I know it's not the Fourth of July yet, but it will be in a few days!
"Has anybody seen Eragon lately?" Heather asked walked into the kitchen, where all of us were eating breakfast. "I haven't seen him in a few weeks."
I was sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. "Eragon's been missing? No wonder it's been so quiet lately!"
Murtagh was sitting next to me, reading the sports paper. "Looks like the Blue Dragons won the super bowl last night to the Blood Dragons."
"HA!" Saphira exclaimed from outside with Thorn. "Pay up!"
Thorn muttered something about Saphira being a wizard before tossing her a chunk of his meat.
Galbatorix ran in with a red-white-and-blue-cat-in-the-hat hat one. "HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!"
Durza ran in with a green-and-white-cat-in-the-hat hat on. "HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!"
"St. Patricks day is in March Durza." Murtagh muttered, flipping through the sports paper.
I looked at the date. "It is the fourth of July. I guess we should go get some fireworks then."
The house trembled and Eragon ran through the wall, making a huge hole. "DID SOMEBODY SAY FIREWORKS?"
"Oh lord!" I exclaimed. "Who let him out of the closet?"
Galbatorix look around sheepishly. "Oops . . ."
"Now we have to put up with his ass now!" I snapped, throwing the newspaper I was reading into the air. "Oi! Brom! Another coffee!"
"Right away!" Brom announced. He walked over and refilled my coffee cup.
I took a sip from it and spat it out instantly. "Brom! What the hell is this freakin shit?!"
"What? I only added syrup, sour milk, salt, pepper, chocolate milk, cream, ten pounds of sugar, and some stuff I found next to the dragon barn. What's the big deal?" Brom said lazily.
I turned green and poured the pitcher of coffee into the nearby plant, the muck killing it instantly.
"Can I try some of that?" Eragon asked.
"Knock yourself out." I said, giving him my glass.
Eragon gulped the coffee down and smacked his mouth a few times. "Damn that's good!"
"ERAGON!" I screamed. "Where'd you hear that word?"
"Murtagh dared me to say it." He said, pointing at his big brother.
I turned my gaze to Murtagh with a sweet grin on my face. "Murtagh."
The boy in black gulped fearfully. "Y-Yes Shannon?"
"You have a ten second head start." I announced, cracking my knuckles. "This is going to be fun."
"Oh shit! Here Eragon! Take this book! Tell all the girls listed in there that I love them!" Murtagh demanded.
"Holy crap Murtagh! This thing is packed! We have a problem." Eragon stated.
Murtagh sighed. "What?"
"I can't read." Eragon explained.
Murtagh threw his hands in the air. "Then tell our mom I love here!"
"Our mom's dead!" Eragon added.
"What are you? Captain obvious—?" Murtagh was cut off by Eragon.
"HOLY CRAP! HERE SHE COMES! GET OUT OF TOWN! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! HEAD FOR THE SEA! DON'T FORGET TO WASH BEHIND HER EARS!" Eragon practically screamed in his brother's ear.
"OH SHIT! She's wearing cleats today!" Murtagh gasped, and shot out the door with me chasing after him.
Silence. . .
"I bet you all the money you have Shannon kicks Murtagh's ass before one minutes up." Durza hissed in pleasure.
Brom smirked. "You're on!"
"You might as well pay up now—." Durza was cut off.
I walk back in whistling.
Galbatorix looked at his timer. "Damn! That beating was only lasted three seconds! A new record!" He pushed the refrigerator out of the way to reveal a chalk board with times of resent beatings. "She was five seconds faster then the last time!" He exclaimed while writing the score down.
"Damn it!" Galbatorix cursed while emptying his pockets.
"Who wants to go get fireworks?" I yell.
Everyone in the house, except Heather, runs towards the car. (In Murtagh's case, he just laid there until Galbatorix dragged him into the car)
"The champ has spoken." I smirked.
Ten minutes later:
"I want this one!" Eragon squealed, pointing at a huge rocket that was the size of Orik.
I cocked my eyebrows. "How much is it?"
"$3.47." Eragon said a bit too quickly.
"Are you reading the price tag upside down on purpose?" I challenged.
Eragon flinched and mumbled something.
"What was that?" I asked.
He mumbled a bit louder.
