoy life again, he had found a way to remember his son and honor him and love him, even though he was no longer there. He had found happiness again, with his team and his work. Maybe he could do it again.

And if it didn't work out he could always end it himself.

"Durmata."

He saw the pain in Carter's face as she misinterpreted his intent. For a moment he found it ironic that even though he had chosen to give life a chance they were going to let him die. Then Daniel sprang forward, grabbing Carter's arm.

"That thing. Sleep. It must be some kind of stasis chamber. He wants to live Sam."

Jack bowed his head to confirm it, but his eyes slid shut and he felt the pull of death. Though he was choosing life he was ready for death. It was going to be a close call.

He felt himself being pulled to his feet, then a pressure on his chest told him he was being carried across Teal'c's shoulders. He felt himself lifted, then weight on his feet as he was set inside the chamber. He didn't have the strength to stand and he started to collapse until Teal'c held him up by the chest.

"Now what?"

He forced his eyes open to look at each of his friends, to see in their eyes that they wanted him to live, and seeing this, he felt at peace. He would be with them again, and open to all the options of the universe.

"Aveo amacus." He said slowly, and pushed Teal'c's hands gently away, setting his feet firmly beneath him, strengthened by his new resolve to live. Goodbye, my friends.

And he could finally get the rest he deserved before he set out on his new life's journey.

The End


Sequel: Abyss of My Soul

Author's Note: This story was about making the decision to live again, as was done in the Stargate movie, so I found this a fitting place to end.

The sequel will be about Jack's recovery, as requested, but it might take some time (days or weeks, not months) to post since I haven't written anything for it yet, and I write things out by hand first. I hope you enjoyed Climbing the Abyss and I hope I can keep the sequel interesting. If you've got any interesting ideas I'd like to hear them, and thanks for all the reviews.

Bixata