DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from Law & Order: SVU. They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

Fix You

A/N: I can't thank you people enough for the amazing reviews I continuously receive. Seriously, it's great motivation to continue writing. So…here I am, working diligently trying to turn out another chapter…

Someone asked how many more chapters I anticipate, probably 5-6. Give or take, of course. I know my ending. The ending, it's been written. And, considering the end justifies the means, I just have to figure out what the means happens to be. Just playing, I know exactly how we get there…it's just a matter of writing it. Okay?

Without further ado…

Chapter 7: Vulnerable


"I went to the Subway Inn again, I was drinking, not nearly as drunk as I was that night after I testified, after all, I remember all of the mistakes I made that second time, but I was drunk nonetheless. I met a guy; he was sweet, cute, and funny. His name was Andrew, and he told me I was beautiful. I knew you could never love me again, well, I thought that at least. One thing led to another, and he invited me to his place."

Olivia paused as she took a deep breath. Within a few moments, she spoke once more, unease dripping off of her voice, "I know I should have stopped it, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be able to provide you with some form of pleasure, and I thought the easiest way to do that was break the barrier with someone else – someone who couldn't hurt me like you could. I slept with him, it meant absolutely nothing and it didn't help at all. But I still slept with him."

"You," Elliot confirmed quietly, "had sex with some random guy."

Olivia bit her lower lip and nodded. He watched her brown eyes fill with tears and heard her choke them back as she spoke, "I knew his name this time."

"Liv, I don't care that you knew his name. That means nothing to me. It's the fact that I specifically told you earlier that day that I didn't want you to get drunk. I remember saying that I loved you, only you, and that I wanted nothing more than to have you with me no matter what. I asked you not to fool around with anyone else," the broken man told her.

"I wanted to forget everything. I wanted control. Don't you understand that? I haven't been in control of my life for three and a half months. I couldn't be a good girlfriend because I couldn't be intimate with you. I was trying to fix everything."

"You," he spat out, "aren't supposed to fix it, Olivia."

She sighed softly before shouting back at him, "And you were sick of cleaning up my messes. Without you there, who else was going to take care of me? I was left to fend for myself."

"I never left you," he retorted. "You left me."

"Bull," she muttered. Olivia stood from the couch, ran a hand through her hair, and began pacing back and forth.

Elliot shook his head, trying to understand everything that he had just been told. While he understood that she was still healing, and he knew that day had been hard for her, Stabler was convinced that her sin was unforgivable. Trying desperately to understand what happened, he began an interrogation, "How many other men were there?"

"None," Olivia answered bitterly. "I love you - nobody else."

"Why? What even gave you the idea that it was all right to have sex with a stranger?"

"I don't even know. He was nice," she answered, attempting to find the words to repair the damaged relationship.

"I'm glad you had a good time that night. Do you know how worried I was?"

Olivia's eyes widened at his words. She let out a low grunt as she fought back her tears, "A good time. That was the second most painful night of my life, I'm sure you can remember my reaction to the first. Forgive me for not caring about your worries."

Elliot sighed, "I don't get you."

"What the hell don't you get, Stabler," she questioned rudely.

"You slept with someone, but you're going on about how horrible it was. You lied to me. You can't sleep with me, but you can sleep with some guy named Andrew who you've never met before. I don't get you."

"God," she droned. "I knew I shouldn't have told you this."

Elliot laughed, purely due to a loss for a proper reaction. Shaking his head, he pushed further, "And build our relationship on lies. That would be a wonderful plan."

"Did it ever occur to you that just because I slept with another man it doesn't mean that I liked it or even wanted it?"

"Are you crying rape again?"

"Crying rape," Olivia whispered and a tear trickled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, wishing her vulnerabilities didn't show as much during their arguments. In due time, she regained her ability to speak, "You think I was lying?"

Elliot mentally kicked himself as he realized what he had just accused his partner of. His mouth opened and closed like a fish a few times before he found the strength to answer her, "I never meant that."

"Like hell you didn't mean it."

"Olivia," he stood from the couch to face her. "I never meant it. I know you wouldn't lie about that. I'm so, so sorry."

Olivia shook her head, stepping further away from the brown haired man, "You still said it. Nothing takes that back, El."

"I know," he whispered, trying to maintain his composure. She made a quick and safe return to the bedroom. He assumed she was speaking with Casey, trying to work out what had just happened. Stabler had never intended to hurt her with those words; they weren't even supposed to leave his mouth. Yet, he had slipped up in the heat of the moment. It seemed like for every step forward their relationship took, for every good thing that happened, something else had to go wrong that pushed them further from happiness.

Sometimes, it was too much. There were days when all Elliot yearned to do was walk away from the situation he found himself in. The blue eyed man leaned his body back into the couch and swung his two legs onto the coffee table in front of him. Sighing gently, he thought to earlier that night. Olivia had told him that he deserved to have someone in his life who could love him. Elliot thought for a moment before it hit him – perhaps she didn't truly love him. Maybe she was looking for safety and had found it in her partner.

