A/n: I feel like I am not stretching this out long enough, but I feel like what I do have is decently written... I might be making a lot of short installments of the same story... I dunno, I have a Tig centric story bouncing around my head...
This chapter sheds some light of the weird shit Opie is obsessing over with Arika, and a little bit of history. It's a bit graphic and pretty crazy. Feedback would be awesome. There is potential for a lot more crazy... But I'm not sure if ya'll can handle it. =P
Disclaimer: Don't own SoA :{
Arika wasn't sure where the time had gone. She'd been in Charming an entire week now, and hadn't felt to relaxed in her entire life. It hadn't all been just sitting around on her ass, she'd helped out in the garage doing some office work and minor oil changes to free up the mechanics for the bigger jobs. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd felt to at peace with the world. In the presence of the Sons she felt safe and free to do whatever the hell she wanted. She didn't have to ask for permission to do something, dress a certain way, didn't have to work in Scott's sleazy club. The only thing she had to worry about was Opie's overbearing attitude as he hovered over her Friday afternoon. She wasn't sure why he'd suddenly been overtaken by a severe case of static cling so she didn't waste the chance to confront him at the first moment they were away from anyone else.
"What's your deal?" she asked as he flopped onto the couch beside her, taking Juice's place as Clay yelled at him for something he misplaced in the garage.
"What do you mean?" he asked glancing sideways at her.
"I mean, why the fuck have you been up my ass all afternoon?" he shrugged and she kicked him lightly, sitting with her back against the arm of the couch facing him. He shrugged again and she growled.
"I just don't want a repeat of last week." he said finally, not looking at her. "I can't handle seeing you drunk, and tonight there's gonna be a party." He admitted. She sighed and shook her head.
"I can't handle you being up my ass." she said finally. "I know you've got this image of me in your head as some screwed up little teenager, but can you honestly tell me you are the same person you were 5 years ago?" she asked. He finally turned to her, staring at her, thinking over the answer, not happy that it was going to support the argument she was about to make. He shook his head. "You have to understand that my shit is really - REALLY - upside down. Drinking takes the edge off." he shook his head again.
"If you got drunk and hurt yourself again I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." he said in a low voice leaning on her legs. "I smell booze on your breath and the next think I feel is sickness, the same that I felt when I saw what you did." he explained putting a hand on her stomach. She sighed and her head rolled back and she stared up at the ceiling. She wished she could undo that stupid day.
'It's pointless!' she thought as she stared in the mirror, hating everything about the reflection staring back at her. 'What would a Son ever see in a THING like me?' something was going down in Charming and the family of the club had all been directed to stay in the complex on lockdown. She hadn't had much difficulty getting her hands on some booze, the sweet taste of peach schnapps appealed to her. Perhaps she'd gotten just a bit carried away though. Her head was swimming as she stumbled into the bathroom, stripping off her shirt, leaving her in just a bra on top. She looked at her pale face in the mirror and punched the glass. It cracked and she laughed at herself, or at least her reflection laughed at her. She wasn't even able to break a fucking mirror. What a little bitch! She looked at the sliver of glass that had fallen into the sink and picked it up. Her reflection was still mocking her and it was as if she'd lost control of her body, the other her in the mirror was controlling her hands as she began to etch the insults onto her pale stomach. The biting sting was refreshing as her skin parted under the shard's razor like edge. All of the shit in her head started to clear and as she finished cutting the words worthless and ugly into her skin she felt down right happy again. She grabbed some toilet paper, swaying in her still drunken state and pressed it to her stomach as she sat down on the toilet. After a few minutes she checked on the cuts, they'd almost stopped bleeding, fewer red dots were pooling on the surface. She appreciated the sight of a little bit of blood. She'd never been good with her emotions, anything that overwhelmed her had to be turned into something manageable... Those little red dots were manageable. She could summon them and dismiss them at will. The stinging bite of a new cut was like opening up and letting out all of the bad shit that seemed to find it's way in, but never could escape without a little bit of razor blade therapy. She wiped away the blood again and sighed. No more little droplets appeared and she suddenly felt tired in her new relaxed state. She dropped the glass in the trash and went out into the bedroom, flopping into bed in just her shorts.
The knock on the door made her want to shoot herself. Her head was pounding all on it's own and she cringed.
"Come in. Jesus Christ, just come in." she groaned rolling onto her back, pulling a pillow over her head.
"Gemma wants... What the fuck?" she uncovered her face and looked up at Opie who was standing in the doorway a look of horror on his face. She followed his gaze down to her stomach and blanched.
