A/N I literally watched the saddest movie for Spanish class guys! Gah, it was awful. It's called Sin Nombre and you should ALL go watch it (unless you're not 18, cuz its rated R). It's a great movie (minus the part that makes you bawl like baby). It is in Spanish but it comes with English subtitles so you all should be good. I really enjoyed it. It's not often that you get to watch a movie in class that's actually GOOD. That NEVER happened in high school. Bonus points for college huh? :D
I've decided that I will go ahead and do the soundtrack since one person expressed their desire to have one and I don't want to let them down. Plus, I personally want a soundtrack so it works out good in the end. Expect that up around the time I post the next chapter.
ANYWAY. Enough chit-chat. On with the story!
This was Betaed by the awesome Vena Grey!
We're still in Alilyn's backstory.
"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away."
Titanium - David Guetta
The picture that those two words brought to her mind was so out of Alilyn's comfort zone that at first her brain couldn't catch onto the meaning. Just as quickly, her denial set in. She would not accept what her cousin was telling her, what the girl she had looked up to her whole life was admitting to becoming part of.
"Who?" Alilyn asked stupidly.
Faye's expression turned to pity and a bit of disappointment, as if she had seen Alilyn's denial coming.
"Master Charon," she repeated. "The man who owns the House of Night that visited the warehouse a few days ago."
Alilyn sat down hard in her chair. Faye had actually agreed to work in a House of Night? She had actually agreed to sleep with men for a living? Sweet, innocent, naïve Faye? Alilyn felt her stomach twist and thought she was going to throw up. There was no way this was really happening.
It had to be a joke. Faye would never do this. Alilyn would never let her do this.
But a glance at Bridget and Hunter settled any belief that this wasn't true. Bridget was leaning against the wall, her eyes clenched shut, trying to keep the tears contained and failing miserably. Hunter's hands were wrapped around his cup of tea, his knuckles white and his face pale. He had the look of a defeated man, someone who couldn't stop the destruction of someone he loved.
Alilyn, frozen in her seat, leveled a glare at Faye, silently demanding an explanation.
"I first got the idea the day he came," she said, her words pouring out quickly. "Remember when I stayed behind? I asked to be interviewed. He told me he wanted me, that I would be a hit. He told me how much I would get paid. So much, Alilyn. So much more than what I'm getting paid now. I also get a place to stay, food to eat, and clothes to wear. All of my pay can be sent home, all of it. He told me where it was, he said anytime I wanted a job, I would have it. I went home and thought about it. Hard. And I realized it's the best choice. I have to take care of my family, Lyn. And this is the best way. This is what's best for them."
The anger that overcame Alilyn was so sudden and complete that she couldn't breathe. She was mad at herself for allowing this to happen, for failing to see the signs. For not being there when Faye needed her.
For not being enough.
And, worst of all, for her own deliberate ignorance as to what her cousin had been about to do.
Faye was so selfless, so sweet. She was willing to give up her body, her entire life, for her family. She shouldn't to have to do that. No one deserved such a fate, least of all Faye. And with that thought, she was able to direct the anger away from herself and shove the blame onto someone else.
It was supposed to be the man who supported the family. If Hunter had a stable job, Faye wouldn't have to do this. It was all his fault. She saw red.
With a speed she didn't know she possessed, Alilyn flew out of her chair, knocking it back. She glared at Hunter and Bridget.
"This is all your fault!" She yelled, speaking words to them that she knew were really meant for herself. "How dare you allow your sister, your flesh and blood, to sell herself to keep you fed?! Neither of you do anything for this family! All you do Bridget is stay at home, you don't even have a husband to bring in a few extra coins! And you Hunter, the "man" of the family. The "head" of the household. Where's your contribution?! When's the last time you've made enough to feed your family one meal?! How can you both sit here and let her do this when neither of you make any effort to do anything on your own!"
Alilyn paused to take a breath and was going to continue, desperate to try and push off some of the blame that was threatening to crush her. Then Faye broke in, defending her brother and sister who stared, pale, at Alilyn with big eyes and guilty expressions.
"Stop it!" Faye snapped with a vehemence that made Alilyn take a step back. "Don't you dare pass the blame on Hunter and Bridget, and don't you dare make them feel guilty! It is not their fault! You know that, Alilyn – you know full well they can't help it! Bridget stays home because she has to look after our three younger siblings, one of whom is blind and another is crippled. Or have you forgotten? And Hunter tries to get a job, but the camps are full and guard posts have been taken. There are so many men without jobs, he can't help it that he's one of them!"
