Seriously thank you guys for all the amazing feedback, follows, and favorites on the story! I'm shocked by the success this story has gotten so thank you so much. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it took a while to get it right. With that being said, please read and review and I'll start mapping out the next few chapters.
Nothing in the world could have prepared Josh for the question Maya had asked him. He was paralyzed, frozen in place as he stared off into space, reminiscing on the past events that haunted him. Closing his eyes, he tried to block out the pain that came rushing back to him. The burn of the asphalt against his skin, the broken motorcycle crumped by the fence, the struggle to breathe…
"Josh?"
Josh snapped out of his daze staring at the blonde who had concern etched all over her face. He took a shaggy breath trying to calm himself not sure what to do but knew he had to say something.
"Maya," he tried his voice cracked as he found himself drowning yet again. He shouldn't have tried to ignore what happened these past months. He was drowning with no signs of coming back up.
"Josh what happened?" Maya asked softly lightly placing a hand over his. "Don't try to shut me out. I didn't pry, when we talked over the phone a few times last March. But now I can't ignore this when its eating you alive. Please tell me."
Josh had never seen Maya so determined before as she met his gaze. Once again, she had saved him but would he be able to stay afloat? Breaking away he stared into the fire trembling trying not to drown again as he chose his words carefully. "Are you sure you want to know? I'll only let you down. Heck I let so many people down back then," he choked out.
"Yes I want to know," Maya said the same determination written on her face. "Unless you were flat out ignoring me…." She trailed off.
Josh sighed he couldn't gloss over the minor details. Not anymore. He had to be completely honest. "Maya it wasn't like that, not at first-" he began.
"Oh so you were ignoring me?" Maya asked her demeanor crumpling before him.
"Maya," he tried as she jumped up before him the firelight dancing in her eyes. Maybe I shouldn't have started with that. He thought as she began to spoke anger tinging her voice. She was already beginning to set up her walls. She was hurt.
"Oh really? Seems like I heard everything I needed to hear which makes sense considering Riley wouldn't tell me anything."
"Maya!" Josh tried once more standing up to face her.
"I knew it was stupid of me to get my hopes up after you told me you'd start seeing me differently after I crashed the party at the NYU dorm. I probably just scared you off-"
"Maya you're wrong! I did start seeing you differently," Josh exploded silencing her completely as a light blush graced her cheeks. Feeling his own cheeks tinge red, Josh continued speaking glad to finally have her own attention. "The reason why I stayed away was because I was in denial about it for a very long time. By the time I considered reaching out to you again, the New Year's Eve party Riley was going to throw, it was too late. I got caught up in the wrong crowd trying to convince myself what I was feeling was wrong that not only did I put myself in danger, I lost myself briefly in the process."
"You lost yourself?' Maya asked quietly as he nodded shamefully. "But how? You're like the most secure person I know."
"I'm sorry to disappoint," Josh replied looking down at the ground in defeat memories of the disappointed looks from his parents plaguing his mind. He closed his eyes trying to forget as she felt his chin being slightly tilted up. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking directly at Maya with her hand under his chin. Blinking back tears he didn't notice, he stared at her face the fire cackling behind them.
"Josh," Maya spoke softly. "I'm not going to judge. As someone who has recently found herself it would make me a hypocrite not to listen to you, especially when you have listened to me. I know I freaked out when you told me that you were avoiding me at first, but I got scared…."
"I understand. I would too," Josh softly cut in staring into her eyes. He understood why she freaked out.
"Good," Maya said a smile softly gracing her face before continuing. "But please tell me the full story. I'm trying to understand why you lost yourself. What made Riley lie to me? I can't quite understand with the information you have given me."
Pulling gently away from her touch, Josh swallowed staring into her eyes. He even though it still hurt him, he had to tell her the whole truth. He couldn't dance around the major details. He just hoped Maya was true to her word. "I got caught up in the wrong crowd," Josh began feeling the memories come rushing back immediately. "When I last visited you, you never left my thoughts and it scared me. At the time I was 17 and you were 14, the age difference was a big deal to me back then. Even though I promised I would look at you differently I was confused. I didn't want to come off as creeper or anything so I kept those feelings to myself. I was supposed to be mature. However as I tried to push away those feelings for you, it only made me less mature than I wanted to be."
Meeting the blonde's gaze, he sighed and began to pace finding himself unable to stand still. "So naturally I begin to lose myself in my studies, I just gotten into NYU and had to keep my grades up, but that proved to be unsuccessful since you still haunted my thoughts. At that point I was close to driving back up to New York to visit until I met her."
"Her?" Maya interrupted hurt crossing her face.
"Yes her," Josh said already sensing Maya's discomfort. He didn't want her to get the right idea, "But before you jump to conclusions it didn't last and I'm glad. She was bad for me. Just hear me out okay?"
Maya nodded as he continued.
