I knew something was wrong in the middle of the night. I had been sleeping when suddenly I was woken by the sound of muffled screaming. I jumped out of bed instantly and was out the door in the next second. As I threw open Dad's door, the sight I saw made me stop in my tracks. Dad was tossing and turning in his bed, the sheets twisted around his body like a straight jacket, sweat pouring down his face. It was contorted in pain and his screams were being muffled by his pillow.
After I got over my moment of shock, I was by his beside immediately.
"Dad! Dad!!" I grabbed his shoulder and arm and began shaking him. All he did was groan and yell "Stick to the plan!"
It instantly clicked that he was reliving Afghanistan. I'd heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but I'd never imagine Dad would have it. I should have known he would. No one could go through that ordeal and come out fine.
"DAD!" I shook him even harder. Suddenly his eyes flew open and he sat up in his bed so quickly that I lost my grip on his arm and went crashing to the floor. I let out a yell of pain as a landed badly on my shoulder.
Tony sat there for a few moments, heaving in deep breaths, before he realized I was lying on the floor beside his bed.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry Morgan!" He swung his legs over the side of the bed and quickly helped me get to my feet. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine Dad. Are you okay? You were screaming your head off," Instantly pain registered across his face. I sat down gently on the bed beside him and squeezed his hand.
"Yeah...just a nightmare," It was obvious he didn't want to talk about it.
"Dad...do you think you might...you know, need help? Like someone to help you get over the stress?" I was going into dangerous territory now.
"No, I'm fine! It was just a silly nightmare!" He sounded just a bit too forceful as he tried defending himself.
"Okay, it was just a suggestion. Just think about it, okay?"
He nodded encouragingly but I knew he would never take the advice and get help. I stood up from the bed, hiding the pain that shot threw my shoulder as I did. He stood up too, hugged me briefly then ushered me out of the room.
I knew this wouldn't be the last night this would happen.
I woke from a terrible nights sleep to the annoying sound of my alarm clock buzzing. After running into Dad's room at 1 in the morning, I'd had an extremely hard time getting back to sleep. Yawning, I managed to stumble my way out of my room and to the top of the stairs. I'd barley made it down two steps when I heard voices floating up from the living room.
"Be honest with me Pepper, how bad was she?" Frowning, I sat myself down on the step I'd been standing on and leaned in closer.
"Well...basically she shut down. She stayed in her room all day, didn't eat for days at a time, barely spoke at all," It suddenly registered that they were talking about me and what had happened in the months Dad was gone. "She was a completely different person. And it broke my heart...to see her so distraught like that."
Taking a deep breath, I had to steady myself. I didn't realise how much I had affect Pepper by the way I acted in those three months. I guess I eventually just forgot how much she really cared for me.
Dad must have done something because the next thing I heard was Pepper's clicking heels and her saying, "Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't her fault either. She was just trying to deal with the loss of her father."
"Jarvis told me she had asked him about survival rates for Afghanistan. How could I do that to her? I left her here with her heart broken," Dad's voice cut through me like a knife. (I made a mental note to speak to Jarvis later, traitor.)
I leaned down more, and through the waterfall I could see the blurred outlines of Pepper and Dad. It looked like Pepper had taken Dad's face between her hands and she spoke to him firmly. "Tony, this wasn't your fault. No one could have known this was coming. You cannot blame yourself!"
I couldn't bear sitting here and listening to this anymore. I stood up, made sure no tears had spilled down my face (all I seemed to be doing lately was crying) and began descending down the stairs. I made sure they heard of my approach, I didn't want them thinking I'd been listening in like I had been, plus I wanted to give Pepper time to drop her hands so she didn't feel embarrassed.
"Morning!" I said with a false smile across my face.
"Hey Morgs," Dad replied. My gaze flickered to Pepper momentarily. There was something in the way she was staring at me made me think she knew I'd heard everything they'd said. Quickly, I turned my gaze back to my father. He had dark circles under his eyes which reminded me of what I looked like when he was gone.
