"Done what?"
"Sleep with someone?"
"No...sort of...not for a whole night and not under the blankets."
"What do you mean?"
"My ex...Amanda came here crying one night and I held her until she fell asleep. We weren't under the blankets and she was gone in the morning when I woke up. Incidentally that's the last time she was here; there was something about her sleeping next to me that made me realize that her mind games had to stop; it was just too much for me anymore...sounds stupid but..."
"No, I think I understand what you mean. Sex is...well sex but sleeping next to someone all night is so...intimate I guess...people are so vulnerable when they sleep and it's hard to trust someone when you are sleeping."
"Have you?"
"What slept with someone? No not really, I don't think passing out drunk really counts does it?"
"I guess not if you are passed out it's not like you made the conscience choice to sleep with someone."
"Well in that case then the answer is no."
"Do you do that a lot?"
"Do what?"
"Pass out drunk? Do you drink a lot?"
"No not really. I only passed out once at my friend Becky's; we drank all of her dads peach schnapps and pucked our guts up; we passed out on her bathroom floor. I can't stand the smell of peach to this day because of that awful night."
"I can only imagine."
"To answer your other question; I do go to a lot of parties but I don't really drink that much. Maybe an occasional beer or two but I mostly just go for something to do and to get away from my house."
"Were you drinking tonight?"
"No why?"
"Just wondering...I wouldn't want you to get into trouble with the cops or something worse because you were drinking and driving."
"I don't do that. If I drink I don't drive. Since I don't like to stay at strange people's houses; I don't usually drink."
"That's a good thing."
"Yeah..." She breathes and the room falls silent for a few minutes as I look over at her.
"So...um...why are you here Faith?"
"I wanted to see you."
"Did you go to Adams party?"
"Yeah, I think that's whose house someone told me I was at."
"He's my ex's new boyfriend, well not new I guess; they have been dating for almost eight months now."
"Oh...sorry for bringing it up."
"You didn't; I did remember?"
"Right. Are you really going to fix my flat tire for me?"
"You have a spare in your truck don't you?"
"Yes, and the garage I get my truck serviced at just checked it a couple of weeks ago and said it was fine."
"How about a jack? Do you have one of those?"
"I think that's what that thing is under the seat."
"I'm sure that's what it is but if not I have one in than van so no worries."
"I really appreciate you helping me. I hope you aren't going out of your way or anything."
"I'm happy to help in any way I can."
"And you're sure you can do it all by yourself."
"I won't be doing it all by myself; you will be helping me."
"I don't know how to change a tire; I'm lucky I can figure out how to put gas and washer fluid in it."
"After tomorrow you will know how to change a tire. Everyone should know how do to that because you never know when you are going to get a flat."
"I'm just lucky I wasn't farther from your house."
"Speaking of which; you do realize that you were only about a half a mile from the party you left? Why didn't you just walk back there and see if someone could help you?"
"I guess I really didn't think of that; all I could think about was getting here to see you."
The way she is looking at me makes me feel torn in half right now. On one hand; I feel my stomach flipping to the point that I feel the urge to gag because my nerves are so on edge. On the other hand I want so bad to make the four or five inches of space between our faces disappear and consume her mouth with mine. I pull my lip ring into my mouth with my teeth and start to chew on it as I avert my eyes away from her intense stare. I decide to ask her some mindless questions to take a little bit of weight out of the heavy air.
"So why isn't your mom at home? Does she work nights or something?"
"No she works afternoons as a waitress."
"Oh, is she on a trip or something then?"
"No...right about now I am sure she is three sheets to the wind and working on bringing me home a new daddy for the week."
"Shit...really? Does she really bring home a new guy every week?"
"Pretty much; unless she manages to find one dumb enough to stick around longer."
"Where is your dad?"
"I never met him. To be honest I'm not completely sure my mom even knows who my dad is."
"That would be shitty going through life wondering who your father is."
"I used to pretend that our one neighbor was my dad when I was little. I'm older now and it really doesn't bother me anymore."
"Do you get along well with your mom?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm sorry if I upset you; I was just trying to get to know you better."
"Don't be sorry...all you need to know about my mother is that she's a hopeless alcoholic and she has been absent for most of my life. I can't remember the last time a day went by where she didn't drink. She manages to clean up enough to go to work but as soon as her shift is over she hits the bottle hard. She disappears sometimes. The longest she has ever been gone was three weeks when I was nine years old. It was the best three weeks of my life."
"Why?"
"I had the house all to myself and I felt like I could breathe for once; I felt like I wasn't walking around on egg shells all the time."
"I can't believe you were home all alone at such a young age. That's illegal to leave a child that young alone for even a couple of hours let alone three whole weeks. You didn't have any other family members or even a neighbor that could have looked after you?"
"No..."
Just as I am about to attempt to find the right words to soothe her obvious uncomfortable state; Faith's stomach growls loudly and she giggles.
