"I'm always irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from the reality. It is a plunge into reality and it's very shocking to the system." Flannery O'Connor
Chapter 7: Wounded
BPOV
Previously in Mistaken Identity...
The elevator door closing brought me out of my reverie. I made one promise to myself to avoid this very situation. However, my heart seemed to have overpowered my head. Unfortunately, I have feelings for Edward Cullen.
And now I hate his lying, narcissistic, fucking playboy ass even more.
Congratulations to me.
As the elevator fell my headache seemed to intensify and I felt dizzy all the way to lobby. My heartbeat was erratic and my lungs couldn't expand fast enough. To say I was horrendously grossed out would be an understatement. Watching Lauren's legs practically straddled around him was an image that would forever be burned into my mind. Her dress had ridden up to her hips as she contorted her body on the desk to get closer to him. The way his muscles were flexed underneath his dark dress shirt, the rigid angle of his jaw, and the hardness in his emerald eyes were all too familiar.
I had deluded myself into believing that I was different. That I was somehow morally above the prostitute he was expecting to show up in his office the other day. I was juvenile to even entertain the idea that what happened in his office was an act of passion, something I really couldn't control. I was never the type of girl to jump into some guy's bed on a whim and yet that is exactly what I had done. I had slept with a complete stranger, someone so far out of my league that he presumed I was a prostitute instead on an aspiring career woman. I should have shoved him away from me that day when he advanced. I should have run from that office like I had today. I should have done a lot of things. I was blinded by him and his demeanor. He was strong, intelligent, and inhumanly beautiful. I knew in those moments I had no willpower to say no to such attraction. I was docile to him and he made me need him.
As I stumbled through the large lobby, I tried to keep my mind from returning to the scene in his office. It would only cause me pain to relive what I had witnessed. It should not matter to me what Mr. Cullen did with his time or who for that matter. I was here to do a remedial job for a few years to build up my resume before finding a teaching position at one of the universities. I desperately needed the money and security that this job provided. Once I could pay back my hefty student loans, I wouldn't feel the weight of them pressing on my shoulders. I wouldn't be hesitant to accept a job teaching high school English at a horrible salary to pay my dues before transferring into a college English department. Hopefully that college would be somewhere where the sun didn't only make an appearance during the summer months or a place where the humidity from the rain didn't cause my hair to puff out and resemble a haystack.
Speaking of the rain, I was currently getting drenched in the downpour outside the CI building and couldn't even manage to care. It would have been easy to grab the well-used umbrella from inside my purse and shield myself from the rain. In this single instance I actually enjoyed the sensation of the rain against my skin. The droplets of water cascading down my face were cleansing and I felt the terrible day wash away. I walked down the sidewalk towards the bus stop and felt lighter with every step. I knew I needed to let go of what had happened between Edward and I. It wasn't healthy for me to live in the past and fixate on something I had no control over.
It took me months to find a job in this economy and I wasn't about to give up on CI because of its abhorrent CEO. How often will I honestly have to interact with him? There can only be so much overlap between the PR department and the executive office on a regular basis. I knew if I asked Emmett to censor my involvement with Edward, it would be obvious that I was ignoring his brother and things would become even more complicated.
No. The best option was changing my own outlook. I needed to look at this as a learning experience or even a test of my resolve. I could not this inconsequential attraction to him affect me past this moment. I would bury the feelings of betrayal, confusion, and even disgust at myself.
I was not a common whore. I was not a weak little girl with daddy issues that fell into the 'profession'. I was a confident person who has worked too hard to let a man stand in my way. Starting tomorrow, my interviews with Edward were nothing more than professional courtesy. He was the distant CEO everyone seemed to know him as and I was nothing more than a lunch interview for a low-level position in his company. We had no other personal contact as far as anyone would know. He was my new boss's younger brother and CI's CEO. Nothing more.
I felt rejuvenated with my current plans and relieved to let go of some of the tension plaguing my body since I left his office. The bus was coming down the street with loud growls from its engine and I quickly stepped on and slid my transit card through the machine. I took a seat near the window and grabbed by cellphone from my purse. I decided to text Alice and see if she wanted to get dinner. I was in desperate need of some normalcy and I figured she could use some more girl time to talk through her worries over having a baby. Hopefully she wouldn't care if she monopolized the conversation because I wasn't in the mood to talk about my day. I needed the mind-numbing drabble of someone else's problems and concerns. If I couldn't help myself, the least I could do was ease her mind.
Once I had hit the send button, I looked up from my phone screen and peered out the window. The bus began to move and shook my small frame in the imitation leather seat. I took one last glance towards my new workplace and stifled a groan.
The black dress and platinum blonde hair caught my eye and wandered up toward her fake orange face. Lauren Mallory was tumbling out of the building. Her dress still in disarray, her high heels strapped in her hands, and her eye makeup smudged underneath her eyes. She had definitely been crying and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She actually looked the part of a hooker after being callously used by a client. It was seriously ironic and I couldn't help but giggle to myself at the shear irony of the situation. I guess Edward had finally found what he looking for in a woman, a below average intellect, usable, and not enough hands to count the number of men they had slept with. If she was expecting to sleep her way to the top, I seriously doubt Edward would condone that as a repeated exercise. He was obviously practiced and cold in dismissal of his play toys. His business was his life and he wasn't about to waste his time taking out the trash.
The bus pulled into the busy intersection and I watched as Lauren and the CI building faded into the cityscape of downtown. I knew going back to work tomorrow will be like playing with fire. It would be hard to resist the heat of the flames without getting burned. It wasn't until the bus had reached my stop that I thought back to the strangled way he said my name and titled my head in confusion.
Why did he even bother chasing after me?
I shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of the thought. He wasn't running after me, he was simply being the strategic CEO and trying to thwart the potential sexual harassment lawsuit I could file. What he didn't know is that I would never intentionally expose myself to that humiliation. I was a consenting adult in that first interview and to say that I didn't want him in those moments… well that would be perjury.
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