Alilyn's argument was falling away, she could tell. Faye had a point. Alilyn couldn't truly blame Hunter and Bridget, because it truly wasn't their fault. If Bridget worked, who would look after Iris, Ivy, and Garrett?
Darling thirteen-year-old Garrett. Crippled and weak. Most days he didn't leave the pallet by the fire, dependent on his family ever since the sickness that passed through his small body. He needed Bridget. He couldn't survive without her.
And the twins? Eight-year-old Ivy, with so much to learn. And her sister, Iris, blind. Bridget was their mother, the person who taught them what it meant to be women, how to care for and love their family. Alilyn knew Bridget was convinced she would never marry, but she wanted to give both Iris and Ivy the chance to find the men of their dreams.
Bridget had no choice. Faye worked, Bridget stayed home and kept them all alive.
And even though she tried to at least hold onto the anger at Hunter, she couldn't. Alilyn knew how scarce jobs were for men. The sheer number of men that were searching for jobs just made it impossible for everyone to find a job. The only way Hunter would find a job any time soon was if they left. And that was out of the question. They didn't have the money it took to leave.
But Alilyn couldn't let Faye do this. She had to stop her, somehow.
"You can't let her go," she stared at Hunter. "She's your little sister, you can't allow her to sell herself like this! Tell her to keep her job at the warehouse! You know this isn't right, you know it'll destroy her! You can't let her to do it, Hunter. You can't."
Hunter gritted his teeth and looked away. His fingers tightened around his mug of tea and he swallowed hard, like he was holding back tears. But he didn't say a word.
Alilyn realized that this hadn't just been Faye's choice. They had gone along with her because they were desperate.
"It's my choice, Lyn," Faye said firmly, stepping forward until she was right in front of Alilyn. "I am fifteen years old. This is my decision and I have decided to follow through with this because I want to give my family a chance. I don't make enough at the warehouse to keep us going. This situation isn't working anymore and a change has to be made. I've accepted that. It's best that you do so as well."
Tears rose and threatened to spill down Alilyn's cheeks. This couldn't be happening! She couldn't let it happen! In a last desperate attempt to keep Faye here, she pulled her wage out of her dress pocket and shoved it into Faye's hands.
"Here!" She said, her voice thick. "You don't have enough? Then take mine. I can give you my wage. It isn't much, but it'll be enough."
Faye shook her head.
"No. I'm not going to take it, Alilyn. We both know that if you don't show up with every single coin of your weekly wage, your father will beat you within an inch of your life."
"I don't care!" Alilyn insisted. "Let him! You can't leave!"
"I have to. I can't let him hurt you. You need this money. And I need to go."
Faye pulled Alilyn into her arms, holding the younger girl close. Alilyn sobbed into Faye's shoulder, the reality of losing her best friend hitting her hard. This was the person Alilyn had looked up to for as long as she could remember. This was the person who had gotten her through her mother's death. Without Faye, Alilyn would have died beside her mother.
She was losing another person she loved and it was killing her inside.
Because it was her fault.
"I'm so sorry," Faye soothed, brushing at Alilyn's hair. "But it's all going to be fine in the end, I promise. This is for the best. It's best for everyone, for you, for the younger kids, for Bridget and Hunter, even for me. It seems really hard right now, but the silver lining will come. It has to."
She pulled back and looked Alilyn in the eye. Faye touched the younger girl's cheek affectionately and managed a small smile. As Alilyn looked at her cousin, she was amazed at the difference. Their roles had been switched. It was no longer Alilyn looking out for Faye; it was now Faye who was taking charge and handling things.
Perhaps she always had been.
Faye was determined and strong. She was unbreakable. Alilyn had never admired Faye more than she did in that moment, despite her strong desire for things to go back to the way they'd always been.
"Find a man who loves you," Faye told her. "Marry him and have lots of beautiful children. Live to be old with him. See your grandchildren and great-grandchildren grow. Find joy in the little things. Let life lead. Never look back. Promise?"
Alilyn bit her lip and blinked back tears.
"Promise," she offered Faye a watery smile.
"Good."
Faye leaned forward and kissed Alilyn's forehead. Then, she let go.
She gave her good-byes to both Bridget and Hunter, then she was gone. Faye disappeared into the fading light. Alilyn watched her slip away, a hole in her heart threatening to swallow her. She let Bridget hold her and offer words of comfort, but there were no more tears shed after Faye left.
There was nothing but emptiness.