"Are you hungry?"
"I'm fine."
"No you're not; your stomach just growled. Let's go in the kitchen and find you something to eat."
"I don't want to get out of this bed; my legs are killing me from walking so far with soaking wet jeans on."
"Stay here then and I will bring you something."
"No, don't do that. Really, I will be fine."
"Yeah well, as soon as you try a piece of my dad's fried chicken you will be asking yourself why you didn't ask for food sooner."
Just as I am about to open my bedroom door she says my name.
"Landy...do you want me to help you?"
"You stay put; I'll be right back." I shoot her a wink over my shoulder and leave the room to get her some food. I glance at the clock on the stove and can't remember the last time I was still awake at five after twelve; probably since before my accident. I should be exhausted but I have never been more awake. I manage to wipe the huge grin off my face before I go back into my bedroom and find Faith sitting up against the headboard with my blanket pulled up around her waist. Seeing her look so comfortable in my bed makes my blood pound in my ears; she looks perfect.
"You should smile more. You look good with a smile on your face Landon."
"I didn't even know I was smiling."
"You were; it's beautiful the way your eyes light up when you are smiling."
Her words make me speechless but I play it off with a small chuckle as I hand her the plate of chicken and a bottle of water that I pull out of my back pocket. She instantly dives into the chicken before I even take my hand off the plate and I let a small laugh slip out of my mouth. I shuffle my legs back under the blankest and sit beside her against the headboard and try not to stare at her as she practically inhales the two pieces of chicken. When she's done she looks at me with her chicken grease covered hands out in front of her.
"Can you uncover me so I can go wash my hands please; I don't want to get any of this on your blanket."
I pick up the plate and pull the covers off of her legs and quickly look across the room so I don't end up leering at her exposed thighs; my boxers were so far up her legs that it almost looked like she wasn't even wearing them. I chuckle as I set the plate of chicken bones on my night stand and wonder if she wants more. Her voice pulls me out of my thought.
"Hey...um Landon...I don't suppose you have an extra toothbrush in here do you? If not I can just use my finger."
"You can use mine if you want to."
Her head darts out of the bathroom and she has a skeptical look on her face.
"Are you sure?"
"You don't have anything nasty do you?"
She rolls her eyes at me and lets out a breath of air before saying: "Only if you count pieces of chicken stuck between my teeth as nasty."
"No that doesn't count; help yourself to whatever you need in there."
"Thank you."
"Any time." I call a little louder because she disappears back into the bathroom.
A few minutes later she comes back into the room; she does that same little skip thing that she did the other day and launches herself over my legs and lands right beside me with a giggle.
"Settle down now." I joke.
"It's your fault; you fed me so now I will be all wound up."
"Did you get enough to eat? I can get you more if you want."
"No, I'm full but thank you."
"Are you sure? I think I still see a few scraps of meat on these bones over here in case you change your mind."
"I'm sorry; I was starving."
"Don't be sorry. I was only joking. Next time you are hungry just say so."
"I don't want to be a mooch."
"You're not, trust me; if anyone should be considered a mooch it should be Jake. I swear he eats more food here than he does at his own house most days."
"Your dad doesn't mind?"
"Nah...dad loves Jake."
"But what about me?"
"I promise you that my dad doesn't mind; in fact he might even try to force feed you when he gets to know you a little better. When I was younger half the kids in the neighborhood would be here eating; dad likes to give Jake a hard time but he loves to feed people."
"You better make sure to send me a memo every time he makes that fried chicken."
"I told you it was good."
"Good? Your dad could put KFC out of business with his fried chicken."
"Yeah, dads a great cook. It kind of sucks that he doesn't have time to cook more often. He makes an effort to cook about three times a week though."
"I don't think my mom ever cooked anything besides eggs or mac and cheese and usually she never shared."
"Seriously?"
"I wouldn't joke about something like that. I used to have like three friends that I didn't even like just so I could go eat at their house."
"Can't you cook?"
"Sure I can but you need to have food in the house to be able to cook."
"Please tell me you are joking."
"Again, I wouldn't joke about something like that. I wish I was but I'm not. Have you ever eaten a mustard sandwich before?"
"No! That sounds gross."
"Sure to someone that gets dinner cooked at least three nights a week and has food in the house."
"I'm...really sorry that you grew up like that."
"Grew up? I'm still living like that Landon."
"Not anymore you're not! You can come over here and eat every day from now on. No one should have to go without food."
"Why are you getting all loud right now?"
"I-I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell...it's just not right that you don't have food in your house."
Faith places her hand on my thigh and I feel a spark of electricity flow through my entire body; that feeling is enough to make me gasp for air.
"Now you see why I didn't want to talk about my mom earlier. I can't even believe I told you all of that; I have never told anyone about growing up without food. I feel kind of embarrassed now."
I place my hand over top of her hand that is resting on my thigh and squeeze it gently as I look into her sad eyes.