"Ope I can explain." she said pushing herself up to her knees, but that proved to much for her dehydrated system and she felt like she was going to vomit. She put a hand up and got off the bed, barely making it to the toilet before she yakked. She heard the door close and heavy boots crossing the room to the bathroom as she clung to the porcelain bowl pushing her hair back out of her face. She felt rather then saw him kneel beside her and pull back her hair as she emptied her stomach.
"Jesus." he muttered as she started to dry heave, her wounds aching as her stomach contracted. "What did you do to yourself?" he asked softly. "Why would you do this?" she coughed and groaned and finally, once the heave stopped she flopped back against the cool smoothness of the bathtub.
"I need to get all of the bad shit out." she whispered, her throat raw from throwing up.
"So you try to kill yourself?" he sitting back, staring at her in disbelief. He knew that the fifteen year old girl had a rough lot in life. He dad had been a shit head drug addict who beat the shit out of her and her mother until he finally bailed on them. Joslyn had always been a bitter c-rag and treated the girl like shit as well. He suspected being pulled away from her life in Charming hadn't helped matters either, but he couldn't understand why she'd try to kill herself. He pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling Gemma." despite how sick she felt, she moved damn fast snatching the phone out of his hand, he tried to take it back but she tossed it into the toilet.
"What? God no! I am just hung over as fuck. I didn't try to kill myself Ope. Listen-" he shook his head and stood up.
"I can't deal with this." he started for the door. "Gemma will have my ass if I don-" she grabbed his hand, on her knees.
"Opie please. Please, please, please just listen for two minutes and let me explain." he looked back down and the desperation in her eyes made him hesitate.
"You have one."
"I was drunk, and I felt like shit and I had to let it out. I did it badly. I'm sorry, but I just had to get the shit out before I did eat lead" she explained, not releasing his hand.
"You were drunk?" she nodded. He shook his head slowly. "I don't know if I can just sit on this Arika. This is some heavy shit. I mean, it's not right."
"It's the only way I can get myself back in control. I was in a tailspin and about to go down in flames... This saved me from a melt down." she said gesturing at her belly where the fresh wounds kind of shined in the sunlight that came through the window over the shower. "But I am back in control and I won't do this again. I swear. If you take this to the club, I am gonna be shipped home and never allowed back because I can't handle my shit. Please." she had tears streaming down her face now and he felt bad for her. She was right, the club would ship her home thinking that the stress of what was going on was the cause, she'd be practically shunned by the only family she had that didn't treat her like scum. He pulled her up to her feet and embraced her tightly.
"I'll keep your secret." he whispered into her hair as he kissed the top of her head. "But this is your only pass." he added. She sobbed her thanks into his chest and they stood there like that, her half naked, crying her relief into his chest, him holding her trying to make the hurt stop for her and for himself. This girl had always been like a little sister to him, to see her harming herself was heartbreaking.
Arika felt him squeeze her hand and she blinked away the memory and looked back at him. She just stared at him and realized that he'd been replaying that day in his head. She could tell by the fear in his eyes, the same fear that she'd seen on the floor of that bathroom.
"I'm not the person anymore Opie. I'm an adult and I know how to keep my shit contained." she said finally. "I'm sorry that I put you through that, that I made you hold onto that secret... But I wouldn't be here if it had played out any other way. You helped pull my head out of my ass that summer. You got to be my super hero." she squeezed his hand back as she spoke. "I just wish like hell you'd stop seeing me like a god damn victim." he took a deep breath.
"Get a room you two." Clay said as he walked into the clubhouse to see him laying over her legs, holding her hand. Opie sat up and scooted back to his side of the couch, Arika just laughed. "We gonna have to keep you way from the girls tonight kid?" the old man said leaning over the back of the couch. "The sweetbutt hasn't shown her face here since you're little performance."
"I'll be on my best behavior tonight. Scouts honor." she said holding up her hand. He shook his head.
"Don't think a boy scout oath works for a chick." she grinned up at him.
"I'll keep that in mind." she wriggled her eyebrows and he cursed with a chuckle before walked away to the chapel. She looked back at the brunette with the top knot and smiled hopefully at him. "Are we okay?"
"Yeah." he said gruffly, getting to his feet. "I gotta take a piss before church. Behave." she rolled her eyes. Sometimes she forgot that she was in clubhouse full of bikers, but their blunt nature had a way of reminding her. It wasn't a bad thing... But it was amusing.