He stopped pacing and glanced at the fire before speaking. "Her name was Misty. She blonde, blue eyes, was super sarcastic, artsy…." He trailed off as from the corner of his eye he could see realization dawn on her face. It had taken him awhile back then, but he knew why he dated her. If only he had known sooner rather than later. Then maybe he could have had the real thing instead of the knock off. "However she was dangerous but I didn't know at the time and all I needed was a distraction. We hung out for a bit and everything was fine. That was until I got a taste of the wild side."
"Wild side?" Maya asked raising an eyebrow.
He nodded. "Yeah wild side. Everyone has a wild side. For some its breaking the rules, getting into fights, drugs…" He trailed off swallowing as Maya's eyes widened. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea. "No I didn't have a drug problem if that's what you're wondering, but I did drink once. However, Misty's and her friends wild side was pretty dangerous: they rode motorcycles. I know motorcycles aren't particularly dangerous, but how they rode them was. I didn't know at the time and when I learned how to ride a motorcycle I didn't care. I felt powerful." Josh chuckled shaking his head in disbelief feeling foolish. "I felt like I dominated the road. When I learned a few tips and tricks on the motorcycle I felt invincible. I was so dedicated to my new hobby I saved up money for my own bike. It was nothing special. It was used and affordable. It beat riding my dad's old car and impressed my friends especially when I fixed it up. My mom and dad didn't bat an eye. They were just proud I bought it myself, wore a helmet, and kept my grades up."
He took a jagged breath, feeling unsteady and immediately sat down. Maya followed suit sitting next to him. He could tell she still had some questions left to be answered and was amazed with how patient she had been with him. He really had underestimated her back then.
"Everything was fine until December. About a week before New Year's Eve Riley called me up and invited me to the party she was going to throw. I had full intentions of going. I'd take off on my motorcycle and impress everyone there. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, I wanted to show everyone that I was Riley's cool older uncle."
"You are whether or not you ride a motorcycle. I always thought you were cool," Maya spoke meeting his gaze. Josh gave her watery smile before continuing. It was harder to tell his story than he thought. He felt ashamed.
"But I didn't know that. I was so lost trying to live up to a reputation I had that I didn't even know who I was anymore. Anyways, it was a day before New Year's Eve. Misty and her friends had a get together at a motor bike park. There was a bonfire, drinks, food, and all the bikers were there….." he trailed off biting his lip as the images filled his mind. He ran a hand through his hair trying not to lose himself as he continued. "We all drank a little, nothing too crazy but I should've known…" he trailed off his voice cracking as the scene unfolded before him. He watched himself drinking and laughing and commenting on the bikers moves. Was it possible to relive the worst possible moment of your life? He pondered as he tried not to get lost.
"Josh," Maya spoke up pulling him back to reality literally. He blinked back the silent tears and glanced down at his hand which Maya now held. He didn't he even begin to question why she held it. It didn't matter. She really was his life saver. "You don't have to-" she began before he cut her off.
"No I have to. I've kept you in the dark for so long, you need to know why I've been gone," Josh answered staring into his eyes. "Just….just don't let go, okay?" Josh answered gesturing to his hand which she held. She nodded and held on tighter to his arm. If he was going to get through this story he needed her to hold onto to him, to remind him that this was the reality. That he wasn't going to relive the past.
"I drank, we all drank. We were all watching our friends do this crazy tricks and jumps. Me being the cocky slightly drunk person I thought I was thought I could do those tricks. In fact, I started saying it wasn't so hard and the leader overheard me and challenged me. He dared me to jump over this fence. I accepted." He blinked into the fire watching the past unfold before him. Watching himself put on the helmet and get on his bike. Squeezing Maya's hand, he looked at the fire not wanting to see her reaction and continued. He didn't want to see the disappointment in her face when he told her the end. "So I put on my helmet started my bike and prepared to jump over the fence. Everything seemed to be fine. I did a few jumps before I just didn't count on anything going wrong." Shaking he stood up, letting go of Maya's hand and stared at the fire, wrapping his arms around himself trying to hold himself together. "But it did." He heard a gasp come from Maya but didn't dare turn around. Trembling with tears running down his face he continued on. "I should've seen the signs. Maybe if I didn't drink, but it was too late. I was riding then I was on the ramp prepared to make the jump only I didn't get enough height to make it over the fence. I don't exactly remember what happened, but I do recall falling off my bike and into the fence at 60 mph while my bike crashed into it. I do remember the struggle to breathe and the burn of asphalt against the skin before I blacked out. When I woke up I was in the hospital, I found out there what my injuries were. I suffered from major lacerations on my face, got a broken leg, broken ribs, and serious scars and bruising. That's why I didn't make it to Riley's party." Josh finished with a croak. Turning around, he noticed the petite blonde now standing with a tear streaked face that matched his.