Stabler shook his head, trying desperately to rid his mind of the thoughts. He knew she was just stumbling, and once she regained her footing, all would be fine.


Casey had heard the raised voices and shouting, and from the bits and pieces of the conversation she was able to understand, the intelligent ADA had concluded that Olivia had sex with someone that wasn't Elliot.

She could tell that both parties were hurt. The prosecutor waited patiently, hoping against all hope that the spat would soon end and all would be at peace once more. The blonde was almost certain her wish had been granted when they both grew quiet. The door opened slowly, but what she saw was heartbreaking.

Olivia's eyes were rimmed with tears and her entire body slumped in an awkward way. The brown haired woman shut the door with a small thud and walked over to the bed. Benson plopped on the end and laid back, spreading out as she visibly held back her tears.

Sighing softly, the ADA moved to a more comfortable position before attacking the issues, "What happened?"

"Nothing," Olivia answered shortly.

"Liar," Novak pushed.

The female detective sighed and closed her eyes, "Why won't anyone believe me?"

The desperation in her friend's voice confused Novak. She looked at Olivia once more before cautiously speaking, "What do you mean?"

"Both of you think I lied. I should have known better than to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what," the prosecutor pushed.

"That I was raped," the other said loudly.

"Back up," Casey tenderly stated. "Who thinks you lied about that?"

"Elliot."

Novak took in a deep breath knowing that her words couldn't be true. While Stabler could be a complete and total ass, Casey knew he would never take Olivia's report as a false statement. She tried to piece the situation together quickly, "When did he say that?"

"A few minutes ago," Olivia answered quietly, pulling her body into a fetal position and pretending to drift to sleep. Casey shook her head, knowing it was her friend's favorite way of trying to deflect any further conversation.

Smoothing the sheets around Benson's small frame, Casey stood to leave the room, "I'll be back in a few."

Novak noted the brown mob of hair bob up and down before leaving the bedroom and shutting the door quietly. She walked over to the couch where Stabler appeared to be deep in thought and smacked the back of his head vigorously.

Elliot let out an unexpected yelp of pain, "What the hell was that for?"

"For breaking Olivia – again," Casey answered in a hushed voice. "And keep it down, would you?"

"Damnit," was the only response.

"Yes, that's right," Novak angrily spat. "She thinks you don't believe that she was raped."

Elliot sighed softly, closing his deep blue eyes as he tried to find the words to explain what had occurred to the assistant district attorney. Eventually, he spoke, "I may have given her that impression, but I never meant to."

Casey hit him again, Elliot tried to flinch away, but was too slow. She shook her head before whispering vehemently, "Why in the world would you think it would be all right to give the impression that you didn't believe a hurting rape victim?"

"I don't know," he muttered, "all right? I was hurting; she slept with someone else, Case."

"I got that much from your yelling," the attorney informed the detective. "That didn't give you the right to hurt her, though. That doesn't mean it's all right for you to tell her you don't believe her, directly or indirectly, about a prior incident. That doesn't mean you get free reign to push her two steps back in her recovery."

"Do you think I don't feel guilty?"

"I know you do," she whispered. "Go talk to her. You're the only one who can repair it this time."

Elliot rolled his eyes, "I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"Does it look like I care," Novak responded sarcastically. Elliot shook his head. The attorney smiled softly, "Exactly. Now go make this better, please?"

Elliot stood up, wishing he could just take back the entire night's events. Knowing that going back in time wasn't an option, however, he slowly opened the bedroom door. He let it remain cracked as he sat on the bed and began speaking in gentle tones, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know," the still curled up figure let out a muffled whisper.

"Can you forgive me?"

"You were forgiven a long time ago," Olivia answered as she began to look up. Elliot ran a hand through her soft hair. She pulled back slightly, but soon gave into the touch, "Can you forgive me?"

Elliot continued playing with her locks tenderly. He sighed and thought before speaking, not wanting to make matters worse, but wanting to be honest, "This makes it very hard to trust you, but I forgive you."

He watched her sit up and look at him with fear in her eyes. Quickly, he spoke again, "I love you, and I know you didn't want to hurt me. I will wait until you're ready, and I won't push. You just have to believe me and let me in sometimes. I can't read your mind, even though I want to."

"I know," she whispered again, uncertain as to what would be best to say.

"Can I ask you something," he pushed. He was treading water, and his next question would either permit him to swim or sink. When the brown haired woman offered a hesitant nod, he asked the only thought that had been running through his mind since her confession, "Do you really love me, or is this just your safety net?"

Olivia looked hurt, but more importantly, saw the pain that radiated from the blue eyes of her partner. She wanted to run away, to disappear, to do anything that would make his life easier. He waited patiently for the response, knowing not to push. Eventually, her lips parted and she answered very cautiously, "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Elliot sighed, not fully understanding her response. "Liv," his voice quietly pressed on.