It was a while before Alilyn started to make her way home. She had felt obligated to stay and comfort Bridget. Alilyn herself didn't feel anything after Faye had left. She was numb and tired and angry at where life had taken her.
And what it had taken from her.
It wasn't fair. Hadn't she lost enough already?
Alilyn slipped inside her door and closed it behind her. She turned around and jumped when she saw her father sitting at the table waiting for her. He was clearly drunk, a nearly-empty bottle of whisky in front of him, and looked angry. He had probably been waiting a good two hours for her to come home after work.
She didn't feel a lick of guilt, though. She'd had more important things to deal with.
"What took you so long?" He demanded, glaring at her.
"I stopped by at Faye's," she said, staying calm.
His frown deepened and he huffed before taking a long sip from the bottle in front of him. He pulled a key out from his shirt pocket and unlocked the small box in front of him. When he had it open he gestured for Alilyn to come over.
"Alright, girl, hand over your pay."
It had been like this for as long as Alilyn could remember. Her mother had even handed over her pay, allowing her husband to lock it up in that box, opening it only when it came to buying necessities. Or beer, when her father was feeling especially needy.
Which was often.
Still, there was quite a bit in there. The box held plenty of the coins her father enjoyed hording; in case something happened, he liked the control it gave him. It gave him options.
The sight of it now, even though she had seen it every week for years, made the anger come flooding back.
She could have given those extra coins to Faye. They could have kept her cousin here, with her, safe. They could have kept her best friend at her side. They could have kept love in her life.
But no, her father, the man who was supposed to love her, had locked them away out of reach, forcing the only thing dear to Alilyn away.
All the anger Alilyn had been directing at herself, all the fear she had of being without someone who cared, all the blame that had rested solely on her shoulders, suddenly came out with a vengeance, directing itself at the man who had made her life a living hell for as long as she could remember.
It was all his fault. It always had been.
The anger gave her a courage she had never possessed before. If Faye could be brave enough to sell herself to feed her family, Alilyn could be brave enough to stand up to her father.
"No," she shook her head.
Her father quirked a brow, as if daring her to repeat herself.
"Excuse me?"
He was giving her a chance to take it back and just hand over the money. He was giving her a chance to escape the beating she knew she would get. Her hand trembled and she had to clench her teeth to keep them from chattering.
Everything inside her told her to give into him. Self-preservation. Save herself.
But she couldn't. Not after what Faye had done.
"I said, no," she repeated firmly. "This is my money and I'll be keeping it with me."
Her father's face went red. A vein in his temple throbbed. He slammed the lid of the box down hard enough to shake the table. He stalked around it, towards her, and Alilyn backed away, starting to shake. The courage that had given her the words to speak had totally deserted her, leaving her to take the consequences of its actions alone.
"Don't you dare tell me no!" He yelled at her. "I am your father and if I want something, you better give it to me, girl!"
He grabbed her by the shoulders and Alilyn flinched. She started shutting herself down mentally, blocking out the meanings to his angry words, trying to bury herself deep inside as he shook her hard.
The fists and open palms came not long after and Alilyn couldn't keep back her exclamations of pain. She curled up against the wall, trying to protect her head from the worst of the beating. She could do nothing but wait for her father's anger to be spent.
She almost wished he would just kill her. Alilyn was tired of this life of pain and loss. Everything good had once again been stripped from her and she was done with trying to hold on to it.
She was going nowhere. She was getting nothing.
Her life was pointless.
A particularly vicious slap sent her head spinning into the wall. She welcomed the blackness that swallowed her with open arms, not caring that her body was sliding down to the floor. Any relief she could get from the hopelessness and blame was something she craved.
And, if she was honest, she wished she wouldn't wake up.
Alilyn woke up to someone gently tapping her on the cheek. She opened her eyes, reluctant to let go of the peaceful darkness. Bridget's face swam into view and Alilyn blinked a few times to try and clear her vison. She glanced behind Bridget and saw that they were in her house, Hunter standing behind the older girl, looking concerned.
Her father must have left after knocking her out. Probably to drown himself in more alcohol. Faye had usually been the one who helped Alilyn after a beating. But Faye wasn't around anymore; Bridget had come instead.
"How'd you know?" Alilyn asked, leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes.
Bridget wiped Alilyn's face off with a wet piece of cloth.
"Everyone within twenty yards knows, Lyn. Your father isn't a quiet person," Hunter answered.
Alilyn grunted.
"What happened?" Bridget asked, helping Alilyn and into a chair.
Alilyn took a second to look over herself, the shoulder on her dress torn, bruises dotting her arms and, no doubt, her face as well. No blood, though. That was a good sign. Her head ached where it had slammed into the wall, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
She was still alive.