His heart lurched at the sight. He didn't mean to cause her pain by his story, but he knew he had it to get it off his chest. "I spent quite some time in the hospital after that. I had to get a rod and pins placed in my broken femur and my ribs and lacerations treated all because of the accident. The doctors said I was very lucky. They said it could've been worse and praised me for wearing my helmet. But it didn't change what happened. My parents told everyone in our family even though I begged them not too. They told Cory and Topanga and that's how Riley found out. I begged her not to tell you because I didn't want you to find out. I didn't want to cause that," Josh paused gesturing towards her upset face.
"I didn't want to cause you any pain so if you have anyone to blame, blame me. I was pretty out of it then. I ended things with Misty, distanced myself from her friends, sold the remains of my bike, and was struggling to catch up in school to graduate on time. I was trying to move on, but it's pretty hard when you wake up to scars that remind you what happened." Josh hesitated before pulling his shirt to reveal a gnarly scar on his abdomen, right in the middle of his abs. He expected Maya to gasp as she had in the story or burst into tears, but instead she gently placed a hand on his stomach and gently ran her hand along the scar. It was an action he used to do back when guilt overcame him and he often winced. But now he only felt warmth from her touch, as if she was healing him.
And in a way he felt better by her touch. No longer did he tremble, but he felt strong, strong enough to get through the story. "I probably would've stayed in my funk if it weren't for the conversation we had in March on the phone," Josh spoke up tearing the blonde's gaze from his scar back to his face. He lowered his shirt back down before continuing. "If it weren't for that conversation I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Even though it didn't seem like much, it brought me back to who I was before I lost myself. I was back on track, I graduated on time with high grades and it helped me put things back in perspective."
"Put what into perspective?" Maya breathed. Josh took a deep breath noticing how much calmer he felt and how the mood had changed. No longer did he feel guilty or did Maya look sad. He felt much lighter after lifting the heavy weight that he had on his chest for the past few months.
"It helped me realize how I was dealing with my feelings about you at first was wrong," Josh said.
"Really?" Maya asked.
"Yeah I was scared at first, but now I'm not. I care about you Maya. And I want to help you the same way you helped me. This triangle you're in needs to end," Josh breathed. Although he felt more sure of himself he didn't want to start anything with her not yet. He didn't want to confuse her, not until the mess she was in was solved once and for all. However, with the stars out and the firelight dancing across her features, he found it difficult to keep to his word.
"I care about you too Josh and the triangle will end soon," Maya said back. "But if this, whatever this is, is going to work you need to be more honest with me."
"I know," Josh said noticing she had taken step forward. He took a step forward as well noticing there was hardly any space between them.
"Which means we need to have more conversations, like this one, more often," Maya pointed out.
"I know. And I wouldn't have it any other way," Josh agreed.
"Why is that?" Maya asked tilting her head ever so slightly. If it was there was anything the girl was good at, it was being cute he noted.
"Because I trust you and I like talking to you," Josh answered.
"I like talking to you too," Maya answered.
"It's been awhile though," Josh said finding himself reenacting a conversation they had 2 years ago at the Christmas party at the Matthews's apartment.
"It sure has," Maya responded blinking her eyes understanding where he was getting at.
"Well you grew up gorgeous," Josh finished finding himself leaning in as Maya did the same. He may have had plans to wait, but apparently nature had other plans as well. Who am I to argue with nature? Josh thought.
His eyes flickered shut as he met Maya's lips for the lightest of kisses. It was everything he'd imagined it would be: sweet, warm yet fiery like her. He felt her respond back eagerly, her lips pressing against his harder as if she didn't want the moment to end. Just as he was about to wrap his arms around her waist to pull her closer, the sound of a twig snapping brought them back to reality.
Jumping they pulled away gasping, staring at the trees searching for what had caused the noise but found nothing.
"We should probably head inside," Maya spoke up voicing his exact thoughts as she grabbed her sketch book. Even though they saw nothing, they wanted to be safe rather than sorry.
"Yeah," Josh agreed grabbing his own notebook following her to the back entrance. Once outside the back door he was just about to head inside when he heard Maya spoke up. "Josh?"
"Yeah?" he answered turning back to notice a look of uncertainty on her pretty face. Oh no. What have I done?
"Why did you kiss me?" she asked in a voice so small. Crap she didn't like it.
"Why you didn't like it?" he asked panic rising in his voice.
"No I did like it. It's just why did you?" she asked curiosity etched on her face.
Feeling a sudden surge of confidence at the fact she liked the kiss, Josh felt a sudden surge to tell her the truth. It had to be a sign. Maybe nature wanted him to confess his feelings to Maya now despite the triangle not being solved yet. "Because I-" Josh began as rustling in the bushes interrupted them.
"Never mind. You can just tell me tomorrow. Goodnight Josh," Maya said as she quickly stepped into the building not wanting to get caught.
Sighing Josh stepped inside after her. It's because I like you Maya. He thought heading back to room. Even though he may have had his moment with Maya, nature apparently had different plans for him to reveal his feelings for her.
And I just had to add a kiss in there. You just can't be at the Ski Lodge without kissing, so I added one in there. :)
