Disclaimer: The plot/title was inspired by the Supernatural episode 'In My Time of Dying' (s2, ep1). Most of the characters belong to Hart Hanson. Anything you don't recognize is mine.
A/N: Aright, this story ain't done yet, even though I was stupid and wrong and said it would be, and starting tomorrow, I'm housesitting, and I have no idea if I can connect to the internet there. FINGERS CROSSED I CAN, otherwise you'll be waiting like a WEEK for the last chapter. Which would be lame.
Chapter 6: Feelings, Revelations and Decisions, Oh My
…
Room 382, Hospital, Washington D.C.
Zach leans against the wall, staring blankly at nothing.
What the girl – the Reaper – said is still reverberating through his skull. 'One hour. Sense of duty. Delude yourself.'
Had he been deluding himself? Was his life pointless, valueless, empty?
"I'm having an existential crisis, while having an out-of-body experience," he muses out loud. "That feels like it should be ironic, or something."
As always, nobody answers him.
Dr. Saroyan is the only person in his room at the moment. She's still sitting next to him, still holding his hand. He wishes he was in his body, so he could feel it.
But, as is the norm for him, Zach shuts those thoughts away. Then he reconsiders.
"I'm probably going to die," he says to himself. "So why not?"
For once in his life, Zach does not push away his emotions. He doesn't bury them under logic and reason. He just feels.
And the feelings come in a tsunami-wave of emotion, practically drowning out his ability to think coherently.
Dr. Brennan – mentor/friend/mother-figure – betrayed her – she still cares – why/how/what – need approval/affection/acceptance.
Hodgins/Angela – friends/siblings/coworkers – abandoned by them – don't care/miss them/want friendship back – loneliness/outcast/forgotten by them/need for acceptance
Sweets/Booth – friends-ish/wary respect – don't/can't/want to/need to understand – work from the gut/heart/instinct – acceptance/friendship
Cam – mentor/friend/more-than-friend? – betrayed her – holding my hand – need forgiveness/acceptance/friendship/more?
Precious minutes tick by as Zach sorts through everything he feels. His eyes widen, and then he closes them in pained realization.
"I can't."
…
Cam sighs, and forces her eyes open again. 'Have to stay awake.'
She stares at Zach, who still hasn't moved since that one twitch the other day, which Cam is starting to think she imagined.
"Please wake up, Zach," she whispers softly. "Don't die, OK? Please don't?"
No response.
"I hope you can hear me. I think you can. I… I wish I'd told you this before, Zach," Cam stares intently at his slack face, hoping for any sign of life.
"I… I really care about you. I do. Maybe… as more than a friend? Maybe. I mean, I'm not sure, but… you know, if you woke up, maybe, if you wanted to, we could…."
There is no response. As she expects.
His face is still unmoving, blank. His hand is still limp in hers.
If the machines weren't beeping steadily, Cam would think that Zach is dead.
…
Exactly one hour after she last disappeared, the Reaper returns.
She stands beside Zach, who is staring at his friends. They had all gradually filtered back into the room after making whatever phonecalls or coffee-runs they'd gone to do before.
"Have you decided?" she asks quietly.
Zach sighs, staring at Cam.
"You were right, you know," he says just as quietly. "I can't… go back. I can't have my old life back. I ruined everything, I know that."
The Reaper says nothing.
"I mean, if I could choose anything, I'd ask to go back to before everything that happened with the Master, and… do things differently, I suppose."
"I can't do that."
"I know. That was just the ideal situation," Zach says, still not looking at her. "Since I can't have that, I suppose there isn't much choice."
…
The five of them (Cam, Sweets, Hodgins, Angela, and Brennan) are all sitting silently in the tiny room when something changes.
Cam is the first to notice.
His hand twitches in hers. His fingers move.
She sits bolt upright, staring at him. "Zach?"
The others lurch to their feet, crowding around the bed, hearts in their throats.
For a few heart-achingly long moments, nothing happens.
Then Zach's eyelids flicker.
…
"You wish to return to yourself, so that you can try to fix the mess you made," the Reaper says, as though trying to understand a foreign language.
"Yes," Zach says definitively.
She stares at him for a moment, and then smiles oddly. "You certainly are an unusual human."
Zach smiles back weakly. "I hear that a lot."
"You won't remember any of this, you know," she cautions him. "None of your… revelations, your conclusions. Not consciously, at least. Epiphanies like yours cannot be erased completely."
"I just want to go back," Zach says, glancing over at Cam, who is staring intently at his comatose body. "Please?"
"I suppose," the Reaper smiles, and then reaches out to touch his forehead.
…
Zach coughs weakly, and his eyes open.
"Nurse!" Hodgins bellows, seeing Zach fumble at the tubes coming out of his throat. "Nurse, we need some help in here!"
Ten minutes later, Zach is fully awake, and breathing on his own. He stares at his friends somewhat fuzzily, as if he's having difficulty focusing.
"Are you sure you're feeling OK sweetie?" Angela asks from her seat on Zach's left.
"Yes," he says hoarsely. "Just tired. And my throat hurts."
"You gave us a hell of a scare, man," Hodgins says, leaning forward to mess up Zach's hair. "We thought you were gonna die."
Zach grins weakly, and says, "I have too much to do."
The others laugh, probably more than the joke actually warrants, but it's all stress relief.
Zach is going to be fine.
…
A/N: And what would a decent story be without some dénouement? If that's what it's called. The last wrap-up bits after the 'final confrontation'. I don't know, I learned that shit like eight years ago. And yes, the bit with the emotions/feelings was odd, but it was meant to be. He doesn't feel that much, that often, so it should've been overwhelming and confusing. That's what I was goin' for, anyway. Hopefully I got it. Anyway, my point is, next is last, and it's the final wrap up bit, including: another long-distance phonecall, a visit to the Reflecting Pool, and a few surprising announcements/confessions, all topped off with a big, soppy, fluffy bow. WOO!