"I want to be with you, in every sense of a relationship," she answered slowly. "But I don't want to hurt you. I don't know if I'm ready for this, for us. I know that I love you, El. I just don't know that I'm in love with you, yet."

He closed his eyes, faltering in his ability to remain calm. However, her voice was ringing through the room before he had the chance to contemplate the consequences of her words, "However, I know that I could very easily be in love with you. I could fall at this moment and I would never look back. I just need time, a little more time to heal. I want to know that I'm safe. I can't keep going on with this arguing every week, even though I incite most of it, and even though you don't deserve me. Just give me a little bit longer."

His nerves quickly calmed as he heard her continuation. Elliot knew that he was in love with the brown eyes that faced him, and he knew that getting away from their gaze would be impossible. He would wait as long as he had to.

Smiling gently, he held out his arms for a hug. Slowly, the brown haired woman crawled into the embrace, resting her body against his strong frame and feeling his love exude from the amorous hold.

Casey watched the interaction through the cracked door and knew that it was time for her to leave. She knew Elliot could handle it from that point on.

Before she exited his apartment, however, she could hear a low voice speaking to someone else, "Take all of the time in the world. I said I would wait until you're ready, and as long as you promise me there's light at the end of this tunnel, I'll keep my word."

"I promise there's light," Casey could hear Olivia's voice answer.

Elliot kissed the forehead of the figure in his arms as he pulled her tighter. He heard the front door shut. Olivia cuddled closer as he rubbed her back delicately. He started humming a soft melody as he took in the scent of the woman in his arms. Her eyes drifted shut and her breathing evened out.

"I will always love you, Olivia," he whispered into the sleeping form's ear. She smiled in her sleep and pulled her body closer to his. Elliot smiled, hoping and praying that he would be able to embrace her the same way every night for the rest of his life.


The next morning, both Benson and Stabler slept past their normal time to rise. It had been a restful night, after Elliot had found a comfortable position that allotted Olivia's body to remain safe in his arms, the he had drifted off and had no interruptions through to the morning. Around 8:30 in the morning, however, Elliot awoke to his cell phone ringing. Olivia's eyes shot open and she tried to orient herself to the surroundings. She felt a kind kiss on her forehead as she heard the man embracing her answer his phone, "Stabler."

Elliot, where are you?

"Hey, Captain," he replied groggily. "Sorry, we slept through our alarm."

Casey said that last night was like entering a war zone. Is everything all right?

Elliot adjusted himself as Olivia crawled out of his arms and found dress pants and a sweater to put on. He watched as she dressed and offered and answer to his superior, "Yes, everything is fine."

You two need to get in here. You have paperwork to finish.

"I would have finished last night," he yawned as he rose to find his own clothing. "But someone sent me away."

Fine, he heard the answer, just get in here soon.

"Will do, Sir. Give us an hour."

Elliot, now.

"Fine, forty minutes or so. We still have to deal with traffic," the detective reasoned as he changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, not feeling a need to dress up anymore than that.

See you shortly, and drive safe, Cragen responded to Stabler and the line went dead.

He watched as his partner left the bedroom and heard water running a minute or two later. Olivia's morning routine rarely changed – she got dressed, washed her face, brushed her teeth, fixed her hair, and was usually ready to leave.

Elliot took slightly less time and entered the restroom as she reentered the bedroom. He brushed his own teeth and took care of his hygienic needs before walking to the living room, only to find Benson waiting with his jacket in her arms. Stabler took it from her, but was shocked to find her arms wrapping around his torso before he had the chance to put the coat around his shoulders. Wrapping his arms around her in reply, he spoke gently, "Are you all right?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she answered, her voice was soft and timid. Elliot rarely heard her speak like that, even in the aftermath of being raped.

He sighed and said reassuringly, "All is forgiven, you know that. We both said things we didn't mean in the heat of the moment." He kissed her forehead in support. He pulled back and slipped his coat on, "Meanwhile, we need to get to the precinct. We're already over an hour late, and Cragen wasn't very pleased when he had to be our wakeup call."

Olivia nodded and left the apartment. They rode in silence to the precinct, but that didn't stop Elliot from noticing her quiet demeanor and apprehensive attitude. He, however, said nothing. The vulnerability Benson had given into the previous night would leave her shattered for a while, and Stabler knew better than to rock that boat. She would come back to him with her normal independence and strength once she was ready; it was just matter of riding the waves until that moment came. She had a meeting with Huang that afternoon, and had lunch plans with Casey. Hopefully that would help, and if it didn't, he would be right there to pick up the pieces.

Stabler didn't mind any of it, as long as Olivia was still by his side.


A/N: I don't know that I like it…but I was losing my mind and had to write SOMETHING. So this is what you get. I hope you enjoyed it. I have one other major conflict planned…which will take place in 2 chapters, and then a couple of chapters of recovery, and then the ending. Woo Hoo! So…review lots and maybe I'll update soon.