"Huh?" I asked once more.
"$743.00." Eragon squeaked.
"WHAT?!" I scream. "We are not getting that!"
Arya walked over (Bag on her head) and looked at the tag again. "It says it will blow up all traces of Barney or your money back." She added.
I grinned devilishly.
"Um . . . Arya. Shannon's getting that scary look again." Eragon whimpered, hiding behind the elf.
Arya nodded. "She's having one of her thoughts."
"GOOD BYE PURPLE ASSED DINO!" I yelled, grabbing hold of the rocket and throwing it into the basket.
Murtagh walked over and put four packs of firecrackers in there also. "I checked the tag and it said buy three get one free. The first three were only $3.21."
I nodded. "Where are Durza and Galbatorix?"
"Arguing on whether to getting sparklers or not." Murtagh shrugged, nodding over to where Durza was crying because he wanted the colorful sparklers and Galbatorix was yelling that sparklers were too childish.
"Are they expensive?" I asked.
Murtagh shook his head.
"Then get the sparklers. That's the only thing that will keep Durza from whining all night." I sighed. "OH NO MISTER! YOU ARE NOT GETTING EXPLOSIVES! PUT THOSE DOWN NOW ERAGON MORZANSON! ERAGON! OH DON'T YOU DARE LIGHT THOSE EXPLOSIVES!"
Galbatorix took this chance and threw an explosive chocolate bar into the basket with an evil grin on his face. This is going to be a screwed up night . . . a.k.a: Another normal night in my house. . .
8:07 p.m. That night:
"Come on everybody!" I call. We all got into the driveway and set the bag of fireworks on the ground. "Alright, I want everyone to stay away from the road. Don't go running towards the firework while it is in motion. That means YOU Eragon! We don't want last year's incident to ruin this year!"
Flashback:
"Murtagh, please light the first firework please." I had said, handing Murtagh one of our fountains.
He nodded and lit the fountain, running back over to us. The cone began to hiss and a fountain of sparks began to raise high in the air.
"Pretty!" Eragon screamed, running towards the fountain. "I want to make a wish!"
"ERAGON! GET BACK HERE!" I had shrieked.
Too late. The moronic blond jumped into the sparks before we could stop him.
Heather had to call 911 and an ambulance picked Eragon up. The idiot suffered from third degree burns to the hands, head, arms, and some think his brain, for he got even stupider this year.
End of Flashback
"I am NOT going to do mouth to mouth AGAIN!" I spat, putting one of those kid leashes on Eragon and tying him to my dad's truck, where everybody else was sitting on the tailgate. "There. Sit boy."
Eragon plopped down in-between Heather and Arya, his tongue lolling out of his mouth like a dog.
"Good boy." I praised, giving him a dog treat. "You know the drill!" I said, tossing a lighter to Murtagh.
He lit the fireworks and dashed over to the truck, joining us on the tailgate. The fireworks hissed and flew up into the night's sky, erupting into many colors and patterns.
Durza began to cry because the noise scared him, so Heather went inside with him to wait until we did sparklers. We had to enlarge the eyeholes in Arya's bag so that she could see. Galbatorix gave Murtagh an explosive chocolate bar, knocking out all of Murtagh's molars. Eragon just sat there in awe at the fireworks. Murtagh was trying to stop the bleeding mouth while I was constantly handing him new paper towels that weren't soaked with his blood.
2 hours later:
"Okay, now that we've finished all the sparklers and fireworks, its time for the finely! It's guaranteed to destroy all traces of Barney or our money back!" I exclaimed, running over to the rocket and lighting it before diving back to the truck. "HIT THE DECK!"
Everyone dived under the truck for cover. The rocket went off and flew up a little bit into the air, and then dropped onto Murtagh's motorcycle, exploding.
"MY MOTORCYCLE! NO!" Murtagh screamed, dropping onto his knees and flailing his arms in the air. "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
"PRETTY!" Eragon exclaimed, managing to get loose of his leash and he jumped into the flames.
I sighed and sat down, watching Murtagh cry, Eragon scream in pain, Arya and Heather trying to put the fire and Eragon out, Galbatorix giving Eragon mouth to mouth, and Durza picking his nose.
This family was hell.
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I hope you all like this special 4th of July chapter! Please R&R!