"Please don't be embarrassed. I meant what I said too. You can come here and eat any time you want to."
"Thanks but I doubt it will be that often."
"Why?"
"I live nine miles from you and gas is expensive."
"I can give you gas money."
"No...no I don't want you to do that...can we change the subject now."
I take a minute to look at her as I trace circles on the back of her hand in an attempt to soothe her nerves. I want to push the issue about the gas money but decide to just drop it for now.
"You getting tired yet?" I ask casually.
"A little bit but I'm not ready to go to sleep yet unless you are?"
"I'm not even a little bit tired. Do you want to listen to some music?"
"Sure but nothing too loud; we don't want to wake up your dad."
I grab my IPod and pick one of my night time playlist that has a mix of some of my more mellow music and push play. I turn the volume down so it's more of a soothing background sound and put my IPod on my night stand before turning to look at her again.
"Oh god! I love this song." The song that is playing is Rain by Breaking Benjamin.
"Yeah?"
"Yes! Definitely; Breaking Benjamin is in my top ten."
"Mine too."
"That's two bands we both love. What else do you like?"
"Everything except polka." I chuckle.
"I'm kind of the same. I just love music so it's hard to pick a favorite. My favorites vary from day to day; all depends on my mood you know?"
"I completely agree with you."
"Oh it's so great that you are a music lover. Even if I decide you are totally boring at least we can always talk about music."
"Boring huh?"
"Don't raise your eyebrows at me like that Landy."
"What are you going to do about it? Oh wait don't tell me; you're going to go in the bathroom and get your knife after me aren't you?"
"No! I would never stab you but I might tickle you until you pee yourself."
"Don't start something you can't finish little girl." I say as I point my finger at her as though I am going to tickle her.
"Please don't call me that." Her fun mood did a nose dive and now she looks sad all over again. When I squeeze her hand she yanks it out of my reach and scoots all the way to the edge of the bed and begins chewing on her lip.
"Hey...I'm sorry if I upset you." I keep my voice low and my body still so I don't make her bolt out of my room. Everything about her body language right now tells me not to dare try and touch her even though all I want to do is hug her to calm her down. "Please don't be mad at me Faith; I promise I won't ever call you that again."
She's quite for a moment but then she stops chewing on her lip and looks up at me; once again her brown eyes look sad but there is also something else in her eyes that I can't put my finger on.
"I didn't mean to freak out on you like that. I just hate it when anyone calls me that."
"It won't happen again; you have my word."
She smiles softly and shifts her body back across the bed until her knee is resting against my thigh as she has her legs crossed under the blanket. I don't move a muscle because I don't want to scare her off again. I decide to make a joke to lighten the mood.
"I forgot to pick on you about something Faith."
"Oh really now and what would that be?"
"You told me you were going to wear a pink dress the next time you came over; I'm a little disappointed to be honest."
"Landy! I don't even own a dress let alone a pink one."
"Still disappointed." I put my lip out to make it look like I am pouting.
"Put that lip back in your mouth before I bite it." She jokes.
"Don't threaten me with a good time Faith; I might bite you back if you do that."
"Please do." Her tone is no longer joking when I look at her.
"What?" I ask in confusion.
"I have been here for going on two and a half hours now and not once have you tried to kiss me."
"You know why I can't do that Faith."
"Jake?"
"Yes Jake. I talked to him but you need to talk to him as well; to clear up whatever is between the two of you."
"I already did."
"You did? When?"
"At the party."
"What did he say? What did you say?"
"It was pretty simple really. I basically told Jake that I kissed you and that I seem to have some kind of strange pull towards you and that I want to see what that's all about and I told him that I didn't want to be anything but friends with him from here on out. Jake told me he was fine with it but then he threatened to kill me."
"Kill you why?"
"He said if...and these are his exact words: If you fuck over my friend they will never find your body."
"Did he sound serious when he said that?"
"Not about the killing part but he was serious about me not fucking you over. I wouldn't do that to you." She yawns loudly and shakes her head. I slide my body down to lay in bed.
"Lay down Faith; it's getting late and you should get some rest."
She looks at me for a moment but does what I tell her to and now she is on her side facing me. I reach over and turn my lamp off before picking up my IPod.
"Can you leave the music on for a little bit please; I have trouble falling asleep without it."
"Sure. I usually end up falling asleep with it playing anyhow. Is this okay or do you want me to change it to something else?"
"No this is fine."
"Okay."
"Goodnight Landy and thank you for taking care of me."
I roll over to my side so I can face her and carefully raise my hand to touch her face; when she doesn't flinch I slide my fingers over her pale skin a few times and tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear before resting my palm along her jaw.
"Can I give you a goodnight kiss?" I ask shyly.
SONG: The Diary Of Jane ARTIST: Breaking Benjamin
..."Try to find out what makes you tick...As I lie down...Sore and Sick...Do you like that?...Do you like that?..."...