I walked straight to the kitchen where I began my morning ritual of preparing breakfast. Bowl, spoon, cereal, milk. I placed my bowl down on the kitchen island bench in my usual spot but before I sat down, Dad approached me and pulled me into an unexpected hug. Confused, I quickly hugged him tightly but gave him a quizzical look.
"What was that for?" I asked, sitting down on the stool.
"Oh, no reason," He smiled warmly and began getting his own bowl of cereal. It had been months since I'd had breakfast with Dad. If he wasn't away, he was sleeping in till 10 a.m. "You ready to start of the suit today?"
A huge grin broke out on my face. "Yes!"
"Okay well, I gotta go see Rhodey this morning but as soon as I'm back, we'll get straight to work, okay?"
I nodded my head enthusiastically and quickly jumped up to empty my bowl into the sink. I couldn't wait to get started. As I turned to leave the kitchen, Dad said something that made me stop in my tracks.
"You know I'm proud of you right?" I spun on my heel to look at him. He had a small smile on his face but he looked scared. I'd hardly ever seen my father scared, but now that look was chilling me to the bone.
"Of course I know that," I grinned at him, trying to reassure him.
"And you know I would have never left you if I could have helped it?"
"Oh Dad," I ran up to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I know you would never leave me. And I know you did everything you could to get back here. And you are."
"All I could think about in that cave was coming back here to you. I realized how crap of a father I had been, but I'm gunna change that."
We were still hugging each other, me because I didn't want Dad to see the tears on my face, and Dad because he didn't want me to see the tears on his face.
"Dad, you have been the greatest father I could have ever asked for. Your always there for me, you care for me and you love me. That's all I ask for," I made sure the tears and dried on my face before I released him from my hug and smiled up at him.
"Okay. I just wanted you to know how much I love you,"
"And I do." I kept the smile on my face as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left the kitchen.
I had never seen my father like that. He often told me he loved me and that he was proud but the look on his face back there....he was doubtful. He was doubtful that I knew how much he loved me. I had never seen Dad doubtful. I gotta admit, it was kinda scary.
As I jumped up the stairs two at a time, I heard Dad leave the kitchen and head for the garage. Sure enough, as I stood at the top of the stairs, a few seconds later I heard the engine of his Audi roar into life and screech away.
As I walked into my bathroom my thoughts drifted to what Dad would be talking to Rhodey about. Maybe Dad wanted him to help on the suit. Since the main transportation of the suit would be flying, and Rhodey is in the U.S Air Force, it made sense for Dad wanting him involved.
Because we would only be working on the suit, I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and pulled on an old singlet and shorts. After brushing my teeth, I left my room and headed for the garage. As I pushed in the code and walked inside, I realized there was something I needed to do.
"Jarvis?" I sat down on my computer car and crossed my arms.
"Yes, Miss Stark?" The British voice answered instantly.
"Did you tell Dad about me asking you for Afghanistan survival rates?" I could hear the anger in the voice but I tried to control it. There was no point in getting angry at a machine.
"Mr. Stark asked me to inform him about any searches or queries you asked me in his absence,"
Damn Dad. I didn't even think twice about Dad asking Jarvis about anything like that. I should have sworn Jarvis to keep silent. Too late now.
"Great," I muttered under my breath, spinning around to face my desk.
"Mr. Stark was concerned about how you coped while he was away,"
"I'm aware of that," My mind went to the conversation I had heard this morning. "Jarvis, you are not, under any circumstances, to tell Dad or Pepper that I heard their conversation this morning, okay?" The last thing I needed was for Dad to find out I had heard everything he said.
"Of course, Miss Stark." He answered. I knew that if Dad really wanted to find out anything Jarvis was hiding, he could, but at least this way gave me a little reassurance he wouldn't be finding out soon.