She couldn't decide if that was good or not.
"I refused to hand over my wages for him to lock away," she told them.
Bridget raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Why?"
"Because they're mine. And I'm tired of giving into him." She chuckled. "Honestly, I'm tired of everything. I'm done with this life."
Bridget took Alilyn's hand and squeezed it tightly. Alilyn met her cousin's eyes, confused by the sudden intensity in them.
"Then leave."
Alilyn frowned.
"Leave? And go where? Do what?"
"It doesn't matter," Bridget shook her head. "You don't deserve this. You have nothing left here."
Alilyn glanced between her and Hunter, who was at the table taking the coins out of the money box her father had forgotten to lock and putting them into a bag.
"What about you?" She asked.
"We can't keep you safe," Bridget said. "We couldn't even keep Faye safe. This is a hellhole, Alilyn. If you stay here, you're going to die. Faye wanted you to be happy and we do too. One of you deserves a chance and she's chosen to let you have it. Don't waste it. Leave and go find your way in the city. Anything is better than this."
Alilyn stared at Bridget. She had wanted to run away for years, ever since her mother had died. But she had always shoved aside that desire, knowing that she could never leave Faye. But Faye was gone. Now, there really wasn't anything holding her back. She would miss her other cousins, of course, but Bridget was right; they couldn't protect her from her father now that she refused to help him. And he would, no doubt, beat her to death when he found out.
If she left, if she could find a place for herself in the city. She could find a life and purpose. Then she could come back for them, save them from their fate. She could save Faye, give her the life she deserved.
She could make things right and get rid of the guilt she felt.
She was their hope. Their only chance.
Could she really refuse them?
Hunter came over and handed her the bag of coins that he'd collected from the box. He gave her a smile as she took it from him.
"It's rightfully yours, you should take it with you."
Alilyn felt the weight of it in her hands. In that moment, looking at that small stack of coins, feeling the freedom it held, she knew she was going to leave. She wasn't going to let herself stay here any longer.
She did deserve better. They all did.
Faye deserved better.
"No," she gave the bag back. "You keep it. You'll need it more than I do."
Hunter tried to protest but Alilyn held up her hand.
"I'm leaving. But I refuse to leave without giving you something that will make me feel better about leaving you here. If you don't take it, I'm not going."
Hunter reluctantly accepted it and leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead. Alilyn felt herself choke up a bit. It was the only time she'd ever been touched with love by a man. He was like her older brother, and she suddenly realized how much he meant to her.
"Take care of yourself, Alilyn." He touched her cheek. "We'll be rooting for you."
Bridget handed her a bundle of clothes and Alilyn realized that they had even packed her things for her. This wasn't something they had just come up with on the spur of the moment. They had been prepared.
It had been planned, no doubt by Faye when she had told them she was going to leave.
She had given Alilyn a final gift: the dream she knew the younger girl had always held onto.
It was enough to make her cry.
"I love you, sweetheart." Bridget hugged her tightly, pressing kisses to her hair. "And I know you're going to find happiness out there."
Alilyn barely had time to hug her in return before Bridget was pulling her out of the chair and out the door. Her head spun a bit with the sudden movement, but she knew she would have to leave as soon as possible. She couldn't wait for her father to come back. She didn't have time to sleep off his last abuse.
She had to leave now.
She blinked the tears out of her eyes and turned to look at her cousins.
"Tell the other three goodbye for me," she said, looking at Hunter and Bridget. "Tell them I love them. And know that I love you two too. And I can't thank you enough. For all you've done for me, for all you've been to me. I wouldn't be here without you."
Bridget bushed away tears and gave Alilyn a small push out into the street.
"Go, fast. You don't have much time. Enough words."
Alilyn nodded and gave them one last parting look, burning them in her memory, before turning and walking away. Leaving behind everything she'd ever known: her house, her family. The people who loved her.
But she was giving herself a chance. Giving her family a chance.
Her destiny was out there somewhere, she knew it. Happiness was out there. Purpose was out there.
A way to make things right was out there.
Alilyn would just have to find it.
WEEEEEELL? How was that? Did you guys like it? This is the turning point for Alilyn. This is what shoves her directly into the events that will lead her to Neverland (and more importantly) Peter. So yeah, this does mean we're getting closer to Peter (YAY!). Be happy my friends :D And send me lots of reviews to show you happiness! Please. Oh, and I changed the summary so tell me what you guys think about the new one! Like it better?
~Sunshine
